soml.

Excuse me while I pour out my soul

[somlbyanon-blog]

Pain Ruined Everything..

I had to let the one I love go. Because I was still hurt over my last. I dogged her.. and she hates me. But I love her.. I love her so much..

I feel alone as shit. Like my life is just falling apart piece by piece man.. I just want my girl back..

Wtf do I do now? I ruined everything... I broke my own heart, and now I have to put it back together... at the same time I broke others too.

-anonlezbo

[somlbyanon-blog]

I Wasn’t Happy

Idk why I continue to miss you so much. I’m stuck holding onto feelings from 3 years ago. I’ve never completely let you go like this and now that I have, I feel so empty. You didn’t appreciate me the first time around, that fake love felt so good though. Why did you hurt me.. why didn’t I leave the first time. I’m so tired of missing you. You’ve caused me to turn into a monster. I dog all the women in my life because of you.

I still cry at night..

Trying to move on with my life but you’re always in the back of my mind. Now you’re blaming me for fucking around but I was only trying to fill this void. I should’ve left the first time, I would’ve never been so damaged.

I would’ve never damaged her.. the girl I love.

The one who realized my worth from the jump. But I dogged her because I was still hurt. Running back and fourth between you and her. Why? Because you said you would change and I knew in my heart you wouldn’t but kept you there because WHAT IF.

I’m fucking tired.. I can’t wait to get over you.

-anonlezbo

[somlbyanon-blog]

Chris Wide

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me”

“You’re so genuine”

“I think I’m falling in love with you”

“I love you”

“This relationship is so perfect”

“You’re so perfect”

“I want this forever”

“You’re my SOULMATE”

“I’ll never hurt you”

“You’re safe here”

“I love you so much”

“You’re the love of my life”

“My heart is so happy”

“You make me feel so happy”

“You don’t need to look through my phone”

“You can trust me in genuine”

“He’s lying”

“I love you”

“He’s crazy”

“I love you”

“You should’ve never hit him up in the first place”

“You hurt yourself digging into all my shit”

“Why are you making this a big deal”

“He’s lying”

“Fuck you I don’t need you anyway”

“You weren’t shit before me”

“You need me”

“You’re fucking stupid”

“I’m the reason why u have....”

“I hate you”

“Wait..Need me”

“I’m sorry”

“I’m here for you”

“Let me hold you”

“Come here, I didn’t mean what I said”

“I’m sorry I won’t do it again”

“I love you”

“You just need to change...”

“If you never did... I wouldn’t have lied”

“You’re not good enough”

“I don’t need to stay here”

“I don’t need you”

“You need me”

“You’re not shit”

“Fuck you”

“Why did you break up with me”

“I’m only acting like this because you never let me be here, so let me love you”

“I love you ______”

“I’m sorry”

“Give me another chance”

“I’ll change”

“I love you I’ll never hurt you again”

“Why the fuck are you so insecure”

“Why are you acting like that”

“I don’t need this”

“I’m wasting my time”

“Fuck you”

“We can just be friends”

“Oh you’re moving on? I thought you loved me”

“If you loved me you’d be here”

“You forgive me?”

“I’m sorry”

“I love you”

“You’re everything to me”

“Why are you acting like that today?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you”

“I don’t need this”

“You’re not shit”

“So you’re gonna leave me”

“I don’t need you”

“You’re not shit”

“I didn’t mean to hit you”

“I had no choice”

“I should’ve hit you harder”

“Wait I’m sorry”

“Come back”

“I miss you”

“You’ll never find anyone else who loves you like I do”

...“I love you”

[somlbyanon-blog]

Did I Do The Right Thing? (A letter to her)

Hey,

I’m a little sad today, you ran through my mind literally very second. I guess you can say I’m making some progress because the thought of you doesn’t hurt like they used too. I don't feel anything anymore.. Maybe I’m just numb.

All day I’ve been questioning if leaving was the best thing to do. Or if it was just a coward move?.. I was tired of hurting. Yeah, I was happy when we were together but if I have to constantly look over your shoulder to see who your texting every 5 minutes, am I really happy? 

I wish things were different. I wish we were genuinely happy, and you loved me enough to keep it 100 with me, because thats literally all I asked for. I wish you loved me how I loved you.. because this moving on shit is hard. But, its something I have to keep pushing through.. 

- AnonLezbo

[somlbyanon-blog]

Dear Heartbreaker.

Dear Heartbreaker, 

First of all I just want to say that I didn't plan for any of this shit. I didn't plan on having to walk away from you, or learning to be by myself. I didn't plan on waking up every morning sad.. it hurts.. a lot. Why the fuck am I so sad if I’m doing whats best for me? 

You hurt me really bad.. to the point where all that pain identifies who I am. I don’t know who I am anymore. Now that you’re gone I can’t be myself, an insecure bitch, a control freak, a dominator, an FBI detective.. I’m just sad and empty. 

I knew you’re no good for me, but at this moment I’d rather be in the comfort of the pain you cause, than by myself.  I’d rather be talking to you and you lie to me than talking to nobody..

I’m so fucking mad at you. Why did you do this shit to us? Why couldn’t you just keep it real from the jump? I gave you everything. I sacrificed so much, for you to keep on with the bullshit. 

