[shitty-hp-prompts]

i need fanfic of sirius just straight-up kidnapping regulus

so many fics where he says "i should've taken him with me when i left, and if he refused, i should've just kidnapped him"

but no fics where he actually does that!!!!

am i gonna have to write this myself?!

(please imagine an extremely petulant regulus sulking around the potter's house trying to hide how secretly pleased he is that sirius actually cared enough about him to take him with him—that he didn't leave him behind)

[shitty-hp-prompts]

Regulus failing to pass an Age Line reveals a decade-and-a-half old family secret: what happened to the original Regulus Black.

The original Regulus Black, who died years ago and the Black Family covered it up, going so far as to have another baby and pretend it was the same one.

People had always said that Regulus Black was small for his age…they didn't know the half of it.

-

In other words: Regulus Black is actually several years younger than the Black Family claims him to be, a fact that not even he was aware of.

[shitty-hp-prompts]

Animagus!Regulus AU where, aside from Fawkes, Dumbledore has one other "pet" that he's known for being frequently seen with...but unbeknownst to the public, that isn't a pet at all: it's Regulus Black, who has spent the past decade since his "death" working with Dumbledore in secret to track down and destroy all of Voldemort's Horcruxes.

(But why is he pretending to be Dumbledore's pet? Because he's stuck. Regulus hasn't been able to change back and wound up sticking with Dumbledore—very reluctantly—because he's the only person he's found that's been able to understand him, thanks Dumbledore's incredible skill with Legilimency.)

[shitty-hp-prompts]

stupid idea for a hp au #7495:

the giant squid is an animagus

wait, no—

the giant squid is regulus

surprise! regulus survived the cave! how?? because his animagus form is a giant squid and giant squids can't be drowned, especially not by itty-bitty li'l water-bloated zombies

[shitty-hp-prompts]

I read a fanfic awhile back where the Black Family had "Cursed Blood" that was theorized to not actually be a magical blood curse, but rather Hemophilia—a genetic condition where a person's blood doesn't clot properly.

Anyway, Draco: AU where the reason Draco overreacted when the Hippogriff attacked him in third year—acting like it'd nearly killed him—is because it actually could've killed him.

I don't know much about Hemophilia, and from the bit of reading I did on the subject it would seem that internal bleeding is actually a far bigger issue normally, but nonetheless...

A gash as large as the one that Hippogriff gave him would've bled severely on an average person—but a Hemophiliac who's currently a great distance away from the castle and any medically trained witches?

How long would it take him to bleed out? What were the chances he wouldn't make it to the castle in time?

—

Hagrid grabs him and starts to rush him towards the castle but Pansy cries out that he "won't make it in time" as Blaise frantically digs through Draco's bag. He pulls out some vials of Blood Replenishing Potion and forces them on Draco, telling him firmly to drink. Pansy says something to someone: "He's a Black, you idiot!" And Ron makes a comment about, "oh Merlin, he's got that Blood Curse of theirs?" while looking queasy. Hermione demands an explanation: "What Blood Curse?!" And Ron briefly explains about how so many Blacks die from bleeding out, how they bleed so much and never seem to stop, and Hermione just pauses for a moment before saying, "you mean they're Hemophiliacs?!" And Ron responds, "Hemo-what??"

[shitty-hp-prompts]

Oftentimes in HP fic, most (if not all) of the Slytherins—especially the Purebloods—will have abusive parents, but something that I haven't seen a lot of is fic where the Slytherins legitimately, genuinely have no idea that what they go through isn't normal.

Think about it: if all of your family—from your siblings and parents to your cousins, aunts and uncles, and your parents' parents—and all of your friends, your acquaintances, your housemates—everyone you spend any time with, everyone you're close to, everyone you're comfortable or amicable or even just cordial with—if they all grew up abused…

And if you're raised to believe that this abuse is something shameful, something private, something not mentioned in polite company…

And if anyone and everyone who you'd be comfort discussing private matters such as this with are all in the same boat as you…

…how would you ever know it's not normal? How would you ever know that it's wrong? Hell, how would you even know that what you're going through is considered abuse?

