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Stranger Things
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izzy's playlists!
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cherry valley forever
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occasionally subtle
Acquired Stardust
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Andulka
Peter Solarz
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@slithymomerath
i like to pretend i already died and asked god to send me back to earth so i can swim in lakes again and see mountains and get my heart broken and love my friends and cry so hard in the bathroom and go grocery shopping 1,000 more times. and that i promised i would never forget the miracle of being here
Realizing that I am not employing enough of my free will to become a nuisance at work
Me watching this:
I’m not letting this rot in the tags
call-out post for my 5 year old cousin:
i just caught her “playing pretend” with her hot wheels and simulating high speed car crashes. not only is this disrespectful to people who have died or been injured in a car crash, but it also likely indicates that she will go on to intentionally cause car crashes in the future. please everyone reach out to her friends, extended family, and possible future employers to let them know she’s an irredeemable monster and is contributing to real world harm!
my stance on the trans athlete debate is always and forever going to be that sports should be completely desegregated because humans have one of the smallest levels of sexual dimorphism in the animal kingdom and the disparity we see between male and female performance is entirely caused by social factors rather than anything biological. “should trans women compete against cis women” i think cis men and cis women could compete fairly but that’s apparently a little too spicy for people to wrap their minds around bc they’ve been told their whole lives women are biologically inferior & never thought to question that. or wonder if it’s maybe a self fulfilling prophecy of some kind. are women biologically inferior or do they appear so because patriarchy demands that of us?
and once you start to factor in how boy's sports receive far more support, funding, and opportunities than girl sports. how young men are encouraged to work out and eat because they are "growing boys" while girls are still shamed for lifting weights and eating "too much" because they will get "bulky"; you start to wonder how much of it is nature vs. nurture.
@anxieties-alleviated just tagging you because I saw your comment on this topic, and comments are restricted on this post or I would have responded there, but I think your take is correct and I’m sad it got pushed aside so fast.
Speaking from my perspective as a trans man, having played years of women’s soccer and then transitioning to a men’s college club team, and following that up with about 5 years of indoor bouldering with friends of many genders: there is a real physical difference. I’m sure it is exacerbated by how we treat men’s vs women’s sports, and how we discourage women from overachieving in physical activities. I’m sure the difference will continue to shrink somewhat as we become a more feminist society. But it is a real physical difference, and it’s clear the moment you set foot on the field with a bunch of cis men as a pre-transition trans man. I can beat the ones who don’t have much soccer experience, but there’s a difference in how our bodies move, if we compare the best women players I know in person vs the best men.
I think we do our cause a disservice by acting like all of the gender performance difference is socialization. Even if it was, I think it’s meaningful to create spaces for top women athletes to dominate NOW, before we fix the sexism that prevents little girls from reaching their full potential. It’s not arguable that if we eliminated all sports categories right now, woman would fall out of the top 100 players of most sports. You can look up matches between top competitors of different genders in all sorts of sports, and see the outcome.
I wish it wasn’t true, believe me. I spent my childhood resentful that the boys I used to be able to beat in a sprint could outrun, outkick, and outlift me for some reason now. But we gotta work with the truth.
skill issue lmao
my stance on the trans athlete debate is always and forever going to be that sports should be completely desegregated because humans have one of the smallest levels of sexual dimorphism in the animal kingdom and the disparity we see between male and female performance is entirely caused by social factors rather than anything biological. “should trans women compete against cis women” i think cis men and cis women could compete fairly but that’s apparently a little too spicy for people to wrap their minds around bc they’ve been told their whole lives women are biologically inferior & never thought to question that. or wonder if it’s maybe a self fulfilling prophecy of some kind. are women biologically inferior or do they appear so because patriarchy demands that of us?
and once you start to factor in how boy's sports receive far more support, funding, and opportunities than girl sports. how young men are encouraged to work out and eat because they are "growing boys" while girls are still shamed for lifting weights and eating "too much" because they will get "bulky"; you start to wonder how much of it is nature vs. nurture.
@anxieties-alleviated just tagging you because I saw your comment on this topic, and comments are restricted on this post or I would have responded there, but I think your take is correct and I’m sad it got pushed aside so fast.
