since there is such an "english speakers who don't even try to pronounce a foreign mame correctly" epidemic, native english speakers often try to overcorrect and end up thinking they have a moral imperative to pronounce every foreign name correctly at all times. so i'm gonna hold your hand and look into your eyss as i say this: you can't. you can't pronounce every sound in a language you don't speak. and that's fine. it happens to the rest of us too. we won't be mad so long as you try your best.
“I did some research to pronounce this name correctly” = 👍 great! even if the pronunciation was still off (and learning to pronounce a foreign language correctly takes a lot of practice) people generally appreciate it when someone goes the extra mile for accuracy, and honestly, languages are cool
“I’m probably not saying that correctly”/“sorry for my pronunciation” = 👍 understandable! foreign languages often have sounds that aren’t used in English and learning to correctly pronounce unfamiliar phonemes is genuinely difficult even with help
“lol I’m not even gonna TRY to pronounce that 😂” = 👎 THIS is the problem, if treats languages other than English like they are inherently ‘weird’ or ‘overly complicated’ just because you aren’t familiar with them
“One thousand apologies for my butchering of this beautiful effervescent tongue, I will now flagellate myself as punishment for my crimes” = 👎 chill
Anyway the real questions I'd like to ask allo people in fandom in an attempt to get them to understand maybe a little bit why aro and/or ace fans feel so upset and lonely all the time are:
Do you have any aro/ace headcanons? Are they of main characters? Your favorite characters? Characters you even like?
When was the last time you read a fic that featured an aro/ace character? Did you bookmark it? Did you leave a comment? Have you ever put one on a reclist?
Have you ever participated in a genfic exchange? Have you ever considered that things like exchanges rely in part on having a certain number of participants, otherwise assignments won't work?
Have you ever had your art tagged with the name of a ship you didn't personally like? How did that make you feel? Have you ever thought about the fact that other people might feel the same way? Maybe even about the ships you do like?
Bonus hard round:
Have you ever considered what kind of a message it sends to say "Just let me write stories/make art/reblog posts about the things I like!" and to then exclude an entire group of marginalized people from "The things you like"
under US law, it's illegal for anyone who's not a member of a recognised native tribe to own an eagle feather. the penalty is a $100,000 fine.
14 years ago when I had recently moved to Alaska, I went hiking with an Aleut friend, and she pointed to a feather lying on the ground and said "hey that's a bald eagle tail feather, you should grab it!" and I was like "uhh I'm very white and that's very illegal" and she went "they're fuckin everywhere up here man. I have 20." so she grabs it off the ground and hands it to me and says "there, now it's a ceremonial gift from an indigenous person."
and I'm like, okay, cool, I guess this is how we do things in Alaska. nice.
so I keep this bald eagle tail feather around for years. display it in my home among other cherished memorabilia from places I've lived and visited, etc.
on a whim, I have just now looked it up. there is no exemption to that law for a ceremonial gift from an indigenous person. the last 7 years I lived in the US, I was technically a bald eagle poacher.
probably a good thing I don't intend to move back there anytime soon. I wonder what the statute of limitations is on bird crimes.
@freedomisscaryshit I'm fucking dying I think you forgot the word "feathers" in your tags?? or do you just wish you could grab whole ass eagles that land in your yard??
As an Indigenous person, it continues to astound me that there are such strict laws (written by White people) in our name, laws against...picking up things just found on the ground. Like, stop pretending this is "for" us. We don't want this.
so, for clarity, that's not what this is. the law against possessing feathers is an anti-poaching measure, derived from a North American treaty protecting certain migratory bird species from hunting. that treaty has an exemption for indigenous people to allow tribes that use eagle feathers in ceremonial or religious practices to continue doing so.
i used to collect feathers (illegally) as a teenager and the thing is that it's incredibly important for feathers from wild birds to be illegal to possess because it ensures that they never become fashionable to wear. the reason we passed the migratory bird act was because the american and european fashion industry was driving species to extinction in a timespan of years. not just decades. the ecological devastation of exporting birds for hats was absolutely insane and people were watching wetlands and forests and meadows just empty out in realtime. look at the wikipedia article for the plume trade.
the law against 'picking feathers up off the ground' means that you can't go shoot an eagle then sell the feathers on etsy by saying you 'just found them'. you can't own them no matter where they came from, which makes sure that they're not going to come from any birds killed and then secretly disposed of.
these laws, as harsh and ridiculous as they seem, saved flamingos, spoonbills, egrets, and all kinds of hawks and eagles from extinction. the minute these laws weaken and people can make money off killing them again, they're fucked.
this is one of those "no actually this regulation exists for a reason" laws much like work place safety and building fire codes (that Republicans keep trying to roll back) and is written in blood just like them as well. it's just not human blood this time, and the fact that people actually cared enough about long term future over short term profit to get it put in place is nothing short of astonishing. That it didn't get put in place in time to save several species is heart breaking.