What I'm proposing is this: Slytherins and Purebloods and Slytherin Purebloods especially are so insulated that they genuinely have no idea that the way their parents treat them is wrong, and while normally they would not mention it outside of private settings…

Normally they don't mention it in public or in front of non-Slytherins because it's considered impolite and uncouth, not because it's a secret; they genuinely have no idea that their parents (who at some point had likely realized that this is illegal) might want them to keep this hush-hush.

Which means…

…that in the right circumstances…

…if pressured or annoyed or angry…

…a Slytherin might mention this offhand without having any idea of the impact that it would have on their (non-Slytherin) audience.

Cue shock and horror. Cue outrage. Cue public outcry. Cue massive scandal.

"What in Merlin's name are you talking about? It's not illegal; everyone does it! Ask anyone! Hey, Malfoy/Black—!"

Non-Slytherin classmates—rivals and so-called "enemies"—are in horrified disbelief. Teachers and parents are scandalized.

They can't believe that this has been going on this whole time and no one ever realized—that the Slytherins weren't even trying to keep it a secret, didn't even realize that there was any reason to—didn't realize that anyone would even care.

…the Slytherins, meanwhile, have no idea what all the fuss is about.

Update: I found a fic that touches on this concept called neither lost nor found by tonberrys and kuchikopi where Regulus gradually becomes aware that his normal is not, in fact, normal. I cannot recommend it enough. The synopsis is as follows:

In the thick of the first war with Voldemort, Regulus steals the locket Horcrux; and pulled from the grip of its trials, he survives the cave. What follows is a tale of espionage, blood politics, and accidental vigilantism. Welcome to 1979.

[shitty-hp-prompts]

Animagus!Regulus Runs Away AU

—

AU where Regulus figured out that Sirius and his friends were Animagi and, in order to prove to himself that he could do it too, became an Animagus himself.

This winds up coming in handy later down the line when his parents go too far and Regulus responds by waiting until their backs are turned to transform into a cat and run.

Unknowing where to go or how to survive on his own, Regulus winds up making his way to Hogwarts where he then spends the next however long until the rest of the students return living as a cat full-time...¹

VERSION A: SIRIUS

—

Sirius is distraught and confused by his brother's sudden mysterious disappearance, and he then becomes even more confused when he notices Regulus' name on the Marauders' Map...but no Regulus.

—

Regulus is, of course, right there—hiding as a cat just out of sight.

It takes a while for the Marauders to convince Regulus to come out from wherever he was hiding (one or two of them was convinced he had somehow procured an Invisibility Cloak) and when he does they are absolutely gobsmacked by the fact that he's an Animagus (too).

But then he doesn't transform back—he even starts to back away, ears pressed down flat, when they try to pressure him. They quickly realize that Regulus has been living entirely as a cat, too scared to transform back in case someone sees, terrified that his parents are somehow going to find him if he does, and so they resolve to show him a place where he can transform safely.

They carefully, cautiously lead him to the Room of Requirement where they finally manage to just barely coerce Regulus into transforming back, and when they do they almost scare him into a cat again with their gasps of shock because...Regulus is absolutely filthy, to put it lightly.

His hair is limp and greasy and overgrown, the skin around his eyes sunken and dark, his clothing is torn and muddy, he's pale and he can't seem to stop trembling; Overall, he's a mess.

They wind up feeding him some snacks from their bags (for weeks—months?—he's been eating the same as what the pet cats eat) and from that point on the Room of Requirement essentially becomes Regulus' Room, with them regularly visiting to bring him (human) food and keep him company.

Regulus can't bear to spend all of his time cooped up however, too scared of feeling trapped, and one thing leads to another which leads to...the rest of the student body thinking that Sirius is coping with his baby brother's sudden disappearance and possible death by taking in a traumatized young kitten who reminds him of his brother.

From then on it's not unusual for Sirius to be seen walking around with a small black cat balanced on his shoulders. (Some even whisper that they've heard him call the cat "Regulus"—could it be the Black Family Madness finally taking effect, they wonder...?)

VERSION B: MCGONAGALL

—

Do you really think Professor McGonagall, resident Cat Animagus of Hogwarts, wouldn't notice that the new cat on the block is a wizard masquerading as a stray?

