Saving The World One Sarcastic Comment At A Time @slash-xx - Tumblr Blog

sarahseeandersen

playmobilcha

chrismogaku

MOTHERFUCKERS COULDN’T GET ON WONDER WOMEN’S LEVEL

stupid-faces

deceptivelips

(18+)

shesdyingyetshesmiles

theofficeedit

99-cent-arizona-tea

I’m Kelly.

fiti-vation

Binging on nurse humor pages to cheer myself up

ourloveandtrials

Please and thank you….

copingnurse-deactivated20240217

The living will a nurse...

Dear Colleagues,

If there is a situation when I end up admitted here, this is what I ask….

1. Please make sure (unit creeper) is not in the room when you put my foley in.

2. Never let (list of unit dumb-asses) be my nurse.

3. I’m sorry for my mother.

4. and my sister.

5. I want to remember none of my stay. Sedate me to the gods.

6. I swear to God, if you motherfuckers give me c.diff, you’re dead to me.

7. Yes, I want a warm blanket.

8. Also don’t let (nurse-frenenemy) be my nurse, she will def. try to kill me.

9. Please do not turn me every 2 hours. That shit’s annoying.

10. If my “story of how I got injured” is embarrassing or humiliating, y’all better fucking lie.

supersnarkyicurn

11. Remember the list of Physicians who aren’t allowed to care for me.

12. Do not let them trach me.

copingnurse-deactivated20240217

OMG. YES on that trach one. I would probs go from a GCS of 3 to a 15 if I saw them about to slash my throat.

I keep thinking of more

13. The “up the butt” route for any medication is a hard no.

14. Do not put me in bed 2, it’s cursed. We all know it.

wibblywobblynurseywursey-blog

When the nurse I’m giving report to huffs, puffs, and gives me attitude the whole time because she got a bad assignment (an assignment I have absolutely no control over), and flips her shit on me because ONE thing didn’t get done.

hostileshrubbery

War Stories

Occasionally I talk to normal people. Meaning people outside of the world of medicine. And they invariably say something like “I bet you’ve got some interesting stories” or “I’m sure you’ve seen some interesting things” (or “Is it really like House/Grey’s Anatomy/Scrubs/whatever”).

But I don’t like this question because I don’t know how to answer. I feel like they are asking to hear about some crazy medical experience. And I’ve got plenty…

–The former CIA agent who served during the Cold War and was admitted with urosepsis. He was delirious. He refused to talk with the entire medical team except for me (as a 3rd year student) because he thought they were commie spies. He pulled his NG tube and hid it in the tissue box, hoping to smuggle it out as evidence of illegal Soviet interrogation techniques.

–The old guy who went into vtach because he was playing with his junk.

–The patient dying in the ICU after infarcting all his organs with septic emboli from endocarditis due to IV drug use. His twin 9 year old boys watching him die. And the family member found using cocaine in the room.

–The guy who lives in his car with the 6000 catheters the VA accidentally ordered for him.

And many many more which make good tumblr-fodder…

But here’s the rub. When you ask a medical professional for a story don’t expect to hear the stories that really touch us. The ones that really matter: The old lady who’s broken and failed body continues to be tormented just a little longer at the insistence of family members that just don’t understand. The 41 year old woman desperate to be a mother who goes bankrupt with IVF, and presents with a second trimester miscarriage. The 8 year old kid who survives three codes in a day, but not the fourth. The first time you do harm. That time you get the phone call instead of making it.

These stories we hoard. We hold them close. They make us question. They make us feel things we often cover with sarcasm, cynicism, and dark humor. (Though sometimes we share them anonymously on the internet to help us cope.)

When you ask a medical professional for a story just to be entertained, well, ok I guess we’re usually happy to oblige. But of one thing you can be sure: the story you hear sure as hell won’t be one that matters.

*** i wrote this several months ago, and it’s been sitting in my drafts because i wasn’t sure about posting it. but today i’m feeling pensive, so i guess now’s the time.

cranquis

Thank God for the internet and anonymity – because otherwise I would never be comfortable sharing the dark and disturbing and unresolved stories (my own and others’) that creep along the edges of every healthcare professional’s existence.

chiefcomplaint

This.

sarcasticbabywhispererjess

Watching any bedside procedure that’s normally done in the OR...

wayfaringmd

What What.

Intern: *checks patient’s cervix* I think she’s about 2 cm.

Attending: *checks behind* Well she’s closer to 3-4.

*Later*

Patient to nurse: were both of those doctors supposed to be checking the same thing?

Nurse: Yeah, they both checked your cervix.

Patient: yeaaahhh…well the first one was definitely in my butt.

mother-trillest-deactivated2019

Omg

justsmile-and-nod-rn

Trauma Surgeons

Me: Always bring your stethoscope to a trauma. *grabs stethoscope* Preceptee: Sure.

a few trauma activations later…

Me: So what do you think? Preceptee: The surgeon just says “scissors” or “stethoscope” and puts their hand out expecting it. Me: Yea Preceptee: And none of them had stethoscopes! Me: Nope. Never.