[herpsandbirds]

[facts-i-just-made-up]

What were the biggest bluffs in the history of warfare?

The biggest bluffs in the history of warfare are the cliffs at Thermopylae in Greece:

This is where in the year 300 (I assume), King Leonopteryx battled the forces of Persia under Xerxes the Great, whose name was in fact Khshayarsha but this was too many letters for Greek news reporters to take down while being shot by arrows.

The spartan king managed to push many of the Persian soldiers off of these bluffs, resulting in him triumphantly still losing the battle with such bravado that soldiers in 21st century America still adorn their Ford Trucks with his immortal words, “Horn Broken, See Finger.”

This event was also depicted in Zack Snyder’s magnificent 3D opus, “Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole.” It could sadly not be filmed at the actual location because it is now a parking lot for the biggest McDonalds in Lamia Municipality. The nearby spot where the king died is now occupied by the ice cream machine, which also dies frequently.

[petitfrenchie]

when bae upset and u tryna calm him down

when u think u got thru 2 bae

when u realize bae still pretty upset

[sweetonsugden]

🤣

[unhappytogekiss]

a new reality tv show called So you think you can write Doctor Who

twelve episodes, twelve contestants - a mix of annoying middle aged sci fi authors, fan fic authors and random people off the street

a variety of against the clock writing tasks, big finish scripts, ability to interact with actors without shouting at them and challenges where you have no budget or doctor for an episode

judged by solely by christopher eccleston

this is how you find the new doctor who showrunner

[casgirl]

Funniest supernatural weapons ranked

5. Borax to kill the leviathans

4. God Killing Murder Suicide Gun

3. That time they put a bunch of ghosts into dean in order to make him into a ghost fueled bomb to blow up Amara

2. Lucifer catching egg that got lost in the mail

1. Witch killing bullets

[scoobydoodean]

I’m dead serious when I say my favorite salmon dean moment is when Sam finds that horrible taxidermy animal with the costume on and holds it up for Dean to look at.

[scoobydoodean]

Forget dying in your brother's arms or whatever THIS is peak siblingism.

[apinchof-cyanide]

1x03 & 8x07

[allsadnshit]

Keeping an alive tumblr in 2026 is proof of one's sincerity and authenticity - a type of person who enjoys posting for the sake of it with absolutely nothing to be gained....just the enjoyment of curation and self expression untainted by opportunity and relevance

[dogweapon]

the author's barely disguised longing for a kinder world

[lunaxio]

the author's barely disguised hatred for capitalism

[grissomesque]

[wifegideonnav]

“bits to use in everyday conversations”

[omgbuglen]

Deer running from a flying squirrel as caught on a trail camera

[thomas-bxngxlter-deactivated201]

everything about this picture is goddamn intense as fuck 

[kosmogrl]

[gay-hrithik-roshan]

[imaginaryprotagonist]

Misha liking a Destiel reel posted by Tumblr on Instagram. This has gotta be some parasocial inception shit.

[important-animal-images]

[nudityandnerdery]

New cosmology dropped, we know what's underneath the turtle now!

[smellmyhead]

As someone who has adopted and cared for California desert tortoises, and who shared a home with a slider named Great Atuin, this resonates deeply with my personal beliefs

[spacedean]

DEAN WINCHESTER in ASK JEEVES

[fuchsea]

btw i want to say that the entire tumblr community banding together is what got these changes reversed so i hope u all realise the power of a reblog and start reblogging posts instead of just liking them this is the reblog website so hit that button right now

[thecuckoohaslanded]

I can’t stop thinking about crocodiles for some reason so here’s some cool pictures I found of probably the second largest one in captivity, his name is Utan:

isn’t he beautiful

listen to the SOUND when he bites

and that’s not even a real power bite, that’s mostly just heavy bone falling on heavy bone from his jaws and the air rushing out from between them

[specsthespectraldragon]

2000 pounds of Good Boy

[thecuckoohaslanded]

you get me

[thecuckoohaslanded]

I honestly expected like 5 notes, what HAPPENED here

[thecuckoohaslanded]

More tags on this ridiculous post:

[cn123017-deactivated20181204]

Wait, thats the 2nd biggest crocodile? Then what does the biggest one look like?

[thecuckoohaslanded]

That would be Cassius, a very old Saltwater crocodile who is estimated to be around 114 years old and lives at Marineland Melanesia in Green Island, Australia.  His official measurement is 5.48 meters, which makes him the largest in captivity currently.  Because Utan is only slightly smaller and much younger, (only in his 50s), he will likely break Cassius’ record eventually.  But for now, Cassius holds the title:

He is NOT, however, either the largest crocodile ever captured in Australia OR the largest ever in captivity.

A slightly larger crocodile has been reported (though not yet comfirmed) to have been captured at 5.58 meters.

And while the famous Brutus of the Adelaide River was estimated to be just slightly larger than Cassius at 5.5m, he was driven out of his territory by a younger and even larger crocodile, who as a result has been given the name, The Dominator.  He is estimated to be just over 6m.

This is Brutus, with an appropriate caption:

It is believed that he lost that arm in a fight with a Bull Shark.  