—

Of course she noticed, but she also noticed that it was a kitten, a child, a student…

It takes a long time for the kitten to warm up to her, and even longer for her to be able to entice it into the Guest Quarters she'd had set up in her own suite for it.

She feels bad when they—Madame Pomfrey, herself, and maybe one or two other members of the faculty—corner the kitten and temporarily force it to turn back so they could (a) give it a proper check-up, and (b) figure out who the hell it is once and for all.

They'd looked into who it might be, of course, and there were no students reported missing, but, suspiciously, the Black Family was being obtuse about where Regulus Black was… (Overseas, ill?) So they'd had their suspicions. Nevertheless, to actually confirm it… None of them had quite been able to believe it until that point.

It's clear to anyone that they will not be sending him back home—when they'd forced him to change back he'd been a horrible, trembling mess and they'd actually had to knock him out just to give him a check-up. He was malnourished and dirty and, when pressed, had barely been able to stutter out a barebones story of how and why he'd wound up in this state—his parents, their abuse, and their Death Eater ultimatum.

Things move quicker after that. The Ministry is contacted, McGonagall is given temporary guardianship…

Suddenly they face issue of what to do when the term resumes, not only because Regulus still refuses to spend much time at all in his human form, and never in public or in front of more than one or two trusted people at a time… Even if that weren't an issue, it has come to their attention that Regulus wouldn't be safe in his dorm, surrounded by current and future Death Eaters.

This leads to them making a new decree: any student that feels unsafe in their dorm may privately petition to be placed in the new, temporary (mixed House) dorms.

Applicants will be accepted or denied only after careful consideration to ensure that the new, neutral dorms retain their status as a Safe Zone.

You can imagine the shock—the absolute pandemonium—when this is announced at the Welcome Feast.

…and Regulus is still a cat.

Considering the circumstances it is deemed best for his mental health not to force him to transform back in situations where he is uncomfortable with it, at least until he is ready, but Professor McGonagall can hardly let him go without an education, can she?

So they come up with a rather unorthodox solution: the Professors will play Hot Potato with Kitten Regulus, passing him between them between classes and letting him sit on their shoulders and their desks while they lecture and demonstrate spells so that, even if he can't necessarily participate, he's at least still learning something.

[tbc]

—

¹I figure that Hogwarts must feed the students' pets somehow considering that students aren't exactly allowed to leave the Grounds whenever to go buy pet food, nor can I imagine the parents mailing it regularly... Did Harry feed Hedwig himself? I don't think so. So it must be the staff or the groundskeeper or, most likely, the House Elves looking after them, and subsequently Cat-Regulus as well.

—

[shitty-hp-prompts]

Y'know... Harry Potter could've been a Squib.

And I don't mean "AU where he's a Squib," I mean that prior to him getting his Hogwarts letter at eleven it would've been entirely plausible for him to have been a Squib.

Afterall, it's not like it was actually his own magic that defeated Voldemort — it was his mother's.

Can you imagine? If the so-called Savior Of The Wizarding World was revealed to be a Squib?

... his Hogwarts letter would never have come, would it? What would've happened then?

Would they have left him with the Dursleys to never find out about magic, or would they have picked him up anyway?

What would they even do with him? Hell, what do they do with any Squibs? Do they just not go to school at all? I mean, I guess not all classes require magic...

... would they have faked it? Afterall, it would be a major blow to morale, wouldn't it, for the Boy Who Lived to be revealed to be nothing more than a Powerless Squib?

[shitty-hp-prompts]

Unspeakable!Regulus | Regulus Lives AU

Despite popular belief, Regulus Black did not die. It was an extremely close call, but Regulus made it out with his life just barely intact and was saved by an Unspeakable—can you see where I'm going with this?

Following in the footsteps of his savior, Regulus Black cast aside his name and tongue and joined the Unspeakables, becoming Unspeakable himself; it's only natural with his seeming disappearance that people assume the worst. Regulus Black is never legally declared dead, though with how convinced the general public is they often forget that little tidbit.

And so Regulus Black hides away as an Unspeakable doing Unspeakable things, until one day he hears talk of Sirius Black...

