D S C H

Hi I'm Jakob. i'm a 21 year old gay guy Who lives in Texas and plays horn, and is kind of obsessed with Mahler. Cis, he/him/his pronouns.

[theonion]

[martindykewood]

when you see someone from high school and they don’t recognize you that’s the exact opposite of the mortifying ordeal of being known. the gratifying relief of being forgotten

[urfavhatesterfs]

YOU hates terfs

[switchingtogeico]

[4damien]

Anyone can help!

(Real pen the last picture)

It is important for EVERYONE to know how to help ANYONE. Not everyone can give them selves their medicine under every circumstance. Be educated, help out.

In the last year, i have gotten about five new violent allergies from foods i used to be able to eat. Next time i eat a fruit, my throat could close. I may not be able to inject myself. My boyfriend and i played with my trainer pen for like 30 minutes. He knows how to inject it. I know how. This is important.

[spaci1701]

Be sure to count out the five seconds you hold the needle down for!

In an emergency your time sense can go wonky so make sure you not only count it out loud but that you give it a couple of extra seconds to be certain.

[steadfastserenada]

Blue towards the sky, stab it in their thigh!

[miseducatedmelanicmuse]

[dea-certe]

That's because we cant even use them to recoup. We've gotta use them to do laundry and dishes and grocery shop and get the house cleaned up and carve out some time for friends and family who we haven't seen all week long because we've been at work. We don't get to recover. We just have a never ending list of stuff that needs doing

[rommunism-deactivated20201016]

also 40 hrs isnt 40 hours when you have a multi hour commute on either side every day

[littletantrums]

[sirfrogsworth]

Wholesome acceptable rat kissing. 

[twitblr]

Dormant Predators

[cypresscapers]

[loueejii]

This is why I have this. Even if they can get the lock opened they can’t push the door open. Got it at Lowes for $20.

[ocean-again]

reblog for that last bit to save a life

[pancakeke]

oh to be a little goose and wreak absolute havoc

[superb-fox]

You can wreak absolute havoc as a person too if you’re rowdy enough

[pancakeke]

but as a goose I would never feel remorse

[scummgirl]

[memescomedy]

[yesterdaysprint]

Blah, Blah, Blah..

The Wichita Daily Eagle, Kansas, December 30, 1899

The Saint Paul Globe, Minnesota, March 2, 1905

The Tribune, Seymour, Indiana, July 13, 1909

The Atlanta Constitution, Georgia, May 13, 1912

The Evening Journal, Wilmington, Delaware, June 11, 1913

Woodson County Advocate, Yates Center, Kansas, August 6, 1915

The Guntersville Democrat, Alabama, June 22, 1921

Daily News, New York, New York, February 13, 1925

The Courier-Journal, Louisville, Kentucky, May 22, 1950

St. Mary and Franklin Banner-Tribune, Franklin, Louisiana, August 27, 1971

[thetyrannosaur]

yesterdaysprint snapped

[theothersideofthechair]

Man: Hi can I get a haircut?

Me: You can but you’re going to have to wait for half an hour.

Man: Oh no its okay I’ll just take whoever’s available.

Me: No one is available right now. It’s going to be a half hour wait.

Man: Oh its okay just give me whoever can take me right now.

Me: There. Is. No. One. Available. To. Give. You. A. Hair. Cut. Right. Now.

Man: what do you mean?

Me rapidly losing patience: I have a colour and my coworker has a Perm. We are both busy and there is no one else in the salon. So if you’d like to take a seat we can fit you in in 30 minutes.

Man: Oh….. Well I don’t want to wait.

Me: Then I suggest you make an appointment and come back and you won’t have to wait.

Man: So there’s no one available right now?

Me:

[defydamage]

This is so much fucking funnier with the gif removed

[planet-motherfucker]

[gamecubewizard]

MOTHERFUCKERS YOU AINT GONNA BELIEVE THIS

[auckie]

Hmm, no thanks; I’m not horny enough to go to Autozone today. Maybe tomorrow.

[justbadpuns]

I have been thinking about this all day

[dreamers100-blog]

It’s hard to let go of good dick especially from exes 🙄😂

[minimexd]

Fuck my ex 🤣🤣🖕🏾🖕🏾

[deweyduckfuckedmywife]

Please!

DO NOT feed your gamer generic “flavor blasted tortilla chips” or “mountain fizz” it WILL make them sick or possibly worse! If you cant afford the real thing then you shouldnt have gotten a gamer in the first place!

[jakemorph]

lol @ op acting like it’s ethical for ANYONE to own a gamer no matter how “”real”” the food they can afford for it is. gamers are wild animals. imprinting on human beings can be seriously psychologically damaging to them. just don’t keep them.