Champagne Supernova

she/her - 🇵🇸 - ao3 writer - "To the depths of the ocean where all hopes sank, searching for you.”

[siriusdontlookback]

As anorexia is trending, let me tell you all something from an ex-extremely-effective anorexic person:

In the end, I was 163 cm and 35 kg. When I started really losing weight, everybody encouraged it, and I could take all those artsy photos that you see more and more online lately. Heroin chic. My mom, my aunts, my boyfriend's family, people online -everybody praised me for starving myself.

When I started reaching my goal weight, something changed. I didn't have much energy, I couldn't spend time with friends, I stopped enjoying sex, and I lost my period. But then again, it felt okay. Because even if I wasn't socializing in real life, people on the internet kept praising me.

At some point, though, looking at my face through my phone, I realized something: my incisors were looking longer and longer. Weird, right? The thing is, I wasn't transforming into a rabbit - they were falling out. I could move them with my tongue. In the end, they were literally hanging from my face. I had to have them removed. I had lost all the bone mass in that area.

My hair, something that I was very proud of growing up, started falling out. My face looked different. I couldn't think. I couldn't study. I had always been extremely good in school, but I had to drop out of college because I didn't have enough stamina to get out of bed in the morning.

I had to go through many surgeries to fix my teeth, but they kept failing because the bone mass simply wasn't there, and my body kept rejecting the bone grafts. My lips started to look different. My face looked different. Everything about me was different.

And people stopped praising me, because I didn't look chic anymore - I looked sick. Nobody wants to watch someone slowly kill themselves. It's not aesthetically pleasing.

It took years to recover from that, and I still haven't recovered completely. I never ended up finishing university, and I feel too embarrassed to go back.

Now I'm trying to practice a sport that I love, and I struggle every day to convince myself that succeeding in my passions feels better than being skinny. And it does.

When you see people online claiming absurdly low weights while also looking muscular and healthy, sometimes they're lying, and sometimes the numbers don't tell the full story. You won't feel better if you reach those weights. You will feel like you're dying. You will probably lose everything.

Your ability to think, to enjoy your body, to study, to have sex and feel good about it, and to do anything that is fulfilling to you is far more important and consequential than thinness.

Thinness doesn't bring you comfort, and it only looks artsy from specific angles in heavily edited pictures. In person, it makes you look frail and sick.

Enjoy your body. Enjoy your youth. Don't let them fool you into ruining your life.

[siriusdontlookback]

maybe my body did not betray me forever

[nimfeach]

There’s a brusque pragmatism among working class women from certain uk communities/demographics that is exceptionally well represented in the writing of Lori Kennedy. I see her and I think of my mother and aunties and their familiar refrain when asked why they’re not more upset about something. ‘that won’t buy the children a coat’. The family female motto. What use is crying if it won’t alleviate the work that still needs doing. Every woman in my family does the same thing when she’s boiling over with rage. She cleans, silently. Being emotional is a distinctly male luxury, one often witnessed and endured. not something afforded to the women, who had to make sure the children were washed and clothed and the meals were cooked and the house was managed. I think of my cousin, overwhelmed and 25 at the time, crying in her mother’s living room because of work stress. My auntie’s sharp voice cutting through, ‘I’ll not be having you crying in my house on a Sunday evening. If there is a problem, then do something about it.’ I think of my grandmother’s intolerance for any hint of indecisiveness, no matter whether it was about major life choices or what biscuit to choose from the tin. ‘Shit or get off the pot, girl.’ I think of sitting, heartbroken and wounded by a man prone to dark moods, as my grandmother said ‘when it comes to men, you either keep a core of steel deep inside yourself that they can never touch, or you don’t bother with them.’ There’s a stoicism among the women where I come from that is borne of generations of poverty and misogyny and exhaustion and suffering. We learn young that being crippled by emotional distress is an indulgence. Losing your shit is for fellas, with their rages and tantrums and their weeping over footie. The women have to get on with it.

[biblicallyaccuratemoth]

People will say that trans women are dangerous and then you meet one and she’s just some girl named Luna who hasn’t had a hug in twenty years

[siriusdontlookback]

My rewatch of BBC Merlin just started, and I'm NOT being normal about it.

[masdane]

embarrassing for both of them to have fallen for that guy

[mandible-muncher]

Beetles make up 25% of all animals. Insects make up ~75% of all living species, plants and fungi included. You cannot keep us down forever. We shall continue to grow and some day you shall bow to the rightful rulers of the earth. BUGS RISE UP!

[siriusdontlookback]

What I loved about season 1 of Euphoria was Rue. I don't understand why it has become Cassie's show over the last two seasons. I'm sure there's a demographic of viewers for that, but that's not me.

"Then watch something else," you might say, and you're right, in a way, but I also want to mourn the extremely vulnerable and excruciating coming-of-age story that hypnotized me years ago.

The fight between Rue and her mom is burned into my brain.

[beacon-lamp]

hello beloveds ☺️

[iceslushii]

made an alternate version for the mutuals ive never spoken to

[thetreeofliberty]

You are appreciated

[introvertathome]

A moot is a moot and I love them all the same

[the-memedaddy]

meirl

[otterlyrambling]

I mean.