My heart hurts everyday and I put on this front trying to ignore it. I’m just going to fake it until I make it. I hope one day you feel how I feel. I hope one day you give someone 110% and they tear you to pieces.. because that’s what you did, you tore me to pieces. 

My friends warned me about you and I should’ve listened. They told me you would be no fucking good and I ignored them, because I saw something so much greater in you... Right now I really wish I listened. 

I’m not the same anymore but I can't wait to get better. I just want you to know that you fucking ruined me. Fuck you.. 

- AnonLezbo

[somlbyanon-blog]

Note to self.

Hey Me, 

This is your inner conscious telling you to cheer the fuck up. I know your stressed out, I know that life is hitting you from tons of different angles, I know you walk around with a front like everything is okay but you’re really sad inside, I know you wish things were different, I know you miss her.... 

Look, you weren't happy, thats why we had to let it go. I know your daily routines are going to have to change up and it’s weird not including her everyday but bro.. listen.. it’s what’s best. She hurt you remember? She knew everything about you, your heart, your soul, your hopes and dreams.. what made you laugh, what made you cry.. she knew about your past relations and what makes you snap, the things that may make you feel insecure. We thought she was our best fucking friend back in 2015.. She hurt us.. in ways I’m sure not many can understand. We haven’t been the same since huh?.. Became completely insecure. We’ve never felt a pain like that in our heart like that ever.. We loved her.. she was it for us.. forever and ever.. 

You have to let her go tho, this was was just a lesson. A mighty fucking hard lesson but look at us! were pushing through.. were getting up every morning and living. This isn't the end of the world man, God has such greater plans for us. We can’t be held back, not now. This pain that were feeling is going to subside, promise once you are fully healed were going to look back at this and take a good ole deep breath and just thank him.. for the strength to yet again, conquer this obstacle. 

You found someone who loves you, and is pretty damn genuine. Why are you having such a hard time loving her? What do you feel is missing? The lies? the cheating? The Bullshit? The unhappiness? Hell yeah, i would hope you learned the first time! Let her love you, and love her back with whatever you have left.. because you can.. and she will take whatever you give and DOUBLE it. I promise.. I have a good feeling about her. She's different man.. Go love that girl and don’t ever look back ok? Your heart is so happy when you're with her huh? I can tell.. something about her smile and the way her presence brings you such joy. WTF did we do to deserve her.. It’s okay to move on.. allow yourself to be happy. What’s yours will come your way effortlessly. 

[somlbyanon-blog]

What If.. ?

Tbh, sometimes I wish I wasn’t attracted to females. If I was born straight then I wouldn’t have had to go through those stupid lesbian phases; The phase where I didn't feel like I was normal because I didn't like boys when all my other friends did, or the phase where family members started to question my “lesbian tendencies,” and start asking questions about sexuality when I had no Idea that being a lesbian was a thing, or my favorite phase, trying to categorize myself, because nobody can be just a lesbian... “Are you a dyke, a fem, a stud, a butch”????  

Existing in general is just so hard for me. I have this inner person, the real me, that wants to desparately be set free but can't. The fight between what everyone else wants me to be and my true self trying to reveal itself is exhausting. My mom’s my biggest critique.. She knows I'm gay, she knows I struggle but won’t accept me for who I am. As a parent, when the news came that you are bringing another life into this world, your number one obligation is to make sure that you love that little human unconditionally; straight, gay, fat, skinny, smart, blind, disabled.. etc. I struggle with trying to make my mother happy.  i can’t help that I’m into my “dyke ass haircut” on my head to the size 8 men air jordans on my feet. I used to get so jealous when my female friends had such great relationships with their moms. Mine is pretty damn judgmental and very simple minded. That’s only because she doesn’t love herself tho, so I can’t expect her to love me like I want her too. 

All my life, to this day, about 19 years, I’ve been told what to look like, how to present myself so SHE’S not embarrassed, to wear girly ass accessories, and to wear my hair so I don’t “look like a boy.” She's embarrassed at the fact that I’m a lesbian. Shit hurts me everyday, I hate having to consider another person when I want to express myself and be an individual.. Shit, I'm not even an individual, I'm a sorry ass reflection of someone else expectations. I think she thinks I want to be a ass butch with a military cut and sag my pants everywhere I go. Thats literally not my personality, the most masculine thing on my body is my “dyke ass” mohawk I love so much. Otherwise.. I’m just an average 19 year old college student. 

Everyday I think about what my life would be if I wasn't fucking lesbian. Would we have relationships life my friends and their moms? Would my hair even be an issue if I was attracted to men? Would I have had more freedom growing up? Would I have been loved differently.. 

- Anon Lezbo.  

[somlbyanon-blog]

I feel like society places so much pressure on people these days to pursue careers that will get you the most MONEY. And as a result people wind up neglecting their talents and interests to pursue a career that they have no interest in whatsoever. Why are you wasting time and money investing your life trying to satisfying standards that are not your own!! Instead, embrace things you love and pursue it. You want to be a doctor because of the money and all the possessions? Possessions don't make you rich.. find richness in a happy life doing something you love. We're literally not here for long so why waste your time being anything other than genuinely satisfied with your own life. 

 - Anon Lezbo.