Dick has this recurring dream/nightmare about Jason's death, and I don't mean like seeing him getting beat to death, or about missing his funeral. I mean he has dreams that start with him on the off world mission and he, every. Single. Time. Tries to get back to save Jason. And every single time he fails.
Dick never saves him in these dreams. Sometimes he'll realize in the middle of the dream that it's not real but he doesn't give up. Maybe this time. Maybe just this once he could save his little brother. He knows that it's his brain trying to process the fact that he's gone, that paired with his hallucinations... Well he's got a mighty lot to process.
But still, even when the hallucinations and the dreams peeter off, he isn't surprised when he gets this dream. He's accepted this dream. He's accepted that he'll feel this guilt for the rest of his life. He's accepted that his guilt manifests as this dream. He's accepted that Jason is dead but he won't stop trying to save him.
Then Jason comes back and these dreams come back with a vengeance. He still never saves Jason but after Dick will seek Jason out, find him on patrol, shoot him a text, very occasionally maybe even call him.
It's a part of his new normal.
The dream starts like any other, they just arrive at the mission point when Dick starts moving explaining what's happening and why they are abandoning the mission "Jason is in danger" he pushes the ship like every other time. He gets a bit hysterical just like every other dream. But unlike every other time Starfire grabs the controls.
"if this is as big an emergency as you say it is then I will push this ship to its limit. This ship will never fly again but we'll be there in half the time."
That's different. He's curious if that's true, he'll have to ask Kori when he wakes up.
And she's right they get there faster then any other time he's dreamt this.
"This will be a bumpy crash" "it's 'a bumpy landing'" "No no, we will be crashing"
Dick opens the hatch and is rolling, and rolling, then he's up and running.
His muscles burn, his feet pound with his heart, he runs to the warehouse right in front and he's expecting it to blow up, he's never made it in time before, why would this time be any different?
But it is, he slams the door open and the next few minutes he's moving, he's disarming the Joker and he's hitting and hitting. There are two joker goons that try to get him he disarms them and knocks them out. He continues hitting the Joker then he hears.
He's flattening himself to the ground when he hears a gunshot. Fucking forgot about her. Sheila. Motherfucking. Haywood. Jason had given him the whole story on one of his death anniversaries (where they then proceeded to vandalize her tombstone within the hour) his brain is killing two bir- hmm maybe not that, processing both the fact that Jason's alive and that Sheila Haywood sucked. Yippee.
Before he could do more than tackle her and take the gun he hears Jason make a pained noise and
Oh. Injuries, let's not let dream-Jason die from his injuries. He's at Jason's side shushing him and picking him up like he's made of glass, as he's walking out he sees the Joker out of the corner of his eye.
It's not hard to empty the mag into him.
He drops the gun wrapping his newly freed arm around Ja- dream-Jason.
He's outside, he's got Jason, he feels like he's run a marathon, with every step away from the building his chest eases, the air tastes clean and cold.
Left, right, left, right. They walk away from the building and Dick sits what he deems far enough and pulls out the medical supplies he'd stuffed into every nook and cranny of his person before he left the ship.
He's really surprised when the Titans ask him if he needs anything. Was half expecting them to disappear with dream logic.
He shakes his head and stays silent.
He finishes treating Jason and curls around him. He's ready to wake up, he saved Jason. He waits for it when he hears the warehouse explode. Waits for it when he hears Bruce screaming for Jason. Waits for it when Bruce tries to take Jason away from him. (He stops that with a scratch and an almost bite) Waits for it when Bruce asks Jason what happened. Waits for it when Bruce asks him what happened.
He waits and waits and waits.
He wakes up in the manor and goes to the kitchen where he asks Alfred where Tim is cause he needs help on a case.
"I am afraid I don't know a Tim Master Dick." "Who the Fuck is Tim?"
He hurts his neck looking over at a still young Jason.
His knees go weak. He stumbles into a chair holding himself up with the back of it.
The room is simultaneously big and small.
When Bruce confronts Dick about murdering the Joker.
Dick: In my defense, I thought I was dreaming.
Bruce: So do you regret it?
Dick: Oh no I never said that, I just think I shouldn't be held accountable is all.
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