he hadn’t meant to be sarcastic or to be dismissive of the situation he was presented with as a whole although the man was very well aware of the discrepancy his words delivered. stuck in an endless loop which consisted of same old things on the daily and nothing new would do that to one: of minutes gathering up into hours and weeks and months until he too, was forced to accept the quickness with which life was passing him by so mercilessly.
on his good days, even junho was capable of retaining whatever little courtesy and interest he could manage to conjure up for any person crossing his path. except, his good days had lessened in inverse proportion to the physical and mental pain he’d been experiencing since he was discharged from the hospital. nowadays, the furthest he was ever seen from home was while on a (forced) stroll through the garden when his nurse insisted he needed to be out in the fresh air lest dust would gather in his lungs from staying indoors all day.
still. if there was one thing experience had taught him in abundance, then it was to be appreciative of the quietness of a home in which he was not exposed to the pitiful stares and the curious murmurs of strangers. the latter he could stand but the looks they were downright horrible. at first, they’d only caused for him to feel perpetually embarrassed before shame quickly morphed into something less tangible, a bitter sense of humour.
he could live with being avoided. it’s what he thought somi had been doing all this time.
“it’s me. in the flesh, in fact. not quite what i assume you were looking for.” the scrutinizing gaze he was currently exposed to did nothing for his self-confidence. the familiar feeling of disgust at his situation swamped him with such ease, it almost made him want to curl over in pain but that impulse was conquered nearly immediately, his countenance displaying none of the inner turmoil he was subjected to on the daily.
judging from the looks of it, somi was not going to easily back down merely because she may feel uncomfortable at asking direct questions. as part of a shared bloodline, it would only make sense to keep in touch, check in to see how the other was doing.
for some reason, given these exact same ties, he’d assumed she’d made another decision after she hadn’t shown up to express her condolences or to try and drag him out of his miserable state of mind after his accident had become almost public knowledge like all his so called friends had attempted to in an effort to come across as humanitarian as possible. now, with her wide-eyed gaze searching for some sort of clue to piece the bigger picture together, the man was almost inclined to let her off the hook.
how could she not know? surely, his parents would have told her? and her mother?
the thought unsettled him far more than he was willing to admit to. strangers and their talk of him and ‘his unfortunate accident’ was something entirely different than having to face down a family member however distant the two of them were and having them bearing witness to an entirely new version of yourself. it was unnerving, to say the least.
“somi.” his voice came out steadfast despite the lingering questions occupying his mind, but it lacked the warmth and joy one would feel at seeing a familiar face in an unexpected situation. this, in combination with the knitted brows and his quick glance in direction of the glass doors would suggest a general lack of interest in the current happenings.
not that junho cared much for pointless conversations in the first place and how he came across in them: everything eventually circled back to the same bland topics he could no longer stomach to hear. out of a sickening need for consolation it always boiled down to one fear. what if his own story were to be repeated one more time?
shaking these thoughts off, his eyes fixated his cousin one more time. he scanned her features, attempted to quietly dismiss the obvious concern and confusion on her face to instead look for something more palpable: like the fact she was still crouched on the ground in front of him, having obviously been in search for something she must have lost.
good. he could work with that.
“my nurse will be here in a short moment.”
what followed was another pointed glance at the entrance where the car specifically designed to suit junho and his needs was parked. some boyish part of him felt it should be enough of a tell-tale sign for the woman to understand his lack of interest in drawing up more questions he was not going to answer.
“he can help you with looking for whatever it is you’ve seemingly lost.”
question marks, they might as well have been drawn on each patch of skin across her face. she had them. she had so many, more than one would be able to count on ten pair of fingers. exaggerate that even more.
transfixed was a state of mind and somi was seated in it, rooted to her spot desptie the awkwardness of it all and how quickly it was filling in the air. such discomfort. in her knees and her gaze and the words he was saying but that she wasn’t really latching onto.
because how could his--nurse, he said nurse. nurse. so this was a condition that required a nurse. what condition was it exactly? because, one had to analyse this situation. somi was known for that, wanting to inspect every answer out there before knowing exactly which one fit. or she could just ask blatantly what do you have? but she felt like she’d already slip a little far off left by looking like she had no idea what happened.
the first and last time she’d seen him, he’d looked perfect. so a condition, back to that. something happened to him, had to have happened to him. serious enough to put him in a wheelchair and god may blame her ignorance all he could but somi had no idea what it was.
certain type of illnesses could make a person bound to a wheelchair, or an accident. anything that could have attacked his immune system. rendered his body weak. this was what happened when was not up to the news with family talks and gossips. would her mother even have known about this? she wasn’t sure.
shame her, but she wasn’t even sure exactly which uncle he was from. somi had rarely ever met any of them for longer than a few hours during certain family gathering. to have found junho, recognized him even was due to her good memory and mere coincidence.
in fact, somi knew nothing of his own side of the family. the same way she’d never known anything about her mother’s other siblings. she just knew they existed. somi had been kept like a plague in her mother’s life though, so it was to be expected that unless she really had to, she’d preferred to keep her daughter in her shadow until somi had grown enough to step out and away and never look back.
family was such a strong glue, sometimes to the worst heritages.
she found herself swallowing a little, head lowered and realized she’d been staring behind him--past his shoulder at the car and the man now approaching them for far longer than would be normal.
so she cleared her throat.
‘ hm, no offense but i don’t think that’ll be possible. it was, ’ now feeling a little silly, her voice was coming out just fine. but somehow, for some reason, they seemed to be choking her and she lifted her gaze back up at him, completely knelt on the floor now as she was. trying to think if she even wanted to stand up and possibly find herself looming over him.
these wheels seemed so safe at the level she was facing them right now.
‘ an earring, i lost an earring somewhere on this dirty floor, pretty silly right? ’ would her knees give up on her at one point? possibly. she wasn’t getting younger bones or joints.
‘ but you, ’ she should let it go, that he hadn’t given her an answer to her wide eyed question. now she was looking back and forth between the man who was close enough stopping behind junho’s chair and placing a hand on one of its handle. ‘ you haven’t--i mean, ’
get it together somi. she held her breath.
‘ how about a cup of tea? do you have time for that? he can come too, my apartment is literally just a few blocks away, i haven’t had company in forever, it’s been forever, honestly, i was wondering where you even disappeared to and bam, ha!, right here you are so let’s catch up. ’ then let it out in one breathless ramble, stood on her knees, then completely up on her heels, her fingers dusted her skirt and her blazer. anything they could touch and somi looked down at him once she found stillness, with all the nerves she was not feeling.
even if her fingers were fumbling with her house keys, ‘ can we--please? ’
