Azriel has always been the one looking at life from the outside.
From the time of his birth, he was placed in a cupboard, separated from him mother, forced to look at life as an outsider.
Everything's been just within his reach, but it always eluded him.
There was a family that he was supposed to have been part of--his father, his mother, his step mother and step brothers. It was right there, just beyond the walls, a complete family that should've loved him. But the family didn't love him, and his mother wasn't allowed to be with him, so until he was 11 years old, he was looking at something that he couldn't have.
Then, he was discarded by his father, dumped in a camp, unable to fly, overly powerful, yet completely powerless as an Illyrian. There was a family there--Rhys and his mother, and his 'brother' Cassian, who's been there for 5-6 years already. So again, Azriel was taken on, but the family wasn't quite his. He was a Shadowsinger. He had use. The High Lord took him on and tolerated him because of Azriel's abilities and not because he needed another stray in the family.
And then there was Mor, who was within reach,. But he could never make her love him. And he looked on when she chose Cassian as a lover.
He looked on for 500 years, while Mor flirted, pushed and pulled, and kept him at an arm's length, while draping herself over his brother.
And now, both of his brothers are mates to the women that they love, and who love them back. And yet again, he looked from the outside in. Happy families, happy couples. Even Amren found someone to love her! And then the one that he finds most pleasing and desirable, the one he can actually talk to, the one who understands him, the one who cares for him--she was given to another. He is the odd man out. AGAIN. He is looking at the possibility of the one he loves ending up with another man and building a life and a family with him.
So imagine the grief that he felt when he received an offer and permission from her--he was actually accepted and wanted for once in his life--and then his own brother, his High Lord told him 'no. You cannot have what your heart desires.' He is to remain the odd man out. He was told that he 'doesn't deserve her'.
Now imagine what will happen when he actually does get to have her. When she reciprocates. And when he no longer needs to look from the outside in. When he has his own love and his own family.
His wish list would be blank. Because he'd have everything he ever wanted.