Dear Nivi,

Follow along as I write letters to my high school bestie while I navigate college life, riding ponies, and trying to hold in my sarcasm.

[snailmailandacocktail]

Last night Roomie and I pulled out our calendars and scheduled every single social even between now and graduation. It’s only 33 days away. And then it’s all over.

Graduation is really weird for me because honestly all of the things everyone else gets to look forward to, I don’t. I’m not going to be any more independent next year, I won’t have a change of scenery, or a full time job. Same place, same thing. It’s not even like my classes will change very much.

But I think I’m starting to get ready for it. And not just because Party Girl won’t be around, because honestly she’s just kind of irrelevant at this point anyway.

I’m excited to be an RA and support myself housing wise. And to start my doctoral project (!!). To (hopefully) ride at a new barn. Honestly, I am excited to move towards actually being an adult. Not because I want to be an adult.  I’d love to be an undergrad forever and have no worries or cares or bills. But I can’t. I’m growing up and Papa G deserves to at some point finally have an adult on his hands that he doesn’t have to support (well, relatively speaking...I mean, he’ll have to support me ~less~).

A lot of these changes suck, but I’m starting to accept it. When one door closes another opens, right?

[snailmailandacocktail]

Sometimes our lives are so parallel it weirds me out

[snailmailandacocktail]

I think I’m going through a weird phase where I sort of regret going through four years of college and coming out single af

[snailmailandacocktail]

Pierced Nose’s brother has cancer.

Her relationship with her parents was always shaky. Her brother was all she has ever had.

Nivs, that’s the thing we both had in common. Weird families. If my dad ever got cancer, I wouldn’t be able to function. I don’t know how I would go on.

[snailmailandacocktail]

[snailmailandacocktail]

Dear Nivs,

I know the topic of “nuked-friend-group” has been oh so sorely beaten to death it’s not even funny. So I promise that’s not what this is about.

This is about saying thank you. Thank you for being the best princess, best friend, queen bee I could ever ask for. Thank you for getting a snapchat from me and recognizing an arm in it. Thank you for texting the “I know you might not want to hear this or deny it” texts. Thank you for handling the oh-so-sorely-beaten-to-death topics with unnecessary grace. Thank you for being my pair.

I process things by sharing. You end up on the receiving side of that a lot. But it really helps me, so thank you.

So much love forever and always, Han

[snailmailandacocktail]

Last semester of undergrad. Day 3. Trying not to cry about it. Here’s what’s been going on: 

My OTD application is due tomorrow. I’m handing it in today and then we just have to wait and see!

Party Girl graduated early and since she is going to law school next year she basically is just taking this semester off to…chill. Roomie and I are afraid she’s going to go crazy with nothing to do. So far she’s spent like every night drinking, which is fine right now, but we aren’t going to be able to do that in a few weeks. Hoping she breaks down and just takes a minimum wage job or volunteers or something.

Kate (the BUET girl) has basically integrated herself into my best friend list. She would be in my “top 7 hierarchy” if I had one. Roomie literally loves her and even Party Girl now likes her. Last night Party Girl told me “the difference between you two is that you are obnoxious and loud and she is too but unlike you she also knows how to be really cool” THX FRIEND. It’s actually pretty true though, she’s great. I can’t wait for you to meet her.

My fieldwork this semester is working with an OT in the Boston Public School System but I don’t know any details yet about what school or how old the kids are or anything. Details to come. Lol this will be my first time working in pediatrics, so that part will be interesting.

I haven’t seen the guys since that first night but I’m kind of over it. Like I am just living my life and if Party Girl invites them over and they come, great, if not, oh well. I don’t have energy to waste on their stupidity anymore.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

The woman who doesn’t require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.

Mohadesa Najumi (via beantownkmd)

[snailmailandacocktail]

The Weekend My Friend Group Got Nuked

Okay. So a lot has happened this weekend.

Let’s start with the good stuff: I went horse showing on Saturday and drew a great little pony and we won!!

