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Mourning The Death Of A Familiar

The following was written quite a while ago, but doing the editing at the time was just too painful. Now I have been able to edit this post and I am posting it now. Although the pain still exists, life moves on. I still miss her, I always will.

As many of you who might read this know, on February 23 I lost my familiar of (one month shy of) 18 years. The outpouring of support after her passing really helped me cope in the days following euthanasia. The whole experience was rather quick and very unexpected! I thought I was taking her into the vet for a UTI or something, and ended up finding out she had bladder cancer. I've been without my familiar for up to three months at a time, so I knew how it felt not to have her around me, but in absolutely no way has it made this time any easier. She was such a special part of my life, such a big part of my existence that being without her is like being without a limb. If you are a witch that has a familiar you know what I'm talking about. Communication between a witch and her familiar is nothing like biblical tales of espionage or what not. It's a rather sacred thing. It's like when a mother holds her newborn for the first time, like meditating with singing bowls were like finding your sense of Om.

Aries and I communicated in a multitude of ways. I could talk to her and she would understand me, she could meow to me or dream to me and I would understand her. It's crazy, but it's true. Losing her was/is/has been a very difficult thing to cope with. I miss our time together, I miss just coming home and knowing she would be there. She would wait by the door for me, and I would sweep her up into my arms and hold her. I would ask her about her day and tell her about mine and she would purr the entire time as if my homecoming brought her peace. She was not my friend, she was not my companion, she was an extension of myself. When she was in pain I could feel it (and this time, it was something I was agonizing over). When she was happy, at peace, or pissed off, I knew it, I felt it. Now, all I feel is her loss and all I feel is sad when I sit in my home.

I know every being on this earth has a time, and if Aries’ time had run out, I would've been okay with that. If she had passed away, I would've been okay with that. She lived a good long and happy happy life so I would've been fine with losing her naturally, but definitely not this way. What bothers me is that I had to make that decision. I had to tell her that her time was up. I had to let a stranger end the life of one of the most precious beings in my life. If she were immobile or losing her senses- anything that showed that it was her time I could understand that, but this was supposed to just be a UTI! This was supposed to be just a vet visit. I feel like rather than losing her, she was ripped away from me, like I had to cut off a limb or something. I felt no peace when she died. No sense of passing, only questions. I felt like she was asking why is this happening to me? Where am I going? Why do I feel this way? Did I do something wrong? I can’t breathe. I felt like the entire time she was slipping away her little brain was just full of questions, trying to figure out what was being done to her and why her body was feeling the way it was feeling and the most disturbing thing of all, is that she kept fighting and her eyes wouldn’t close. These thoughts have been hell for the past two months.

Many of you know I have a dog named Nukaia. In the days that followed, I had to remember that I had my dog with me still and she deserved love no matter what I was going through. Her and Aries were never close and I really don't think but maybe once my dog ever looked for her, so I don't think Aries’ death was really hard on her (but really, what do I know anymore). I remember playing with Nukaia, and looking over at the flowers that had been sent from my family with condolences. I then felt so guilty that I was trying to smile and play with Kaia, as if Aries wasn't on my mind at all. I feel so terrible for what I did, because I immediately stopped playing with Kaia. The next day while walking somewhere I don't remember, I realized that Nukaia deserves love. She might not know exactly what happened, and it might not even register with her, but she deserves love and she deserves to know that I care about her too. I explain that to Aries because I felt I had to, but maybe I was explaining it to me more so.

People like to say that pets are not like children, they are just animals, but you would be mistaken. I really hate this argument because any good pet parent could tell you: We feed, shelter, and in some cases even clothe our little ones for the elements. We take them to the vet/doctor when they are sick, and pay out the nose for medicine, operations, x-rays, etc.. We spent countless nights up with them when they are sick or in distress, we make sure that they are clean, happy, and healthy. For those pet parents who do let their little ones outdoors, they have to face the reality that their little one could be hurt or worse while exploring the world around them. The only difference is, our little ones can never verbally say “I love you” or “thank you” or “ I don’t feel good.” I’ve never understood this argument, and I can go more in depth, but I don’t want to get too far off topic.Making the decision to end her existence on this planet shouldn’t have to have been done in 45 minutes or even an hour. The only reason I couldn't wait is because I did not want her to be in pain any longer. So I killed my child essentially. I signed her life away.

If you follow me on Facebook, please don't take offense to what I’m about to say now. Please just keep being the amazing people you are! I'm not trying to rant at any particular person, I'm just speaking my feelings here. That doesn't mean you have to stop doing, sharing, or being who you are. I'm just dealing with a very difficult thing, and needed to get it out so I could let it go.

