recently I've been seeing a lottt of quaritch edits and reading a lot of his ffs and can I just say....hes growing on me and I HATE it so much!!! like getoutofmyhead PLEASE.
Summary: The secrecy of their relationship and the weight of his duties finally cause Ao’nung to break.
Warnings: Angst, mentions of homophobia, character death.
w/c: 2,866
a/n:Ohhhhhh my god writing/finishing this has been on my mind for a hot minute, ever since I watched Brokeback mountain for the first time and like?!?!?!? my poor ennis>.< Honestly it made me think of these two even though I honestly never really put much thought, don't know if it's the right word, but I never really put much thought nor paid attention into their ship until now:3 ONE more thing, I don't necessarily think the na'vi would be homophobic per se, I just think it's something they've never seen before so it'd be new/foreign to them?? since I've never seen any wlw or mlm couples in the movies, IDK but I wanted to write it so id did and this is my longest one yet and im kinda proud of it and ok im gonna stop rambling, enjoy!!!
It was quiet, almost too quiet.Â
There were no birds squawking in the skies overhead, no children laughing or playing near the shore, no villagers casting their nets into the sea in hopes of catching a few fish—even the ocean was quiet, the waves silently rolling against the sandy shore before retreating back.Â
Ao’nung stood near the edge of the ocean. The slight scent of salt filled his senses and flooded his lungs, the water gently lapped against his feet. He watched the sun dip lower and lower before slipping beneath the horizon, standing in silence, enjoying the warm breeze blowing through his hair and the cool water licking his skin. He enjoyed the calmness from the sea, a striking contrast to the storm he felt thundering inside.
Awa’atlu stretched behind him, his head turning as he allowed his eyes to roam over all the mauri pods scattered across the shore. He could feel pride swelling in his chest. All the people who inhabited them, will one day look up to him. All of those families who will trust him to protect them and make the right decisions to do so. How everyone would be counting on him. The thought clouded his mind, not because he was afraid of being Olo’eyktan, no.Â
It was the tiny feeling of shame, guilt and fear that crept up his spine in the late hours of the night. A constant reminder of the possibility of disappointing everyone who believes in him with who he really is, the things he's been doing, and a certain person he’s been seeing.
“You’ve been ignoring me.” A deep voice cut through the silence. Ao’nung’s ears quickly flicker towards the familiar voice, his shoulders tensing before he forces them to relax. The crunch of hurried, angry footsteps grew louder against his ears until he heard them stop a few feet away from him. He didn’t bother to turn around, he already knew who it was.
Ao’nung sucked in a sharp breath, his mind trying to come up with an excuse. “I’ve been busy.” A lie, and they both knew such. “Busy?” Neteyam scoffed, obviously frustrated with the poor excuse he’s met with. His tail lashed in agitation, brows furrowing in anger at the clipped tone of Ao’nung’s voice. “Busy for nearly two weeks now?”
Ao’nung said nothing, instead choosing to turn his head the other way to avoid having to look at the male. The same way he’s been avoiding him the past two weeks. Avoiding meals with their families, any training sessions they may have had together, any paths he might take, and the secret cove where they’d spend time together. He’s been avoiding all of it, almost as if it’d erase every moment they’ve spent together.Â
But if anything, it’d only made things harder.
