Sketching Feelings

Just writing down things I can't say out loud

[cyprozombiegirl]

if you're a trans woman it is very important that you're friends with people who are interested in living and living well. Find gym rats, painters, academics, devoted gardeners, gourmands, cinephiles, audiophiles, wine snobs, fashionistas... anyone who is deeply devoted to something in life, that fascinates them, brings them peace, and compels them to live. Learn from them, ask them to show you what's so good about ____. Imagine yourself as one of those anime slice of life characters who've learned that they can be satisfied (fulfilled even) with life as long as they pursue their love of __. The world is full of so much misery for us, and so many of us let that misery and hatred eat away at us until we're depressed, angry shells of people. Refuse that, choose life, choose learning how to live well. Choose enriching your senses by training them.

[aslutsdiiiary]

Me this weekend

[ginawankenobi]

If you just don’t vibe with Aabria personally that’s one thing, we all gravitate toward different people for different reasons, but 1000% she has done nothing wrong in her play style, and pretending otherwise is rooted in misogyny and racism.

The truth is actually quite the opposite; she often facilitates or steps in where and when appropriate to help keep the story moving forward, because she is a DM and a storyteller at heart. She makes sure everyone gets their moments, and I can cite multiple examples if you’re not convinced yet.

The conflict between Thaisha and Occtis wasn’t because “she’s trying to be the main character,” it’s because those characters have some diametrically opposed ideals and they’re trying to come to terms with them. It’s not always going to be happy sunshine lovey fun time, and there needs to be conflict to move any story along and create character growth. Please take a media literacy class.

The people she is playing with clearly love her and her play style, and also they are adults who can communicate amongst themselves if they do ever have any issues. They don’t need the severely misguided opinions of parasocial randos on the internet to tell them what’s going on or what to do in their own lives and friendships.

The lot of you seem to have the expectation that the women at the table should sit still, be quiet and demure, only speak when spoken to, or whatever other nonsense you’ve cooked up in your pea-sized brains. We are allowed to take up space. We are allowed to voice our opinions. We are allowed to be LOUD. We are allowed every bit as much as the male players you idolize for doing the exact same things and behaving in the exact same ways.

tldr; Aabria Iyengar is awesome and most of y’all who don’t like her are super NOT awesome, so please examine your issues with a qualified professional.

[crippled-peeper]

“people won’t be friends with you if you’re mean to them” is something you have GOT to learn in adulthood if you never learned it as a shut-in internet-socialized youth. you can’t just go up and say to ppl to shut the fuck up and kill themselves all the time and then expect people to genuinely care for you.

[astercontrol]

SO TRUE.

And yeah, this doesn't just mean "be nice to the people you WANT to be friends with."

If those people see you being a jerk to lots of other people for flimsy reasons, they are going to think: "what mistakes on my part might involuntarily turn me into this person's enemy? What does this person say about me behind my back already?"

And then they won't want to be friends, probably.

[bisexualbaker]

Posts that make me kinda miss the Five Geek Social Fallacies...

[myfootyrthroat]

It's not a virtue to focus totally on your own peace and disregard problems around you. Ironically, it's also not a virtue to stew in your own anxiety.

[myfootyrthroat]

People online like "I will NOT seek peace while there is suffering around me! I will inflict suffering on myself as long as there is pain in the world!"

Cool, that's useless.

[myfootyrthroat]

It's one thing if you say "As long as there are hungry people in my community, I'll stay engaged with the food bank," (which probably will actually comfort you because you'll be surrounded by people working for a solution!) but for a lot of people it's "As long as there is suffering in the world, I will self-flagellate with sad Instagram reels," and you might as well not.

