YARGH

It/its Random personal blog

[littlest-bugz]

How I look when a trauma memory slips through to the front and suddenly it becomes common knowledge for the whole system

[pink-devolve]

One of the worst parts of being a ramcoa survivor is not having a space to talk about your story, because it’s too upsetting for other people to hear about.

Not only can I not vent about it, but I can’t even talk about the things I went through. I’ve had two therapists drop me because they couldn’t handle it. One time when I was in the hospital, my nurse started crying and had to go home for the rest of the day. One of my ex partners broke up with me because they didn’t feel comfortable being with a 🚦 survivor. And I didn’t tell any of them the heavy details of my abuse. Just me surviving something I was forced into was too much for them.

And that’s not unique, every ramcoa survivor I know that has tried to find help for their trauma has had similar experiences.

I’m lucky enough to have finally found a therapist that knows how to treat me. And a week ago I said something that had happened to me, and idk what happened. He jumped and said “oh my god” like he just watched someone get killed. He immediately apologized, but it hurt. Why did I have to go through something that is so revolting to everyone.

[thehorizoncorporation]

is it just me or does like all DID/OSDD(/CPTSD, even) recovery/functionality advice become completely obsolete when you're polyfragmented/complex.. healing your inner child? ok well I have 60 identified alters and fragments under the age of 18 and some of them would bite me if I tried to coddle or "heal" them, some others of them arent anything more than raw emotions with a name, like a ghost stuck in their last real moments alive

keep track of your alters' triggers and preferences and needs? ok well what if half my system are unnamed fragments that can't communicate their needs but CAN be triggered and break down??? what if half my system are alters with alters that can't keep track of their OWN changing needs enough to communicate them with the supersystem??

keep track of switches and leave notes for each other??? i don't know when I switch because we have so many parts that they melt into each other, I'm a blended mix of randomly switching parts like 60% of the time, I can't communicate with a part who doesn't even know they're in front/conscious? not to mention that several layers can have fronters at the same time, with only one layer at The Main™, making the concepts of "switching" and "fronting" overly complicated for us.

like. what do I do when my system is constantly expanding and suppressing experiences in huge clusters that get tucked away into the recesses of our mind only ever to be seen again one at a time before mysteriously disappearing again?? how am I supposed to support my alters and process what they hold when I have 30 alters just to hold a 3 month period of trauma, let alone my whole life??

it's hard not to feel hopeless and out of control when every part of me is too small and seemingly insignificant to work with individually, and amnesia is too bad for all the parts of the same trauma to work together, ykwim?

hard not to feel hopeless when our inner functioning inhibits effective communication or journalling whatsoever.

just thinking about that a lot lately, since we split a whole layer with 20+ alters while we were homeless, only for that layer to be immediately cut off and buried once we got housed last month. so many parts of us that we were working to understand are now inaccessible to us, and parts from surrounding layers are now grieving the loss of their friends that the brain considered too much of a hazard to keep around. and nobody really gets it

[hazedxg0]

Why doesn't polyfragmented OSDD exists? Assuming polyfragmentation being the easy split of alters and/or the presence of many very simple fragmentary identities, why can't a person with OSDD-1a presentation have theses? Like yes they don't have amnesia but why not?

It's because "polyfragmentation" actually means "a more complex presentation of DID caused by more complex dissociation". Hence why it's also called Complex DID or C-DID.

In order to be polyfragmented, you need to dissociate to a very high level. It involves very extreme compartmentalization of traumatic events into hyper specific fragments, organized in complex system structures. It also involves very extreme dissociation across daily life from a very young age (more so than standard DID), to the point where the functions of daily life are shattered across many different minute and specialized ANP fragments as well.

OSDD-1, on the other hand, is a less complex presentation of DID caused by less complex dissociation. The original theory of structural dissociation actually places OSDD a tier below DID in terms of complexity of dissociation, bridging the gap between C-PTSD/BPD and DID. The less distinct alters, and/or lack of amnesia in OSDD is caused by experiencing less intense and less complex dissociation. Just complex enough to cause identity alteration, but not complex enough to qualify as DID.