Flipping through Facebook is another thing that really has become difficult. All of my friends post pictures of their beautiful cats and I get pissed off because mine isn't here anymore. Every cat I see, wheather in video or in photo breaks my heart. It's like I expect them to never ever show their cats because I'm sad and I'm in mourning. But I realize that I'm probably guilty of doing the same thing to somebody else. It's just my time to deal with this unpleasant situation so now not only do I pay attention to my friends thoughtlessness, but I realize my own in the past. Oh, and does anyone ask me, how have you been since Aries? Nope. I don't get to be one of those popular Facebook people, with my millions of friends who have checked on me since this horrible tragedy thank you… No one asks me, no one cares. It's not them until it is- Well just FYI, it's hell! It's hurting! I’m hurting! The paradox I'm in that I think about every day sucks! I want another cat, but I know I don't want some other cat, I want Aries. I want to get another pet to maybe take my mind off of how I feel, but how fair is that to them or Kaia? Sometimes I think well, now that Aries is gone, I can travel more etc. then I feel bad for that. Nothing in this situation is open for me right now. It's not like I could ever have a replacement for Aries. Aries was Aries and there will never be another one like her. If I ever got another cat that poor thing would be ruined from day one because it would never measure up. It sucks, because even with Nukaia Who I love very much, I still feel such a void. Seeing pictures of cats on my Facebook feed where I go to try and not think, it's just hard. I'll be honest, sometimes I hate that I can't have more attention paid to the stuff I post especially in regard to how I'm feeling. It kind of pisses me off that I see some people who say shit like, oh I'm having a really bad hour and 50 billion people are like oh you're so amazing! You're the best! I've had a hard two months and no one has said a damn thing! But I'm not popular so... Any other day, none of that would mean a thing to me. Any other day, I would not be caught dead being jealous of somebody for getting social media dopamine. Unfortunately on the day that I'm posting this blog, I'm totally guilty of it. I just think today, my mourning process is to be needy and upset that I'm so not me right now, that when I am needy I have trouble voicing it and get pissed off at people who can't read my mind! Again, it's not you guys it's totally me, but this is just how I feel right now. This is just how I am grieving today. That's why I didn't want to post this on Facebook, because honestly I don't want to offend anybody but I do have to express how I feel.

So hopefully now that I've gotten all of this toxicity out of my system I can move on. Oh, I'll still be horribly sad for my loss, but maybe I can do some laundry and not sit here grieving. The sad thing is that the world goes on even though we lose the people we love. It doesn't stop, grief gets trampled over by life needs, work, obligation, world events, other personal events, etc. The world doesn’t stop because the ones we love have fallen off. We just have to keep running with it and remember to breathe and take time to grieve when it hurts. Today it just hurts.

-Spin-

https://npstr.cm/s2kvkb

Best album to wonder my city listening to.

All Life Changes

Since my last post, there have been many changes. I’ve moved house, moved state, gotten a job, kept said job… somehow, and live in a completely different environment compared to what I was in before. As far as being an adult goes, I think I’m doing pretty OK. These major life changes have come with setbacks, drawbacks, and sacrifices. I try not to dwell on the bad things, but there have been a few. For the most part, I’m going to try and keep this lighthearted, because my next two posts are going to be doozies.

I love my new surroundings. I love hopping on a train and going wherever I want. This is so materialistic, but I love that I could go get a coffee with a friend and it doesn’t have to take all day. Yes, I love seeing Starbucks everywhere again… Kind of. It’s different from being where I was-out in the wild in the quiet of nature. I mean, there is nature all around the place I live now, it’s just you can’t really enjoy it because there’s so much construction. Still, I love my new surroundings. I used to sit in trees and play my tin whistle all day, or stare out the window playing guitar. These days I am mostly sitting in an office building looking at a computer screen. It’s a very different life than the one I used to lead, but it’s not without its rewards.

I saw my first autumn season in a very long time last year. I was literally in chanted by a leaf that fell from a tree to my feet. I watched it flutter Heather and thether until it reached the ground before continuing on my way to work. I got to experience a winter snow, and even a white Christmas. I’ve taken many plane rides home to see the family, and it’s nice to be able to say I can more than afford to do that. For as impoverished as I was I am no longer and that is really nice.

I live in a very tiny apartment with paperthin floors as well as walls… It’s not quite as scary as it sounds but it’s still pretty scary. I felt very boxed in at first, and it was very hard to figure out how to practice magick in such a small space, but over time I figured out some methods. I brought Aries home first, making that the second plane ride she’s ever taken. Then for Thanksgiving my parents came up and brought Kaia. We had been very happy here until Aries passed away. It was unexpected and sudden, but not without its warning signs. My house feels a little emptier now, but Kaia does her best to make enough mischief for two.

I miss a lot of my instruments. My turntables, guitars, drum, and tin whistle are all in storage back home. At some point, I’m going to have to pony up the dough to get a pod and move all of my belongings over here as I don’t think I’ll ever return to California on a permanent basis. I bought a replacement guitar for like $35, but they say you get what you pay for, and I did. It’s not the best guitar by far, but it’ll do until mine gets here. The saddest thing about not having my instruments here, is that I don’t even know when I can bring them. Then, if I do bring them here when will I be able to practice or where. It’s hard to be loud in a super small apartment.