 Yeah. That’s it for the good stuff. That night five of us went out for Halloween. It was Buffalo and Party Girl, Wolf, Roomie, and I. We ended up having to walk around for a while to find a place, then waited an hour in line. Party Girl was low key complaining but we all just kind of let her be and ignored her, figuring she was just annoyed because it was chilly out. We finally got in, paid the cover, bought drinks, and went to dance. Less than five minutes later Party Girl storms off. Buffalo is confused and follows, comes back and says he can’t find her and has no idea what is going on, then leaves again. That’s it for the night from them.

Wolf, Roomie, and I stay and dance. On the way home he asks if I want to go to a Celtics game with him tomorrow (Sunday) because he has season tickets and both the guys he normally goes with are out of town.  I say sure. 

The next morning Party Girl is in a horrible mood, and doesn’t say one word to me. I let her be, go to the library, do work, then go to the game with Wolf. After the game it’s like 6:30 and we’re right near the North End so we end up going out to a really nice little Italian restaurant. I’m starting to get afraid this is date-y. Then he springs on me that Buffalo texted him last night and Party Girl broke up with him.

THEY BROKE UP. Buffalo doesn’t know why. Still. Twenty-four hours later. No one saw it coming. I couldn’t process it, really. It didn’t make any sense. But the bright side was I figured out he took me out to a nice dinner because he had this big bomb to drop on me about Buffalo and Party Girl, not that this was some sort of date.

He proceeds to drive me home, pull up in front of my apartment, and ASK ME OUT. But my brain was still processing everything I had learned that night and did not see this coming at all. And in all my confusion, I said “sure let’s give it a shot”, got out of the car, and left. In retrospect it was pretty awkward. 

So now I have to go out on a date with a good friend who is probably the sweetest guy I know but I am not attracted to at all. Obviously after that I’ll say I don’t think it’s going to work. And I still haven’t talked to Party Girl or seen Buffalo, but last night Buffalo came to the door and Party Girl gave him back a ring he bought her.

Yeah.

[snailmailandacocktail]

Hey Nivs!!

Honestly, not very much is going on in my life. The next month is basically an endless stream of assignments and tests, but as of right now my head is still (however slightly) above water. Anyway, it’s been a while since I wrote to you so I figured I’d try to turn my life into some semblance of a list and give you a little run down of what’s been going on. 

1. I have this huge group project that’s 40% of my grade and I was assigned a group of me and 4 post bachs (AKA didn’t do their undergrad at BU). This is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. First of all they have wayyyy less going on in their lives so they actually do everything they’re supposed to do. But second of all, they’re way more real. As I sat there in a basement with them for five hours last night, we talked about career prospects and money and future degrees, about eating a pint of ice cream in one sitting and crying and questioning our choices. It was really nice. I really like these people. They get me in a slightly different way than anyone not in Sargent can. And annoy the crap out of me a LOT less than the 5 years in Sargent.

2. So we have this friend who everyone has been saying has a crush on me and I’ve been avidly denying it. Then last week when I was super drunk I **accidentally** danced with him (like DANCED WITH HIM danced with him) at this club and he’s the nicest kid ever so I feel SO HORRIBLE. Everyone else thinks it’s the funniest thing ever and basically say we should date. But I absolutely gave him the wrong idea and he’s probably the sweetest kid I know so I just feel really bad because I’m super not into him.

 3. I’ve weirdly become the social events coordinator of our group, and I think it’s a hilarious 180 from freshman year. Like, I’m the one with the connections and fb invites and group texts and if I don’t organize it it won’t happen.

 4. The team is still going perfectly and I LOVE my lesson group. Showing on Halloween and then the following week we are hosting our show so lots of ponies in the foreseeable future. And this weekend I think I’m competing against the girl who rode with me growing up at Barb’s (we might not be in the same class though, it’s random)

love you and miss you,

Han 

[snailmailandacocktail]

Dear Nivi,

Honestly, things have been pretty quiet around here.  Everything is going as well as expected. My riding team has basically become my obsession, for the first time I love everyone in my lesson with a passion. 

Last weekend we had a get together and we got the one little freshie who always sits in the back of the van and doesn’t talk drunk for the first time ever (!!) and then sent her off to a frat party (with a sophomore/chaperone!). She was so much more outgoing and dynamic after a few drinks. It’s super cute because she’s so quiet and watching her begin to feel comfortable both with alcohol but also with herself reminds me so much of me freshman year.  I think we’re getting together again tomorrow. She asked me to teach her how to “do beerpong.” She’s too cute.