Speaking from my perspective as a trans man, having played years of women’s soccer and then transitioning to a men’s college club team, and following that up with about 5 years of indoor bouldering with friends of many genders: there is a real physical difference. I’m sure it is exacerbated by how we treat men’s vs women’s sports, and how we discourage women from overachieving in physical activities. I’m sure the difference will continue to shrink somewhat as we become a more feminist society. But it is a real physical difference, and it’s clear the moment you set foot on the field with a bunch of cis men as a pre-transition trans man. I can beat the ones who don’t have much soccer experience, but there’s a difference in how our bodies move, if we compare the best women players I know in person vs the best men.
I think we do our cause a disservice by acting like all of the gender performance difference is socialization. Even if it was, I think it’s meaningful to create spaces for top women athletes to dominate NOW, before we fix the sexism that prevents little girls from reaching their full potential. It’s not arguable that if we eliminated all sports categories right now, woman would fall out of the top 100 players of most sports. You can look up matches between top competitors of different genders in all sorts of sports, and see the outcome.
I wish it wasn’t true, believe me. I spent my childhood resentful that the boys I used to be able to beat in a sprint could outrun, outkick, and outlift me for some reason now. But we gotta work with the truth.
i just think it’s fascinating that because you couldn’t keep up with your male peers that you think women as a category can’t ever keep up with male peers in any sport at all. truly an issue of making your problem every one else’s problem
:( that’s not very nice
my stance on the trans athlete debate is always and forever going to be that sports should be completely desegregated because humans have one of the smallest levels of sexual dimorphism in the animal kingdom and the disparity we see between male and female performance is entirely caused by social factors rather than anything biological. “should trans women compete against cis women” i think cis men and cis women could compete fairly but that’s apparently a little too spicy for people to wrap their minds around bc they’ve been told their whole lives women are biologically inferior & never thought to question that. or wonder if it’s maybe a self fulfilling prophecy of some kind. are women biologically inferior or do they appear so because patriarchy demands that of us?
and once you start to factor in how boy's sports receive far more support, funding, and opportunities than girl sports. how young men are encouraged to work out and eat because they are "growing boys" while girls are still shamed for lifting weights and eating "too much" because they will get "bulky"; you start to wonder how much of it is nature vs. nurture.
@anxieties-alleviated just tagging you because I saw your comment on this topic, and comments are restricted on this post or I would have responded there, but I think your take is correct and I’m sad it got pushed aside so fast.
Speaking from my perspective as a trans man, having played years of women’s soccer and then transitioning to a men’s college club team, and following that up with about 5 years of indoor bouldering with friends of many genders: there is a real physical difference. I’m sure it is exacerbated by how we treat men’s vs women’s sports, and how we discourage women from overachieving in physical activities. I’m sure the difference will continue to shrink somewhat as we become a more feminist society. But it is a real physical difference, and it’s clear the moment you set foot on the field with a bunch of cis men as a pre-transition trans man. I can beat the ones who don’t have much soccer experience, but there’s a difference in how our bodies move, if we compare the best women players I know in person vs the best men.
I think we do our cause a disservice by acting like all of the gender performance difference is socialization. Even if it was, I think it’s meaningful to create spaces for top women athletes to dominate NOW, before we fix the sexism that prevents little girls from reaching their full potential. It’s not arguable that if we eliminated all sports categories right now, woman would fall out of the top 100 players of most sports. You can look up matches between top competitors of different genders in all sorts of sports, and see the outcome.
I wish it wasn’t true, believe me. I spent my childhood resentful that the boys I used to be able to beat in a sprint could outrun, outkick, and outlift me for some reason now. But we gotta work with the truth.
pointing out the hypocrisy of fascists is not really about trying to 'gotcha' the fascists its one of the many things that is done to help keep whats going on clear to the fence sitters and try to move them of their fence
Which is, I think, an important distinction to hold in your head the entire time you interact with these hypocrites; you are never going to beat them. By their rules, it is literally impossible to win. Easier to use a teaspoon to empty the sea. So you should use only the amount of energy necessary to point out the contradiction for the viewers, the readers, the fence-sitters and the lurkers-in-email, and then *stop.*
Continuing past the point of usefulness will mire you down and waste you. And their energy for this is endless, because they have neither morals nor care for humanity.
