museum of sick memories.

i have that seemingly endless pain & profound sadness that comes within a finite joy

[sickmuseum]

vent account from an artist, from a person who express themselves with art. i'm diagnosed with a lot of mental health issues, i'm neurodivergent & also disabled.

be nice. this is for me and my mind, i do not encourage any kind of self-harm, i'm 2 years clean from an eating disorder & also cutting, in fact, edblr, or shblr please do not interact with me, i don't mind if you only reblog, but don't dm me, don't comment, don't follow. i only like to vent, i won't indulge in those type of contents, i may write about my experiences with an eating disorder and self-harm but i won't glorify it, nor romanticize it, it's a very serious issue that needs to be treated carefully. pronouns can be anything, i mostly write or draw, that's all, i do have original content, i will be tagging it one day.

trigger warnings & tags.

❝ ✧ grandmother will you be my muse for tonight? ❞

grief, loss of a family member, death.

❝ ✧ for the loss of innocence and childish joy.❞

cocsa, sa, csa venting, minor mention of grooming sometimes, sexual thoughts, and hypersexuality, anything related to childhood trauma, (mostly related to sexuality)

❝ ✧ there's pieces of me in all the hospitals i have been to. ❞

medical trauma, hospitalization, psych ward mentions, suicide, medical treatment.

❝ ✧ an ode to suffering. ❞

common pain, anxiety & stress in life, may be romance, friendships, or from myself.

❝ ✧ I've been through the fire of not knowing what's real and what's not anymore. ❞

dissociation, psychosis/schizoaffective vents.

❝ ✧ my body and mind are at war with me, it doesn't hear me. ❞

disability & neurodivergencies vents

❝ ✧ tweet-like vents. ❞

ranting & general talking about life.

❝ ✧ chatting with pain. ❞

ranting in tags, sharing experiences in depth.

❝ ✧ if god loves you, then why? ❞

religion, faith, complex feelings about god.

❝ ✧ you scream ''I'M CLEAN!'' and i don't hear it. you can never get rid of me. ❞

self-harm, or eating disorder talking, (while i won't glorify nor encourage it, it will be poems and writings about my experiences with them). i hopefully won't have to talk about it too much.

[hel7l7]

there's this emptiness that never goes away

[realive]

[motheatery]

art from my undergrad photography project

[prehistoricmancunt]

‘time I got with you’

tapestry crocheted with acrylic yarn, 1’x1.5’, 2023

[queerstudiesnatural]

the sky was still blue, @queerstudiesnatural // safet zec // morning sun, edward hopper // funeral blues, w. h. auden // free, florence + the machine // what used to be mine, @loserchildhotpants // 3x04 aperitivo, hannibal // du vent dans mes mollets (2012), carine tardieu

[hel7l7]

if I keep going like this I'll lose everything

[sickmuseum]

[griefshand]

i wish you reblossomed

[sickmuseum]

this is more of a vent.

i hate when thin people go like ''oh, i'm so fat'' like no you aren't, you will never feel what i felt through all of my fucking life, you won't be able to experience the bullying i went through when i was like what? ten? only because i was a bit overweight?

the years trying to lose some weight, only to know you only maintained, or even, gained more weight, to look at a mirror and know that it isn't your mind changing how you look, YOU ACTUALLY LOOK LIKE THIS.

you won't ever feel it.

[sickmuseum]

doesn't matter how much i grow up, how much my body physically changes, i'll forever be that age, i'll forever feel how that little girl felt.

i'll forever be this way.

why every time i look at myself, i look at her, why does every time i feel conscious, i feel her, i feel like her again, over and over again. i may have grown up, yet, the pain is the same as it was seven years ago.

[sickmuseum]

where do i put the rage, where do i put the feeling of hating you and still forgiving you and loving you even after what you did to me.

where do i put my 7 or 8 year old self? where do i put the innocence that bleeds across the bed, leaving me exposed to everyone, the looks and eyes always haunt me, and you with a simple touch are able to make me cry.

where do i put my dirty and sinful body. where do i put the years of guilt eating me alive.

tell me, where do i put myself, and the rage, and the sadness, where do i keep it, because in my heart there is no room for more pain,

where do i put you, i love you and i love you and i will continue to do so regardless of the act and its terrible consequences. regardless of how you left me lying on the floor without the possibility of even being able to mentally recover one day, you walk through my body, you walk through those impure parts,

am i soft? tell me. tell me again, you have fangs but you are no longer able to use them, i feel angry even after so many years because i wonder,

what would have become of me, what would have become of me, if you had never done that.

[prehistoricmancunt]

‘things she left behind’

acrylic on canvas

[sickmuseum]

of hospitals

unknown - pinterest // silas melvin from ''twenty'' // agnes - glass animals // coma baby- nicole dollanganger // image from @/marigoldhospital // sober haha jk unless - hospital bracelet // art from @/soapstore // of hospitals - jordaan mason.

[phleb0tomist]

+

[fairymoe]

2023/09/04

[hel7l7]

Revisiting grief feels weird

it feels like I'm not allowed to be sad about this anymore