I've seen lots of depictions of hearing aids and cochlear implants in writing and art, and very few of them actually match what that character would likely actually use. An especially common mistake is drawing hearing aids like they are wireless headphones, which is not how the vast majority of hearing aids look.
Here's a guide on hearing device types, uses, and how to better decide which one your character would have!
(Reminder that this is not medical advice, or perfectly tailored to every single situation. I am not an audiologist, just a Deaf person on tumblr.)
Hearing Aids:
[Plain Text: Hearing Aids]
There are many different types of hearing aids. Which type someone uses will depend on their hearing curve, the features they want, and the type of hearing loss.
1. Receiver in Canal.
Receiver in Canal (RIC) hearing aids are the newest type, and currently the most commonly prescribed. They have a small behind-the-ear component with directional microphones and processors, and are connected by a thin clear wire to an in-ear speaker, which is covered by a piece called the dome.
RIC are most commonly prescribed for: mild to moderate hearing loss (although they can be useful for some people with severe hearing loss), high-frequency hearing loss, noise-induced hearing loss, tinnitus, and auditory processing disorder. RIC are also available over the counter.
Benefits: small and discrete, fairly powerful, best integrated noise filtering systems, highest mapping customizability.
Drawbacks: sizing is not infinitely customizable, not good for more severe deafness, usually don't come in fun colors, difficult to use with low dexterity.
There are several different dome types, as I mentioned. Domes are soft silicone or plastic pieces fitted in diameter to the ear canal, but come in a few different shapes depending on the type of hearing loss. I'll talk about the most common ones, but there are a few other rarer custom types.
Open/Vented domes have slits cut in the silicone. They are the weakest at keeping sound trapped, but have the lowest occlusion effect (hearing your own voice loudly). They are good for mild to moderate hearing loss, but they can cause a lot of feedback, especially at higher frequencies, so they're most useful for high-frequency hearing losses. The amount of vents in the dome can be adjusted to reduce leakage.
Closed domes do not have slits or have very few slits. They keep more sound trapped, but have higher occlusion. They are good for moderate broad-spectrum and low-frequency hearing loss, since they allow less high-frequency noise to escape.
Power domes have no slits and often have multiple layers for maximum amplification. They have the highest occlusion effect, although people using power domes typically have hearing loss in the range of 60-80 dB, so occlusion is often necessary to hear one's own voice. Power domes can make the ear pressure feel unbalanced since there are no vents.
2. In the Ear / Completely in Canal.
In the Ear (ITE) and Completely in Canal (CIC) hearing aids are a less popular, but available, type. They feature a solid combined processor and speaker that sits in the ear canal. There is usually a small wire or clear plastic loop that fits along the curve of the outer ear both to keep it in place and to pull it out.
ITE/CIC are most commonly prescribed for: mild-moderate hearing loss when RIC is not preferred or available.
Benefits: no behind the ear component can be more comfortable, microphones in the ear have highest directionality, subtle.
Drawbacks: fewer features available, higher occlusion effect, can fall out more easily.
(There are some ITEs that have a behind-the-ear component for volume/power control and structural support, but the processor, microphones, and speakers are all in the canal piece.)
3. Behind the Ear.
Behind the Ear (BTE) are the most powerful type of hearing aid. The microphones, speaker, and processor are all present in the behind-ear component, which is larger than other types of hearing aids. This component is connected by a replaceable plastic tube to a mold, which is custom-fit to the user's ear and allows for maximum sound retention/amplification. Like domes, there are several types of molds.
BTE are most commonly prescribed for: severe to profound hearing loss, moderate or higher low-frequency hearing loss, children.
Benefits: sizing is fully customized, easy to use with lower dexterity, good for athletics (less likely to fall out), highest aesthetic customization, most powerful amplification.
Drawbacks: larger size, high occlusion, higher risk of ear infections, molds must be replaced as ear shape changes, tubes must be replaced regularly.