[cheaphalloweencostume]

“everyone is mad at me and they just won’t tell me” —> “no one has said anything about being mad at me and i haven’t done anything to warrant being mad at so if someone is silently fuming about me and not saying anything that’s their problem and actually quite weird of them and i can effortlessly move on with my life”

[cheaphalloweencostume]

this took SUCH a huge deal of unlearning because, like so many of you, i came out of a home where being quietly in trouble WAS the default state, and i DID grow up not just with the assumption but borderline religious conviction that Everyone Is Mad At Me, I Am Bad, I Must Exist In A Constant State of Attempting to Pacify The Natural Rage I Inspire In Everyone. and no it actually turns out that my family are the freaks . and yours are too

[cheaphalloweencostume]

“this isn’t true because i DEFINITELY silently fume at people in the hopes they’ll figure out what they did and apologize” that’s not good. you shouldn’t do that

“this isn’t true because the ex-friendship that traumatized me ended explosively after they were mad at me and never told me why” that’s not good. they shouldn’t be doing that

“i don’t think this is true because my current friend group is constantly icing me out until i figure out what ive done to upset them and properly apologized without being told” hey thats not good. they should not be doing that

if the peacefulness of your relationship with someone (familial, romantic, friendly, anything) can be destroyed by effective communication/asking them for effective communication, you have got to get out of there. if you can’t get out of there, you’ve got to throw away any ideas about what that person thinks of you because they have their own shit to figure out before they can accurately read anyone else

[fulgrims-big-naturals]

The shortest most basic form of the lesson here is just: don’t be mad at yourself on someone else’s behalf. It’s a waste of your time. If they wanna be mad they can do it themselves.

[crystallizedtwilight]

People I met for a few moments that live in my head forever.

[biocrafthero]

Babe are you okay? You reblogged crystallizedtwilight’s Strangers that live with me forever. again

[kabaks]

“Loneliness epidemic” this and that. You’re in a machine that produces loneliness brother. What about the loneliness machine

[kabaks]

Not to be like "the orientals don't experience loneliness" because of course we do, and it's not like capitalism doesn't exist here, we're speedrunning it even and it's shit to be sure. But every time I come back home and spend enough time here to readjust I'm struck by how hostile north america is wrt sociality in many little ways. The built environment, the valorization of car travel at the expense of public transport, the sterilizing regulations around what you can and cannot do in public spaces (& the apparent pleasure regular people get out of strictly policing these spaces), the massive "convenience" industry built on the idea that you never have to leave your house if you have enough money to pay to exploit the underclass, the "work from home" white collar fantasies, the "I never want to talk to my uber driver, five stars if you don't say a word" shit, everyone and their mothers on their little "mental health" walks with their noise cancelling headphones, not to mention the circle jerk self therapy talk that sells people the fiction that you can "fix yourself" in total isolation, the paywalling of friendships, people referring to their therapists as their friends..I feel like it all adds up. The loneliness is not a bug it's a feature. Is it any surprise then that tourists from such places holiday "over here" and can't stop going on about how "lively" and "chaotic" cities are in a way that's almost fetishizing normal ass human behaviour and the friction that exists as a basic part of life

[the-nerdy-autist]

Neurodivergent people exist. Some of us need noise cancelling headphones. Smoking in public is rude and can trigger people's asthma. Cope.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

[thatsashitplan]

the one thing that gets me about father jud in knives out: wake up dead man is that he isn’t just devoted to God, he is devoted to people. he calls prayer groups for the parishioners so that he can personally assist them without wicks feeding their negative feelings and keeping them down. he hides the flask in the storage closet so nobody can shame monsignor wicks for his drinking. he doesn’t pass judgments about them even after they’ve accused him of literal murder. even though he is initially annoyed by louise’s chatter over the phone, he instantly puts his impatience on hold (while he’s solving a murder that directly involves him, mind you) to listen to her and to pray for her. he has empathy for grace, a woman who died long ago who he knows only through negative gossip from other’s mouths. he listened without judgment to martha’s final confession and holds her while she dies. his line on the board outside of the church says “anyone is welcome”. father jud is a true example of how a priest should behave; he performs his duties for God, the church, and people, even those outside of his flock.

[cherryysocks]

...forgive me, Grace.

[baddadjokez]

We have two unwritten rules here:

1.

2.

[byjove]

Controversial but I truly think it’s bizarre when a pastor starts dating a member of their congregation. Even outside of relationships where it is very obviously grooming, like the youth pastor dating a congregant 2 weeks after she turns 18. It’s just a power dynamic thing, like a boss dating an employee. A religious leader is an authority figure, churches are often the center of a person’s community and social life. It’s different if they start dating someone who then decides to start attending their church but it always raises my hackles.

