why r u here

[mellie-mp3]

stop saying “sorry for party rocking”, instead try “thank you for your allowing me to party rock” or “I appreciate you being patient with me as I party rock, in the house tonight”

[mellie-mp3]

butthole reveal if this gets to 100k before the year ends

[smolspoopy]

*wii sports voice* pLAY BALL

[vympr]

"hey big bro mom said to come down for dinner we're having spaghetti"

"and?"

"sorry.....no meatballs bc grandma has high blood pressu--"

"RAAAAARGHHH"

*thinking* "i hate when he gets like this....he know gammy can't handle the sodium.....if he treats his own family like this i wonder how he treats his poor girlfriend [your/name]....maybe i should call her and ask........"

[to be continued....]

[squidpix6]

Please don’t continue

[vympr]

the audacity to say this to me when u have an ao3 donation post reblogged right above it.....how about u let me do what i need to do to put some notes on the table and u worry abt ur game grumps rpf fic

[haoqw]

artists when drawing: i want to draw. i have no motivation. i am doodling. drawing is hard. i am never touching a pencil again. i miss drawing.

[doesitsparkjoytho]

[sindri42]

Every cat I have known would immediately climb up through the hole and start stealing everybody’s food.

[graycoin]

Crime porthole

[if-i-was-a-wyrm]

this was designed by cats

[ilovecatsandbaking]

Just get one of these and put them over the whole, you can have cat and food protection.

[lurking96]

You imprison miette. You put her under the glass like the cheese. Jail for mother for hundreds of years.

[spaceboytoy]

Hello bisexual community

[spaceboytoy]

Begin killing

[breathlessbreeze]

[medievalthymes]

a list of current immortals

florence welch: probably like 200 BCE celtic queen

keeanu reeves: 1500 renaissance hoe

jeff goldblum: late 1800′s i would guess

harry styles: fairly new immortal, 1970′s 

lorde: 1920′s flapper era

hozier: man who even knows, rough estimate is like, 400 BCE

john mulaney: 1930′s/40′s, still bitter about the great depression probably and if he could put it in a bit with out being #exposed he would

paul rudd: newest to the immortal club, didn’t age past the 1990′s

[inthannon]

I feel like this list is forgetting Sir Patrick Stewart who I believe has not aged since 7000 BCE.. After all his twin brother was the Kennewick man..

[space-feminist]

as a self-appointed expert on Hozier, i would say that date is possibly accurate.  

many of Hozier’s songs reference being buried in the earth (In a Week, Work Song), and some are directly inspired by bog bodies (Like Real People Do, Run). two of the most famous Irish bog bodies, Old Croghan Man and Clonycavan Man, are dated between 392 and 175 BCE, and both are speculated to have been kings ritually sacrificed to the goddess of the land. in Take Me to Church, Hozier demonstrates a willingness to offer sacrifices to a goddess, and in Foreigner’s God, he thinks fondly upon the image of a pre-Christian Ireland (“when the land was God-less and free”). as well, Old Croghan Man is estimated to have been about 6′6, and Hozier is about 6′5. 

the only possible flaw in this theory is that in a Facebook Q&A (here at 5:28), Hozier says that he is over 3000 years old. 400 BCE only puts him at ~2400. it could be that after so many years he’s lost track of how many thousands, but another possibility is that he is more contemporaneous with an older bog body, the Cashel Man, also presumed to be a sacrificed king. that would put him closer to 4000 than 3000, but again, we could forgive an immortal for getting his millenia wrong.

in any case, it seems likely to me that Hozier is an ancient Irish king who was ritually sacrificed to the old gods, but somehow returned (possibly through intervention by said old gods) to give us music subtly hinting at his experiences.

[mythicalmessenger]

this hozier addition is frighteningly detailed and I’m here for it

[brightlotusmoon]

Thank you, cryptid Tumblr, for always having the best answers.

[moonenjoyer]

theyre so rude and in their mind theyre so nice for even talking to you at all

[queenofthearos]

this gave me PHYSICAL PAIN

[mxnwtch]

i didn’t realize that i repressed that memory but i absolutely did and it happened almost exactly like that

[gleefully-macabre]

I only made it halfway through.

[impastawater]

She creates more content like this on tiktok and they're hilarious but it's also so painful to watch. I even lowkey started to hate seeing her because of how accurate it is. But then I saw this comment in one of her videos and it really made me think

[astrobro]

Double ended fleshlight so we can both be tops and make out at the same time

[soygucci]

Chinese finger trap

[right-2-rebel-deactivated202210]

"science"

[sivavakkiyar]

“Genetics”

[stinkykatie]

[weaver-z]

Oh my god, PLEASE don't embarrass me in front of the great stone obelisk from whence all darkness comes 🙄

[weaver-z]

HEY OBELISK THIS WENCH HELEN THINKS SHE CAN TRIFLE WITH ME

[weaver-z]

[ndiecity-deactivated20241101]

dracula voice i vant to save zis image

[c-130jsuperhercules]

dracula voice vat ze fuck is a vebp

[radish-radish]

I woke up at 2 am to write this idea down

[feefal]

Lamp shade lady and Moth girl (they’re dating)

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]