I'm so proud of you for being alive, even though you're hurting, you still chose to stay. you are so brave. 🌟💛✨🌻🌈🌸
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@sonofapunkvent
I'm so proud of you for being alive, even though you're hurting, you still chose to stay. you are so brave. 🌟💛✨🌻🌈🌸
There is no one who has a monopoly or “one size fits all” guide to trauma healing.
It’s likely your recovery is going to be a mix of a lot of different approaches.
Your experience may be similar to others. Maybe even the things you’re struggling with. But no one approach is going to have the answers you want and solve it all for you.
What I mean by this is it’s okay if your recovery looks different. It’s okay if things that work for others don’t work for you. It doesn’t make you a failure or anything of the sort.
You’re you, and you’re unique and that means your healing will be too.
“but it wasn’t that bad”
did it hurt? did you feel scared? unsafe? were you embarrassed? humiliated? terrified? did you feel confused on why? does it keep you up at night? do you avoid being in a similar situation? did you cry? did you want to cry? who told you it wasn’t that bad?
You are not what they did to you. You are not the things they’ve said about you. You are not the things they think about you.
You are you.
And you are wonderful
Neurotypical Person: "Just talk to people. Stop being afraid of rejection. The only way you'll fail is if you don't even try. Have some confidence."
Autistic Person: (asks whatever questions they can think of from a prepared list and the conversation ends up being awkward and forced)
Autistic Person: (infodumps about their special interest and gets labeled as annoying)
Autistic Person: (comments on something they observe and gets labeled as judgmental)
Autistic Person: (approaches random people in random places, not realizing that there are some places where people don't expect to be approached, and gets threatened)
Autistic Person: (talks to someone, misses a subtle cue that they want to be left alone, and gets labeled as disrespectful of boundaries)
Autistic Person: (tries to join someone's conversation and gets labeled as an eavesdropper)
Autistic Person: (teases someone as a joke because they've seen that that's how a lot of people interact with each other, not realizing that they don't have enough of a connection with this person to do that, and gets labeled as mean)
Autistic Person: (tries to talk to someone who's already talking to someone else and gets labeled as rude for interrupting, and waiting until they're alone to avoid interrupting isn't an option because that rarely ever happens)
Autistic Person: (approaches someone or faces in their general direction while trying to think of what to say to them, and gets labeled as a creep for hovering or staring)
Autistic Person: (talks to someone too often and gets labeled as clingy)
Autistic Person: (talks to someone, by some miracle it works and this person actually enjoys the conversation, but now they have to do it again and again and again, and they eventually run out of things to talk about or do something wrong)
Autistic Person: "I don't get it. I talked to people. I did exactly what I was told to do. And I didn't say anything sexual, anything gross, anything about death, or anything else that would be considered 'obvious'. But it didn't work. It can't be because I did something wrong, because I followed the advice exactly and so many people insisted that that's all I have to do. There must be something wrong with me. Maybe I'm just unattractive."
Started using crutches to help me walk. A waiter pushed my chair in for me with me in it today, like a child. This is not standard practice at that restaurant. It happened because it's the first time I've been there since using mobility aids. Wtf
I just want everything to go away... The pain, the memories, the sadness, the nightmares, the panic attacks, the hopelessness, the fear, the hungry, all the voices in my mind. I'm just tired and I don't want to be fighting all my life.
"Memories, memories are torturing my existence"
I'm gonna be honest with you besties I'm not being very successful at this whole not letting sexual assault trauma eat me alive thing
You infected me. I lay sick, the wounds you gave me festering. I want to throw up. To get you out of me. To get this sickness out of me. But I can't. You've hemmed yourself into my memory. Into the way I think. Into the way I act. Am I me? Or am I someone else? Did you turn me into something else? You infected me. It's seeps onto my blood. It courses through my veins. I don't know how to heal from you.
Radfems who constantly bring up statistics about SA to say that SA by women isn’t “as bad” please shut the fuck up. You are not helping survivors. SA is one of the most underreported crimes and different countries have different laws. In some places women can’t legally be considered rapists. The next time you pull “99% of rapists are men” think about that.
there’s nothing you could do or say
that makes the things you did okay
I think the difficult thing with trauma responses and fears is that when people try to comfort you by saying your fears wont happen is that: well actually, they did happen? Why would they not happen again? I have no reason to believe they wont. I want to prepare myself for when they happen again. And the advice of 'Don't assume people are out to get you and hurt you' is so hard to believe because you've experienced that actually, people were out there to hurt you. It's so hard to regain trust in people once it's been broken.
To all abuse survivors, just a reminder:
Your trauma is still valid if...
1. You don't have detailed memories of what happened.
2. Nobody knows.
3. You were not physically/sexually abused.
4. No one else recognizes that the person (or people) who hurt you is/are an abuser.
5. You have some good memories with that person.
6. Your abuser was your parent or other family member.
7. You haven't been diagnosed with PTSD.
8. You are able to live a healthy and happy day to day life.
9. You don't want to talk about it.
10. Other people don't understand what you're going through.