 I’m still planning on taking the GREs relatively soon, so I have to really get on that. Work is going well. Roomies are doing great – Party Girl took her LSATs so that was the big deal last weekend, as you know. SMG went home last weekend so we didn’t see him, but honestly we talk a lot less than we did over the summer. I think it’s 85% that we’re just so busy. But it’s also definitely a little bit of the fact that every single one of our friends frequently tells us that they don’t think our friendship is “typical.” On one hand it is what it is and we both are on the same page so YOLO, but I think he does sort of feel bad because he has a girlfriend. But whatever, hopefully I’ll see him this weekend. He’s still one of my closest friends.

That’s honestly about it out of me. Enjoy your 3 day weekend!! 

Much Love,

Hannah

[snailmailandacocktail]

When the girl whose barn destroyed your spleen is in a clinic with your trainer while you're sitting in Boston doing homework. That's cool, that could have been me every day this summer if your horse didn't kill me, but enjoy your lesson.

[snailmailandacocktail]

Reflections While Watching The Super Moon (& Drinking Wine)

Party Girl: My goal this semester is to hook you up with some boys.

Me: Umm, I think that has to my goal, not yours?

Party Girl: Oh you sweet, sweet innocent fool

[snailmailandacocktail]

There is no feeling shittier than when two people give it 100% and still can’t reach common ground in the middle

[snailmailandacocktail]

Dear Nivi, 

Well, the semester is officially underway. I’m back in the saddle! Thank all things holy for that one. It was a great first ride back. I rode a new horse and rode like crap for the first half and hour, then I found my muscles and everything started to work again. Riding is the only thing I’ve ever done where I can get 100% in the zone and have a completely clear head, and it felt amazing to be back there after so long.

In other news my clinicals start next week, and I’m really excited for that. I’m working at BU’s Aphasia Resource Center and it actually sounds super interesting! Speaking of clinicals, at the end of next year (summer 2017) we have to do two three month field work rotations in order to get certified and we have to start picking where we want to go by the end of next month. H O L Y.   S H I T. Two years feels so far away. But I’m actually getting really pumped for it. I’m hoping to go someplace totally new (they have to be in America though) and just have some quality adventures before I officially become an adult.

Still deciding what I’m doing to do about the doctorate. Updates to come as decisions are made. Leaning towards it, but as I do more research I realize I was probably underestimating the work and money involved. Lol.

Not much else going on. I think I’m going to go to a football game tonight with SMG and Wolf. Party Girl’s parents are in town and Roomie’s boyfriend is coming over so I figured why not. I’m semi concerned I’m becoming a bro, but I figure as long as I wear my Lilly shorts it’ll be okay (;

Much Love Always, Hannah 

[snailmailandacocktail]

Senior Year Goals

Put myself in a place where opportunity can come knocking

Try all the stereotypical BU bars (White Horse, Sunset, Ts, TITS, & BU Pub)

Tumblr twice a month

Write consistently in my journal

Perfect a quick, subtle make up routine

Come up with a sustainable desk organization system

Learn to make at least one legit, grown up meal

Go on a stereotypical college spring break

No injuries!

[snailmailandacocktail]

Summer Reflection

This summer has been all over the place. A good reminder nothing in life goes quite as planned.

“This was my last chance” was my bitter anthem this summer. As I sat in the hospital, making phone calls and explaining I was out of the game for the next three months, I croaked it out again and again. This was my last summer with Marcia, pulled out from under me before it really even began. I was beyond devastated.

But even if this was my last summer with Marcia, it won’t be my last summer riding. By a long shot. It could be my last summer in Latham for a while though – I honestly don’t know. So I’m happy for all the polo matches and Valley Cat games. For the beach days and Friday nights at the diner with the family. All the truly special things upstate has to offer.

I love Marcia. Always have and always will. And it isn’t an exaggeration to say she has changed my life. But whether or not I get another summer with her, she’s opened door, given me connections, and taught me a ton. And really, I couldn’t ask for anything else.