Hooping is a bit of an issue as well, because there is really no room to do that! I almost broke my fan trying to hoop dance the other day and I was like… Maybe we should find somewhere else to do this. I’m still ketogenic, and still bound and determined to live my best life being my higher self. I’m to the point with my diet where I’m really only eating one meal a day, but occasionally I have a snack here in there. I love that I walk to work most days, because it gives me a chance to be part of the nature that surrounds where I live. I miss the old times back in California when I could look up at the sky and see the stars, or hear the birds at night. I do miss having circle outside, but I love being able to afford the supplies that allow me to make oils, tinctures, and other magickal creations.

I miss my family which is probably the hardest part about this. I’m the only one of my family who lives here, and everyone else is back home. I’m trying to entice them all (even if it’s one by one) to move here. I went back home for my sisters wedding, for my birthday, and a few times just because. It’s a really good thing I don’t mind plane ride. Now if only I could get the rest of them to visit more often.

For the most part things have been pretty positive. I like my job, I’ve met some really awesome people, and I’ve even been on a few dates. For the most part this is been a really good change. I think that I need to read more, and find the time to do so, but there are only so many hours in a day and it’s like, where to start? They don’t make the kind of books I like to read accessible on Audible. At some point I’ll need to post a quick bands update as my favorite bands have definitely changed! Well maybe not definitely changed, but mostly. Definitely 😊. I guess that’s it for now, I will update more soon. Hope you guys are having an amazing life!

~Spin~

Thank Goddess!

I am grateful that I have a Goddess who gives me a kick in the pants rather than ever let herself be my crutch. Once when I was a child I asked her to carry me through the battlefield to safety. She dropped me on my ass and told me that she was no carrier pigeon. Instead of a helping hand to lift me up she gave me a sword and shield and told me to "fight!" Since then I have plowed my way through enemies, strife, and setbacks. I have feasted with her after countless victories before heading on to greater challenges. Still more battles upon uneven terrain lie ahead, but rather than dwell upon all there is to be done, I will spend my energy planning our next celebration.

Out of the oven and looks so yummy! #ketopizza🍕 #fatheadpizza #keto_craft #instagram #ketosis #keto #ketowin #ketogirl #fitnesslifestyle #Fitness #myfitnessjourney #ketosis #ketodiet #healthy #ketocraft #ketofit #lchf #lowcarbdiet #myfitnesspal #kickassketo #ketolife #lowcarb

A WORK IN PROGRESS

OK so this is going to start off very trivial, but I promise you something pretty deep at the end which will give you something to think about. So I'm not a hoarder or a pack rat or anything like that, but I never throw anything away hastily. The reason is, when ever in my life that I have done so, I often wonder where that something is, and then wish I hadn't thrown it away without giving it another thought. Sadly… Tragically… Some of these things were things my grandmother made for me. I outgrew them so I gave them to those less fortunate. While on the surface that was a noble thing for my mother to have me do, I often regret not being able to keep them in the family. Anyway, what brought about this thought was looking for my sock poi (long story). Very long story very short, I put them somewhere and I can't find them. So I was yelling at myself in my head because I haven't use them in a very long time (again another long story) however, even though they were just kind of hanging around the house it doesn't mean that I wasn't going to use them again. A lot of people have this philosophy that if you don't use it in a year then you don't need it. This may be true for a lot of people, but not for me. I basically am a few different things at my most basic core (raver, Witch, crafter, writer) I won't list them all here, but these few different things that I am come in waves, kind of like if gravity ran amok on the tide. For example, I might be very heavily into something for three months, and all of a sudden just put it on the back burner so I can go on to something else for a while, kind of like a honeybee who likes to taste different flowers. I have a few that are my favorite, but every once in a while I need a change. It doesn't mean that I'm done with that particular flower, it just means I want a bit of a change and sometimes to expand that change. So I can't really throw anything away that has been very dear to me in my adulthood because I'm pretty set in what I love. OK so anyway back to the poi. So I was looking for the poi (and I know I haven't thrown them away), and yelling at myself about how I hadn't use them for so long and now all of the sudden they are so important. Well, I haven't had the energy to Spin for quite some time and now I do so I want them. Today I wanted to use them, but instead had to end up using my heavier set, and those are rather painful when you smack yourself as I did a few times. So after my workout I went back in the house looking for my sock poi again. As I walked through my boxes and hunted through my various works in progress I begin to think about how people say they are a work in progress. Many people say that they are a work in progress, which I guess is supposed to mean that they're on their way to becoming who they're going to be. I started thinking about that way of thinking and how limiting that sounds. So basically they're saying that everything they go through is to be whatever it is they are supposed to be, and then what? It sounds like their destination is their destiny, but no one knows what their destiny truly is until they get there, so it seems as if their aimlessly wandering when you say it like that. A work in progress for me is something that I start on, put away for a while, start working on again, walk away from for a year or two sometimes, and then pick it up occasionally until completed. If I ran my life like I did my works in progress, I would never get anywhere in life very quickly. I would chase my tail for quite a while before making any forward motion. No thank you, not for me. As many people say, when it comes to magick, you are the thoughts that you put out into the universe. That's not the thought that I want to put out into the universe. So here is my new life's motto and it was written by me and it will always be my life's motto. I am not a work in progress, I am a transformation in motion. I am ever-changing, shapeshifting, and in no need of completion(1). I am inertia incarnate (2), an apparition of my past, and the affirmations of my future(3). I will not end, I will transcend when my seasons are expired. Footnote: 1. No need for completion: essentially what I mean by no need for completion is exactly that. Take an empty canvas for example, you start by adding a few colors and they blend and then you add more colors and those blend and you move them about the canvas and they take their own shapes and become the colors that you eventually want them to be slowly, overtime, by adding different things. In the case of me, I feel like that's what I do with people, life experiences, and whatever else comes into my life. Nothing ever really ends whatever was, just blends into the background to give birth to something new. 2. Inertia incarnate: By constantly changing and transforming, I am my own driving force. I think a lot of people seek to find what drives them, but when you can learn to be your own driving force you never have to look for an external source. When you start to generate that driving force, no one can take it away, and it can only grow more powerful. You can look for things to spur you on, but you can generate force on your own and from your own being. Sometimes this is a lot easier said than done, but it is possible. 3. Affirmations of my future: Simple, if you know what affirmations are, you know how helpful they can be in building your future. Enough said.