I feel it would be good to have a word that's like not ragebait but shamebait, where you can read a post and just go 'ah, this person just wants me to feel ashamed of myself and is not engaging with the issue in a constructive or useful way. I do not have to participate in this actually' and like. move on with your day
they need to invent the opposite of an nda called an fda where u have to tell everyone everything
subpoena
tumblr
alcohol
war thunder forums
was thinking abt the difference in how (some) people view women's products as "things companies are trying to sell to women" while men's products are "things men want as consumers" and like. men's desires are constructed by the patriarchy. this is the problem w engaging w the concept of the patriarchy as like, the culmination of every single individual man's active desires instead of a system inherently intertwined with other systems of power. like men are constructed manhood is sold to you! if you think that everything the patriarchy says about women is a lie but you take it at it's word on The Ways Men Naturally Are. I simply need you to rethink things
From I Am A Transwoman. I Am In The Closet. I Am Not Coming Out. by Jennifer Coates
when you post "The Article About Internalized Transmisogyny" to make a point about masculinity jfc
The Article About Internalized Transmisogny literally ends by making a point about manhood and masculinity and misandry in queer/feminist spaces:
I hate that the only effective response I can give to “boys are shit” is “well I’m not a boy.” I feel like I am selling out the boy in baseball pajamas that sat with me on the bed while I tried to figure out which one I was supposed to be, and the boys who I have met and loved from inside my boy suit—who believed they were talking to a boy. I feel like I am burning the history of the naked body that sits on the floor of my shower. The body that went to prom in a boxy tuxedo and coveted the dresses.
Because I am not a boy, but I had a boyhood. I was, and am, made to live as a boy and I cannot suspend the perspective that gave me and join in when it’s time to fluster one of those clueless fuckers into anger by calling him a fuckboi and then tell him his anger proves he’s a fuckboi, or to humiliate one with an OKCupid screenshot because we’ve willfully conflated the clumsy ones with the threatening ones so we can grab those solidarity faves. It’s fucked up. It has metastasized.
More than a few out transwomen have told me, privately, they they are uncomfortable with these things, but are afraid that speaking up about it would cause ciswomen to like and trust them less. “I play along,” one of them told me, “because in the queer community the only people who defend cisboys are cisboys. I don’t want to give up finally being read as a girl.”
Another says “I do the misandry stuff because it’s an easy way to earn queer cred points, but when I think about it it makes me uncomfortable.”
Another: “It’s a coping habit I’m not proud of. If I agree ‘girls rule boys drool’ it makes me feel more like a girl.”
Have you noticed, when a product is marketed in an unnecessarily gendered way, that the blame shifts depending on the gender? That a pink pen made “for women” is (and this is, of course, true) the work of idiotic cynical marketing people trying insultingly to pander to what they imagine women want? But when they make yogurt “for men” it is suddenly about how hilarious and fragile masculinity is — how men can’t eat yogurt unless their poor widdle bwains can be sure it doesn’t make them gay? #MasculinitySoFragile is aimed, with smug malice, at men—not marketers.
This conclusion—widely shared—is a product of insulated discourse. What I am NOT saying is: “open the floodgates, let in the shitty male trolls!” I know the trolls—they have tried to be my friends, they have tried to sneak into feminist spaces with no desire to learn or listen. I understand not trusting men who loudly and constantly hold forth on women’s issues and refuse to accept when they are mistaken. I’m not encouraging anyone to trust blindly. I am pleading to the discoursers: consider that this insulation has effects and try to mitigate them, if your priority really is finding truth amid a muck of concealed patriarchal lies. Check to see if maybe you are saying things and reproducing things mostly because it sounds good and feels good and nobody is challenging them.
These are not discursive problems that only apply to an “undercover” transwoman, these are discursive problems that are seemingly only visible to an “undercover” transwoman forced to carry multiple perspectives like bactrian humps.