Polyfragmentation requires more complex dissociation than standard DID. OSDD-1 requires less complex dissociation than standard DID. The two are there mutually exclusive.

Think of it this way: having two EPs and one ANP requires more complex dissociation than just having one ANP and one EP. Having several EPs requires more complex dissociation than just having two. Having several EPs and two ANPs each with a high level of complexity in behaviour and personality requires even more complex dissociation.

Having an extremely high number of highly fragmented ANPs and EPs that compartmentalize memories in an exceedingly fragmented way, creating a complex network of parts with highly specialized roles, switching and interacting with each other in very complex ways...That requires the most complex dissociation of them all. There is no way to dissociate to that degree without meeting the criteria for DID.

You can have OSDD and have many fragments. That doesn't mean you're polyfragmented.

[snarling-dog]

"As a trans man, it's your responsibility to protect women!!" Hi, you're a benevolent misogynist. That's like. That's the most obvious benevolent misogyny I've ever seen. Hope this helps!!

[penrosesun]

“As a trans person, you should understand the importance of dismantling the patriarchy” Yes, good!

“As a man, it’s your responsibility not to engage in forms of male peer bonding that are based around misogyny” Absolutely, 100%

“As a person, you should protect women, because women are people” YES, THANK YOU

“Men are inherently protectors and women must rely on them for their safety” Shut up forever

[only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are]

No thoughts. Just Whumpee drifting in and out of consciousness, muttering nonsensical slurred protests, and weakly trying to pull st their restraints before their eyes roll back and they slip away into unconsciousness again.

[that-grassbro]

watching westerners talk about how all transmascs will one day reach a stage* where 'misogyny will no longer affect them' really makes me understand why theres such a big 'feminism is no longer needed' sentiment within western countries. You really think the main body of oppression is just 'are there people who dislike you'. Which is a part of it yes, but thats not like IT?

Misogyny permanently alters your life path.

There are binary trans men who pass today who still suffer from after-effects of fgm which a lot of the time cannot be cured.

There are binary trans men who pass today who do not have the basic education needed to advance in the modern world.

There are binary trans men who pass today who cannot walk/are permanently disabled by misogynistic practices in their youth.

There are binary trans men who pass today who will live in poverty forever because they were forced into marriages young

There are binary trans men who pass today who will never achieve their dreams because they were not allowed to play instruments or sport or early life skills that cannot be 'caught up' later in life

There are binary trans men who pass today who cannot have children because of reproductive violence

There are binary trans men who pass today who missed out on critical promotion years because they were forced to be wives/mothers

And this is not a #sadcore #never transition post, because all this stuff does not mean that you cannot live a happy and fufilling life, it does not mean that there isn't joy in transitioning or that the world is hopeless.

This idea that in order to be a happy man you must deny the role of misogyny in your life is such an insidious lie because it forces trans activists to either shove every single one of these men (plus all the ones who dont even pass/transition/know they're trans now) under the bus, or discourage young boys from transitioning.

Hint: Pretty much everyone chooses the 'lets throw these trans men under the bus and blot their brains out to the reality of transmasculinity' option.

Literally. Some of you heard this quote 'How many Einstein’s have spent their lives washing dishes, how many Mozart’s bent over stoves instead of pianos, because they had the misfortune of being born a woman?' and said: But the moment you find out you're a man it can all go away!

Anyway this is getting long and disjointed but my point is basically summed up with: misogyny permanently alters your life path and there is not such thing as 'graduating' from the affects of systematic oppression

*the idea that half, let alone ALL transmascs have access to transition let alone transition to the point of 'passing', let alone all the complexities of stealthing is absurd in and of itself, but thats for another post.

[bugshroom]

*weaponising trans mens dysphoria against them to push them out of conversations about their own bodies and health and treatment* … is this trans feminism ? 🤭

[new-idea-3000]

I am a basic bitch and my actual favorite sanrio character is cinnamoroll but its because he wears little ribbons and is cutesy like me.