Conversations With God-Fearing People

Just walked out to my gate to open it up and my neighbor told me, “I see you wearing devil signs and I pray for you. I see you doing crazy things at night and I pray for you. Your soul needs to be cleansed.” I looked my neighbors way for a second and said, “I see you back out of your driveway without looking and I cast spells for you that you may never hurt anyone. You haven’t truly found yourself in your religion, so you are criticizing mine and I pray you find peace.” My neighbor then tells me, “Don’t do any devil worship on me. I don’t need your kind of prayer.” To which I replied, “likewise, I keep my eyes in my own yard, and my mind on my own business. I am happy and fulfilled in my religion so I don’t need to cast my gaze to other yards hoping for a distraction. I’ll pray you think about that.” I turned around and went back to my home hoping that I really had given my neighbor something to think about. When we are not happy and fulfilled in our lives, we go looking for something to distract us from the loss of direction we feel. Sometimes, we decide projection is the best form of medicine. So we push out all of our anger, negativity, self-doubt and frustration on to other people. After this encounter, I started thinking about bullies, religious imposers, and other people in this world who just have not found peace and I say some words for them that they may find their hearts’ true home. I once told my brother after getting into a nasty argument with my father, that he was on my case for no reason and I was going through shit. This himbo of a boy, who really up until this point had been just a child to me looked at me and said, “He’s going through shit too, we all are.” Ever since this conversation I’ve tried to remember that. We all have our own struggles whether they are visible or deep within, but it’s how we treat others who are in their own struggles that matters. By helping them, we help ourselves, so though it was slightly unpleasant, I really hope I gave my neighbor a new look at my situation, and sparked him to find out where his situation might not be as satisfactory. -Spin-

#my pagan life #pagan #paganpride #witch #witchcraft #witches #witchinthewild #religion #magick #magic #magical #magician #dowhatthouwilt #93

