Sawyer/Tavern @sleepysyndicate - Tumblr Blog

This one checks out and it’s incredible.

Seed: -3287822446893397

This is a vent post so heads up, I’m on mobile and don’t know how to do the like ‘press to expand’ thingie.

I don’t like being reminded that I’m handicapped I don’t like being able to *see* the difference between me and others. My roommate gets fired constantly and just picks up a job a week later but I can’t get a job even with months and months of trying. It’s been six months of fighting to get a job and my friends been through three different jobs while I sit here waiting for call backs that never come. I’m never told why they just disappear I just sit all nice and pretty waiting for calls that won’t come.

I know I’m autistic I know I have cptsd that gets in the way of my life. And it makes me so frustrated when my roommate claims to be more handicapped and has all the disorders I have as soon as I tell them. You have no clue you’ll never understand how this feels to have your face shoved in the dirt and rubbed in the fact that you aren’t normal. You never have to come face to face with the fact that you *are* broken. I’m broken and there isn’t a damn thing that can fix me, I try so hard to be happy and stay positive but I’m just a broken toy that no one wants.

I love my boyfriend god if he wasn’t so caring I don’t know how I’d stay hopeful. Still I wish sometimes he’d just leave, I’m nothing I’m not good at anything and I’m not handsome and I can’t do shit. He deserves better than me he deserves someone who’s not so fucking stupid.

I never use the R word even if I can reclaim it. But all my head can do it all me a freak and a r word. I wish someone would care I wish my roommate wouldn’t rube their job in my face I wish I could just be empty.

#tw vent #tw depression #tw loneliness

maximonster

I can't even explain how much I loved Vol 3. I literally can't because I'm too occupied with crying over it.

robartzombart

Their friendship is so important to me ;-;

sleepysyndicate

Crying they are the best

i-is-v-tired

“So how was the new Guardians of the Galaxy movie?”

Me:

sleepysyndicate

It’s gonna take me a year to fully process the emotional damage that movie gave me. I will never look at a raccoon the same

astral-disastral

The denial is real pt. 2

On a real note though…. why does it make you feel better? What’s wrong with calling it what it is?

Internalized ableism? Denial? Both?

sleepysyndicate

See this is stuff I can sympathize with. If that’s what you gotta do to get by I get it. The first stage of figuring out you have DID is *hard*. You’re gonna doubt yourself 24/7 you’ll think you’re faking constantly and maybe pull a pk;system delete but it gets easier to cope with. You grow use to everyone and sharing eventually it becomes your normal. If you need to be in denial to survive than go right ahead, what ever keeps you alive keeps you alive

warpaint-sys

What the fuck is "systrender" and "anti traumagenic" what is going on

Sometimes being a system is funny like I’m fighting back laughter right now, we had an alter form and make a little mistake while talking to someone. He took it bad and sobbed his heart out only calming down after talking to our partner system for like two seconds. He went to rest and like 20 minuets past and he goes “I think it was just the period talking…oops.” Killing me here am I suppose to not laugh? It’s hard not to he made this face like a light bulb went off in his head. Begged and begged to tell our partner we’re sorry so I did and they laughed it off. Being a system has its sucky moments but it’s the small things that matter.

Also the new guy is perfectly okay he’s fast asleep now I think? Tuckered himself out.

#Atari posting #partner system #little things #new alter #periods #you know

Ugh get them away from me. Jk they are so funny, Rabies is just one of those people that always is doing some wacky shit

#alter art #complex trauma

RAAAAAA I live, I'm gonna do all my sys posting here now because I don't really like being pestered when I'm just trying to show a silly video I made. Anyway here's a system intro!

" WHY DONT YOU TELL ME, WHY IT SO SOUNDS SO EASY,"

☀️ Sleepy Syndicate ☀️

🌆 19 🌆

🪦 He/It/Ask 🪦

🐦‍⬛ Traumagenic 🐦‍⬛

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💐 ~60 Alters 💐

⚰️ Persecutor Heavy ⚰️

🩻 FFs~ Atari, Fester, Rabies, Minx 🩻

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🪱 DNI: Basic DNI, Non-Traumagenic, pro-para, anti-MOGAI 🪱

"TO BREATH, ON TV"