elliott my beloved

she/her, i’ve only played stardew valley for a few months and i’m already addicted. i post random pokémon stuff on @chocolatemoonlight

[oreostarlight]

Farmer: Emily, how do I get revenge on the people who have wronged me?

Emily: The best revenge is letting go and living well!

Farmer:

Farmer: Haley, how do I—

[oreostarlight]

Emily: Oh, fiddlesticks! This really ruffles my feathers!

Shane: [trembling] Please, just say fuck.

[oreostarlight]

Sebastian: [to someone else] Yeah, I’m just not that big of a fan of physical touch.

Farmer: [practically tackling Sebastian from behind in a bear hug] SEBASTIAN! I missed you! The past two hours have been the longest two hours of my life!

Sebastian:

Sebastian: [slowly wrapping his arms around Farmer] This doesn’t count.

[oreostarlight]

Alex: Two bros, chillin’ in a hot tub, five feet apart ‘cause we’re not gay!

Farmer:

Farmer: We’ve been married for five years—

[oreostarlight]

Penny: Farmer, your turn! Two truths and one lie!

Farmer: Okay, so… My favorite color is red, I’m right-handed…

Farmer: And I explored all 120 floors of the mines and donated all my valuable artifacts to Gunther so he would give me a rusty key, letting me go down to the sewers and meet a friendly shadow guy, who I’m now letting live in my house to protect him from the dwarf assassins.

Penny: Oh, Farmer, as entertaining as that story was, I think you should make the lie a bit less obvious-

Sam: They’re left-handed.

Penny:

Sam:

Farmer:

Penny: YOU WHAT

[the-haiku-bot]

Farmer: Okay, so…

My favorite color is

red, I’m right-handed…

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[oreostarlight]

you’re doing great haiku bot❤️

[oreostarlight]

Alex: Bro—

Farmer: Wait, hold on, pause. Your tongue was just down my throat and you’re calling me “bro”?

[oreostarlight]

Clint: [trying to flirt] So… how’s the most beautiful person in the world doing?

Emily: Farmer is doing great, thanks for asking!

[oreostarlight]

Farmer: [five minutes after meeting Shane] Do not fall in love with the spiteful, antisocial disaster. Do not fall in love with the spiteful, antisocial disaster. Do n

Farmer: [laying awake in bed at 2 AM] shit

[oreostarlight]

Sam: [calling Farmer] Hey, Sebastian, do you think Farmer knows I like them?

Farmer: Wait, what?!

Sam: Oh, wrong number!

Farmer: No, wai-

Sam: [hangs up and calls Sebastian]

Sam: Hey, Sebastian, do you think Farmer-

[oreostarlight]

Farmer: Elliott! Did it hurt when you fell?

Elliott: In love with you? ;)

Farmer: … I love you, Elliott, I do. So much. BUT YOU JUST FELL DOWN A WHOLE FLIGHT OF STAIRS

[oreostarlight]

Sam: [putting his feet on the table] So, I heard you like bad boys?

Farmer: …No?

Sam: [putting his feet back down] Oh, good, that felt terrible.

[oreostarlight]

Alex: Farmer, are you ok?

Farmer: [crying] Yeah, it’s just these onions.

Alex: [to the onions] What the hell did you say to them—

[oreostarlight]

Sam: [does something dumb]

Sebastian: [leaning over to Farmer and whispering] Are you sure you want that one? We can get you another one if you want-

Farmer: [already in love] No! No, I want that one.

[oreostarlight]

Penny: I’ve just ordered my new dress!

Farmer: Great! While you were doing that, I was checking up on the ring bear!

Penny: You meant to say “ring bearer,” right?

Farmer:

Penny: Farmer. Look me in the eyes and tell me you aren’t bringing a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

[oreostarlight]

Harvey: Farmer, no! You’ll get hurt!

Farmer: [standing on a rooftop on Sam’s skateboard] I have traversed the deepest, most deadly caverns with nothing but a pickaxe and a rusted blade, destroyed godlike threats with only a slingshot, I don’t fear death anymore!

Harvey: FARMER, GET OFF THE DAMN ROOF!

Farmer: OH, I WILL!

[oreostarlight]

Lewis: I stopped you because you were trying to fit three people on a motorcycle!

Abigail, Sebastian, and Farmer: Wait, three?!

Lewis: Yes, you three are in big trou-

Farmer: SAM FELL OFF?!

[oreostarlight]

Elliott: [turning around in a swivel chair in a dimly lit room] I’ve been expecting you.

Farmer: You practiced that, didn’t you?

Elliott: I did! Thank you for noticing.