Everything Has A Season

There has been something going on with me for the past little while and I think it's time for this something to be addressed. I moved to the house that I currently live in in 2013, literally a week before I had to be out of our family home (long story short: reverse mortgage, grandmother passed away, grandpa moved into assisted living home, house goes to the bank). Countless times I have recalled the many signs that have led to me believing that magick brought me here: The numbers that compose my address being transposed numbers in my favorite mathematical sequence, it was in walking distance to my grandfather's house (which was perfect because I was going there to take care of him), and there were two pomegranate trees, a eucalyptus tree, and many Oaks on the property which are very magickal and sacred to me. It was almost like a combination of the stars aligning and my grandmother smiling down on me. This home has taught me many things about myself as a person and as a magician and gratitude. Though for the first year and a half, I kept thinking I was going to end up moving out in six months, I couldn't help but fall in love with this place and make it my home. As someone who had been afraid to put down roots for the past 13 years, much is I was fearful of doing so that is exactly what I begin to do. I filled this place with music, my energy, and loads and loads of magick, thankful and grateful for every day in my new little house to the point where I would say it out loud. The sights, sounds, and new chances for adventure had me in a place of much gratitude. Here in my new sanctuary, I learned new skills. I was fortunate enough to not only plant a garden, but taste the many fruits of my labors. I had passion for my life and for what things I could create, and I was definitely a beacon of creativity. Something however has started to change. The flaws in the house that I used to find charming I now find annoying. This change started superficially at first, but out of nowhere it seemed like a roaring cry for more. Many of you who might read this don't know me personally, so I think it's important to state that I am somebody who lives my life in gratitude. We did not grow up rich, in fact we were pretty much struggling to make ends meet my entire childhood. The one thing that my parents really did a good job of, was teaching my siblings and I to be grateful and appreciative for the blessings life gives us. So, considering I got this house right at the time when I was about to be homeless, you better believe I was grateful. However there I was in 2016 with this blaze of need welling up inside me and it was demanding, shouting, I want more! I took my parents lessons to heart and I have always been grateful so the thought of asking for more after I already had a roof over my head just seemed greedy, but this is something I cannot ignore any longer. The honest truth is that there are many things wrong with this home and it is in dire need of an upgrade. That however is beside the point. I am in need of an upgrade. I live in a place which is very rural and hard to get around in without a car which I do not currently possess. My friends are very far away, and I don't even get to see my family very often. It's so expensive to take the train anywhere, and it's just not feasible for me to live here anymore. So I am in a terrible crux, and for a while I have felt like an ingrate for wanting more. What I mean by more is simply, a place where I can have a life instead of just an existence. A home which is not so out-of-the-way that I can't go shopping without waiting for somebody to take me because the buses won't allow for so many packages. Most importantly however I want to live somewhere that doesn't make me feel like every day has been wasted and stagnation. You see that's just it, stagnation. Stagnation is something that we all slip into from time to time many times without even realizing we have done so. Usually, when we make this realization, we do what is needed to get ourselves out of this rut and move on. I however feel like there is no moving on from here, like this place which ones gave me so much freedom is now hindering or hampering any chance of moving forward or creating that it once gave me in spades. So I begin to feel ungrateful because well, the roof doesn't have gaping holes and I'm surviving for the most part comfortably. That alone should be enough according to the standards I cultivated. The thing is, it's not, and I need to stop feeling guilty. I am still grateful for the house in the hills tucked away and hidden, I am so grateful for the long walks to and from my grandfather's house and the open market, I will always be grateful for the witch this property helped me to be in its big wide open garden and fields, I am and will always be grateful. Just because I need to leave here just because I need something new and different doesn't take away that gratitude and I need to realize that. I don't think it's being ungrateful to need to do something differently. When I am passionate, I am a most grateful human being. BEING, DOING, LIVING. Living in my magick feeding from and feeding into my power and aura, sipping on life like a champagne glass and losing myself in its honey sweetness. I am on, in my zone, the creator of my universe, exulted one and queen of my world. A magician needs to see herself as the center of the universe because when you are making magick that's exactly what you are. When we don't feel like the center of our own universe it's impossible to create magick that is successful. The truth of the matter is that everything has a season and I believe my season here has ended. It is time for me to move on and I just need to stop feeling stifled by my gratitude. Yes I am grateful, and have made my offerings at the altar of that gratitude, but in order to continue making those offerings I need to do this for myself. I need to go and find my happiness. There's never been a moment where my gratitude has been false. I would never take a false or inauthentic feeling and place it upon my altar, but before this feeling of gratitude begins to ring hollow, I need to move on... to be continued. -Spin-

Socially Engineering The Women's March?!

Like many of my sisters who could not be marching in the #women'smarch this past weekend, I was glued to any footage of it I could find, so that I could be there with them in solidarity. Between Snapchat, Twitter, and Facebook, I was sharing and enjoying all of the footage that I saw from the march. I had friends who were marching so I was enjoying and sharing their posts as well. Today I came upon a video whilst clearing out junk in my Facebook video feed and wanted to get your thoughts. I would like to know your thoughts on this because they said the same thing about the Occupy protests and pretty much any protest that happens. What are your thoughts on what this guy is saying. While I do think that social engineering does happen from time to time, we can’t go yelling social engineering at every instance of protest or people raising their voices. I think it’s counterproductive and hurtful to a cause especially if/when it is organic. Moreover, I kind of got a feeling of patronizing belittlement after watching this article. So I’d really like to get your thoughts as well.

https://www.facebook.com/thefreethoughtprojectcom/videos/1885130891707169/

#womensmarch #women #march #pussyhat #feminism #feminist #New wave feminism #thirdwave feminism

