// for now, i am gonna try to divide my attention between this blog and another blog. the dual muse chara and frisk will be active once i get more energy. until then consider it very low activity.
//Sorry for slowness I've been pulled into binge watching this anime and also grinding for the event in xiv. Plus still feeling not great so it's just a lot
//I see a lot of people say that the player is "forcing kris to be nice to Ralsei" and it always makes me feel a certain type of way?
Like I get that Kris is not really affectionate and talkative. We do get a lot of people pointing out that Kris isn't normally as talkative. We get some information about Kris being a little bit mean too. Especially with Noelle. But there are other implications of them being not a super nice person. But like idk?
Kinda like the people that say that Kris doesn't see Ralsei and Susie as friends? Even though they, without any input from us, shield Susie in the fight with the king?
I try to personally not put too much meta stuff with my Kris without plotting solely because like I'm not sure how far the game is gonna go with it. But there's something really weird about the Ralsei thing? Like I can get thinking it might not be ic for them to hug him and stuff. Personally my Kris does it specifically to embarrass him because they think it's funny. Idk.
I'm not sure where I stand on it. For now, I'm not regarding it. My Kris really does like Ralsei because they NEED someone like him in their life. And they think that susie and the darkeners are the only people that haven't totally given up on them. Basically, as messed up as it is, Kris thrives on Ralsei looking up to them because they've never had that before.
That being said, I do have my own thoughts on soulless kris. But I personally don't see them as "the real kris" for reasons I can go into at another time.
@parieha talked to me about a topic on my wishlist post.
》 it was sudden. like cold water being dumped on your head from above. while loss on control had been slow. bit by bit, bleeding out until kris no longer had any control over their actions... taking the reins was a sudden jerk. like they had just woken from a bad dream.
》 but it wasn’t a dream, was it?
》 their mind is foggy. their head hurts. how long... had they been struggling? they can’t remember exactly when it started. when they totally lost all control. they clench their first, release it. dig their own nails into their palm until it aches. this is real. they are... back in control.
》 noelle... they need to find her. after all, they had both been used by... whatever that was. how long would they be in control again? could they even trust themselves?
》 kris ran as fast as they could around the familiar town. it all looked the same but... everything was different now. did anyone know yet? was berdly really dead? had they... really forced noelle to....?
》 they feel sick. but they keep running. until their lungs burn. until their legs shake. but they finally see her. in their frantic state, they hurry to her. kris had never been one for words. so instead of calling out to her, the run up behind her and grab her wrist.
DO NOT READ THIS IS YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY SELF HARM AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. WORST STUFF IS UNDER THE READ MORE.
@ruinsache talked to me about a topic on my wishlist post.
》 it had been a bad day. sometimes, it feels like everything is just too much. like their body is too heavy to move. like every single remark cuts to the bone. when they got this way, they used to cling to asriel. their brother was the only one that knew how bad they could get. their panic attacks. everything else... but asriel abandoned them.
》 kris bitterly wonders if asriel worried about what they would do to themselves when he was gone. it was so easy to stay in line when you share a room. to resist the urge to do something, ANYTHING to gain control. to mute everything. to escape the feelings that cling to them like a shackle.
》 no one expected kris to amount to anything. they were just asriel’s useless brother. they weren’t smart or charming. they weren’t nice. there was something very wrong with them. they knew it. everyone did. but nobody wanted to talk about it. nobody wanted to say how loathsome they were. sometimes they acted out. right now, kris is shaking. what set them off? just a snide comment. harmless. something that shouldn’t bother them. but sometimes... it all became too much. their mind had already been dark.
》 if i died, mom and dad might bond over it. they might get back together. then asriel could have a normal family.
》 if i lost my soul, would i stop feeling this way?
》 stop. stop. stop.
》 they couldn’t just... do that. not now. in this state, they actually didn’t know what they would do. so they elected to do something more minor. something to calm the noise... something to shut up that thing inside them that said all that AWFUL stuff.
》 their mother wasn’t home.... it would probably be fine. they wouldn’t get caught. they could probably hear the car if it pulled up, right? they didn’t want the hassle of cleaning up blood, so instead they turned the burner on the stove up as high as they could. until it started turning red. they roll up their sleeve, take a deep breath... they wrap their right hand around their wrist. they didn’t want to pull away too quickly. fingers dig into their skin enough to bruise. another deep breath. their heart is pounding.
》 they shut their eyes and bring their own arm down onto the burner. at first it feels cold before their body can register the white hot pain. despite their effort, they can only hold it against the heat for a few seconds before they yelp and pull it away. it’s long enough to leave quite an ugly and painful burn on their arm. they must have screamed louder than they thought because they are out of breath.
》 they didn’t hear the car. maybe their thoughts had been too loud. regardless, they don’t notice if anyone is entering the house as they try again, forcing their arm down on the hot burner a second time. they let out another cry
》 is it really wrong? isn’t this their choice? it hurts.... they pull away again, tears stinging their eyes from the pain.
》 they are SUCH a disappointment. they wished they could blame it on being human. but maybe they are just broken inside.
@rudestbuster talked to me about a topic on my wishlist post.
》 as soon as things start to go bad in a fight, everything seems to move faster than imaginable. ralsei goes down first. then susie. for some reason, they are left up the longest. they try to keep the enemies from their injured friends, but they aren’t strong enough. and soon, they are also on the ground.
》 they are battered and bleeding. their muscles ache. kris always felt a certain sense of powerlessness, but now it’s even worse. their body refuses to respond. they were too exhausted. they were scared. nonetheless, they use any strength they still have to force themselves onto their knees. one last attempt to block their friends. maybe if they would have stayed down, it would have been different. maybe they would have been spared. kris always spared those they fought... and yet....
》 white hot pain shot through their arm, their blue skin is painted red. another shot in their lower abdomen. finally, a third through their chest. oh, kris is always quiet. but the first two strikes lead them to cry out in pain. the final one knocks them onto their back. no sound. it stays stuck in their throat. they taste metal. it doesn’t take long for the pain to become unbearable. their ears are ringing. they think about susie and ralsei. if they will be okay. about their parents and asriel. about their friends. and then it gets hard to think. pain. pain. pain. cold. colder... it gets harder to think. is it their body or their soul dying? isn’t there... something that can help them? they don’t want to die... they don’t....
》 first, it’s dark. and then a blinding light fills their vision. they shut their eyes instinctively. and then they press their hands to their chest. that was what hurt the worst... but now it’s okay. now it’s painless. panic swells within them. suddenly they can’t breathe and fall to their knees. their legs are shaking so much. where are they?
》 castle town...? how did they..? it had been some time since they had been here... another fountain had opened and... and they.... they feel sick. their hands cover their mouth and it takes everything in them to keep what is in their stomach down. they try to remember what asriel would tell them when they would panic like this. deep breaths... deep breaths. tears sting their eyes.
》 they can feel eyes on them. they had come here with susie... it felt like hours ago. they climb shakily to their feet and run. they don’t want... anyone to see them cry. they run away from the buildings and concerned glances. they run to the exit of the dark world and crash onto their knees. going to the light world wouldn’t help. more people might see them. not that it mattered, their legs can’t carry them any further anyway.
》 “.......no... stop....” they don’t even know who they are talking to.
titsay
baratheonpilled
romaincrisis
izzy806
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theartofmadeline
