What, gunna kill me?

Joey / 24 / Leo

[thedogeveryonehates]

[moniquill]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

HATE when u can feel ur intestines writhing. cease your wriggling insolent belly worm

[isawken]

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

[bluelois]

Blue Lois

[isawken]

can i help you

[redmarge]

Red Marge

[isawken]

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[isawken]

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

[shamebats]

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

[catchymemes]

Water biscuits

[maebird-melody]

Go tide-pooling with a friend. Something in the surf catches my eye. I take five steps before it registers. I turn back.

What are you.

Why are you staring at me.

[ferrethavermoved]

ummm i want to be friends with more people and make more mutuals can u lovely ladies do me a favor and reblog me. imagine you're holding me up like this

[parakeet]

Talking about groups of animals and their group names ‘parliament of owls’ etc. Mentioned that it’s called a ‘blessing of unicorns’ and my dad misheard me and was like ‘a legacy of worms?’ I’m like you know what sure 🪱 that’s what a group of worms is called now

[elliespectacular]

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️

The joke is already funny!

Further additions or permutations may weaken its potency!

[fairycosmos]

there used to be things to watch on youtube

[wifegideonnav]

“bits to use in everyday conversations”

[nuramsvveth]

Ohhh help help! I'm hurt need help...

FUCK BRIAN GET LOST...

Ohhhh I am hurttttt heeelp... 🐦

[ooppo]

The beginning of the end for every digital artist

[rothmansblues]

we’re about 60 days away from 2013 just think about that for a sec

[asteroidtroglodyte]

[status-quo-hater]

I think one of the funniest abortion stances I've heard was from my parents neighbor. He's a like, hard-core libertarian viking larper guy who is very tall and very fat and very bald.

He believes a fetus is human with a soul, but also its "basically attacking the woman's body" so if she wants to get rid of it, that's "basically self-defense". He compared it to shooting a home invader. So he supports abortion not as healthcare, but as killing a baby in self-defense

[status-quo-hater]

Y'know I'm so glad someone reminded me of this. Because this was also discussed.

My stepmother did NOT like the way her Libertarian Viking Neighbor framed pregnancy as the fetus "attacking the woman". She incredulously told him this was extremely disrespectful to expectant mothers to portray pregnancy as so violent and negative.

Libertarian Viking Neighbor's response was that people consensually hurt each other all the time, and "there's like a whole community about that, with the acronym the one that starts with a B" And his reasoning was that if the mother was consenting to bring attacked by the baby, it in fact wasn't violent and negative because there was consent.

He brought up people consensually hurting each other, didn't go for one of the obvious answers like boxing or body mods or something, no he went STRAIGHT TO BDSM and he DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE ACRONYM

[redstonedust]

to an extent i think discussing how anti-trans legisliation will affect non-trans people is good because it highlights that we're not actually that different and our problems will always have overlap. unfortunately like 90% of the time i see this come up it has the tone of "this is an outrage, this law that violently restricts trans rights might make things harder for NORMAL people too!!" and i want to start killing.

[takingoffmyshoes]

they told me not to get lost in the weeds, but these are lush, beautiful, and ecologically necessary native plants so it's probably fine