There are lots of different mold types. An ear mold is custom fit by creating a cast of the user's canal and ear shell. More or less of the "shell" of the ear can be covered by the mold. All molds have a vent hole to allow moisture to escape, but some molds have more holes cut into them to allow airflow or reduce occlusion. Some molds are hollow, while others are solid. (Molds can also come in lots of fun colors, including marbled or glittery, although insurance won't always cover these.)
There are too many types of molds and considerations to really get into exact types here, but if you look up behind the ear hearing aids there are tons of references online. [One type of mold I've seen a lot in real life but that I can't find the name of online are sort of square-shaped solid (often colored) plastic with lots of holes in them. They remind me of a waffle.] In general, the more severe the hearing loss, the less "air space" there's going to be in the mold.
4. Bone Conduction.
Bone Conduction hearing aids (BCHA) are probably the closest-looking in real life to those headphone ones, although many of the over-the-counter devices calling themselves BCHAs that look like headphones are in fact just bone conduction headphones. Prescribed BCHAs are often two individual rectangular devices, attached via stickers or a headband. There are a few that go behind the ear, although no component of the aid is in the canal.
BCHAs are bone conduction rather than air conduction, which means they get the sound to the cochlea by vibrating the skull bones rather than sending sound through the middle ear. BCHAs are often temporary aids (see BAHA in the CI section of this post).
BCHA are most commonly prescribed for: severe conductive or mixed hearing loss, microtia/atresia, and young children.
Benefits: more powerful and safer long-term for conductive hearing loss, typically no in-ear or over-ear component.
Drawbacks: require an external component (stickers or headband) to stay attached.
5. Airpods / Actually just headphones
Did you know, Airpods were recently approved by the FDA as over-the-counter hearing devices? The noise filtering technology makes smart wireless headphones a possible alternative for mild hearing loss, auditory processing disorder, tinnitus, or anyone who can't get prescription hearing aids. These are not a long-term solution, nor are they used by audiologists, but for people who just need a bit of a boost, having their headphones in all the time might be their way of navigating the world.
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All hearing aid types have their benefits and drawbacks, and no aid will ever be perfect for someone. Even the best hearing aids available can't make someone become Hearing. Some people who are severely to profoundly deaf report hearing aids giving them around 60-80% of what a hearing person can hear, and this number improves with decreasing severity of hearing loss. Still, nearly all d/Deaf/hoh people struggle to some degree with auditory processing. They may use hearing aids to give them general awareness of background noise (eg fire alarms), or for a boost while lip-reading, even if they don't help in understanding noise more generally. Hearing aids can also die or malfunction, removing the benefits they provide.
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Cochlear Implants:
[Plain Text: Cochlear Implants]
Cochlear Implants, or CI, are surgically implanted devices that stimulate the cochlea.
More on CI in one second, because I promised a return to BAHAs, which are a type of surgically implanted hearing aids. They get to go in this section because they are implants.
BAHA stands for bone anchored hearing aid (as opposed to BCHA, which stands for bone conduction). BAHA are the long-term alternative to BCHAs. A titanium plate is anchored to the skull, and an external hearing aid component attaches to the plate and vibrates it.
BAHA are most commonly prescribed for: severe to profound conductive hearing loss, microtia/atresia. (One of the major use cases for BAHA is Treacher-Collins Syndrome, which often causes bilateral microtia. Since the hearing loss is purely conductive, and traditional hearing aids do not typically fit people with microtia even without atresia, BCHA/BAHA are the best aids.)
Back to CIs. Unlike BAHAs, cochlear implants are implanted into the cochlea to directly stimulate the auditory nerve. They bypass the outer, middle, and inner ear systems, so they are useful for any type of hearing loss.
In order to qualify for a CI, one needs profound hearing loss across all or most frequencies, and the presence of both the cochlea and the auditory nerve (CI won't work without those structures). Someone can qualify for a CI in one ear but not the other; even if someone is qualified to receive implants in both ears, they're expensive and the surgery has risks, so many bilaterally deaf people have only one implant.
In the United States, CIs are approved starting at 9 months old, but not any younger. (This is a problem for auditory development--although CI are often billed as a "cure" or "complete treatment" to deafness, the reality is that even bilateral CI users who received speech and auditory therapy from the moment their devices were programmed still lag behind hearing peers in auditory development, because they are deaf. But that's part of a larger conversation regarding deaf development and audism.)
CIs have a small disc that magnetically attaches to the skull near the implant site. That disc transmits the sound through the bone, which is then transmitted to the auditory nerve. Usually, the disc is connected to a wire, which runs to a behind-the-ear processor piece. CIs have a couple different types, just like hearing aids. I'll run through them pretty quickly.