 He took a deep breath, his chest slowly rising and falling before he turned on his heel. “I’m not doing this with you.” He mumbled under his breath, hoping that he could just walk away now and things will be over and done with. How foolish of him to believe he’d let him walk away after two weeks apart. He barely managed to take a full step before Neteyam’s hand shot out, gripping his shoulder and pulling him back. “No—no!” His grip tightened as he spun the male around to face him. “You don’t get to do this…You don’t get to walk away.”Â
Ao’nung felt his jaw clench at the slight crack in Neteyam’s voice, his eyes immediately darting towards the warm hand planted firmly on his shoulder, the familiar warmth causing his body to shudder. His eyes slowly trail from his hand, down his arm until finally drifting up to his face, his eyes meeting Neteyam's. He observed his face, eyes widening a small fraction in suprise at how much he managed to change in barely two weeks.Â
His eyes had dark circles resting beneath them, his cheeks slightly sunken in, face visibly skinnier almost as if he hadn't eaten. Ao’nung sucked in a sharp breath at the visible exhaustion on Neteyam’s features. Oh how so badly he wanted to embrace him, to lean into his touch and apologize for his actions, to go back to how things were. Instead he smacked his lips, shrugging Neteyam’s hand off of his shoulder as he backed away.Â
“Why did you come looking for me?” His voice came out cold, arms crossing over his chest as he backed up more in an attempt to put distance between the two of them. “You know why?” Neteyam’s hand fell back to his side, his tail lightly wrapping around his thigh in comfort. “I haven’t seen you…you haven’t been to the cove.” Ao’nung’s heart clenched at the mention of their hiding place. His mind reeling back towards all the moments they’ve shared there.Â
Limbs tangled with one another as they laid beneath the stars, swims underneath the moonlight, conversations that lasted from sunlight to sunset, all the hushed whispers and promises of their future together. The cove was a capsule full of memories, their memories and Ao’nung knew he couldn’t go back, couldn’t bear the weight of being there when he knew it’d eventually all come to an end. He couldn't keep pretending that they actually had a future, he couldn’t keep lying to himself.  Â
“Neteyam we—” His hand gestured weakly between the two of them, “We can't keep doing this.”
The words stung against his lips. Eywa knew he didn’t want to stop, but he didn't also know how they could possibly keep going. “And why not?” Neteyam hissed out, his fist clenching in frustration, nails digging harshly into his palm.Â
“I’m going to be Olo’eyktan someday.” The words came out quieter than either of them expected. The words once spoken with pride and cockiness, now came out small and weak, almost as if it’s a death sentence rather than something to be celebrated.
"I know that.” Neteyam’s voice softened, his heart twisting at the distant look that clouded Ao’nung’s eyes, the sadness swirling within his light blue irises. “The clan—these people,” His eyes drift from Neteyam towards the village that stretched across the shoreline. The sun beyond the horizon casted the marui pods in a golden light, the village covered in various shades of yellows and oranges. Children’s laughter rang in the air as they ran around care free. A few elders outside of their homes, weaving baskets, tops and even bracelets that they may trade next time the Tlalim ships visit. Hunters finally returned home with their catches for the day, ready to wind down with their families.
This was his home, his people.Â
“They’re going to depend on me to lead them.” He swallowed the tightness in his throat, “To protect them when things get tough,” Ao’nung let out a slow, shaky breath. “My father spent my whole life making sure I’m ready when the time comes.”Â
Neteyam felt his anger slowly dissipate, though the frustration never quite left him. “And? What does that have to do with us?”Â
“Neteyam,” Ao’nung spoke sharply, his head quickly turning towards the male. “They have expectations for me…they expect me to have someone—” His voice caught before he forced himself to continue. “No,” he shook his head. “Not someone, a woman, to lead with me.” Ao’nung felt his stomach churn with a sinking feeling. Guilt? Longing? Shame? Maybe it was a mixture of all three. “And you’re…” He felt his words falter, throat feeling impossible tight as he watched the look of realization settled on Neteyam’s face. “And you’re not a woman.” The words tasted bitter the moment they left his mouth.
Neteyam let out a dry, humorless laugh, the small beads woven into his braids clinking softly at the small shake of his head. “So that’s what this is about?” he murmured, tone laced with disbelief. “Neteyam…”Â
“I can help you! We can do this together!” Neteyam stepped closer, his tone gentle despite the shakiness of it. Ao'nung swallowed harshly, his eyes closing as he tried his best to calm himself. He thought of his words, imagining the life they once whispered about, the two of them standing beside each other, leading the clan. A life without fear, without shame. “No, no we can’t!” He shook his head frantically, forcing away the foolish thoughts before they had time to root themselves into his brain.Â
“I can help,” Neteyam repeated, his voice soft as he reached out towards Ao’nung, “I can lead with you.” He spoke, almost pleadingly—urging for Ao’nung to even consider the idea.
Ao’nung roughly smacked Neteyam’s hand away, the sharp sound echoing between the two of them. He instantly regretted it, breath hitching as he watched Neteyam wince at the stinging pain, but instead of focusing on such, he zeroed in on his anger. It was a lot easier than allowing himself to falter and allowing whatever they had going on to continue, especially when he knew it’ll all inevitably end.Â
 “Yeah?”  Ao’nung grunted, his eyes narrowing at the male. “And what would the clan think!” Ao’nung barked out, his tail lashing behind him in anger, “What would my parents think?” His voice rose with every word, months of secrecy, guilt and shame came bubbling towards the surface, ready to erupt and spill over. A bitter laugh left his lips as he dragged a trembling hand down his face.
