sleepless

not pro anything, just trying to cope tw:: ED, depression, anxiety, insomnia

[sirshrekson]

today 1000 kcal, will burn some

✨️ trying to get back on track ✨️

[sirshrekson]

the whole situation is ridiculous so I won't be getting into that, but

since last year, when I was feeling so so much more confident about myself

I gained 26 kgs

I feel like I can't lose it anymore

like it's impossible now

like it's all over

I just want to quit

I just want to d1e

[sirshrekson]

I just hate myself at this point

[sirshrekson]

anybodys got any groups for keeping eachother on track? or just want to chat privately? no weirdos pls, I just want to lose weight

[sirshrekson]

I saw myself in the mirror today naked and remembered I'm a f4t pig. how lovely.

[sirshrekson]

when you're back on tumblr cause you got fat again 🤪🤪

I need help getting skinny again.

[sirshrekson]

not knowing sucks

[sirshrekson]

mom bought my prom attendance with expensive clothes and shoes

feelin like a whore

but hey, well-dressed one

[sirshrekson]

he's not for me

but I like him so so much

he makes me happy

but it's too complicated

[sirshrekson]

so youre telling me other people dont have the "when i eat it feels like I MUST get rid of it later one way or another"??

[sirshrekson]

my mother just tried to humiliate me during a family event. she wanted to joke about how the other day something made me upset so I decided to eat sweets like a pig. didn't after all cuz she shamed me so much that I just decided to starve for the next few days instead. and today she decided it was super funny. when I stopped her from telling the story in her own twisted way I got yelled at and one of my aunts said how weird it was that I'm setting restrictions as to what my mother is allowed to say. so basically I'm a stupid, bossy brat. and my mom threatened me that she's got enough of my behavior and that she is not gonna let me act up anymore. so basically I'm fucked. again.

[sirshrekson]

I haven't eaten yesterday at all

it's so strange how it's so normal to feel proud of that

[sirshrekson]

can I not feel this pain for once?

I wish somebody would save me no matter how pathetic it sounds

[sirshrekson]

just so you know -

my parents are absolute trash too, you're not alone

[aptxx4869-deactivated20160504]

my traumatized ass: do I have a crush or am I just idolizing this person for being vaguely nice to me

[sirshrekson]

sometimes I wonder how it'd feel to have good parents

maybe I wouldn't have all those scars now

maybe I wouldn't starve to feel accomplished

maybe I wouldn't be wishing I was dead

[sirshrekson]

I don't know what to do, I cut myself vertically and put my wrists in a bath filled with warm water to get used to the idea of bleeding out. I felt such peace, I felt like this was better, if me dying like this would mean I was finally getting something out of life. I don't want to die, I just don't want to live the way I probably would if I didn't die