1. "Button" CI.
These are fairly new. They only have the magnetic disc; all the processors and microphones are inside it. They're less visible, but less powerful.
2. Behind the ear microphone.
The BTE component contains the microphones and processors. There is a hook to keep it in place on the ear, but no part of the CI goes into the ear canal. These have similar directional power to BTE hearing aids.
3. In-ear microphone.
The processors are on a behind-the-ear component, but they receive signal from a microphone positioned at the opening of the ear canal. These give the best directional sound filtering, since they receive the auditory input from the same place as a hearing person, often with the benefits of the shape of the outer ear.
4. Mixed type CI + hearing aid.
These are also very new! Previous CI techniques, and many surgeons today, destroy residual hearing, so when the CI processor is disconnected, the user receives no auditory input, even if they had some before getting a CI. However, some new techniques can preserve residual hearing, and the cochlear implant can be combined with a hearing aid. This device looks like a BTE hearing aid with either a mold or power dome, but also connected by a wire to the magnetic disc of a CI.
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What type of CI a person has depends on the technology when they were implanted, what sound quality they want, or what they can afford.
The sound from CIs don't match how hearing people hear things. CI have way fewer neural connections than the cochlea has. Bilateral CI is often more effective for oralism than unilateral, but even then, CIs do not replicate natural hearing.
A CI can be implanted at any age, although it's most "effective" in infancy or adults with new-onset hearing loss, rather than people who have grown up d/Deaf. Getting a CI in adulthood is a very personal choice and can have a lot of meaning for a Deaf person.
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Gene Therapy:
[Plain Text: Gene Therapy]
This post has gone on long enough, and this isn't a hearing assistive device, but it is something to consider in a sci-fi or post-modern setting, and something we (the Deaf community) have to deal with right now.
There are currently new therapies (around 3 years in trial) that target OTOF mutations that cause severe to profound congenital deafness. OTOF mutations cause the loss of a protein that turns cilia movement in the cochlea into neural signals. The gene therapy introduces the gene that codes for this protein into the inner ear.
A small study on around 20 children, teens, and young adults with profound hearing loss (>100 dB) saw hearing curves change to 56 dB +/- 30 dB. I couldn't get the raw data because I couldn't access the study, but that means the average participant is still moderately hard of hearing and still needs hearing aids and accommodations. Depending on the metrics for calculating that error, there was likely at least one participant who remained severely to profoundly deaf after the gene therapy, and no participants became medically hearing.
We still have no data on if this gene therapy lasts forever or what kind of side effects it has. It also only works for a specific class of OTOF mutations, which account for many cases of congenital genetic deafness, but not all. Every single study on the gene therapy is produced by one company. This technology has not yet been peer-reviewed or tested for long enough. Nevertheless, hearing people are treating this as a cure, that the Deaf community doesn't want.
If a deaf person wants access to a technology like this, that is again their choice. Forcing this onto infants and children without autonomy or the ability to make an informed decision is horrible. The push to "cure" deafness goes hand-in-hand with the destruction of Deaf culture. It is eugenics. If you're going to include gene therapy or some other magical "fix" to deafness in your story, think about that.
I've seen some good points in the notes that not everyone who needs hearing aids has the appropriate aids, and not every d/Deaf person uses hearing aids or CI at all. Those are both excellent points! This guide was more meant to describe what an appropriate hearing aid should look like, mostly so people have a reference to not draw hearing aids like they're headphones or give characters the completely wrong type of aid.
But yes, when considering what type of hearing assistive device your character would have, here's an incomplete list of things to think about regarding if they have the "proper" type of aid:
Can they/their family afford the aids? Hearing aids are expensive and not always covered by insurance; cochlear implants are even more expensive because they are surgical *and* the device itself requires updates. There are also costs for speech therapy.
How long ago were their aids last updated? Once they're an adult and their ear size stops changing, the same aid can fit forever, even if the features no longer work for their hearing loss. They may have an aid that's not powerful enough for their current needs.
For CI: bilateral vs unilateral implantation. If they're unilaterally deaf (or only one ear qualifies), they'll only have one processor. While audiology recommends two CIs for the best sound quality, many people who are bilaterally deaf only have one implant.
Do they use their aids? Many Deaf people may not use hearing aids or CI because they don't want to hear, or they don't think it benefits them. (Relatedly, do they have scars from CI/BAHA implantation, even if they don't connect the processors?)