“Two men together?” Ao’nung scoffs, shaking his head at the shameful feeling weighing on his chest. “Unheard of—my father would kill me, the clan will shun me!” His ears instinctively flattened at the mere thought.
“You don’t know that!” Neteyam threw his hands up in frustration, his tail whipping widely behind him as his patience began to wear thin. “You’re deciding their reaction before it's even happened!” Neteyam gritted his teeth, his hands coming up to tug at his braids, struggling to keep his composure under the weight of Ao’nung’s words.Â
“They’d be happy that you’re happy.” Neteyam tried to reason, trying his best to look towards the brighter side. The clan? His parents? Happy about him mating with another male? Oh how Ao’nung wished that would be true. “And if not…” He trailed off, his eyes locking onto Ao’nung, a small glint of hope flickering behind his golden eyes. “We can leave.”
Ao’nung stared at Neteyam, really stared, marveling at how hopeful he could be, even when crushed with the weight of the world's expectations. And for the briefest of moments, he imagined it. He imagined a life far away from home, having the gift of waking up next to him, sharing laughter and midnight swims beneath the moon, just as they did hidden in the cove, only this time they wouldn’t have to hide.Â
It only lasted a small moment before being snuffed out, his mind reminding him on why this conversation was happening in the first place. Ao’nung laughed quietly, his lips quirking in a disbelieving smile. “Leave? Leave Awa’atlu?”Â
“Yes.”Â
“You are insane.” Ao’nung mumbled underneath his breath, heaving a deep sigh for what felt like the hundredth time that day. “I am to be Olo’eyktan…I have responsibilities.” His voice barely rose above a whisper, nearly drowned out from the rough crashing of the waves. “I can’t just leave.”Â
“And I am the son of Toruk Makto, the mighty warrior who led the clans to victory against the sky people.” The male shrugged, almost as though the title held no actual weight, as if it meant nothing. “Exactly!” Ao’nung huffed out, irritation burning hot in his veins. “Do you not understand the words that are leaving your mouth?” Neteyam fell silent, watching as he pointed a shaky finger towards him before roughly jabbing him in the chest.Â
“They look at you and they see the perfect son…an upcoming mighty warrior and no doubt you were to be the future Olo’eyktan back home!” Ao’nung’s voice rose, his chest rising and rapidly falling as he heaved violently. “You’re entrusted with the future of your family…The same way I’m going to be entrusted with the future of this clan.” His gaze fell to the sand, the water gently rising up and washing over his feet before retreating back into the sea. “I can’t fail them before I even get the chance to start.” He shook his head, feeling his eyes well with tears before forcefully blinking them back.Â
A thick silence settled between the two of them, hanging heavy in the air as neither could gather the courage to speak. Somewhere in the distance, children laughed wildly as they chased each other up and down the shore, his ears flicking toward the joyful sound. His chest burned with envy at how easily they laughed and played, clueless to the cruelty they’re unknowingly subjecting him to, how much he’s sacrificing to become their protector. His eyes darted towards them before going back to Neteyam.Â
“If they found out…” he whispered, lowering his voice despite there not being any listening ears near “…I would shame my parents, and you would shame yours.” Neteyam’s face crumpled, his eyes narrowing, not with anger, but with hurt. It felt like a spear was plunged through Ao’nung’s heart as he watched his face fall.
“I don’t care.”
“I do.” His words came quickly, because if he hesitated for even the slightest second, he's afraid he’d never have the strength to put an end to this. “We could have a life together—a real good life!” Neteyam’s voice shouted hoarsely, tears beginning to line his eyes at the scowl on Ao’nung’s face.Â
“A life living in shame?” Ao’nung shouted back, his hand coming up to clutch at his chest. “Running away from duty and watching our families bear the weight of our choices?” The question hung heavy between the two of them, one neither of them are able to answer. Ao’nung forced himself to meet Neteyam’s eyes. “It’s impossible, our relationship is impossible.” The words stung as they left Ao’nung’s lips, his voice cracking as he felt his own tears come forth once more.Â
Neteyam searched his face with desperation, waiting for him to take it back, praying for any sign that this may be some sick cruel joke. That every moment they spent in that cove meant something, that their relationship was actually worth fighting for. There wasn’t one. Â
“So…” Neteyam said quietly, his voice breaking as he felt the first tear begin to slide down his cheek. “…that’s it?” Ao’nung’s chest tightened so painfully he thought it might split open.“…Yeah.” Ao’nung replied, the word was barely audible.
