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@simplycourageousx
あついねえ…
Hello, it's too hot......
yep, don't worry, he is OK
evening reading in my favourite spot right where the sun likes to sit in its final hours. It’s peaceful here.
Halloween is 107 days away now 🎃 I can’t wait to bake just about everything with pumpkin spice, oh and the cinnamon buns!! so good. What’s your favourite thing about Halloween?
Venting
I’ve literally had the worst week. I thought I had covid, had to take 4 days off work whilst I waited for test results which eventually came back negative after getting an inconclusive. I was then diagnosed with a lung infection. I called my work and told them I can come back as I’m not contagious and they told me to get a return to work form from my doctor before I came back. So I booked an appointment for the next day, went to my doctor, was told I had high blood pressure and asthma too but that they can’t give me a return to work form as I was never signed off I was just following government guidelines.
I get out of the doctors and I have a phone call from my work, where I begin to tell my manager hey, I just got out of the GP and I’m coming right now to see you. She stopped me talking to tell me that actually, I was fired. Told me not to bother going in.
I have bpd so the fatal blow this would cause anyone was heightened by 10 and so I went instantly into a manic episode and took my £45 to the pub, had a few drinks and then returned home but not before I went to the shop and bought a bottle of vodka. I got home and got very drunk, cried and cried and had a breakdown on the phone to the crisis team who literally said “we care, but we do have a very long queue of other people needing help so we are going to have to keep this short”.
Ended up drunkingly ordering a pizza with the last of my money and crashed out after eating it. I woke up feeling like shit obviously but it was more than just the hangover; I recognised it straight away. I suddenly didn’t want to talk to anyone. Didn’t want to read a book. Tiktok didn’t interest me. Nothing. I stayed at home in bed for 3 days with the lights off and the blinds down and just stared at the wall. I didn’t eat, partly because I had no motivation to get out of bed but also I couldn’t even if I wanted to because I had no money.
The rest of the week has been much the same. My infection isn’t getting any better and I’ve not ate for 5 days now. The days are blending in together. I walked past a mirror yesterday and didn’t recognise the person looking back at me. I tried to call my mum to ask if she could make me some dinner yesterday, to which she said no, and I tried again tonight but I got the same answer. She made sure to send me a photo of her dinner to me though.
It’s like 6:30pm now, and about 20 minutes ago I suddenly felt extremely sick and ended up throwing up, and it was pure red. With what I assume could be blood clots as there were dark red/black lumps there too.
I don’t know what’s happening to me but I’ve pissed everyone off by being ill, losing my job and asking for food so now I don’t have anyone left to call or ask. But I’ve lost all care now.
I’m going to be homeless AGAIN at the end of this month because I lost my job and won’t be able to pay rent. Which means I’ll have to move back to my mums and endure all that entails; gaslighting, verbal abuse, physical abuse, being in the house I was SA in…everything. I feel like I’ve been wandering around the country for years looking for home, somewhere I feel safe. And every time I think I find it, it turns sour. I don’t think there will ever be a place that I belong.
I don’t know where I’m going with this really but I needed to get it out.
•Looking for a pen-pal•
I am a 21 year old aspiring historian from a small town in England, UK. My pronouns are she/her & I love art journalling.
I am currently a full time student studying a foundation year before I go on to do my undergrad in history.
A little about me:
21 turning 22 in July
I spend half of my time collecting random scraps of paper and little cute things to go in my journals
Looking to be a history grad
Obsessed with medieval history, Victorian England ww1
I have a dog and I will send you photos of him!
I like to write, but I’m currently in a rut
I like to read too, working towards my 2021 goal of reading 50 books
I would LOVE to move to either Australia or Canada, and I definitely will be going to visit soon
I want to travel but unfortunately I am broke and I have responsibilities here in the UK
Tv shows I like:
Currrntly watching The Durrels
Pretty little liars
Sabrina
Gotham
Good girls
BBC’s Merlin
The vampire diaries
Riverdale
Chesapeake Shores
Good witch
Books I like:
Looking for Alaska will forever be my favourite
Everless/Evermore series
A good girls guide to murder
Harry Potter
Songs about a girl /us / a boy series
Any historical fiction book period.
Music things:
Taylor swift
5 seconds of summer
Passenger
Mumford and sons
Yungblud
Gnash
Harry styles
Louis Tomlinson
Basically one direction
Troye Sivan
Ideally I’d like someone in my age range (19-25) and it doesn’t matter where you are from :)
I’m 20 pages into my art journal, and i think I’ve just clicked.
I find that the first few pages, I was so desperate for it to be perfect, I’d take ideas from other people & it’s just copycat pages. But now, I’m really getting creative & making my very own art and it feels great!
I wish it didn’t have to be this way
“If the truth shall kill them, let them die.” ― Immanuel Kant
time is terrifying
Manifesting this so it becomes real!
Today I will:
• tidy my room
• clear out clothes I don’t wear
• cook a roast dinner
• do laundry!
• read some of my book (or listen to my audiobook)
• do some kind of art (or paint that wall in my bedroom)
• not go to sleep before 6pm
That’s it, I want a chill day today. I fell asleep at 7pm yesterday and woke up at 1am, haven’t slept since.
I’m quickly running out of things I want to do. Not that I don’t have a long list of them, but the fact that I cannot go outside seems to be very distracting of the fact that there’s so much to do inside.
You would think that being quarantined during a pandemic would mean that my house would be clean, and that’s what I thought too. How very wrong :’) my anxiety is topping everything at the moment and I’m waking up just to go back to sleep. My sleeping pattern is shot to pieces; I was doing so well and now I find myself waking up at 2pm. But what does it matter?
Anyways, I really need to try to focus on other things. So today I am going to:
• clean my kitchen (it’s gross and needs doing badly)
• clean my room (it’s not that bad but I did some crafts the other day and left the mess on the floor)
• clean out my dogs crate (went to let him out this morning and he had done a poop in there. My dog is so fussy he won’t go on the path or anything and we’re not allowed too far from the house, so he hasn’t gone for a number 2 in a while. Poor baby)
• do some art! Either in my sketchbook or in my art journal. I miss doing this, and especially my art journal, because that’s what I used to do when I was feeling very anxious.
I’m going to stick to these goals for now, I just need to get back on track and not lose myself down this rabbit hole that I am oh so familiar with.
Stay safe everyone!
its 4 pm and im supposed to be working at home when i stumbled upon a “how will you die” test and i thought ok lets take it and it says ill die of cancer
i honestly dont know what to feel right now
mine says ill die in an accident
sounds about right with how clumsy i am
I’m going quietly at old age surrounded by friends and family, sounds pretty right
Not to scream or anything BUT WHAT THE HELL
I was supposed to pick up my switch today and new horizons but alas, I have to wait another month until I’m paid. So back to new leaf for a while. It would have been a great escape method in all this madness to be able to play something new, and I was so excited for it as well :(
I’m so torn between wanting to be with my family right now, and wanting to be at my house. On the one hand I really want my mum in situations like this because my anxiety is through the roof. But also I don’t want to be cooped up in her house with all my family for 12+ weeks... everything is a mess and I’m rambling.
I’m so BORED. I thought the idea of quarantine was great but it turns out I only like being alone when I chose to be alone. I’ve played all my video games and completed them, I’ve cleaned the house from top to bottom, I’ve started on my book list and I’m getting through it all very quickly. But it’s so boring.