Shitty B. Knight Defense Squad

[bitty-smol]

it’s official. bitty is a father.

[themetaphysicalgoalie]

ford looked so cute in this update why is this not being discussed???

[itsybittle]

The most shocking thing about this update is that Holster and Ransom have separate rooms…

[diametricallyopposed-bros]

[shitttyknights]

We stan one (1) man

[thegirlinthebyakko]

@marveling-cg asked for some Check Please! art <3 

Check Please! and it’s characters are made by the wonderful Ngozi Ukazu! 

Check out Check Please!  http://checkpleasecomic.com/ 

[showsonface]

jack.exe has crashed with exception BOYFRIEND_TOO_CUTE. Rebooting.

–

art trade with @sharkcastic! 

(bitty’s outfits are all from troye sivan’s instagram)

[flannelizard]

Whenever bitty and jack are fighting, bitty talks about how much he loves Crosby in the gc

[sunnymeddows]

Bittle: His ass is just mm Oluransi: Fined. Birkholtz: Tripled. Knight: woW text the wrong chat there bits??? Bittle: I meant that sweet number 87 on the Penguins, guys Zimmermann: Bittle and I are fighting Duan: Oh man, whatcha do, Jack 👀👀 Nurse: dude… Bittle: Such a great ass… Zimmermann: Bitty… Bittle: Mssr. Zimmermann. Birkholtz: Yikes Nurse: #doghouse Poindexter: Wow stop Knight: #TeamJacksAss Duan: #TeamSid Knight: BETRAYAL Duan: 💅 Zimmermann: Not helping, any of you Oluransi: #TeamPie Birkholtz: #TeamJacksAss Zimmerman: I’m leaving all of you

[esthershapiro]

Jack tries to fight Sid the next time the Falcs play the Pens and Sid is just super confused while Tater pulls him off like “Okay Zimmboni your butt is also nice, be calm” and Jack skates away muttering “it’s better, mine’s better”

[madlori]

What makes all this even funnier is that in-universe, Jack almost certainly *knows* Sid, probably pretty well. Canonically, Bob refers to Mario as Jack’s “uncle,” and if you are up on your Pens/Crosby backstory, you know that Mario is more or less Sid’s surrogate dad - Sidney lived in Mario’s house for as much as 6-7 years (the timelines vary) at the start of his career.

Jack would have been 14 when Sidney was drafted but he would have absolutely heard of him before then or even seen him play in the Q. Mario was still playing at the time - Bob is like 8 years older than Mario so he’d have been retired but if, during Jack’s teen years, the families spent any time together, he and Sid would have had a lot to talk about, especially since they played in the same junior professional league.

Wow now I’m having plot bunnies about Jack and Sid being friends. Talk about an advantageous crossover.

[hedwig-dordt]

Yes please?

[porcupine-girl]

Sid: Hey you wanna get dinner when I’m in Boston next week?

Jack: I’m not talking to you.

Sid: Fuck man, did you piss off your boy again?

Sid: You know this is in no way whatsoever actually my fault, right?

Jack: You didn’t have to pose for that ad where you’re all half-naked and sweaty.

Jack: He has it hanging in his locker, he texted me a photo this morning.

Sid: I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT BITTY WHEN I DID THAT AD JACK

[littleboyblueger]

womens ice hockey:

wlw

anything you can gay i can gay better

let’s all get MARRIED to each other !!!!!

toxic by brittney spears

mens ice hockey:

#nohomo

we are all Tough HETEROSEXUAL Men™️

gay people are okay in theory,,, i guess

toxic masculinity

[legojacques]

Three-year-old Jack Zimmermann is talking to his Papa on the phone one night while Bob is gone for an away game. “Papa,” Jack little voice asks, “When you coming home?”

And Bob, who’s notorious for borrowing everybody else’s famous lines, says, “I’m already there. Take a look around. I’m the sunshine in your hair. I’m the shadow on the ground. I’m the whisper in the wind. I’m your imaginary friend…”

Jack accepts the answer, but it takes him over a decade to realize what song those words are from.

(This is the start of Jack’s love for country music.)

[gutsybitsies]

Halloween, 2000

Bob’s on a flight back home that has suddenly went missing in the storm for an hour. Alicia is worriedly twisting the phone line with her mother on the other end. 

“I’m just so worried, when is Bobby coming home?” 

Jack, who’d just got back from trick or treating, looked up and said. “But maman, he’s already here.” 

The electricity shuts off and lightning flashed from outside the window. Countless ghost stories flash through Alicia’s mind. 

“….Jack what do you mean he’s here?” 

“Take a look around, he’s the sunshine in your hair, the shadow on the ground…”

The light flickers back on and the phone rings again. It’s Bob, whose plane just landed. 

“I THOUGHT YOU DIED AND JACK SAW YOUR GHOST YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN!!!!!”

[renownedcurlerzachjimmermann]

[imgaynurse]

now that’s more like it

[pawspaintsnthings]

I don’t know who’s wedding they’re at, but you know bitty is thinking “oooohhh man i want this i want this i want this”

Thanks to @redporkpadthai for the prompt!

Read the comic here.

[bittlepies]

#what if they are at Bon and Alicia’s wedding anniversary? like maybe their 30 and they have a vow renewal thing in their house#like they have a super cute ceremony in their backyard which is of course massive and it’s all decorated with fairy lights#and Jack and Bitty have been together for a while and they both have been feeling the excitement of the day#and they are slow dancing now and they are both thinking it pretty loudly#and they look at each other and neither of them says anything in that moment but they both know they are in the same page#and a week later Jack pulls out the ring he bought years ago#right after the 4th of July visit#because he knew then#and had just been patiently waiting for Bitty to be ready too#because this time he knew first (via @itsybittle)

[zim-tits]

shrug emoji

[imgaynurse]

I feel like people forget that bitty is a really good hockey player… like he played on first line… with Jack… his freshman year

[shittyknightdefensesquad]

On a division one team no less

[gutsybitsies]

i bet jack has historical fantasies where he’s a soldier in wwii and bitty is his commanding officer, and the two of them are injured after a combat but bitty is less injured so he’s dragging the terribly injured jack, and bitty is heroic and strong and he’s telling jack all the things they would do after the war is over. and he imagines a gruf jack writing letters in the hospital while recovering while bitty has already gone off to fight more nazis and the letters are full of old timey letter stuff like “i miss you dearly…wish we will exchange many kisses when we see each other again…” and his imaginary self gets the news that oh no officer bittle has disappeared in combat and mopes but surprise!! officer bittle reappears with information and saves more people, being ever more heroic and sexy and dashing in imaginary him’s mind. 

then at that moment bitty comes home wearing his poopaw’s world war ii aviator jacket and is pleasantly surprised at jack immediately pouncing on him for kisses

[foryouandbits]

I need a collection of all of Jack’s historically accurate fantasies please

[owiekawa]

ngozi was talking on patreon about how the eggs are scared of Bitty and its so funny to me i just had to quickly draw him 4.7 style

[mrsklemzak]

I love this! Let Scary Captain Bittle Be A Thing! No more infantasizing him! He’s a Captain! He’s a senior. Fear him! Respect him!

[shitttyknights]

Holster according to Ransom’s Snapchat

Bonus (taken by Lardo):