Parents please don’t P.2
- tell your child they aren’t allowed to be upset, feelings are feelings you can control. HOW they react to being upset a different story
Ex. You can’t be upset because that’s life
- laugh when at the doctors office
Ex. Laughing when them giving an answer or if the doctor asks something
This literally makes me want to shut up at the doctors and not give real answers
- double standards of traditions
Ex. Child is not allowed to change the plans bc “it’s tradition” but parents are at the last minute
Especially if you (the parent) are going to get upset at the kid for not wanting
- Consistently asking and forgetting
Ex. What do you want for Christmas/new years/holiday dinner? And then forgetting and getting mad when child is upset when being promised X food
- Yelling at emotions
Ex. Screaming when they are reacting as a human
- Pushing a conversation
Ex. Come over here, let’s talk. When the kid is visibly upset at the timing of the conversation
Emotions can pass WITHOUT a conversation or just wait for them to pass so the reunion has clear heads
- pushing physical contact
Ex. Not everyone wants a hug, a kiss, etc
- guilt tripping the no from physical contact
Ex. Do you know how upset it makes me that you don’t want to hug me? Did I failed as a parent?
- Overly push on activities
Ex. “Come on” over and over again, to the point the kid has to say yes to shut you up, even if they don’t want to do it
- Social Battery
“If you can talk with your friends at school, you can talk with us at dinner”
Socialist with friends all day is WHY the kid doesn’t want to talk with you. Their social battery has been used
OR
You take up more battery than their friends. I can talk with friends and feel fine but have dinner with my family and feel drained.
Social battery is different for all
- Why?
This is for elaboration and explanation of an answer, NOT an attitude
- Expect peace after a fight
There was a fight, acknowledge it
- Little details lead to future patterns
You told me ____ at age five? I remember that and then live by the words
Ex. “This skill is useless” I then won’t practice it or will spread that same message to siblings
Simplified example^^^
- WHAT YOU SAY BUILDS UP
“It’s a sign from the universe”
“I don’t want to waste my calories”
Both fuelled my eating disorder because “why would I waste my calories for food I don’t like” or “it’s a sign from the universe that there is nothing in the fridge”
There were more quotes and actions that led to the ED bur countless examples could be made about this
- use food as punishment
- blame work/family/etc for your actions (consistently). You chose to get married AND have kids, taking care of both is what you signed up for.
- Say how much of a burden supporting your kid is to them (ex. It was so hard staying up late, it was so hard going to your sports event)
- same with their medical issues or basic needs
- (LACK OF) FOOD AS PUNISHMENT
- lack of bathroom as punishment
- ask to talk about the fight then proceed to respond to your kid that they made it all up: this is just going to shut them up bc why have a conversation if you are just going to deny what they experienced
- if your kid gets mad over xyz that you do all the time, maybe stop doing it??? And I don’t mean phone rules or stuff but like mentioning certain topics at times etc.
Especially if you are just going to be mad that your kid is upset when you are repeating an action
- Mixed messages during activities.
Ex. “We shouldn’t be getting junk food” after buying junk food
“We should be saving money” after spending money on your kid
Any and all of these have been done to me either alone or all together, so I am speaking from experience and that I will be going no contact. You had a kid, you may have not expected xyz but you still chose to raise a human being.