Because I am interested in complicating your definition of maleness and of boyhood. I was born into that shitty town, maleness, in the remains of outdated ideals and misplaced machismo and repression and there are some good people stuck living there. They are not in charge. They did not build it. And I don’t feel okay just moving out and saying “fuck y’all — bootstrap your way out or die out, I was never one of you.” I want to make it a better, healthier place—not spend all my time talking about how shitty it is and how anyone who would choose to live there deserves it. And to me that means considering them with charity, even when they make it difficult to. [...] Because it’s not a small deal that the words “not all men” have become entwined inextricably with male fragility and whininess. It makes it awfully easy to insulate the (largely cis-)female perspective on what males are. To begin a statement with those words—“Not All Men”—is to give grounds to anyone who wants to laugh at the rest of it. But here is the truth: not all men are what you think they are. Man does not mean what you think it means. Generalizing harshly and broadly but implying “you know which ones I mean” is an intellectual and rhetorical laziness that is not allowed to pass anywhere else in these communities. Because we don’t get to choose who our words and behavior affect, we are obligated to choose them carefully.
'women's products as "things companies are trying to sell to women" while men's products are "things men want as consumers"' — The 'active male / passive female' schtick appearing for the thousandth time. That's the core of patriarchal gender and it's everywhere once you start looking.
Also, yeah, while it's cool that I get to stop cosplaying as a man, the things I thought sucked about masculinity were not only gender dysphoria. A lot of it was gender dysphoria. Some of it wasn't. I don't actually think most men are benefiting from the patriarchy, they're just being told they benefit while people are shitty to them.
normal country latest
You CANNOT hide these in the tags @injuries-in-dust
Daughter of fantasy villains decides to rebel against her parents by actually going through with her arranged marriage to a local golden retriever of a prince instead of running off with some local villain-to-be or conquering said golden retriever’s kingdom and ruling it solo like her parents expect her to. Plus, sue her, she’s into the clean-cut earnest look.
At the same time, local prince charming discovers that he’s actually very into the gothic fiance his parents have landed him with in order to try and establish peace with the local evil lair down the lane, he would never have guessed a spiderweb pattern could look so fetching on a ball gown…?
Meanwhile, two pairs of parents in a tizzy because they both expected their offspring to whole-heartedly reject this union and give them an excuse to conquer their goody-two-shoes/evil neighbours, they’re not supposed to actually like each other-!
respective friend groups undergoing culture clash like all of prince charming’s knights are like what vile spell has been used to ensorcel our prince. we must be on our guard for surely this is but a ruse for an assassination attempt
meanwhile the villain bride’s friends are all like clearly he loves you not, why do you persist in a manner that will ensure your own heart break, i mean if he was taking this seriously there would be at least three assassination attempts by now. it’s like he doesn’t even notice that you have massive amounts of dark power to covet for his own
smashcut to
fully armored knight, clanging through the hallways in attempts at stealth, blades drawn: i’m just saying, i took an oath of protection. this feels wrong.
prince charming: it’s not wrong, it’s celebrating cross cultural traditions for my beloved bride
knight: it’s attempted murder
prince charming: it’s a loving attempted murder
@chucktaylorupset Meanwhile the bride has a bouquet of roses, cornflowers, and wheat sheaves on her desk in her room, and she’s not coming out until she’s written a beautiful and moving poem about how they favourably compare to her groom. It’s been three days. She’s gone through an entire raven’s worth of quills (unethically sourced). The ‘toads who used to be my friends’ list has gone up by one. But she’s bent dark forces and eldritch spirits to her will and, by the powers obscene, this will not be the thing that breaks her.
Sorceress friend: Please, just get him an amulet that will double his power at the cost of his soul, no one’s worth this.
Rebellious villainess: (nearly in tears) No, he brought his best knights to the castle and tried to kill me last week, at midnight, I can’t ignore something like that! He even kicked Cathulhu!
Sorceress friend: He nudged it with his foot. And then he apologized to it. In tears.
Rebellious villainess: (actually in tears now, for reasons of feels instead of poetic torment) He’s trying so hard!!!
Villainess: Beloathed, I need a goat.
Prince: Of course, darling - may I inquire as to what for?
Villainess: Blood sacrifice to the dark gods, you know how it is.
Prince: …
Prince: …darling, you know I support your lifestyle choices, but I must say this before it potentially happens.
Prince: I’m not all right with human sacrifice. That’s one of my boundaries. I don’t know if you do that or not, but it seemed a topical time to bring it up.
Villainess: (carefree laugh) Oh beloathed, don’t worry yourself about such things, I would never!
Villainess: (leading him off to the goat market) Only incompetents use actual humans. Skilled practitioners of the dark arts know that a goat is not only a sufficient sacrifice, but the superior one.