Cartoon design is based off of 70s/80s fashion

So, it’s not wrong.

It’s rather likely

[spiffylindster]

I’d like to add dickey collars for consideration.

I can picture him having an entire drawer devoted to an assortment of these, right next to his drawer full of ascots.

[everystarstorm]

May I present this image from Legend of the Vampire?

[synille]

what is the FUCKING truth

[meckamecha]

He has multiple outfits that all look identical while having completely different construction

[autism-official]

[unyieldingsilence]

‎ ‎

[goldenbunny30]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[distinguishedbaloney]

[eilooxara]

Non cooking spray stick

[eilooxara]

Non spray stick cooking

[that-house]

Non cooking stick spray

[yeahokayillreblogthat]

yeah okay ill reblog that

[autism-official]

[siriusdontlookback]

Notes: Designing Data Intensive Applications

Chapter 1. Trade-offs in Data System Architecture

"There are no solutions; there are only trade-offs. [...] But you try to get the best trade-off you can get, and that's all you can hope for."

Thomas Sowell, interview with Fred Barnes (2005)

Data is central to much application development today. It has become normal to store data from many different users in a shared server-based data infrastructure. As users interact with an application, they both read the data that is stored and generate more data.

As the data volumes or the rate of queries grows, it needs to be distributed across multiple machines, which introduces many challenges.

We call an application data-intensive if data management is one of the primary challenges in developing the application. While in compute-intensive systems the challenge is parallelizing a very large computation, in data-intensive applications we usually worry more about things like storing and processing large data volumes, managing changes to data, ensuring consistency in the face of failures and concurrency, and making sure services are highly available.

Building blocks: 1. Databases: store data so that they, or another application, can find it again later;

2. Caches: remember the result of an expensive operation, to speed up reads;

3. Search indexes: allow users to search data by keyword or filter it in various ways;

4. Stream processing: handle events and data changes as soon as they occur;

5. Batch processing: periodically crunch a large amount of accumulated data;

One of the key challenges with data systems is that different people need to do very different things with data. This chapter compares several contrasting concepts and explores their trade-offs. We will consider the following topics:

The difference between operational and analytical systems

The pros and cons of cloud services and self-hosted systems

When to move from a single-node system to distributed systems

Balancing the needs of the business and the rights of the user

[enchantedbook]

"Offering" by Ulla Thynell

[blodwyrm]

snapshot from one of Oscar’s memorial paintings i did last year!

[wishful-seeker]

I would like to see more people talk about how jobs treat disabled employees.

I used to prep, wash dishes, and cook at mellow mushroom. I had chronic pain that wasn't NEARLY as bad as it is today, but it was still very debilitating. I told my employer "i cannot stand more than 4 to 6 hours. I CANNOT do shifts longer than this due to my illness." And even though i made my boundaries VERY clear, everyday i worked it was 8 hours at the least and 10 or 12 at the most. I would go up to my manager and say "look i really need to leave, my shift is over, my chronic pain is killing me." And he'd say "we really need to here, you HAVE to push through." And so i did, and after one, ONE month of that job my crps got incredibly worse to the point where i could no longer walk my dog around the block which was .5 miles. I quit, and that was FOUR years ago, and ever since that day I HAVE BEEN BEDRIDDEN AND HAVE TO USE A WHEELCHAIR. It is my biggest regret in life.

My best friend who has seen my whole journey has recently developed undiagnosed chronic pain, and she is in the EXACT same scenario i was 4 years ago. Busting her ass at a pizza place with extreme pain that hurts her so much she tells me "im in so much pain i don't even feel like a person." She doesn't feel LUCID. And her manager and coworkers are saying the same thing "if you don't help us you will let us down, we'll be in the shit."

That job thats hurting you isn't fucking worth it. I promise you no money is worth losing all your physical abilities and never getting them back. Your coworkers and boss do not give a shit about you, so don't you dare suffer for them. They will never understand your struggle and they will never try. They truly think being understaffed is worse than whatever pain you experience. They would rather you permanently damage yourself than inconvenience them. FUCK THEM. DON'T FUCKING DO IT!

[wishful-seeker]

I see people outing their shitty companies they worked at in the reblogs and I just want to say KEEP DOING IT

[romehbo]

*old man bemoaning the fall of civilization voice* we used to have the locative case...

[callese]

refseek.com

www.worldcat.org/

link.springer.com

http://bioline.org.br/

repec.org

science.gov

pdfdrive.com

[growing-yet-into-magic]

Worldcat is my bestie and my one true love!! Not only does it tell you what library a book is at, but it also price compares different used book sites against each other for easy view! It's how I got Tarot For the Master for $10!!

[growing-yet-into-magic]

Oh, and since I have your attention: z-library (books and textbooks) and sci-hub (gatekept scientific journal articles.) I just ripped a textbook for class off z-library and snatched a required reading from sci-hub. Life is good and education should be accessible at every stage and station of life.

[mckitterick]

information wants to be free

[seedingsolarpunk]

Anna's Archive is an open source mirror library

The world’s largest open-source open-data library. Mirrors Sci-Hub, Library Genesis, Z-Library, and more.