On A Northbound Train: My Oregon Excursion

I've always felt the need to travel. I've always wanted to experience places different from where I live and meet new people which is strange being that I am for the most part a hermit. I don't really care if I travel alone or with someone, in some instances I actually prefer to travel alone, mostly so that I can do what I want to do and see the sights that I want to see. Or maybe it's the fact that I am constantly in reflection of the things that I experience, and sometimes just need to sit and have a think or a writing session to really attempt to take everything in. A lot has happened since my last post so I think I will be doing some updates to catch you guys up (if anybody even reads this). I think Oregon is a good place to start. Last Christmas my mom and aunt got together and bought me a train ticket to Washington. I wasn't able to go out to Washington in February like I had originally planned, so then the idea was to go in July but something else happened. So finally in September it was decided that I was going to go visit my friend in Oregon. I've been wanting to live in Oregon for years, But this has alluded me and even my trip to Oregon which I was going to take years ago was not meant to be because the day I was supposed to leave I was actually moving into my new home in which I live currently. I scheduled the trip to be about 2 weeks before my birthday, and so on September 1st I boarded my train and was on my way.

I got a window seat!

I settled in for my 29 hour ride with Macbook, snacks, and schoolwork close at hand. The seats were very roomy and had enough room for me, my snacks, and loaded backpack. I didn’t even have a seatmate the whole way! Here are some of the things I saw on my journey:

Snacks gifted to me by my mom before I left (she was worried about the long train ride <3her).

Before we get started here, I would just like to remark that the windows on my train were incredibly dirty which is something that I let them know when they asked me to take a survey. Apparently Amtrak prides themselves on having clean windows so that your scenery view is uninterrupted. Oh and the whole way there I had no reception so schoolwork and movie watching were a bust (gotta love Sprint’s wonderful coverage).

The sites throughout the journey were beautiful! Unfortunately both times we passed Mt. Shasta we were unable to see it, once because it was too dark, and the other time because I hadn't woken up yet. I would have gotten to see it if we were not put behind schedule three times throughout our trip. The first time we were delayed, was because we had a minor collision with a truck on the tracks. Yes, you heard me correctly I was in a minor train accident. Imagine my surprise when I lowered the sound of my iPod to the conductor saying, “ladies and gentlemen we’ll be delayed while we wait for the track inspector. We've just had a minor collision with a truck on the tracks, so we need them to come out and make sure it is safe for us to travel.” WOW! so a little background here, sitting in my seat and listening to Armin Van Buuren’s “Mirage” when the already bumpy train seemed to hit a different kind of bump. I didn’t jolt or anything more than normal, but it felt strange, then shortly I heard a small voice over the speaker saying something about was it a truck we hit? I then stopped the music as I noticed the train had stopped, and waited to see what happened and if I had heard the guy correctly. Sure enough, we had a minor collision with a truck that was on the tracks for some reason. 45 minutes later we are cleared to continue on. Not a half an hour later we are stopped again to allow another two trains to pass us. The final interruption for The first day came when we stopped in San Francisco to attach two private cars to our train. I later learned that it was Mr. John Madden who inconvenienced us, thank you! Mr. Madden (sarcastic indignant scoff). Anyway, we were supposed to arrive in Oregon by 3 PM. My friend left work early so that she could meet me at the train station. I told her not to do so because we had been pushed so far behind schedule I didn't want her waiting there too long. She decided to go wait anyway and she had brought some things to do just in case. At 4:45 PM we pulled into the Oregon Station... Well that is we pulled into the bridge leading to Oregon Station. About 10 minutes before we pulled up, I had gone to the lower level with my bags so that I could be prepared to hop out when the doors opened. Little did I know, we would have yet another holdup. Standing in the exit car with my fellow passengers, we pull up to the bridge of the station and began to slow to a stop. We talked amongst ourselves about our speculations as to why we had stopped yet again. No one spoke to us for almost half an hour, when finally they told us something to the extent of in the interest of full disclosure, we want to let you know there is a disturbance on the tracksIn the station so we cannot proceed. My friend told me that there was a piece of a freight train on the tracks and they didn't know what to do with it. The girl who I was talking to said that her friend told her because the freight did not belong to their company they could not touch the train, somebody from the freight trains company had to come and remove it. Finally after another half hour or so we were moved to another track and finally allowed to exit the train. The time is now 5:52 PM and my friend has been waiting for the better part of three hours. So now I am in Oregon, a train ride which was scheduled to take 29 hours has taken 31 hours, and all I want to do is rest a minute before exploring the hell out of my future home state, and explore we did!!

Finally!!

These were taken from the first night we went exploring...well I went exploring, my friend lives there so she was just showing me around. :)

This is from my birthday dinner when I had real ramen for the first time as opposed to Top Ramen which is really not Ramen.