[shitty-hp-prompts]

do you think madame pince (hogwarts librarian) has misophonia? because i relate

(i, too, would want to angrily shush people when they keep whispering and coughing and slamming and banging things every single day, day-after-day, year-after-year)

(i, too, would want to kick people out of the room if they just. wouldn't. stop.)

[shitty-hp-prompts]

Seer Draco AU (or Regulus) where his mind regularly slips back and forth between seeing the present and seeing the future — it's why he's had to lean so far into the whole bigoted Pureblood schtick, lest his father or any of those other actual bigots suspect him, because half the time his mind is in the present and the other half it's in the future, and he can't always tell which is which.

Afterall, Draco's got a secret plan:

He's going to do whatever it takes to prevent the full scale war and defeat Voldemort before he can do any real damage — all without anyone finding out that he's even involved.

It's why he slipped Hermione Granger that page on Basilisks — small, sneaky little changes that no one will notice, but will nonetheless have a big impact on the sequence of events.

Let's see how long he can keep his motives hidden…

[shitty-hp-prompts]

I wonder if there's any connection between the Black Lake at Hogwarts and the "Ancient and Noble House of Black"?

Probably not, but what if there was...?

(Maybe Hogwarts was built on their Ancestrial Grounds that they donated, or maybe they actually built the Black Lake themselves by vanishing the earth and filling it with water and aquatic life, a Giant Squid—did the merpeople move in of their own accord or were they personally invited by the House of Black?)

[shitty-hp-prompts]

What if the Dark Mark could be passed down from parent to child, albeit in a diluted form?

A Mark that stains not just the flesh, but also the Soul...

Physical, burning proof of the Dark Lord's promise to his Death Eaters, but without their sworn allegiance in turn — it's permanent, and painful, and burns when theirs do, but it cannot be used to track or control them, or to forcibly summon them.

-

Vambraces are a very popular fashion accessory amongst Pureblooded Slytherin children. Others will see this and scoff, believing the origin of this to be their Death Eater parents who are forced to constantly hide their left arms.

They believe that the children would see their parents' tendency to always keep their left arms covered and unknowingly copied them, thinking it was a choice of fashion and not need.

It is for this same reason, they believe, that these children will refuse to uncover their arms, often quoting the same arguments they likely heard their parents give their whole lives, about how they cannot be forced to remove any of their clothing and how it is an invasion on their privacy and basic rights and blah, blah, blah.

Clearly these children are just copying their parents and what they've been exposed to their entire lives growing up amongst these Death Eater circles.

No one ever considers the possibility that the children might have Dark Marks themselves.

These Inherited Marks are kept a careful secret shared only with those involved — not even Severus Snape knows, childless as he is. (And as such, neither does Dumbledore or any of the Order...)

Or, the parents kept it a secret at least; The children cannot be accused of the same. Rather, it's considered an open secret amongst the Slytherin students who work together to keep it a secret.

One of the ways they do this is by having students of non-Death Eater parents wearing vambraces as well and copying their refusal to show their arms, but being less insistent on it than actual Death Eater children. By doing this, they paint a very specific picture to Outsiders...

They see these children who copied their peers' refusal to show their arms, but as they themselves do not have parents that refuse to ever show their arms in any circumstances, these children are less insistent on it.

They are more lenient and will, or rare occasions, briefly show their perfectly blank arm. Non-Slytherins will see this and think, ah, yes, there really is nothing there — just as expected. Yes, Death Eater children still won't ever show their arms, but that is simply because they have learned from their parents who, well...cannot exactly show their arm in any circumstances. So, of course their children will mimic them in that regard.

-

These Inherited Marks behave a bit similar to Harry Potter's scar (not that they know that) in that they will burn in certain situations, just as the Dark Mark will. The worst of this, of course, was when the Dark Lord returned at the end the Triwizard Tournament.

As the Death Eaters were summoned, all of the Slytherin children with Inherited Marks had their arms start suddenly burning in excruciating pain.

This, evidently, caused a bit of a scene.

As they saw their peers all suffering the same pain, worse than ever before, they...fled.

The Slytherins without Marks helped their Marked peers as they suddenly vacated the stands, their professors and non-Slytherin classmates looking on in confusion and bafflement.

And of course they were followed — do you really think the staff would ignore the mass evacuation of the entire Slytherin House? Especially since the Champions hadn't reappeared yet so they were still all just sitting around, waiting.