The Bull Shark lost.

THIS is the crocodile who kicked him out.  The Dominator:

And that’s STILL not the biggest.  

The largest living crocodile ever reliably measured was Lolong, who for the 1.5 years between his capture and his death was the largest crocodile ever held in captivity, at a whopping 6.17 meters (20 feet 3 inches) and 1075 kg (2,370 lbs).  He had been feeding on both humans and very large livestock in the Bunawan creek in Agusan del Sur in the Philippines.  It took 100 people all night to drag him to shore during his capture.

And here’s why:

Also, to prevent credit from getting buried on a separate reblog, I have been informed that the above image of the crocodile with the cartoon eyes and halo was made by @rashkah!  (And it is wonderful and I would like to thank him for its existence, because it perfectly captures my feelings about terrifying giant primordial reptiles.)

[sometimesihavequestions-deactiv]

@theonewhocheeps

[theonewhocheeps]

Holy fuck

[simon-newman]

As far as Brutus is concerned I was led to believe that he lost that arm when relatively young.

Since then Brutus developed a habit of hunting and eating Bull Sharks.

Here’s him with a prey.

And if you thought that you’ll be safe if you just stay out of Australia then think again!

Meet Gustave the Nile Croc.

This crocodile became almost legendary for both it’s size and the habit of hunting both livestock AND humans.

So how big is Gustave?

No one is sure. Since he was NEVER captured.

His estimated size is of at least 5,5m  but some give him over 6m.

The terrifying parts are:

1) He is still growing having only about 60 years.

2) Adult crocodiles often perform a gesture of submission to him - something usually done by young crocodiles toward adults - Gustave is just THAT BIG.

3) His sheer size makes it difficult for him to catch agile prey Nile crocs tend to feed on - hence why he developed a habit of hunting either larger prey like Hippopotamus or creatures which are not good at spotting danger in the first place like livestock and humans.

And this is NOT ALL.

Gustave actually has a noticeable scars on his body - he was shot at east 3 times and stabbed with a spear or something similar at one occasion.

He lived to tell the tale - my question is:

What happened to that one dude who attacked Gustave with a spear?

[thecuckoohaslanded]

*Crocodile Dundee voice*  Mate, that’s not Gustave:

THIS is Gustave:

And he is the PERFECT CROCODILE.  He is the perfect example of what I mean when I talk about (as I do) how the morphology of extremely large crocodiles adapts to the changing physics of their bite.

This is a typical adult Nile Crocodile:

And THIS is a god among his kind:

This is it, folks.  The Final Form.  THIS is what peak performance looks like.

Crocodiles and physics have an interesting relationship.  Crocodiles have, by a CONSIDERABLE MARGIN, the strongest bite of any animal on Earth.  EVER.  Scaled up estimates (based on Nile and Saltwater crocodiles) give the extinct Deinosuchus an estimated bite force MORE THAN DOUBLE the recently updated Tyrannosaurus bite estimates.  Living crocodiles have bite forces measured in the range of 5000 pounds per square inch, for an individual around 15-16 feet.  It is estimated that modern crocodiles in the range of 18-20 feet would have bit forces around 7-8000 psi or more.

That’s a problem.

Because a crocodile’s skull is only designed to handle so much pressure.  Go beyond that limit and the force of impact when those jaws snap shut could literally shatter their own skulls.

But evolution has spent hundreds of millions of years perfecting crocodiles, so PHYSICS ISN’T GOING TO STOP THEM.  What ends up happening in the skulls of these extremely large crocodiles is they will increase dramatically in mass to compensate for the increased forces.  A crocodile’s skull is almost exclusively solid bone, with only minimal space for nasal passages, a surprisingly advanced brain, and some slightly porous looking framework that helps the bone distribute the force over a larger area.  The effect is by far the most pronounced in Nile crocodiles, which most regularly feed on larger prey and need to make use of all that power.

Compare, 26 inch skull:

vs 29 inch skull:

Both of those are Nile crocodile skulls (or rather, replicas thereof).

And just for fun, here are the skulls of completely different (and very extinct species), Deinosuchus:

and Purussaurus:

The bigger the crocodile (within a given species), the more massive the skull needs to be to compensate for that UNBELIEVABLE bit pressure.  This is one way to see from a distance whether you are looking at a normal sized crocodile:

and a truly extraordinary individual:

One of the things about Gustave that’s so impressive is how healthy his teeth look.  A lot of large crocodiles, in their old age, have very worn down and often missing teeth.  They do replace them many times over a lifetime, but when they get very old this slows down.  Gustave, at least in every picture taken of him, had teeth that were in very good condition.

Even crocodiles much smaller than Gustave’s reported size (probably similar in size to Dominator or Lolong) tend to have smaller or more worn teeth:

than the pinnacle of his kind:

[muchymozzarella]

Lolong! It means Gramps or Grandpa, because he’s a relic of an ancient world where crocs more massive than he was walked the earth. His body is on display somewhere right now though I forgot where.

[tyrantisterror]

Every time I see this post there’s more crocodiles.  It’s the gift that keeps on giving.