Prince: You don’t say? Fascinating!
@sapphire-monkey One of the nobles against the marriage in the prince’s kingdom invites the villainess to a local village’s blessing ritual, secure in the knowledge that it’s not only custom to wear the absolute palest white or undyed linen/woolen clothing one owns, it’s a requirement of the ritual and sacrilegious to do otherwise. Let’s see you deal with that miss all-black-wardrobe.
She arrives in diaphanous white silk edged with lace that gives the impression of beautifully tattered hems, all of it drifting gently around her on the spring breeze to give the feeling of a wraith from a haunted castle or something of the such. While not her personal cup of tea, she finds the ritual very moving, and absolutely understands why its one of her beloathed’s favorites.
One of the nobles from her kingdom, meanwhile, decides, fuck it, and just turns the prince into a frog. It takes her two minutes to find and fix him.
Villain noble: How.
Villainess: True love’s kiss, bitch.
Villain noble: (seethes)
The prince, meanwhile, pissed off the entire villainous court for the recent engagement ball that was held by knowing and responding accordingly to all the proper threats and insults. He studied before doing this, and he’s not going to shame darling in front of her peers! Bastard even managed to subdue his chivalry long enough to flirt with one of her friends right in front of her, how dare he be so considerate and sensitive to her needs like that-!?
First time the Prince finds out Villainess can transform into a gigantic fire-breathing dragon is a very O_OU moment for him.
Villainess: Are you surprised I can? It’s a common ability.
Prince: I didn’t want to assume.
Villainess: …
Prince: (sweats)
Villainess: …you’re picturing me turning into a dragon and riding on my back into battle, aren’t you?
Prince: N-no, no, of course not-!
Villainess: (drapes in his lap) It’s okay, we’d look fantastic. (sly expression) And probably scary enough to get the enemy forces to surrender without any needless bloodshed.
Prince: (sweating) Darling, are you trying to tempt me into putting you into a position where you could be injured in battle?
Villainess: A little. :3 (more seriously) But it is also on the table if we ever need to defend our throne. It’s the sort of thing that form’s for, really.
Prince: If you’re comfortable with it, then very well, it shall be added to the list of acceptable strategies.
(comfortable cuddling for a moment)
Prince: I imagine you make a very majestic dragon.
Villainess: (preening) I really do.
Prince: Perhaps we should have a tapestry done of it, then? It could hang opposite the one of my family’s crest in the throne room when we someday ascend the thrones ourselves.
Villainess: 8O! Beloathed, I would adore a tapestry of that! (cuddles further against him) Oh, and across from your family crest! That would be such a slap in the face to my parents, having a tapestry of me there instead of their own crest.
Prince: (hadn’t thought of it that way, but is happy that she’s happy)
Villainess comes in one night thoroughly out of sorts because her stupid cousin’s decided to make a move on her rights to the souls of their ancestors, and the jerk’s competent enough to actually have a potential chance at getting them, too, like he’d even wear the necklace of jewels they’re trapped in-!!!
The Prince listens patiently to her frustration until she’s finished, then considers for a few minutes.
“Darling, about that banquet your family’s having next fortnight - will your cousin be in attendance?”
“Yes, he’ll be using it to lay the groundwork of his plans. Why?”
“Would it be all right if I popped in for a bit? And was rather more… myself than I usually am around your parents?”
“…I suppose it’d be all right.”
“Wonderful!” (kisses her hand) “Perhaps wear those full-arm gloves your friend got you for the event - the ones that allow you to handle blessed objects without them interfering with your dark powers?”
“Well now I’m just curious. I shall do as you request, beloathed.”