I mean in his manga Mocha assumes he's a girl because "he's so cute" and it doesn't read as a joke to me?

And like look at his branding.

We love cloud puppy femboy rep

[trans-ified]

"trans men have male privilege" "trans men have afab privilege"

which is it, we benefit from being men or we benefit from a doctor putting an 'f' on a piece of paper at birth? pick one or shut up

[rouge-the-bat]

misogynistic cis men and transandrophobic trans radfems will look at trans men and go "theyre shitty and whiny and inferior at everything lol, they need to sit down and shut up" but the TRFs will think theyre Progressive and Punching Up just because they gender the trans men correctly.

i think its pretty obvious how this is fucked up, yes? that so many trans men are treated as inferior while seen as women for much of their life, and then when they come out as trans men they get other queer people telling them the exact same bullshit (while many trans men likely still get treated the same or worse as they already have outside of the queer community)? and told that they have no right to push back against it bc theyre men now and supposedly inherently have so much power in society, regardless of if theyre actually seen as their correct gender in society? can yall not see how thats extremely fucked??????

[fvckw4d]

The growing narrative around trans radical feminist activity is so strange.

"I wish people would stop pitting trans men and trans women against each other, cant we all just get along"

"i promise no one is like this irl and the most this will affect trans men is someone hurts their feelings. Its not REAL harm"

"if you're infighting in your community you're letting the fascists win"

Just blatant refusal to acknowledge that this is repackaged radical feminism and a direct attack on trans men and nonbinary and intersex people and "traitor" trans women as inferior, oppressive, and immoral, as people who need to be pushed out of the community. It's such an underhanded reframing of the narrative, that it's just petty online trans infighting, two sides equally attacking each other.

There are many trans trfs but most of the people saying this are not trans, they are cis, and they all exist offline too, in irl queer circles, where there is little pushback. I've seen real trfs use this ideology to abuse and ostracize online and irl. I've literally met these people in real life, because shockingly, a lot of queer people are very online and log off with the same opinions. It's chilling how often other queers rally around them and act on what they say, because there's no effort to see this neo-radfem shit for what it is and there's nothing but tolerance for it.

I was not there for previous "discourses" but I have friends who were and theyre clearly very traumatized by it. "Acecourse" and "mogai discourse" and "bi discourse" permanently affected the way my friends and a lot of aromantic, asexual, bisexual, and nonbinary people interact online and offline. People stopped using aro and ace slang, they stopped using "genderqueer" and nonbinary identities created online as much. A lot of them went back into the closet, online and offline. Some of them left tumblr and other social media, or even irl queer circles, forever. I have multiple friends who stopped talking about their identities to anyone but close friends. They avoid pride flags that used to provoke cyberbullying and irl harassment. And they couldn't escape it offline either, a lot of them met hostility in real life too. Online bullshit sometimes seeps into the real world, because so many countries are dominated by internet users. What a surprise.

So no, i dont think its just "petty online trans bullshit" where two sides are sniping at each other while the world burns. I think people need to stop tolerating radical feminism and other reactionary bullshit no matter who is doing it or what it looks like and then pretending years down the line it was meaningless cringe. Call a spade a spade. Is that really too much to fucking ask.

[tboy-cock]

non-trans men are so fucking entitled over trans men. theyre so entitled over our bodies, sexuality, and our mere existence in spaces. we're only meant to be around if we can be fetishized as "protectors" or just sex objects, and if we talk too much about our own struggles and our sexuality without deferring to other people to define those for us, we're "scary" and "predatory". idk what the point of this post is im just irritated

[badgerx197]

Voice of someone who has never spoken to a trans man or trans masculine person or anyone who was forcibly feminized in their youth:

Anyway I have spoken to so many trans mascs who remember the moment they first tried on a pair of boxers, or a tee shirt with a binder on, or the ‘male’ version of a school uniform, or even just shopped from the ‘men’s’ side of a clothing store.

