SonufaBitchhhhh

Age: 19 | Pronouns: she/her | Sexuality: bi I write fanfics! It’ll take too long to name all the fandoms I’m into, so feel free to request whatever, and I’ll probably write it

[sonufabitchhhhh]

Masterlist

Feel free to leave requests for any fandom! As long as I know the characters, I’ll be happy to write for them!

Metal Family

One shots:

• Dee x Reader: She Fuckin’ Hates Me

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

• Dee x Reader: Your Secrets Out and the Best Part is it isn’t Evan a Good One

Harry Potter

Stories:

• Barty Crouch Jr x Reader: Words, Wars, and Symphonies

Chapter 1

Summary: When Bellatrix and Fenrir drag Barty bag to Malfoy Manor one evening with a big gash across his stomach, that no spell or potion seems to heal, y/n - a sweet Death Eater, the daughter of one of the older followers - steps in with an unconventional method. Barty knows its his last resort, but doesn’t like the vulnerability it causes, but she seems to be getting closer and closer to him, and he can’t explain how she seems to knock a wall down every time he puts one up.

White Collar

Stories:

• Matthew Keller x Reader: You Were My Oppressor, But Now You Are My Handler

Prologue | Chapter 1

Summary: Agent y/n s/n is presented with a difficult question. It seems conman Matthew Keller is looking to cut the same deal as his rival Neal Caffrey, and the bureau has deemed him a worthy asset. The question is: will y/n be his handler? Accepting the offer, Agent s/n's life is about to be a lot more interesting!

[iamaine]

if you're ever beating yourself up for 'missing the obvious hints' that someone is romantically interested in you, know this: i once met a guy who asked out a girl after she sent him nude pictures of herself in the bath and she said she wasn't interested. it is never obvious

[iamaine]

fascinating things happening here

[encryptidarchivist]

count dracula? uhhh ok. one

[zamczysko]

WRONG! searching "dracula" on letterboxd alone gives almost 600 results! and that's just movies! thousands of draculas are upon us

[kozlarz]

cmon they just started… give it some time

[encryptidarchivist]

thank you.

two

[kosmogrl]

I will make a beautiful life for myself no matter how long it takes. I will I will I will

[skinks]

I love that thing when people get a little bit tongue-tied and garble what they’re trying to say so they make a little “blegh” 👅 noise and start over. verbal reset button. hitting the top of the tv to unscramble the signal

[strawbebbynya]

all yall make jokes about couples and their nonromantic third wheel having fun together, but im the one getting treated to food tonight by the couple im nonromantically third wheeling. you wish you were me

[whitachi]

I'm sorry I read this as "necromantic third wheel" and went on a very rapid powerful imagination adventure. hello lovebirds I'm the skeleton here for breadsticks

[for-those-who-wait]

Forgetting your friend is both blind and a professional ragebaiter

[typewriter-worries]

where's that picture that ruined my life

[typewriter-worries]

found it

[typewriter-worries]

this comic did the same thing

[jordanbolton]

To the Person Who Asked If I Was OK

Pre-order my new book here

[blumineck]

The Odyssey if the suitors were competent…

Go Check out Neet- she’s awesome (her socials are at the bottom of the linked page if you want to see some of the training videos for this and other silliness)

[nightvaleofficial]

[kiodja]

swap au part 2 | part 1

[projectorthus]

Grace sends this off as a "fuck you" to Stratt and unintentionally eases 40+ years of horrific guilt.

(40+ factoring in the Hail Mary mission, then the time it would take to get back to Erid and the time it would take for the message to get to Earth. Probably closer to 50+ actually).

(I do think Stratt felt bad. She did a lot of terrible things to save the planet, and obviously felt guilt for sending Grace off. I imagine the time waiting to hear back from the Hail Mary was torture for everyone, but she essentially sent three people off to their deaths, one unwillingly. Hearing that Grace made it out alive would be a huge weight off her shoulders.)

[wizardarchetypes]

it’s sooo funny when rude customers encounter employees who can deny them service for the first time.

i was working at a little cafe where I could deny service over bad behavior, harassment etc. & mask mandates had just ended a week before & already people were being weird about me still wearing mine—an N95, the kind shaped kinda like a duckbill.

so this man walked in, looked at me sooo scathingly, laughed at me, and said “damn. never known a woman to choose…practicality over looks.”

And I just said, “oh. you can go, you’re not getting a drink.” And he said, “what???”

I said, “sir, you just walked in at 6 am & called women impractical and me ugly in one sentence.”

And he was so astonished he didn’t even argue he just turned around and left 💀🙏🏻 it was like he suddenly became self aware

[carolinalaurel]

One summer I was running ferry rides across a lake so people could see the waterfalls without walking 6 miles when a guy snapped my bra strap as he was boarding the boat. So i immediately threw him off, he started yelling for my manager, my boss cheerfully informed him that, yeah, she’s the captain of the boat and she can kick off anyone she wants. He goes to storm off, looks expectantly at his girlfriend, and she just goes, “Well, I’M not walking six miles, Michael! I’ll meet you back at the car!” and sits right back down!!!!

The expression on his face when he was told that he couldn’t get on the boat, then immediately told that his girlfriend was ditching him? PRICELESS. he just blinked at her and then stormed off like a child. I gave her a free hat and was like maybe rethink this relationship…….

[hickeywiththegoodhair]

i once had this fucker come up to order a beer. while i pour it he shows me the wanky fucking chemical structure tattoo on his arm and he’s like “hey. you know what this is” i was like “nah sorry” (never cared abt chemistry in school, plus having to look at a some rando’s pretentious tattoo gives me the douche chills). he decides to respond with “heh. you must not read many books”

i immediately stop pouring his beer. i reply: “heh. you must not want this beer.” thirsty boy immediately starts groveling like a worm “please please no i do want the beer im sorry im sorry” believe me when i say it was one of the most pathetic things ive ever witnessed

[lezbadeez]

gotta love people immediately backpedaling when they realise that there are Consequences To Being Mean

[lastvalyrian]

I genuinely believe that part of why it has become so normalized to be openly callous and evil in politics is that customer service culture has trained affluent people that they can treat everyone they consider beneath them however they want and still be treated kindly.

[were--ralph]

Female one btw

[frawgs]

apparently vic’s vapor rub goes exitinct ? i’ve been using the same vapor rub for years and apparenlty it went bad in the 2010s ..

[frawgs]

expired .

[morganicapples]

[raphalorem]

giving simon wormhole-opening powers so grace can send an instant probe once they're on erid and inflict more psychic damage on the og petrova task force

[birdbyrne]

js the concept of a PHM videolog that starts out with grace and rocky happily going abt their business that then jumpcuts to ryland alone at a desk covered in blood girl im dead