Ushijima Simp

I just post stuff, I have no idea what I’m doing but it’s mainly crack.

[simpsocial]

// Masterpost //

~Head cannons and fics~

Marching Band headcannons

Aesthetic headcannons 

Ushijima finding your scars

When you catch them staring at you

TikTok audio things that remind me of the bois

Haikyuu boys in a public American high school

I am ...

Can you...

The boys as what crime I think they’d get arrested for

~Multipart Series~

Incorrect quotes except they’re all things I heard in my high schools band room

Haikyuu boys as Things that have actually happened to me

Songs that remind me of Haikyuu characters

Incorrect quotes but it’s things I’ve heard in trade school

[simpsocial]

Incorrect quotes but it’s things I’ve heard in trade school

Genre: Crack

Characters Included: Ukai; Tanaka; Nishinoya; Yamaguchi; Sugawara; Daichi; Kenma; Kuroo

T/W: pipe bomb; nudity; drug mention; poor health choices

Authors Note: I have like six weeks left in trade school so here’s another on of these lol

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Ukai: Nishanoya it’s too early for your shenanigans

~

Tanaka: Bro made a pipe bomb

Nishinoya: HE made a pipe bomb, I just watched.

~

Nishinoya: He’s never had a hot pocket

Tanaka: He’s so sad

Yamaguchi: I’m not actually

~

Sugawara: Oh my god she’s naked!

Daichi: What?

Nishinoya: WHERE?!?

~

Tanaka: These Redbulls aren’t hitting like they used to.

Ukai: You know what comes after Redbull? Crack.

~

Ukai: I don’t make the rules I just halfway follow em

~

Kenma: Coward

Kuroo: I’m not a coward

Kenma: Whore

Kuroo: Okay that I might be

~

Nishinoya: I used to take the share sized m&ms and pour a monster into it and eat it like that.

~

Nishinoya: It was a long time ago, like when I was in middle school

Daichi: So like two years ago?

[simpsocial]

Incorrect quotes but it’s things I’ve heard in trade school

Genre: crack ofc

Characters included: Hinata; Kageyama; Tanaka; Tsukishima; Nishinoya; Ukai; Asahi

Warnings: cursing, biting kind of

A/N: soooo it’s been a while, my bad I kinda got side tracked with life & all! So I graduated high school, spent a year trying to chase a degree before saying fuck it, I’ll just work on cars and enrolling in trade school! And well, me being me, I started a quote list from my beloved classmates so here’s some incorrect quotes straight from the mouths of my friends!

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Hinata: Where’s its arms?!?!

Kageyama: Hinata, have you ever seen a bird with arms?

Hinata: I meant wings!

~

Tanaka: If someone said Godzilla was coming to end the world I think everyone would believe it.

Tsukishima: I wouldn’t

Tanaka: I would

~

Tanaka: Are you the energy drink fairy?

Nishinoya: Yuh

~

Nishinoya: Hey coach Ukai, knock knock

Ukai: No

~

Hinata: What’s your name?!?

Tsukishima: Don’t give these people your name.

~

Ukai: Underage drinking is bad and you shouldn’t do it BUT if you decide to please just don’t get caught.

~

Asahi: I don’t get karma cause karmas a bitch and I don’t get those

~

Tsukishima: I'm just saying you're more likely to get bit by a person.

Nishinoya: I'll bite you right now!

~

Tanaka: WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! Vogue Vogue Vogue

~

Kageyama: That wasn't me that was our resident leprechaun!

~

Team in unison: Number 15 Burger King footlettuce

Ukai: I don't know what that is

Nishinoya: YOU DON'T KNOW BURGER KING FOOTLETTUCE?!?!

[byeler]

really crazy how much i’ve imagined this fic. like it’s soooooo imagined you wouldn’t even believe. not writing it though

[simpsocial]

Incorrect quotes but it’s just more things said in my schools band room

Genre: crack

Characters included: Sugawara; Ukai; Yaku; Daichi; Kageyama; Takanashi

Warnings: mentions of SA, implied violence, graphic threats, death, and drugs

A/N: For the love of god READ THE WARNINGS for this one, these are some of the most unhinged ones and the context doesn’t matter for most but keep in mind these were all said as jokes and not meant literally! Posting this since I graduated and won’t get anymore band quotes.

“Don’t bite! Bad girl we don’t bite here!”

Ukai; Yaku

“Stop raping my child”

Suga

“No molesting allowed”

Daichi

“Speed??? The DRUG?!?!?”