Unfortunately I didn't get any photos of the Saturday market because there were too many people, I did get some video however but as I can only post video that's already been hosted somewhere I don't know that I'll be able to post my videos. The morning of Saturday market (at least I think this was the same morning) we went out for breakfast at this awesome little 50s style diner. I loved it not only for the decorations but for the fact that they actually put Gouda cheese in the omelettes!!! :)

We ordered an Uber and went to pay our bill. In front of us was a very angry lady who was rude to the nice lady that had been waiting on us. When we finished paying the bill, we walked outside and saw that same rude lady circle the parking lot (it kind of look like she was doing a donut). That she pulled up to the side of us and yelled out her car window, “Hey! Did you order an Uber?” We looked at each other and debated whether or not to take the ride, but it was something like 17 blocks to the market and we did not want to walk... Or wait for a bus. We hopped in and that same lady who was giving our waitress an attitude over a damn soda try to pretend like she was the most friendliest thing in the world. She tried to explain to us her part of the argument, but we were just sitting there looking around at the sites and hoping she didn't kill us. We went to the Saturday market, and it was totally awesome! They were so many people there though, so getting anyone to wait on you was kind of a lost cause. That turned out to be a good thing, as we stopped at this cat store where I could have easily spent all of my money on my Echo Aires Nanuch.

I wanted to go to Voodoo Donuts, but the line was like half a mile long and I wish I were exaggerating! I did however manage to snapshot the sign which was an achievement in its own right, as there were plenty of people wanting a photo of the sign if they couldn't grab themselves a doughnut too. We settled for doughnut holes and maple bacon from a donut food truck down the way hoping to bank on peoples lack of patience for the Voodoo (I swear we did more than just eat).

Later that Saturday, we went to a travelers notebook meet up where I learned what a traveler's notebook was, how to make one, and of course… food related, tried my first Kombucha. For those who don't know what Kombucha is, Kombucha is a sweet tea that has fermented from anywhere between 7- 31 days. It has a plethora of health benefits, and is a great alternative to soda! It was wonderful! I wish I could get this brand where I live.

I’d love a case of this NOW please :) in a separate blog post, I will show you the Travelers notebook I am currently working on as the subject could easily take over this topic. Anyway, the final two pictures I will share are of my final day in Portland. There are various random works of art strewn about the city, and they are paid homage to by the Portland citizens. One such peace was the elephant. My friend told me about this elephant that I had to see, and explain her reasons to me for wanting to see it (I don't know if I can share them so at this time I will not, sorry guys). We headed off to go see the elephant and we noticed that somebody had left an offering of shoes at the elephants trunk. I suppose they could be an offering, Unless the person's feet stunk and of course the poor thing had to smell that person's feet from now until infinity (or until the shoes were removed). The other piece of art surprisingly matched my pants very well!

...And of course, my first trip to sushi train (damn! we did eat a lot!)

So much yum!! I'm sorry, I really wish I could posts more of the stuff that we actually did and hopefully in the future I can come back and edit this blog post to show my videos. Despite all the interruptions on the way there and all the craziness on the train ride back, it was a very wonderful trip and a trip that I needed to take.

You see when somebody I love passes away, I make it my cue to travel. By happenstance, when my grandmother passed away I had already been scheduled to start business school in New York. If my grandmother hadn't insisted to me that I go I never would have gone. It's almost as if the way things happen were a gift from the Gods because I don't think I would've known what to do with myself if I had been home. Though I could be ravaged by guilt for missing her funeral, my grandmother told me in our last conversation (which I think we knew was our last conversation) that she would rather me go out and try to better my life then be at her funeral. So I ended up going to school in New York for three months. When my grandfather passed away in July 2015, I was supposed to make a trip to Washington but it didn't so much happen. So this Oregon trip was my way of saying goodbye to him and giving myself closure. I vowed to myself to travel whenever someone close to me passes on and show them something new because I feel like they are with me when I do travel. This was probably one of the best times I had in a very long time and I believe I have my grandparents to thank.

The other reason I needed to take this trip is to know that I wasn't romanticizing Oregon. We all get this at times where we think the grass is greener, and I like many I'm guilty of looking at somebody else's lawn a little too much. After visiting, I have totally fallen in love with that city, and I'm sure that after a little more exploration, I will love the entire state. Currently I live in the country, and whilst I don't miss the sounds of cars and people with their overly loud rap music blaring out at seven in the morning, I do miss the minor conveniences of living in the city sometimes. The thing that I love about Oregon is that even though there is so much city life going on, it hasn't lost the nature and beauty of what country living offers. I find that I am more steadfast in my goal to make this move happen, so time will tell if this blog sees me moving to OregonSometime soon. Until next time...

~Spin~

#travel #traveler's notebook #crafts #oregon #amtrak #train #my pagan life #life on a train #Kombucha #fun

Hey everyone! Please check out my guest post on Christopagan Kim’s blog. In this post I talk a little philosophy, metamorphosis, and about my path. Please check it out if you have a moment. Thank you!

~Spin~

#Pagan #witchcraft #witch #blog #guest post

The sun through my window this morning. Hello another 90° day. So glad you showed up instead of the rain that was promised.