“You’re just giving up on us? All those times we spent together…” Neteyam choked out, lip wobbling despite his best efforts to keep it still. “our nights at the cove, did that really mean nothing to you?” Ao’nung shut his eyes, the look on Neteyam’s face was painful to look at. He could still remember all those nights they spent together, intertwined with one another. All the stolen kisses that were given between hushed whispers. But he also thought of the secrecy. Constantly making excuses to friends and family about his whereabouts, lie after lie on why he hasn’t found a mate yet. He couldn't do it anymore, he can’t hide anymore.Â
 “There is no us, never was.” The lie tumbled painfully past his lips, trying his best to convince himself that they were true even if he knew deep down in his heart they weren't. Neteyam nodded once, a bitter laugh leaving his lips as he finally felt the rest of his tears slide down his cheeks. "I hope you’re proud of yourself.” A broken sob left Neteyam’s lips, his body quickly turning in an attempt to hide his sorrow. “I hope…” He choked out as he felt himself about to break down. “I hope giving up on us is worth it.” He managed to spit out before quickly walking away, his hands roughly wiping the tears running down his cheeks.Â
Ao’nung almost called after him, his arm hovering ever so slightly almost like he wanted to pull him back, his mouth opening before he quickly shut it. He so desperately wanted to take back what he said, telling him that the moments they shared meant everything to him. That he desperately wanted to build a life with him, that his duty would never come before their relationship. But the words never came.Â
Instead his arm fell limply at his side, watching silently as Neteyam's retreating figure moved farther and farther away from him. His nails dug painfully in his palm, nearly drawing blood, before he forced himself his turn and walked the other way. He only managed to take a few steps before collapsing against the sand, his own tears clouding his vision before finally falling freely. His chest heaved wildly, loud gasps falling from his lips as his body wracked with sobs. Eywa it hurts. He could feel his heart physically breaking as he allowed the one person he truly loved to just walk away.Â
And oh how he regretted it so, especially when the next time he saw Neteyam, was with lifeless eyes and that angry shade of crimson staining his beautiful blue skin.
summary: Live, laugh, love Neteyam is Aonung's motto, too bad you're his wife and you gotta deal with it.
warnings: none<3 (or so I think)
a/n: Had to pick up a pen and a notebook to write this because my phone won’t charge one rainy night. Apologies for errors I barely understand the English language lol.
wc: 638
"He leads well" you confided to Tsireya.
"Well, I guess father and mother did a great job on him if you think so." replying giggly with the thought of her parent's struggle on shaping Ao'nung into a perfect man.
He stands tall within the crowd, his presence undeniable—a sharp look with a broad stance. But beyond the weight burdened to a man, there lies a longing of something he wishes he still has. It could be his mother, long gone deceased by the war. Or perhaps his closest friend, Rotxo. But at times when he is overwhelmed with responsibilities and expectation, there's that one he seeks without question.
"I heard you were looking for the Olo'eyktan, he is at the spirit tree." a warrior informed as you wandered around the village looking for him.
Ao'nung missing in action before a big hunt or a raid on RDA ships is a routine you weren't oblivious of, as his mate you practically memorized his time table when he visits the Spirit Tree.
Three minutes for his mom—just because that's the longest he can do without breaking down. Five minutes with Rotxo as they swim with llus riding off into the sunset.
And a volatile amount of time with his mighty warrior, Neteyam.
You often believe it depends on the risk of their next trip, carefully watching from the surface waiting on him by the rocks making sure he doesn't confuse reality to a tsaheylu's power as he comes back up—and that, that is the way of love you settled with for him. Ao’nung never rejected the idea of finding one's mate and creating a family together to raise a new generation. You on the other hand, follow traditions and the belief that this is the will of Eywa—to be tied down peacefully and respectfully meet each others needs, even though it seems that every worry your mate has in his mind, it is the spirit a dead man he seeks.
