(TW: Sex)
My dear lgbt+ kids,
Let’s talk about a few things that can happen during sex and are fully normal, even if they may not seem “sexy”:
- Noises other than moaning
Not every person moans and if they do, it may not sound like it does in movies. It may actually sound (or feel) a bit silly. There may also be whispering or giggling or panting or shrieking or talking or grunting… and so on. Some noises may make you laugh. Or make you stop and ask “are you okay?”. All of that is normal.
In movies, the noises are meant to sound good for the audience. In real life, people make noises for other reasons: as a natural reaction to stimulation and as a way to communicate “yes, this feel good” to their partner.
- Silence
Another result of the “If the sex is good, there will be moaning” myth: Silence is often seen as a sure sign that the sex is bad. In reality, you or your partner may just happen to be the quiet type or be a bit shy. If making (a lot of) noise doesn’t feel good to you, you don’t need to force yourself to!
- Farting
It might feel super embarassing but it’s no big deal: When you’re relaxed and/or there’s pressure on your belly, it just happens. Nothing to feel ashamed of, it’s a natural thing every human body does.
For people with vaginas: If there’s penetration involved, it may sound like you fart. This is natural (it’s just air and has nothing to do with digestion) and no reason to worry or feel disgusted with your body!
- Giving directions
And not necessarily in the form of movie-like “dirty talk”. Just talking to each other, telling them that you like this or not like that, please touch here or please don’t touch there, a bit slower or faster… This doesn’t mean you are awful in bed (or that your partner is). Forget the idea that you are supposed to be “so in sync that you know their every desire” and all that crap. The opposite is true: Being able to commuciate is a sign of a healthy sex life.
- Laughing
In fact, this is not only something that may accidentally happen but something that’s fully encouraged to happen! No matter if it’s because they made a silly noise or you farted or just because of the nervousness and excitement of the situation: You should feel safe enough to giggle and laugh and joke and be comfortable with each other (rather than feel a pressure to be “sexy enough”).
With all my love,
Your Tumblr Dad