Takanashi

“Shut up [insert name] I’m gonna eat your scalp”

Nishinoya

“I am insane BUT it works”

Kageyama; Ukai

[simpsocial]

Songs That Remind Me of Haikyuu Characters pt.4

Parts | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | Playlists |

Characters Included: Ushijima; Yachi; Hinata; Tsukishima; Kageyama; Oikawa; Kiyoko; Nishinoya

Warnings: nsfw & explicit songs (I don’t mark them)

A/N: hiya, I know I know no one asked but I need something to do to take my mind off whatever the fuck senior year of high school is doing to me so here! I’m inflicting physic damage on you via more of my music taste to cope!

Ushijima

Who Is She? - I Monster

Yachi

Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo

Come on Mess Me Up - Cub Sport

Hinata

Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo (yes it makes me think of both of them)

Tsukishima

can’t get laid - bella amor (as a tsukki simp I need not explain)

Golden - Riley Baron

Daylight - David Kushner

Kageyama

Water Sign - SPIDER

Oikawa

Karma - Taylor Swift

Gilded Lily - Cults

Kiyoko

Heaven Is Here - Florence + The Machine

I Know Places - Lykke Li

Nishinoya

No Wind Resistance! - Kinneret

[simpsocial]

Haikyuu boys as even more Things that have happened to me

|1| |2| |3|

Genre: crack (naturally)

Characters included: Nishinoya; Tanaka; Daichi; Suga; Asahi; Takeda; Kuroo; Tsukishima; Lev; Ukai; Kageyama; Yachi

Warnings: sex stuff ig (mentions of cum, dicks, etc); cursing; minor violence

A/N: literally just teenage bullshit except this has all most likely happened at school or at school events, I hang out with a lot of guys so yes most of this did happen with actual dudes! Enjoy!

Called me a cumslut after I called him a cocksucker bc he called me a bitch

Nishinoya; Tanaka; Ukai (I could just see it happening)

Let me use their coffee maker at school bc I woke up late and hadn’t had any caffeine yet <3

Daichi; Suga; Asahi (I’m a softie for the Karasuno third years okay?); TAKEDA; Kiyoko

When asked why they where looking at my tits responded “well they’re right there!”

Kuroo; Yachi (she’d be so flustered tho)

Asked why I always dress like a dude as soon as I walked into class

Tsukishima (he’s an asshole idc); Lev

Got into an argument over nipple piercings

Nishinoya; Tanaka; Suga (he’s pro male nip piercing); UKAI

Threatened to fight me bc I made fun of their typo

Tsukishima; Kageyama (I dOnT nEeD tO kNoW nO eNgLiSh); Kuroo

[simpsocial]

I’ve had this blog for two years now and I still don’t know what I’m doing but I refuse to let it fully die bc I enjoy being a crack dealer too much

[simpsocial]

Songs That Remind Me of Haikyuu Characters

Parts | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | Playlists |

Characters included - Kageyama; Kuroo; Suna; Asahi; Sugawara; Ushijima; Nishinoya; Yachi; Hinata

Warnings - cursing; some sad songs; whiplash

a/n - I am indeed revealing more of my shitty music taste for your entertainment! Enjoy this crap show (I don’t even know what to call it anymore tbh)

Kageyama

Ghosting - Mother Mother

Dark Bird - Jake Wesley Rogers

Sun King - LAUREL

Kuroo

Wasteland - Seether

What Once Was - Her’s

Knee Socks - Arctic Monkeys

Suna

You Get Me So High - The Neighborhood

Secret - Sleeping Wolf

loverboy - Saint Slumber

Asahi

Beige - Yoke Lore

The Devil is Human - AURORA

Sugawara

Snow - Ricky Motgomery

Never Said It Was Easy - Palace

Ushijima

As the world caves in - Matt Maltese

The Emotion - BØRNS

I Won’t - AJR

Nishinoya

Cupids Chokehold / Breakfast in America - Gym Class Heroes (*cough*simp*cough*)

Lovers Rock - TV Girl

Yachi

jealousy, jealousy - Olivia Rodrigo (we all know why I put this)

YOU - Morgan Saint

It’s Never Enough - we are the dirt (I feel like she’s been there y’a know?)

Hinata

Gilded Lily - Cults

Come on Mess Me Up - Cub Sport

[simpsocial]

Just realized anyone who’s in my band will now know who runs this blog if they find it… fun!