[what-even-is-thiss]

When I criticize jk Rowling do not assume I always hated Harry Potter. I knitted hogwarts house scarves. I got my first binder to dress as Draco Malfoy for Halloween. I reread the books multiple times. I read probably every pottermore article there was at the time.

I’m not here to validate your smug feelings about not liking a children’s book series 20 years ago. I’m here to discourage others from spending money on it and to give myself and others words and space to work through some feelings. I’m a trans person that made Harry Potter one of my cornerstone interests. One of my favorite things. I’m not some cis person doing cope.

Harry Potter was a big thing. Like. Big in a way that’s difficult to fully understand. It still is. If you were caught up in it during your formative years it’s normal to need to process all of the horrid things now associated with it.

Having to burn down the house you grew up in is going to be hard even if it turns out that the house was always rotten from the inside out. Even if it turns out that the foundation was made of straw. But the destruction and deconstruction must happen if one hopes to move on and move forward. That’s why I talk about it at all.

[istgidek1234]

I just finished watching Wake Up Dead Man yesterday with my dad, and what really stuck with me after I slept on it was the new Cross that Jud carves at the end.

This man never met Grace.

For all we know, there are no pictures for him to look at, to even see this woman who has been crucified as "harlot whore" by this Church.

But at the end, when he carves a cross to replace the cross she tore down, the figure he carves is so ambiguous.

It is both Christ and Grace all at once.

It is the figure who Jud looks up to, who was crucified.

But it is also the young woman who just wanted to leave, who was stuck with the people who shamed her every day, who lost the only option she had to leave. She was crucified for her choices.

And I find that so beautiful, because Jud is putting her up there, keeping her memory alive, not as harlot whore. But as that poor girl who suffered, just like Christ did.

[bakwaaas]

the true elation and dopamine hit I get when I have a friendly random conversation with a stranger in public needs to be studied

[bakwaaas]

no this is exactly it

[anniespositivity]

If you are currently going through a difficult time, I want you to know that it is ok if you are not functioning as usual. It is ok if you are not doing it all. Please do not be so hard on yourself, my love. You are fighting. You are surviving. And that is enough. If you do not have the strength to clean your whole place, it is ok to pick out one single thing like changing your pillow case or taking out the bin. If you have no energy to cook a full on meal, it is ok if you just eat something, anything. It does not even have to be healthy. Right now it is all about the baby steps. And it is absolutely ok if life feels hard right now - just remember that you are allowed to do things differently in this situation. Be gentle with yourself.

[chanelle-lize]

Aabria Iyengar isn’t a paragon and everybody needs to stop treating her like one.

World-class performer and storyteller she may be, but paragon she is not.

Aabria Iyengar is a trailblazer.

Aabria’s stated mission is to “be everywhere” so Black people can see ourselves represented in TTRPG and actual play spaces. Every time she kicks a door down, she does so knowing she has also made a way for other Black people as well. Where she goes, she expects others to follow.

To rave that she has no equal is to suggest that no other Black person is or ever will be good enough to follow in her footsteps.

To laud her as unparalleled is to block every Aabria-shaped hole in every door she’s ever busted through by hanging a "Must Be This Talented to Enter" sign above each and every single one of them.

To place her upon the pedestal of Black exceptionalism is to assert that the only reason she has been capable of breaking down door after door after door is because she is somehow different or better than the rest of us.

This counterfactual anti-Black sentiment is so insidious that it is even believed by aspiring Black performers who then repeat it while speaking deprecatingly of themselves and their own capacity to grow as artists, effectively countermanding the clarion call Aabria Iyengar’s intentional representation could have been were it not for the self-fulfilling prophecy that they will never be good enough clouding their minds.

Fuck. 👏🏾

That. 👏🏾

Noise. 👏🏾

You might ask me, will writing a long Tumblr post actually stop any of this from continuing to happen?

Of course not.

Will reading it make you more likely to notice when it does?