[shitty-hp-prompts]

The Malfoys are part Dragon.

Long ago the Malfoys took pride in this and so it was considered common knowledge. But as the times changed it became...less fashionable, let's say, to be part Magical Beast.

And so they buried this fact.

Unfortunately Dragon Blood is not so easy to wash out, and so as much as they tried to dilute the Dragon Blood in their veins over the centuries, the Malfoys have had little to no luck and are just as Dragon as they were a thousand years ago.

But now, Wizards and Witches who are part Magical Beast are seen as, well...

Beasts.

Just look at how they treat Hagrid! How could they possibly let anyone know that they are part Dragon themselves?!

And so it is kept a carefully guarded secret in the Malfoy line, with every new family member married in being sworn to secrecy with an Unbreakable Vow.

Meanwhile, the ones with Dragon Blood in their veins... They are very careful to take advantage of their mixed blood as much as they can without exposing themselves.

For example, Dragons are naturals at Legilimency and Occlumency. And as such, so are Draco and Lucius Malfoy.

But there are negatives, too — or, perhaps "negative" is the wrong word, but they're definitely not useful and have high risk of exposing them as part Dragons. For example, Dragons purr and build hoards which they then obsess over.

Additionally, they cannot fly but they can breathe fire and are suitably fire resistant. Their Patronuses are always Dragons. They're territorial and are often quick to aggression even when unprovoked.

Etc.

[shitty-hp-prompts]

"What happens in Slytherin, stays in Slytherin..."

One of my favorite Slytherin headcanons — which definitely isn't canon unfortunately but god do I wish it was — is that Slytherin students are not nearly as bigoted as they pretend to be.

Things changed after the mess with Tom Riddle (the first time around). After the war ended, the current students were brutally adamant that they could not risk a repeat occurrence.

This unfortunately — to them — meant making nice with Muggles and Mudbloods Muggleborns — or, those in Slytherin at least; Doing so outside of Slytherin would risk word getting back to their bigoted, Death Eater parents and various other family members — which is obviously something they could not allow to happen, lest they risk a beating, disownment, or worse.

But, in the (relative) safety of the Slytherin Dungeons...

Everyone hates Slytherin, and everyone knows it. All of the other Houses exclude them, assume the worst of them, always automatically put the blame on them, whether or not they're at fault... Slytherins know how they're seen.

But that's okay, because they have each other. Slytherins look out for one another, at least when it comes to outsiders.

Outside the Dungeons they may be forced to put on a show of exaggerated bigotry, but within their dorms they are finally able to be themselves—to be true and free in their words and actions without constantly worrying about potential blacklash.

Of course, that was about ten years ago now that this whole thing got started; it's been a long, long time since then and there've been a lot of changes. And of course by changes I mean that it massively escalated.

They hold classes now, did you know? Just little things to teach the Firsties a bit about Muggles and what they're really like, educating them so they could become informed on the subject.

Until then, the only info they'd've gotten would've been from their highly bigoted parents. As such, the older Slytherins have made it their mission to educate the younger students the second they step foot into Hogwarts, freeing their minds from their parents' Death Eater indoctrination.

They of course also have similar classes directed at the Muggleborn Slytherins that are instead aimed at educating them about Pureblood traditions, information that is considered common knowledge in the Wizarding World, how to sufficiently blend in amongst students who have known about magic their entire lives, and so on.

Of course, the other Houses — and the teachers! — are all completely oblivious to this; it would be far too dangerous. Afterall... "What happens in Slytherin, stays in Slytherin."

Dearest Professor McGonagall would probably have a conniption if she knew about all of the Muggle contraband they have stashed away down in the Slytherin Dungeons.

-

P.S. Draco Malfoy is the King of Slytherin, yes — but only in the sense that he is a figurehead acting as the face of Slytherin; He doesn't actually hold any real power over his dormmates, only pretends that he does for the sake of appearances (and misdirection).

P.P.S. Yes, they did steal their new fangled House Motto from the Muggles... A Mudblood Muggleborn Slytherin mentioned it once when they were explaining how Slytherin works ("Oh, so you mean like a 'what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas' kind of situation?" "...psst, write that down, write that down!") and they immediately latched onto it.

