Alice Fell Down The Rabbit Hole And Died

✅ done.

[sowhoisalice]

I give up.

✌🏼

[sowhoisalice]

The important question is....

Does anyone give a shit about Susan Boyle and her weight loss?

[sowhoisalice]

She’s settling in.

[sowhoisalice]

I put on a pretty good Tacoween today at work.

[sowhoisalice]

My first step towards my goal of being the crazy cat lady I was destined to become.

[introvertdear]

Anyone else?

[sowhoisalice]

Relevant

[sowhoisalice]

Reminder to myself

It’s ok to say no. You don’t have to do what everyone else expects you to do out of guilt. And you don’t have to explain yourself.

[sowhoisalice]

And so it begins.....

Someone dumped her at my moms house so at midnight I drove the 35 miles to my moms to pick her up. She’s playful and nosy and unnamed.

And she’s fascinated by the tv.

Let’s do this.

[sowhoisalice]

I a struggling with some feelings tonight that I really don’t think I can share anywhere else. This feels like a safe space to put what I feel is probably not a nice response to someone else’s near tragedy.

Last week a coworker (someone I also consider a good friend) received the news that her son was in a pretty bad car accident about 6 hours away. She immediately left to be by his side, of course, and will be there until he gets to go home.

There has been lots of talk about how lucky he and his friend are and what a miracle it is that they are still alive and God and Angels are real and saved him.

And while I agree they are very lucky to be alive, the whole miracle stuff gets under my skin. Where are the “miracles” for those that don’t make it? Where was Nick’s miracle? Were his Angels on break? Wtf?

So yeah. I’m a horrible human being for inserting my feelings into someone else’s almost tragedy.

This is the vehicle they were in. I don’t even know what it started out as.

But how can you look at this car and not think two boys walking away is something more than luck?

And how do I not feel some sorta way about my own kid who didn’t survive his accident.

Idk.

Idk.

[sowhoisalice]

Why yes! I would LOVE for a “blog” of scantily clad women to follow me each time I make a post. How did you know?

Seriously @staff are you even trying?

Please put a BLOCK option where it’s quick and painless and I don’t even have to click on that shit to block them.

If I want to see that I’ll go to p*rnh*b like everyone else.

[sowhoisalice]

Our ice machine is busted at work so I did a thing...

[sowhoisalice]

It me.

[sowhoisalice]

At 11:30 this morning I found out through a Facebook post that my cousin had been missing since Sunday evening. He took off from his uncles for a four wheeler ride. Sent his son a couple photos and then no one heard from him.

At around 3:30 today, they found him.

We were close as kids. He was a pain in my ass and I was the one he picked on.

We were less than 9 months apart and the closest to a sibling I would ever have growing up.

In our late teens/early 20’s he started dating a friend of mine at the time. He introduced us to meth. I hated it and she didn’t. And our paths changed.

I moved away from all the chaos and madness they their lives seemed to entail.

At some point in our mid 20’s they both seemed to get their shit together, buy a mobile home and have a son. I became friends with his wife again. We spent a lot of time together.

And then at some point they started the drugs again, broke into my parents cabin in the national forest and ultimately broke my heart.

I stopped our friendship cold turkey at that point. I would give anyone whatever they need. Just don’t steal from me.

Over the years we have been thrown together. His mom died in 2008 and so much water was under the bridge that I forgave him. He was family and it had been a long time. But we would never be the same.

When my grandma passed we were once again thrown in the same space. I because this person trying to bring all the cousins back together. We joked and laughed at her memorial service.

When her things were distributed I sat next to him and we joked and laughed. I helped him carry things out to his truck. He had just obtained an apartment, his kids were coming back home and things seemed to be looking up for them. At the end of the day I watched him drive off with quite a bit of my grandmas things and I was hopeful for his future.

And then today’s evens occurred. And I was hopeful he just needed some space. But missing for 3 days in this heat was not something that left me optimistic.

He died instantly. Thrown from the four wheeler and broke his neck.

He was 45.

My mom is a wreck. Both his parents are gone and we’ve lost so many family members.

I don’t know how to end this. I just needed to get this out. I just needed all of these thoughts out of my head.

Thanks for reading this far if you made it.

I hope this makes sense. It honestly doesn’t to me right now. Idk. Idk.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“Even now, as broken as you may feel, you are still so strong. There’s something to be said for how you hold yourself together and keep moving, even though you feel like shattering. Don’t stop. This is your healing. It doesn’t have to be pretty, or graceful. You just have to keep going”

— Maxwell Diawuoh

[sowhoisalice]

Someone besides me out there needs this.

Dory was right. Just keep fucking swimming.

[sowhoisalice]

It’s been a week and it’s only Wednesday.

And quite honestly I don’t even have the energy to type it all.

Someone come be my person.

[sowhoisalice]

Unexpected stay in ICU for my moms husband leaves me greasy headed in the same clothes I wore to work yesterday.

And minus 1 of 3 PTO days I have left until December.

I just need a shower.

At least the hotel had a toothbrush.

[sowhoisalice]

I will be up half the night anyway so let’s have a Melissa McCarthy marathon.

I’m coming for you Monday!