Fighting to stay alive

[dollonlithium]

you know the thoughts are winning when you log back onto tumblr

[sotiredofstayingalive]

Loneliness Kills.

Loneliness Kills.

Loneliness Kills.

Loneliness Kills.

[sotiredofstayingalive]

When I was a child I watched a lot of SPCA on TV and always thought I would ask to be euthanatized when I turn 18. I knew since back then than something was wrong and I'd struggle.

I'm almost 30 now and still alive. My only support system, my dad, died of cancer last year. I have no friends. Basically no family. I have no one. And anyone who gets close to me ends up getting hurt in the end.

I hate it. I wish I had the courage to end it all.

[sotiredofstayingalive]

It's 2026. It's already almost the end of the first quarter of 2026.

And I'm still alive. And I hate it.

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

I have nobody I can talk to. Nobody who actually gets it. Nobody who is self aware. Nobody who won’t judge me or betray what I say. It’s one of the most crushing parts of this. It’s not just being alone. It’s trying to talk and it landing flat. Feeling worse after. Starting to think there’s no point in reaching out at all.

[sotiredofstayingalive]

Me too man... Me too...

[totheoneswhostayupallnight]

Sometimes I forget that I have no real friends and go on my phone expecting something; I don’t even know what, maybe them texting me first for once? Someone actually caring? Someone being interested in me or my life at least a little?

[sotiredofstayingalive]

Imagine if I died on Christmas Eve.

What a gift to the world that would be.

[sotiredofstayingalive]

I don't want to be alive.

I never asked to be alive.

[sotiredofstayingalive]

The worst part of being terribly sick? People come into your life expecting you to change, while pretending they'll accept you the way you are.

They'll accept you until you open up and show them your reality. After that, they just grow tired and eventually leave.

I'm cursed and sometimes I think I should just be alone for the sake of not just not hurting other people, but also not hurting myself.

But I'm so alone...

Why me?

[sotiredofstayingalive]

I'm poison. I come from poison and I ruin everything around me.

[sotiredofstayingalive]

I was born to be miserable.

There's no cure for that.

[sotiredofstayingalive]

I think I just need a friend right now. But I've got no one.

[sotiredofstayingalive]

Am I functional for once or is this hypomania driving me to extremes with the looming crash in the background?

[thatadhdfeel]

i love you adhd meds i love you antidepressants i love you antipsychotics i love you mood stabilizers

[sotiredofstayingalive]

The fact that I'm on one of each of these 💀

[sotiredofstayingalive]

You know that feeling when you think you're finally happy and your life makes sense and you're crazy confident and impulsive and think you've rediscovered yourself, but then you think back on it and realize it's just hypomania?

Because I do.

[sotiredofstayingalive]

People like me don't get to be happy. We try, but get nowhere.

I wasn't meant for this world.

[sotiredofstayingalive]

I was so happy several months ago. My life felt complete. I thought I finally found meaning in life and that I was finally happy. But I've fallen again into the depths of hell and I've been reminded, once again, that my life is a cycle of misery and I can never be truly happy.