The night of he shows up to the banquet positively radiating charm, good will, and benevolence, decked out in full armor that’s glowing slightly. Oh this? It’s the ancestral trappings of one of his relatives who was a champion of the stellar deities, those who guide ones who have become lost in darkness? He’s not a holy champion himself, but he is a fully-realized warrior of light and family, so he’s permitted to wear it at times. Oh yes, he completed his warrior of light trials when he was eighteen, when on a quest and everything! That’s where he earned his sword - it’s actually a shard of sunlight, you know, not metal. That’s why he’s called Prince of the Sun and Stars sometimes - bit of a grandiose title, really, but the artists and poets enjoy playing with the imagery, and who is he to deny them, especially when Darling is so fond of the stars herself! There’s a lass in one of the kingdom’s villages doing a portrait of the two of them together playing with that motif, actually, and it looks like it’s going to to be absolutely lovely when it’s done-
And he continues to be cheerful, charming, and just the nicest, most polite guy for the time he’s there while also reminding everyone in no uncertain terms that, for as long as the forces of evil have been trying to quash the forces of good, his side has been working at the opposite. And his side tends to win more often. And maybe it would be wise not to pick a fight with Darling because he’d hate to have to do battle with a potential in-law in the path of supporting her family’s traditions regarding people who cross them…
Jerk cousin is thoroughly cowed out of making an attempt at the family-filled jewels, and Villainess’s friends are standing with her off to the side going, “Okay, beginning to see what you see in him now.” Villainess herself is walking around with on safely-gloved hand on his arm as he intimidates the hell out of everyone she knows in order to help her protect what’s hers, swooning a little bit inside the whole time.
(Hers might be more diversely applicable, but Villainess isn’t the only one bringing something to the table in terms of power. Prince is generally more useful for things like getting birds to sing in chorus or making friends with bunnies, but his family does specialize in slaying evil. She may be skilled at facing enemies of all sorts, but he’s prepared specifically for anyone in her home court who might try to backstab her.)
@ninjakittenarmy Is the gown made of actual spider silk. Because that sounds fitting, especially since spider silk is actually a really good material.
Princess: “You like it? It’s made of giant spider silk straight from the underdark!”
Prince: Oh uh that’s really- wait, you can make clothes out of spider silk?
Princess: Yeah! It’s really tough too! You can even make light armor out of it.
The two have a several hours long conversation about spider agriculture. The prince receives spider silk under armor as a wedding gift.
Oh my gods, yes, absolutely!
@imaginapalminthemorning #Addams family origin story
Congratulations, you are officially the smartest person on the entire thread, holy flip-?!?
Villainess is chilling in Prince’s court one day and a lady of the court storms up to her in tears, make-up running, and is just, “One of your friends turned my fiance into a newt, a newt, and he fell in the moat before I could catch him and I don’t know how to find him, or how to change him back if I do find him, and the library only has information on frog and bear transformations, and no one knows what to to do and you’re the only person who might know what to do, please help me-!” (bursts into inconsolable tears)
This throws Villainess through a loop, people don’t tend to whole-heartedly throw their trust in others like this at her place, this is super unsettling, so she just responds in the way she usually would, “Oh? And what price are you willing to pay?”
“Anything.”
…ooooooooh that is so, so tempting, why are people in this court so earnest, don’t they realize that the reason the higher nobles are worried about her marriage to their prince is the very real potential that she could use this opportunity to cast their country and its people into a thousand years of ruin and despair, bare minimum…?! But it would make Darling unhappy if she’s too mean about this, so, “How about your dignity, then? First off, we’ll have to get you out of that dress…” (seductive smirk and cock of the hips)
Court lady: (still in tears but hands immediately go to her bodice laces to start undoing)
Villainess: (grabbing her hands) OKAY, WHOA, HOLD UP, WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF COURT, HAVE SOME STANDARDS!!! Just- just go put on something you don’t mind getting all messed up, we’re going to have to get in the moat a bit for this, and even the edges are all muddy.
Court lady: Oh. (sniffles) Okay. Thank-you.
They spend the next three hours dredging around the moat to find the right newt and then perform the right ceremony to turn him human again. He appears naked and covered in mud and court lady unabashedly flings herself into his arms, sobbing in relief this time, and it’s disgustingly wholesome and romantic.
Newt Lordling: (once he’s finished doing a bit of sobbing of his own into his fiance’s hair) Wait, aren’t you Neskatina’s friend? Could you tell her that my sister likes daffodils? Girls, and daffodils? I tried to tell her myself, but the newt thing happened before I could get past asking her to stop with the threatening letters. We- we really don’t send those around here unless we mean it, she’s been finding it a bit upsetting. Daffodils would be much better received.
Villainess: …noted.