Are they in a setting where they would be given a modern hearing aid? This post did not cover historical types of hearing aids, though I might do that in the future. If you have a sci-fi setting, maybe hearing aids look different--perhaps the processors have gotten even smaller and more powerful. (Domes and molds will probably look fairly similar though!) A historical or fantasy setting may not have hearing assistive devices at all.
I would actually go as far as to say that MOST abuse is unintentional. I think most people will go through their lives without ever experiencing intentional abuse. People are abusive because they're selfish, because they're stressed, because they care more about what society thinks they should do than the impacts of their actions on their children and partners, because they think what they're doing is correct, because they've made it make sense in their own heads, because they think they can fix their victims, they think they can fix their relationships, they think they can stop you from leaving, they think they can make you a better partner to them, they think that means you need to do what they want. We've sort of constructed mental illness in a way that doing this shit to other people counts as a form of mental illness because it is anti social behavior in the literal sense— it is behavior that causes social harm.
I don't say any of this to excuse it. I think everyone needs to be more aware of this because if you think abuse has to be intentional you will never realize you are capable of abusive behavior. You will never realize you are being shitty to the people you love, because YOU know what you mean, YOU know you don't mean any harm. But you're doing harm. You need to pay attention to the impact you have on other people, and you need to do it all the time, Especially when you feel least capable of doing so. Sorry! You live in a society. Get your head out of your ass.
Body shame and embarrassment about vaginas, farts and poop were so normal when I was a kid so now going on tiktok and seeing people (especially women of all flavors, who've been told that to talk about such things is nasty) talking about being gassy is so... like this too is feminism. women of all gender experiences being able to say, 'wow. My junk itches and I need to fart and my pad is stuck to my bush' is so beautiful 🥲
Say it with me: undiagnosed chronic pain is. Not. Just. Stress. There’s a reason you feel like crap. Stress may be contributing, but just because a doctor has reached the end of his expertise doesn’t give him the right to blame it all on stress and dismiss you. Keep seeking help. Keep getting second and third and fourth opinions. There’s a lot about medicine we still don’t know. But there are some people out there who actually care about your wellbeing and are willing to help you muddle through it.
Not that I think all marriages are doomed but when deciding who to marry you should ask yourself “is this someone I’d want to divorce?” As in, is this someone I believe would be mature and fair, even when they’re upset and don’t particularly like me at the moment. Is this someone I could continue to trust while going through an adversarial process? And if the answer is no, don’t marry them.
i cannot emphasize enough how important it is that you should ideally give birth in a fully equipped and staffed medical facility or if you insist on giving birth through an alternative method you should be within minutes of a hospital and i mean under 5 minutes if you’d like me to be really fucking frank
like i can get on board with so much feminist theory and stuff, truly, and i do acknowledge that obstetrics and gynaecology as a field holds blind spots that are egregious (e.g. infant and maternal mortality in the black community) but there is no empowerment in risky birthing practices that our foremothers, and i’m not mincing words, often suffered through. birthing is natural, but it is not “easy” or even “innate”, it is best practiced guided and witnessed by those that know what to do in an emergency. you are not reconnecting to any innate feminine nature by practicing dangerous birthing practices—you are recreating a time when the bodies and lives of women barely mattered and it was expected that death would/could occur at insane and tragic rates.
this is a hill i will spend the rest of my days fighting on because while i am not interested in birthing children myself, i have an incredible passion and interest in the field of labour and delivery. it’s been one of my greatest joys to play even a small part in delivering neonates. i do not want anyone to risk their babies over a deeply, deeply misguided idea of free birth being “the natural way” when natural is not always synonymous with the safest way.
So many people think it's either midwife or doctor. It's not. Have your midwife or doula in the hospital room with you, I promise the doctors don't give a shit. Hell, you can have her do the delivery itself and just have the doctors there as emergency backup! But for the love of your baby, go to the fucking hospital.
yup. a lot of hospitals are willing to work with you to realize your birthing plan as much as they can within safe limits and parameters. my hospital is closely and highly allied with midwives all up and down the coast, with the explicit instruction to call the midwife when we know a labouring patient is about to deliver so we can respect their plan. genuinely, you can have almost any kind of birth you want—just make sure that there are qualified professionals in attendance, and it’s not just midwives or OBGYNS you need. you have no idea when you’ll need a respiratory therapist on call, you have no idea when you will need a blood transfusion within minutes or risk certain death, L&D nurses do not have the same training as NICU nurses if a baby declines rapidly. it’s a literal thousand things that can go wrong and you should be in the best place for them to go wrong.