"We all have that one person we loved so dearly we cant let them go easily, don't we?"
A question that lingered in your mind whenever you see him taking his time as his queue connected to the branches of the tree, or perhaps a question that you'd rhetorically throw at anyone who dares questioned your relationship.
Ao'nung provides and cares deeply for you, willingly starting a family and eagerly courts you until the right opportunity came. But at nights when the two of you lay on your shared hammock and he puts his arm around as you rest your head on his chest, you couldn't help but wonder if he ever imagined—wished even—it was Neteyam instead, lying down at the shore hearing the waves graze upon each other as they looked at constellations and talked about the time they'd go on little trips across the islands together.
You'd be snapped from that thought as Ao'nung slowly rests his weight on you after spending long hours on Olo'eyktan duties in the village, It didn't took you long to realize you weren't mad or sad about it. Instead, pity for him would crash over you with the fact that Eywa let him meet someone he was able to have but also take him away because of the blood that flows through him.
"I couldn't be happier with you here for me, that is enough." Ao'nung would whisper, like a mind reader when he notices your eyes reflecting the twinkling of the stars in the dark as beads of tears forms.
And so you close your eyes like you do every night since you understood the situation you were getting yourself into.
You're chosen because you're there at times when his grief overpowered his life, and what better way of repaying your loyalty than taking you as his mate for life.
Summary: The secrecy of their relationship and the weight of his duties finally cause Ao’nung to break.
Warnings: Angst, implied homophobia, character death.
w/c: 2,866
a/n:Ohhhhhh my god writing/finishing this has been on my mind for a hot minute, ever since I watched Brokeback mountain for the first time and like?!?!?!? my poor ennis>.< Honestly it made me think of these two even though I honestly never really put much thought, don't know if it's the right word, but I never really put much thought nor paid attention into their ship until now:3 ONE more thing, I don't necessarily think the na'vi would be homophobic per se, I just think it's something they've never seen before so it'd be new/foreign to them?? since I've never seen any wlw or mlm couples in the movies, IDK but I wanted to write it so id did and this is my longest one yet and im kinda proud of it and ok im gonna stop rambling, enjoy!!!
It was quiet, almost too quiet.Â
There were no birds squawking in the skies overhead, no children laughing or playing near the shore, no villagers casting their nets into the sea in hopes of catching a few fish—even the ocean was quiet, the waves silently rolling against the sandy shore before retreating back.Â
Ao’nung stood near the edge of the ocean. The slight scent of salt filled his senses and flooded his lungs, the water gently lapped against his feet. He watched the sun dip lower and lower before slipping beneath the horizon, standing in silence, enjoying the warm breeze blowing through his hair and the cool water licking his skin. He enjoyed the calmness from the sea, a striking contrast to the storm he felt thundering inside.
Awa’atlu stretched behind him, his head turning as he allowed his eyes to roam over all the mauri pods scattered across the shore. He could feel pride swelling in his chest. All the people who inhabited them, will one day look up to him. All of those families who will trust him to protect them and make the right decisions to do so. How everyone would be counting on him. The thought clouded his mind, not because he was afraid of being Olo’eyktan, no.Â
It was the tiny feeling of shame, guilt and fear that crept up his spine in the late hours of the night. A constant reminder of the possibility of disappointing everyone who believes in him with who he really is, the things he's been doing, and a certain person he’s been seeing.
“You’ve been ignoring me.” A deep voice cut through the silence. Ao’nung’s ears quickly flicker towards the familiar voice, his shoulders tensing before he forces them to relax. The crunch of hurried, angry footsteps grew louder against his ears until he heard them stop a few feet away from him. He didn’t bother to turn around, he already knew who it was.
Ao’nung sucked in a sharp breath, his mind trying to come up with an excuse. “I’ve been busy.” A lie, and they both knew such. “Busy?” Neteyam scoffed, obviously frustrated with the poor excuse he’s met with. His tail lashed in agitation, brows furrowing in anger at the clipped tone of Ao’nung’s voice. “Busy for nearly two weeks now?”
Ao’nung said nothing, instead choosing to turn his head the other way to avoid having to look at the male. The same way he’s been avoiding him the past two weeks. Avoiding meals with their families, any training sessions they may have had together, any paths he might take, and the secret cove where they’d spend time together. He’s been avoiding all of it, almost as if it’d erase every moment they’ve spent together.Â
But if anything, it’d only made things harder.