OH MY SAINTED AUNT PLEASE PUT THIS ON AO3 SO I CAN SUBSCRIBE TO IT
villain going to the goon shelter to pick out a new henchman
this energetic and diabolical boy was rescued from a goon hoarding situation… he loves pulling levers, gloating, and turning cranks with great abandon. prefers to be the only goon. needs an active lair with plenty of enrichment.
now this fella comes with some baggage. his previous villain was going to have put down when he refused to perform unsedated human vivisection as a form of torture. one of our agents intercepted the execution and brought him to the goon shelter. would thrive in an environment of G or PG-rated villainry.
on the other hand, if you’re looking for something a little more… advanced… then this fine lady over here would make a great challenge for an experienced villain able to set firm boundaries. she will NOT be released to first-time villains; proof of prior henchpeople must be demonstrated before adoption approval. high prey drive. under no circumstances should she be left alone with children or small animals. must sign waiver releasing the goon shelter from responsibility if her behavior is deemed excessively depraved.
These two are pair-bonded and may only be adopted together. Up for anything, they are fiercely loyal to their employer provided their needs are met and they are permitted to hold hands. They look alarmingly similar to one another but it is undeterminable whether they are close blood relatives or lovers who choose to dress and style themselves in identical ways. Habit of finishing each other’s sentences with rhyming couplets; we have not attempted to train this out of them. Will answer to whatever names or titles you give them so long as they are complimentary and/or rhyme.
Will you help this goon find his forevil lair? He’s been returned to the goon shelter six times now but we refuse to give up on him. A vile little rat of a man, he’d be the perfect accomplice to someone willing to overlook his unfortunate heterosexuality. If gay-coding is not your style and you don’t expect it from a henchman, please consider giving this little guy a good home in your dastardly schemes.
This guy is not your typical goon. He was rescued from a high-kill shelter after being deemed unfit for henching. His deep baritone voice, his darkly handsome good looks, and his flair for the dramatic have made prospective employers pass over him time and time again, making him the longest resident of the goon shelter. But don’t judge a book by its cover—while his appearance and demeanor suggest “villain”, his real passion is taking orders and faithfully serving a master. If you’re secure in your villainry and not prone to jealousy, he may just be what it takes to turn your base into a lair.
if you work in a creative field...or if you do creative hobbies like writing or drawing...you need to make friends with people who don't do those things. you need to befriend normie Steve who has never written a story in his life. and this is because when you are in a creative job or hobby and spend all your time doing that thing, surrounded by very capable people, who you inevitably compare your own progress and skills to, you forget what the baseline human skill at that thing is. and it's usually zero. normie Steve has not written a story since the 3rd grade when his teacher made him do it. he's very good at other things that are not storytelling - but if you tell normie Steve that you wrote a full 300-page book from start to finish, he will think you're some kind of savant. he does not know ANYONE else who has done this. you need this perspective. because when you're constantly on Let's Write Stories dot Com then everyone on Let's Write Stories dot Com will inevitably be like "oh of course everyone on earth has written a book or several at this point!" and you canNOT let yourself think that. that is not even close to the average human experience. you are in a bubble. do not put yourself down. do not give up.
REAL AND TRUE. my newest normie steve does 40 mile bike rides on a whim and excels at outdoor rock climbing. i will always hype him up.
sometimes a song is good because you saw it on a fan edit for your favorite ship like ten years ago
puppy crushes are such an underrated relationship dynamic. I love a character that's admires another character so much they can't help but have a little crush about it, and the other character has no obligation to return the sentiment. I love when romantic tension/ yearning is resolved by evolution of character rather than obligatory fulfillment of the desire. I love romantic feelings that have to be grown out of for a character to mature.
so the other day a castmate of mine was talking about having once been a little girl (at this point, i all but short-circuited because said castmate is a man in his mid-sixties and my brain had its little moment of “!!!!! trans person!!! and he’s OLD!!!!”) and being asked if there was a famous person he looked up to or wanted to look or be more like. and he said— again, as a little girl at this point— “santa claus!” and everyone thought he was weird for it.
and this story doesn’t read as well over text because you really have to see the guy. but he looks just like santa claus. he’s got the long white hair and the beard and the belly and everything. and i just. the amount of secondhand trans joy i experienced is truly insane. i’m gonna get old! i’m gonna get old the way i wanna get old! hey everybody you’re gonna get old; we’ve been doing it for years!
anyway shoutout to the santa claus of my cast and to every older trans person we love you so fucking much
