I know this one! Or, at least, I know a way to do it, because Iāve done it.
1) When you call them up (or email them, which I prefer, because PHONE, EW), you ask if theyāre taking new patients.
2) If they say yes, say something along the lines of āGreat! Iām looking for a new therapist. Would it be possible for me to schedule an appointment so we can see whether weād be a good fit for one another?ā
IF THEY SAY NO, THEY DONāT DO āINTERVIEWSā: theyāre a dick, you donāt want them anyway, donāt bother to make an appointment
3) Assuming everything is a go, head over to the appointment. Bring your notebook, pen, and questions. Also, if possible, have a very brief rundown prepared of what youād like to accomplish with your therapy (or even what you think your biggest issues are).
4) Introduce yourself. Reiterate that you want to see if the two of you would be a good fit, so [a nice little social laugh or smile here, while holding up your notebook] you brought questions.
IF THEY DONāT LIKE THAT: theyāre a dick, you donāt want them anyway, cut the meeting short
5) Give the rundown of what you want, what your issues are, whatever. See how they react.
IF YOU FEEL WEIRD AT ALL ABOUT THEM: they may not be a dick, but if you donāt feel comfortable with them, then itās going to be a shit therapeutic relationship
6) Ask your questions ā about their therapeutic approach, why they entered the field, whether they feel comfortable working with *your* needs (I, for instance, specifically told my awesome therapist that I needed her to tell me absolutely nothing about her personal life or experiences ā as much as possible, I needed a blank wall to bounce things off of. Itās been years now, and I THINK sheās seen at least a couple of episodes of Doctor Who. I THINK. Thatās all Iāve got. Itās amazing).
AGAIN, IF YOU FEEL WEIRD ABOUT THEM: go with your gut ā your therapy is not the time or place to try and soldier through
7) By this point, youāve probably hit the 45 minute mark, and youāll know if you want to see this person again.
IF YES, say that this was a really great meeting, and youād like to set up a regular appointment.
IF NO, say āThanks for meeting with me.ā If it wasnāt too terrible, feel free to add in whatever social niceties you want to lessen the blow (āI have appointments with a few other people, still, but thank you again!ā), or you could just skedaddle as soon as possible.
IF YOUāRE NOT SURE, go a bit heavier with the social nicety: āI still have appointments with a few other people, but I really enjoyed our meeting. Iāll let you know as soon as possible if Iād like to schedule another one. Thanks again!ā
Regarding current therapists: If theyāre toxic, get rid of āem before you even start interviewing others. Nobody needs that kind of garbage. Otherwise, you could keep seeing them while you interview others, and then the second you find one you like (and you schedule your next appointment), get rid of your current one. You donāt have to say why ā just say that youād like to cancel future appointments. Do it over email, if you want. If you like them, you can tell them that you just need something different now, but that you āreally appreciate all the work weāve done togetherā or something. If you donāt like them, just cancel. They donāt need to know jack.
IF YOUR CURRENT THERAPIST SAYS SHIT ABOUT YOUR LEAVING ā and I mean anything other than a positiveĀ hope for you in the future ā then they were a dick and you were right to find someone else. Who needs passive-aggressive bullshit from a therapist? Nobody, thatās who.
So thatās my philosophy/style with regard to therapist shopping ā I may be completely wrong, but itās worked for me so far. Good luck!
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