 He took a deep breath, his chest slowly rising and falling before he turned on his heel. “I’m not doing this with you.” He mumbled under his breath, hoping that he could just walk away now and things will be over and done with. How foolish of him to believe he’d let him walk away after two weeks apart. He barely managed to take a full step before Neteyam’s hand shot out, gripping his shoulder and pulling him back. “No—no!” His grip tightened as he spun the male around to face him. “You don’t get to do this…You don’t get to walk away.”Â
Ao’nung felt his jaw clench at the slight crack in Neteyam’s voice, his eyes immediately darting towards the warm hand planted firmly on his shoulder, the familiar warmth causing his body to shudder. His eyes slowly trail from his hand, down his arm until finally drifting up to his face, his eyes meeting Neteyam's. He observed his face, eyes widening a small fraction in suprise at how much he managed to change in barely two weeks.Â
His eyes had dark circles resting beneath them, his cheeks slightly sunken in, face visibly skinnier almost as if he hadn't eaten. Ao’nung sucked in a sharp breath at the visible exhaustion on Neteyam’s features. Oh how so badly he wanted to embrace him, to lean into his touch and apologize for his actions, to go back to how things were. Instead he smacked his lips, shrugging Neteyam’s hand off of his shoulder as he backed away.Â
“Why did you come looking for me?” His voice came out cold, arms crossing over his chest as he backed up more in an attempt to put distance between the two of them. “You know why?” Neteyam’s hand fell back to his side, his tail lightly wrapping around his thigh in comfort. “I haven’t seen you…you haven’t been to the cove.” Ao’nung’s heart clenched at the mention of their hiding place. His mind reeling back towards all the moments they’ve shared there.Â
Limbs tangled with one another as they laid beneath the stars, swims underneath the moonlight, conversations that lasted from sunlight to sunset, all the hushed whispers and promises of their future together. The cove was a capsule full of memories, their memories and Ao’nung knew he couldn’t go back, couldn’t bear the weight of being there when he knew it’d eventually all come to an end. He couldn't keep pretending that they actually had a future, he couldn’t keep lying to himself.  Â
“Neteyam we—” His hand gestured weakly between the two of them, “We can't keep doing this.”
The words stung against his lips. Eywa knew he didn’t want to stop, but he didn't also know how they could possibly keep going. “And why not?” Neteyam hissed out, his fist clenching in frustration, nails digging harshly into his palm.Â
“I’m going to be Olo’eyktan someday.” The words came out quieter than either of them expected. The words once spoken with pride and cockiness, now came out small and weak, almost as if it’s a death sentence rather than something to be celebrated.
"I know that.” Neteyam’s voice softened, his heart twisting at the distant look that clouded Ao’nung’s eyes, the sadness swirling within his light blue irises. “The clan—these people,” His eyes drift from Neteyam towards the village that stretched across the shoreline. The sun beyond the horizon casted the marui pods in a golden light, the village covered in various shades of yellows and oranges. Children’s laughter rang in the air as they ran around care free. A few elders outside of their homes, weaving baskets, tops and even bracelets that they may trade next time the Tlalim ships visit. Hunters finally returned home with their catches for the day, ready to wind down with their families.
This was his home, his people.Â
“They’re going to depend on me to lead them.” He swallowed the tightness in his throat, “To protect them when things get tough,” Ao’nung let out a slow, shaky breath. “My father spent my whole life making sure I’m ready when the time comes.”Â
Neteyam felt his anger slowly dissipate, though the frustration never quite left him. “And? What does that have to do with us?”Â
“Neteyam,” Ao’nung spoke sharply, his head quickly turning towards the male. “They have expectations for me…they expect me to have someone—” His voice caught before he forced himself to continue. “No,” he shook his head. “Not someone, a woman, to lead with me.” Ao’nung felt his stomach churn with a sinking feeling. Guilt? Longing? Shame? Maybe it was a mixture of all three. “And you’re…” He felt his words falter, throat feeling impossible tight as he watched the look of realization settled on Neteyam’s face. “And you’re not a woman.” The words tasted bitter the moment they left his mouth.