[shitty-hp-prompts]

Draco has a massive sweet tooth.

It's only due to the Pureblood-ingrained need to maintain appearances that he doesn't eat dessert for breakfast, lunch, and dinner at Hogwarts.

Nevertheless, that doesn't stop him from getting his hands on sweets whenever he can; His mother, Narcissa, regularly sends him expensive pastries, chocolates, and other various desserts at his behest, though she is unaware of the fact that she is not his only supplier.

In fact, Draco also regularly spends his allowance on buying whatever sweets he can get his greedy little fingers on, whether it's candy from Honeydukes or overseas delicacies that he obtains via mail order.

At any given time Draco can be found with a seemingly endless supply of candy in his pockets; Rumor is, they're magically expanded to hold far more than they should.

While it's not exactly considered common knowledge amongst the majority of the student body, every single witch or wizard in Slytherin knows about it—it's not like he hides it, not within the safety of his own House Dorms.

In fact, he's known to frequently pass out sweets to his classmates, whether as a reward, an attempt to comfort, or something else.

(He doesn't exactly do well with emotions... A little Slytherin Firstie is crying? Give 'em a chocolate frog and be on your way; you've done all that you can do...)

This is actually how he and Crabbe & Goyle wound up becoming friends: Some other kids were mocking them and calling them names, body-shaming them and harassing them about how much dessert they would eat, and Draco comforted them as best he could in his awkward, stilted way, hesitantly offering them some pastries whilst sharing with them that he loves sweets, too.

[shitty-hp-prompts]

AU where Draco sees Snape as more of a Parental Figure to him than either Lucius or Narcissa:

Consider, for a moment, a HP AU where the twins somehow get their hands on a magic potion/spell/etc that causes a very brief but very extreme burst of panic and mortal terror so severe that anyone who experiences it will immediately cry out for their parents—something which the twins were more than glad to share with their friends and classmates before gleefully remarking, "wonder who the ferret will call out for, mummy or daddy?"

"Of course," they add, glancing at Harry and Neville, "that's not the case for everyone; really, it's whoever mainly raised you or who you see the most as a parental figure." So Neville would likely call out for his Gran, and Harry... Well. Maybe Molly Weasley or Sirius Black? Maybe even Remus Lupin or Minerva McGonagall. Who knows.

But Draco Malfoy? Well, it's obvious, isn't it? Surely "daddy" and maybe "mummy" as well.

Or so they thought, but that's not at all what happens...

When Malfoy is hit with the spell or doused with the potion or whatever...his immediate reaction is to scream Sebby.

...Who the hell is "Sebby"?

The answer comes soon enough when Snape and McGonagall and maybe a few others come swooping in to see what all the panic is about, Severus Snape himself looking particularly panicked. When Draco calls out "Sebby" again, terrified and shaking, Snape pales drastically and throws himself onto the floor beside Draco, gathering him up in his arms and immediately interrogating him and all those around to tell him what in Merlin's name happened here?!

Sebby. Sevvy. Severus.

Holy shit.

Here's what they don't know: Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy are shit parents, if you can even call them that. The second Draco was born they foisted him off onto the House Elves to take care of, and only interacted with him when necessary—attending fancy dinners and events and such.

The House Elves were to feed him, clean him, teach him—everything that a parent is normally supposed to do. And Severus? Oh, Severus...

As Draco's Godfather Severus Snape felt obligated to at least get to know the kid a bit, only to be absolutely horrified at the neglect and lack of care. Snape never wanted or planned on becoming a father but goddammit you cannot just foist a child off onto your magical little slaves to deal with.

And that's how Severus Snape wound up becoming a father completely against his will, regularly visiting the Malfoy Manor nearly every day to take care of and teach little Draco—something which the boy's actual parents were completely oblivious to, considering they never pay a lick of attention to their own kid anyway.

And as for the name "Sebby"? Simply put, little baby Draco couldn't exactly pronounce the v in Severus and it's not like he was going to have his little baby godson address him by his surname. So, Severus became Sevvy became Sebby, a name which Draco winds up associating far more with warmth and love and safety than words like mummy or daddy.