the un-spillable beans

24, grad student in theatre.

[robert-hadley]

[aloneandforsakenbyfateandbyman]

From the Penguin Classics intro to the 120 Days of Sodom (1785)

[amintadress]

i decided all plays are time loops btw. it’s true because they keep getting performed over and over and over and the ending never changes and they can never escape it. if you even care.

[xiaq]

[sinistersimiles]

i seriously hope the neighours can't hear my music because i've blasted two songs on repeat all day to get me through writing this essay - gloria gaynor's i will survive and the knights' dance from prokofjev's romeo and juliet - and if they can, that they mind their own business

[dykeseinfeld]

literally i just can’t comprehend any interpretation of hamlet that doesn’t put grief at the center like. hamlet’s father died and he is actively grieving throughout the play that is the driver of all of his behavior. “is hamlet actually crazy or is he putting on a performance” is a boring question to me because grief is a type of insanity. grief makes you feel like you are performing even when you are all alone. it makes you feel like you’re seeing things it makes you feel completely alone it makes you cling to the people around you it makes you push them away it makes you angry and sad and hamlet wants to kill claudius for replacing his father and taking his mother from him as much as he wants to kill him for revenge.

[lovecrumbss]

sleepy girl aesthetic 💌

[holyisthenameofmyruthlessaxe]

The Waves, Virginia Woolf

[ID: I go to replenish my emptiness, to stretch my nights and fill them fuller and fuller with dreams.]

[kxowledge]

“We have an odd relationship with words. We learn a few when we are small, throughout our lives we collect others through education, conversation, our contact with books, and yet, in comparison, there are only a tiny number about whose meaning, sense, and denotation we would have absolutely no doubts, if one day, we were to ask ourselves seriously what they meant. Thus we affirm and deny, thus we convince and are convinced, thus we argue, deduce, and conclude, wandering fearlessly over the surface of concepts about which we only have the vaguest of ideas, and, despite the false air of confidence that we generally affect as we feel our way along the road in verbal darkness, we manage, more or less, to understand each other and even, sometimes, to find each other.”

— José Saramago, The Double (via provst)

[avainblue]

i aint never seen two normal best friends . always one of them gotta be kafkaesque

[abooksthoughts]

august’s ending

[bunniculaaa]

Types of Academics as Coffee

(From what I've learned as a tired barista)

Espresso: Cold, sleepless nights and too many thoughts matched with too little words to express them. Silver rings that clink against ceramic cups and leather journals that have started bending and fraying after constant trips in bags. One too many college emails and not enough from lovers, friends. Text messages with periods.

Americano: Burnt fingertips against a to-go and cold hands otherwise. It's justifiable -- helps to push them to move pencils against paper, strike keys on a worn-down piano on the commute to class. Baggy, cozy sweatshirts chosen over rows of formal wear in the closet -- but they still look just as sharp. Convincing yourself that a sleepless night is worth an easier month.

Caffè Latte: Yearning for comfort in a busy, blocked-in schedule. Hunting for a balance between reward over hard work and keeping with the demands of one too many classes they regret taking. Playlists upon playlists, some they forget about only to dig up later and sit with. Discomfort and disappointment in how quickly things change -- fashion, interests, hobbies they're just starting to good at -- but pushing through nonetheless.

Caramel Macchiato: Calm and practiced effort when taking on the night shift, trudging through the day to get to the peace and quiet of night. Padded headphones, an extra robe or blanket, and an unlit candle between stacks of papers -- all things to get to, but none quite sorted. Daggers framed on the walls, sharp enough to have left a small scab on their hand. Respect and divinity in all they touch and write and experience.

Flat White: Tik-tak sounds against keyboards, quick finger-cracks snuck in between paragraphs to keep going. Warm, crunchy pastries after a long day -- every crumb swept up by fingertips and discarded onto the plate. Ceilings lit up by phone notifications, stained shoelaces, and analytical eyes over articles upon articles -- people upon people.

Caffè Mocha: Lingering smells from the night before, not quite washed away by a morning shower. Still trying to figure out how exactly they should be balancing their classes -- it's the end of the first semester. They're running late but their friends know them -- bring them a coffee they couldn't get to or remind them of a lab they're missing.

White Chocolate Mocha: Classics snapped closed because they just aren't as good as the latest fiction they had their hands on. Going step-by-step, pausing even after a whirlwind of events to sort everything out and look ahead. Excitement in prom or social events -- counting down the days until the next holiday or test or party.

Tea: Trying to see something -- a hint of the future -- in the dregs of their brew. Not ready for a relationship but longing for one -- not quite settled in their independence but not ready to compromise it. Music over a speaker, flooding a room with whatever they're into at the moment. A single tarot card pulled every month -- pinned to the wall.

[moderngothicbooks]

I love how snow always brings a blanket of silence to the world ❄

[arctic-anna]

You know why it's been dead quiet in this blog for months? Because my thesis work is not going great. Also I started drinking coffee, so there's that

[dame-nostalgique]

I got a beautiful botanical book, printed in 1926. Just look at these lovely illustrations 🌸

[prototumblinguist]

is it selection bias or does every grad student do some subset of hiking, climbing, baking, running, and fiber arts according to their website

[nathanielthecurious]

yeah ive found those to be pretty common grad student hobbies. i think they’re just pretty common hobbies in general but grad students definitely tend toward hobbies that are physical, not intellectual, inexpensive, and involve no time commitment. fiber arts doesn’t quite fit that category but i guess it’s the nerdiness. plus that’s just the hobbies that people feel comfortable putting on their website bios.

[somerabbitholes]

sunday morning — breakfast, winter sun, and to-do’s