For Those Who Love Their Cats

Back when I was doing my research into owning a ferret, I was watching a lot of YouTube videos with ferret owners who would use the same litter for their ferrets as they would for their cats. All they would use most of them, is pine pallets that you can get in bags of equine bedding or that feline Pine. So today I am switching my cat over, because it's better for them and for the environment. If you were to go into Petsmart you would pay something like $10-$15 for 5 pounds of feline Pine. I just went to a feed store and got natural pine equine bedding for six bucks for a 40 pound bag. Now I'm just hoping that my little one takes to it easily, because we are not going back to litter. Pros: Cheaper Better for the environment Less toxic to both cats and humans Can be used for multiple types of animals. Less messy Cons: There is a bit of an adjustment. I've been told. Some cats will adapt right to it, while other cats may need it mixed in with their litter for a while. So it's better to be safe than sorry and mix it in with their litter until the litter has finished. Kind of like introducing a different type of food. I hope in this change goes well. My cat is usually really good about a lot of things, so I hope this is one of those times where she obliges me happily. If she just really really hates it, then perhaps I can just give the pallets to my dad to burn or something, but I think she'll be fine. ~Spin~

The Morrigan The lullaby of the battle cry which signals she is watching. Something in the air is stirring. Hear the wind, the growling purring? Can't stop what's coming, can only prepare. There is little time, which means no time for fear. Flee the nest Endure your quest Survive your ruin Earn your crest. Fortune favors those who seek it. Weave moon magick, keep it secret. The hooded crone of blade and bone shares wisdom in the shadows. The heart of a warrior is crafted by deeds. To voyage this earth you must whether the seas. Blaze your trail Learn when you fail Rise from the flames Avenge all betrayal. Let the ashes of peril leave dust on your wings. Lay siege to your shadows and the weakness they bring. My fledglings are sacred, chosen and few, battle scarred, hungry, I see this in you. For I am the lady of talon and claw, The unworthy will shatter to the sound of my KRA! Seek my knowledge, and soar on my path. Dishonor my call and feel my wrath. ~Written by Spinpixy~

#The morrighan #the Morrigan #Morrigan #pagan #witch #witchcraft

So the title of this post is going to be called "Guided By Venus" Sitting here reading today, and I was all of the sudden drawn to playing with the roses that had been sitting on my altar in a vase for the past few days. I had planned on making some rose honey and doing some other things, but all of a sudden it's like I had a fire lit under my butt to do it NOW. Got up, and got everything ready and begin to just play in the energy of the rose petals. All day today, I've been thinking it was Thursday which really wouldn't make any sense to do anything with love or self-love except for maybe expansion which Jupiter is known for. I didn't give it much thought, usually when I get a magickal whim I go with it. So I'm playing with these roses and feeling their energy and soaking it all up, and I wanted to see if perhaps it was a serendipitous hour of Venus or something that drew me to the roses. I went to check my phone, and saw that it was Friday and… Well… That made sense. I continued on to look at the hour of the planet, and saw that it was Mars. This is funny, because Mars is not just a war planet but a planet for passion, courage and strength. Anyone who really knows me personally, knows how ironic that is. That, coupled with the lunar mansion Al Na'am (who's major message is concentrated work effort, and passion) it was only natural that a spontaneous act of magick would occur. I like to plan things out, I like to know what I'm doing and when, and I like to know the energies that I'm working with...but, when something spontaneous happens and I get drawn to cast a spell or something, then I take it as a sign that this is something the universe is telling me that I need. So, I guess I'm letting the universe do it's thing. It's moments like these that called to light that we are magickal beings and when we surrender to the energies, they will call to us to make manifest the changes we want to see in our lives. ~Spin~

#Magick #Spell #spells #pagan #goddess #spinpixy #magic

She looks like I feel. Today is kind of a blah day for me. It's Wednesday, which means Mercury energies are influencing the day. Perhaps it is a good time for a self empowerment spell, or something of that sort. I think a lot of people are having a blah day. I just told my friend to do a self empowerment spell too. It's a beautiful gloomy day outside, but I'm indoors watching TV? Not usually like me. What I'd really like to be doing is being outside harvesting more eucalyptus leaves. I'm just so unexplainably tired. Perhaps a nap, and then some magick. Oh, and I have this horrible craving for chocolate. Le sigh... What ever is a pixie to do? I want pancakes and a nap😊 ~Spin~

Monday Night Musing

You know I was just pondering friendships this evening and how it takes what feels like a lifetime to formulate a bond with somebody, but only a small instant to feel like that bond has been broken, lost, irreparably damaged, or betrayed… Then you have those friendships with people who you can be apart from for long periods of time and when you’re back together it’s like you don’t miss a step. What is the difference between these two bonds? How does one seem to lack security, while the other one seems so secure? What if the issue is not pertaining to security at all, but something more? Kind of heavy philosophizing for a Monday evening, but nonetheless this is what I find myself pondering.

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