Neteyam let out a dry, humorless laugh, the small beads woven into his braids clinking softly at the small shake of his head. “So that’s what this is about?” he murmured, tone laced with disbelief. “Neteyam…”Â
“I can help you! We can do this together!” Neteyam stepped closer, his tone gentle despite the shakiness of it. Ao'nung swallowed harshly, his eyes closing as he tried his best to calm himself. He thought of his words, imagining the life they once whispered about, the two of them standing beside each other, leading the clan. A life without fear, without shame. “No, no we can’t!” He shook his head frantically, forcing away the foolish thoughts before they had time to root themselves into his brain.Â
“I can help,” Neteyam repeated, his voice soft as he reached out towards Ao’nung, “I can lead with you.” He spoke, almost pleadingly—urging for Ao’nung to even consider the idea.
Ao’nung roughly smacked Neteyam’s hand away, the sharp sound echoing between the two of them. He instantly regretted it, breath hitching as he watched Neteyam wince at the stinging pain, but instead of focusing on such, he zeroed in on his anger. It was a lot easier than allowing himself to falter and allowing whatever they had going on to continue, especially when he knew it’ll all inevitably end.Â
 “Yeah?”  Ao’nung grunted, his eyes narrowing at the male. “And what would the clan think!” Ao’nung barked out, his tail lashing behind him in anger, “What would my parents think?” His voice rose with every word, months of secrecy, guilt and shame came bubbling towards the surface, ready to erupt and spill over. A bitter laugh left his lips as he dragged a trembling hand down his face.
“Two men together?” Ao’nung scoffs, shaking his head at the shameful feeling weighing on his chest. “Unheard of—my father would kill me, the clan will shun me!” His ears instinctively flattened at the mere thought.
“You don’t know that!” Neteyam threw his hands up in frustration, his tail whipping widely behind him as his patience began to wear thin. “You’re deciding their reaction before it's even happened!” Neteyam gritted his teeth, his hands coming up to tug at his braids, struggling to keep his composure under the weight of Ao’nung’s words.Â
“They’d be happy that you’re happy.” Neteyam tried to reason, trying his best to look towards the brighter side. The clan? His parents? Happy about him mating with another male? Oh how Ao’nung wished that would be true. “And if not…” He trailed off, his eyes locking onto Ao’nung, a small glint of hope flickering behind his golden eyes. “We can leave.”
Ao’nung stared at Neteyam, really stared, marveling at how hopeful he could be, even when crushed with the weight of the world's expectations. And for the briefest of moments, he imagined it. He imagined a life far away from home, having the gift of waking up next to him, sharing laughter and midnight swims beneath the moon, just as they did hidden in the cove, only this time they wouldn’t have to hide.Â
It only lasted a small moment before being snuffed out, his mind reminding him on why this conversation was happening in the first place. Ao’nung laughed quietly, his lips quirking in a disbelieving smile. “Leave? Leave Awa’atlu?”Â
“Yes.”Â
“You are insane.” Ao’nung mumbled underneath his breath, heaving a deep sigh for what felt like the hundredth time that day. “I am to be Olo’eyktan…I have responsibilities.” His voice barely rose above a whisper, nearly drowned out from the rough crashing of the waves. “I can’t just leave.”Â
“And I am the son of Toruk Makto, the mighty warrior who led the clans to victory against the sky people.” The male shrugged, almost as though the title held no actual weight, as if it meant nothing. “Exactly!” Ao’nung huffed out, irritation burning hot in his veins. “Do you not understand the words that are leaving your mouth?” Neteyam fell silent, watching as he pointed a shaky finger towards him before roughly jabbing him in the chest.Â
“They look at you and they see the perfect son…an upcoming mighty warrior and no doubt you were to be the future Olo’eyktan back home!” Ao’nung’s voice rose, his chest rising and rapidly falling as he heaved violently. “You’re entrusted with the future of your family…The same way I’m going to be entrusted with the future of this clan.” His gaze fell to the sand, the water gently rising up and washing over his feet before retreating back into the sea. “I can’t fail them before I even get the chance to start.” He shook his head, feeling his eyes well with tears before forcefully blinking them back.Â
A thick silence settled between the two of them, hanging heavy in the air as neither could gather the courage to speak. Somewhere in the distance, children laughed wildly as they chased each other up and down the shore, his ears flicking toward the joyful sound. His chest burned with envy at how easily they laughed and played, clueless to the cruelty they’re unknowingly subjecting him to, how much he’s sacrificing to become their protector. His eyes darted towards them before going back to Neteyam.Â
“If they found out…” he whispered, lowering his voice despite there not being any listening ears near “…I would shame my parents, and you would shame yours.” Neteyam’s face crumpled, his eyes narrowing, not with anger, but with hurt. It felt like a spear was plunged through Ao’nung’s heart as he watched his face fall.
