an explanation
Hey friends. Things have been really tough on my end more recently, due to a multitude of issues. The way they’ve piled up has caused a lot of delays in communication, commission work, updates, and general internet presence. So I wanted to make sure everyone understood why. I try not to share too much negative about what’s going on in my life, because I don’t like to make others worry, but I thought it was important to share this time, for a lot of different reasons. I’m not doing great health-wise. About a year ago, I found out that I’ve been having seizures my entire life. Partial and absence seizures when I’m awake, and convulsing when I sleep. I never thought of what was happening to me as anything abnormal, and thought they were everyday occurrences until an offhand comment to a friend prompted me to look into what was going on. More recently they’ve gotten more frequent and more severe. I was pretty content to ignore them, since I don’t have a lot of extra income to spend on my health (which I consider a luxury item at this point), but they’ve started to affect my mental state, my nerves, my memory, my general ability to function and communicate, and to some extent, my personality. I’ve lost track of a lot of time and specific moments, I have abnormal recurring muscle spasms/twitching, increased vulnerability to headaches and sensitivity to flashing lights and persistent noise, anxiety/panic attacks (which I’ve never had before), anger issues/violent mood swings (also something I’ve never had before), and seizures that cause temporary loss of sight, hearing, feeling/sensation, strength, or sometimes consciousness. All of this paired with a family history of depression (I myself am undiagnosed, again due to my health being kind of a luxury item funds-wise) and my development of asthma last year...like I said, I’m not doing great. On top of health concerns, I’ve been working just about double what I’m used to at my day job (60+ hrs per week at the moment) because of staffing issues and demand. It’s affecting my sleep and general mood, mostly, so on top of everything else I’m absolutely exhausted 90% of the time. I’ve had car issues (just put $470 into it and it still needs roughly $300+ more in repairs, if nothing else goes wrong), and I’m facing the possibility of having to move this month due to the health problems of my roommates and my landlord’s unwillingness to comply to the standards they need to stay here, regarding air quality especially. Regardless, I’ll be further from my support system, since my friends and I can’t all move together again because of my job. I have to stay behind and figure out a different living situation in the area. I’m hoping I won’t have to move out of the house, at least, but...there’s really no guarantee. This basically needs to happen by the end of the month, and I have family visiting next week and in early August. The family visiting later is expecting to have a place to stay with me, and I...might not even have a solid place for myself, at that point. All things considered...I’m still okay. I have time to plan, I have a backup living situation set up where a coworker is willing to put me up for a while if I can’t figure something out in time, the numerous hours at work have given me a little bit of savings to fall back on, the time family will be here visiting is all approved off time from my job so I’ll have time to rest and bounce back, my car is running smoothly and the needed repair isn’t an immediate problem, I might have someone interested in moving into where I currently live so that I won’t have to move, I’ll be seeing my family soon for the first time in over a year, I’ve been working toward and am awaiting news of a possible transfer/promotion within my job, and I have a doctor’s appointment set up for next week to address the laundry list of health issues I’m navigating. I’m not hopeless, just incredibly worn down. With a little more time, I’m sure things will be much better. So I guess that’s what I’m kind of asking for, is a little time. I haven’t drawn in weeks (everything uploaded has been backlogged things I’ve saved for times like this), and I can’t see myself picking up a pencil until I can at least figure out my health starting next week. All of you deserved an update, at least, and really you deserve a lot more. Especially those of you that are pending commissioners, and friends that I’ve fallen out of touch with recently. Expect just a bit more radio silence, and please bear with me. If you have any questions, you can always send me an email ([email protected], or [email protected] for commission inquiries) and I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m able. I’m a little slower than my normal turnaround, right now, but I’ll do my best. Thank you for reading. I hope you’re having a nice day. <3 Jem