Attitudes like this are clearly born from someone assuming women and men / girls and boys are opposites so trans fems and trans mascs MUST have opposing experiences.

[learn-how-to-love]

“Trans men need to understand that as men, they have male privilege and have power over women, especially trans women.”

In the United States, there have been only four openly transgender officials elected to a Federal office position. Of them, only one is a transgender man, while the other 3 are trans women.

In the United States, only 22 openly transgender officials have been elected to a State office position. Of them, only one is a trans man, five are nonbinary, and the remaining 16 are trans women.

In the United States, 61 openly transgender officials have been elected to a Local office position. While hard to verify due to less information being available, only around 6-10 of those officials are potentially trans men, with a similar number potentially being nonbinary, leaving the remaining majority as trans women.

If trans men are truly so privileged over anyone, why are so few of them in positions of power in America? If they, and transmasculine people in general, have male privilege, why do we not dominate the demographics the same way cis men do over cis women? The takeaway from this isn’t some nonsense about trans women having male privilege, either- that would be ridiculous. Instead, it shows that neither of us do. Transmascs don’t have the power or recognition to oppress women, we don’t even have the ability to advocate for our own rights at the highest level.

[learn-how-to-love]

For full transparency, I compiled these numbers via a (fairly brief) analysis of the Wikipedia article for transgender US officials. It’s by no means exhaustive and I did not go and verify each individual entry, but it was the best up-to-date compiled information I could find and generally, Wikipedia’s community is quick to catch errors especially in a highly trafficked article like this. For another source, this 2023 report by the LGBTQ+ victory institute shows a similar trend, as is represented in their provided graphic:

A 7 year report by the institute of elected officials by gender identity also shows this disparity, providing the following percentages and data table:

For every year since 2017, at least twice the number of transgender women have been elected to a US office than has a transgender man, sometimes as much as 6-7x the amount. This is not data that supports the idea that trans men have any meaningful political privilege or power over literally any other group in the US, with the exception of Two-Spirit people (who are also inherently racialized.)

So, what’s the conclusion then? Stop letting people convince you that trans men have an easier time in society than any other group of trans people, simply for being men. If that were true, we would see a much higher percentage running and being elected to a position of power, and yet we see the very opposite. Clearly transness and manhood are intersecting in such a way as to disadvantage trans men, specifically, seeing as the number of nonbinary officials is now reaching the same level of trans women officials. This isn’t to incite feelings of doom or hopelessness, it’s just a reality check to encourage people, especially trans men and mascs, to stand up for ourselves and advocate for our needs and struggles in society.

[learn-how-to-love]

TERFs make the argument that only people AFAB are targeted by misogyny. TRFs make the argument that only women are targeted by misogyny. Both of these views are wrong. Trans men, despite being men, are targets of societal misogyny due to being AFAB. Trans women, despite being AMAB, are targets of societal misogyny due to being women. Both groups are also trans, which intersects with and adds layers to their oppression. Nonbinary people of all types are also the targets of societal misogyny, since it despises gender incongruence even and especially if you are not a man or woman, entirely or exclusively. It’s actually very simple yet here we are still arguing about it.

[degenerate-elite]

I feel like the reason a lot of people think trans men are privileged compared to trans women in terms of rights being legislated away is because they think the fact that laws come out targeting trans women means that trans men get to keep doing those things.

Baby, trans men were banned in the first place!

The reason you don't hear about "women in men's sports" is because testosterone use at any professional level is completely forbidden!! Why do you think there are NO trans men in male categories, literally at all??

The reason a middle eastern country will say shit like "well trans women are now forbidden from getting passports" and leave out trans men is because trans men, by virtue of having been afab, already are forbidden from doing literally everything!!!!!

Yes, trans men's rights are largely being left untouched. That's the entire problem!!! Because they were already as shit as they could be!!!

Important Add-On: This is not me saying "trans men have it worse than trans women", and that is a Bad Faith interpretation of my post, and I do not believe that.