[simpsocial]

Incorrect quotes except they’re all things I heard in my high schools band room

Genre: crack

Characters included: Ukai; Tanaka; Nishinoya; Tsukishima; Suga; Daichi; Kenma; Hinata; Kageyama

Warnings: swearing; threats of violence

A/N: hey babes I know I’ve been dead for like a lot time BUT I decided to do this cause I’m bored and have nothing to do, if you can guess which of these were said by me I’ll give you a cookie <3

“My goal in life is to traumatize children”

Ukai; Tsukishima

“Everybody looks like I shot their dog”

Ukai; Daichi

“Murder should be legal”

Suga (don’t ask idk); Kenma

“You’re the one making it gay!”

Daichi @ Suga at any given moment; Kageyama @ Hinata

“I will take a single piece of your vertebrae, making you one inch shorter”

Nishinoya @ literally anyone taller than him

“Yeah run tiny”

Tanaka @ Nishinoya; Ukai @ Hinata

[simpsocial]

I literally started this blog bc I wanted to share what I thought haikyuu characters would be in marching band and over a year later here we are... I don't know what I'm doing anymore guys

[simpsocial]

Haikyuu boys as more Things that have happened to me

|1| |2| |3|

Genre: crack

Characters included: Nishinoya; Tendō; Tsukishima; Tanaka; Yamaguchi; Kenma; Kuroo; Asahi

Warnings: minor violence; kinda unhinged

a/n: Hey sorry for not posting, I'm not dead it's just schools been insane and my mental health has been in a downward spiral. Also like I said last time, most of these aren't things that happened with guys they're just funny shit with friends.

Punched me in the boob because I made fun of their height

Nishinoya (he would)

Called me a home-wrecker because I became fake engaged to a mutual friend that was already fake dating them

Yamaguchi

Dyed my hair the past two times I went to their house

Tendō; Nishinoya; Kenma

Said they thought I was going to “bite their neck and suck their blood or something” after I said hi from behind them (to be fair I was wearing all black + black lipstick)

Asahi

Keeps asking if I finished the book that I took four months to finish

Tsukki 100%; Kuroo

Accidentally got a drop of Monster energy in their eye (it doesn’t really hurt lol)

Tanaka(just gives that vibe)

[simpsocial]

My phones auto fill really said “aren’t you gonna put Tsukishima next????” like,,,,, I DONT KNOW MAYBE

[simpsocial]

The boys as what crime I think they’d be arrested for

Characters included: Tendou; Nishinoya; Hinata; Lev; Sugawara; Yamamoto; Daichi; Yachi; Tanaka; Kenma; Tsukishima; Kageyama; Ukai; Kuroo; Kiyoko; Saeko

a/n: some will include reasoning bc why not

Arson

-Tendou - I subconsciously connect him to arson because of all the YouTube playlists I see

Hijacking a car

-Nishinoya - chaos gremlin wanted fast car but have no money

Public indecency

-Hinata - he got his clothes stolen at the gym and said fuck it, left in a towel and didn’t notice when that went missing too

-Lev - he got dared to streak and this idiot isn’t one to back down from a dare baby

Assaulting a police officer/security guard

-Suga - it was for a friend

-Yamamoto - it was the manly thing to do

Perjury

-Daichi - he did it because his closest friend asked

-Yachi - honestly probably got so anxious on the stand she started saying random stuff and ended up lying

Aggravated assault & battery

-Tanaka - someone insulted Kiyoko in front of him

-Kenma - idc what you say he would, and it would be Lev pressing charges

Assault against a minor

-Tsukishima - he just got fuck dem kids energy

-Kageyama - he “accidentally” did it because the kid was being annoying

-Ukai - if he could hit his own damn team he would

Tax fraud

-Kuroo - “I was a business man doing business”

-Kiyoko - she’s smart enough that I’d be surprised she got caught

Vehicular manslaughter

-Saeko - do I even have to justify this one?



[simpsocial]

Can you...

A.) not?

Kiyoko; Suga; Ukai; Kageyama

B.) even read?

Tsukishima; Kuroo;

C.) set for me?

Hinata; Bokuto;

D.) pass the lighter fluid? This building isn’t burning itself :)

Suna; Tendou

E.) behave for once?

Daichi; Akaashi; Yamaguchi

F.) even game bro

Kenma; lev; Noya; Tanaka

[simpsocial]

I am..

A.) homosexual

Kageyama; Yamaguchi; Oikawa

B.) baby

Hinata; Yachi; Aone

C.) human???

Kiyoko; Asahi; Tsukishima; Osamu

D.) committing arson

Tendou; Kuroo; Nishinoya; Suna; Semi

E.) apparently a parent?

Suga; Daichi; Akaashi; Kita; Ukai; Iwazumi

F.) a himbo

Tanaka; Ushijima; Yamamoto; Atsumu