“I don’t care.”
“I do.” His words came quickly, because if he hesitated for even the slightest second, he's afraid he’d never have the strength to put an end to this. “We could have a life together—a real good life!” Neteyam’s voice shouted hoarsely, tears beginning to line his eyes at the scowl on Ao’nung’s face.Â
“A life living in shame?” Ao’nung shouted back, his hand coming up to clutch at his chest. “Running away from duty and watching our families bear the weight of our choices?” The question hung heavy between the two of them, one neither of them are able to answer. Ao’nung forced himself to meet Neteyam’s eyes. “It’s impossible, our relationship is impossible.” The words stung as they left Ao’nung’s lips, his voice cracking as he felt his own tears come forth once more.Â
Neteyam searched his face with desperation, waiting for him to take it back, praying for any sign that this may be some sick cruel joke. That every moment they spent in that cove meant something, that their relationship was actually worth fighting for. There wasn’t one. Â
“So…” Neteyam said quietly, his voice breaking as he felt the first tear begin to slide down his cheek. “…that’s it?” Ao’nung’s chest tightened so painfully he thought it might split open.“…Yeah.” Ao’nung replied, the word was barely audible.
“You’re just giving up on us? All those times we spent together…” Neteyam choked out, lip wobbling despite his best efforts to keep it still. “our nights at the cove, did that really mean nothing to you?” Ao’nung shut his eyes, the look on Neteyam’s face was painful to look at. He could still remember all those nights they spent together, intertwined with one another. All the stolen kisses that were given between hushed whispers. But he also thought of the secrecy. Constantly making excuses to friends and family about his whereabouts, lie after lie on why he hasn’t found a mate yet. He couldn't do it anymore, he can’t hide anymore.Â
 “There is no us, never was.” The lie tumbled painfully past his lips, trying his best to convince himself that they were true even if he knew deep down in his heart they weren't. Neteyam nodded once, a bitter laugh leaving his lips as he finally felt the rest of his tears slide down his cheeks. "I hope you’re proud of yourself.” A broken sob left Neteyam’s lips, his body quickly turning in an attempt to hide his sorrow. “I hope…” He choked out as he felt himself about to break down. “I hope giving up on us is worth it.” He managed to spit out before quickly walking away, his hands roughly wiping the tears running down his cheeks.Â
Ao’nung almost called after him, his arm hovering ever so slightly almost like he wanted to pull him back, his mouth opening before he quickly shut it. He so desperately wanted to take back what he said, telling him that the moments they shared meant everything to him. That he desperately wanted to build a life with him, that his duty would never come before their relationship. But the words never came.Â
Instead his arm fell limply at his side, watching silently as Neteyam's retreating figure moved farther and farther away from him. His nails dug painfully in his palm, nearly drawing blood, before he forced himself his turn and walked the other way. He only managed to take a few steps before collapsing against the sand, his own tears clouding his vision before finally falling freely. His chest heaved wildly, loud gasps falling from his lips as his body wracked with sobs. Eywa it hurts. He could feel his heart physically breaking as he allowed the one person he truly loved to just walk away.Â
And oh how he regretted it so, especially when the next time he saw Neteyam, was with lifeless eyes and that angry shade of crimson staining his beautiful blue skin.
“I want to write a fic about this but I don’t think anybody will be interested in it” ummm hello excuse me ma’am what do you mean you don’t think anybody will be interested in it??? YOU. YOU ARE INTERESTED IN IT???? write it because YOU are interested in it and YOU want to write about it. fanfic writing should always be first and foremost about YOUR enjoyment, not other people’s.
Write whatever you want. Write that incredibly niche thing that only two other people on earth will get. Write the super indulgent cliche thing that makes you kick your feet giddily. Write the angry rage story that whumps them all and makes people cry.
Whatever it is that YOU want to write. Write it. Because only YOU can.
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