a pandemonium of epiphanies

[spiraling-labyrinth]

do you ever feel so deeply pathetic due to this one thing you did and it just claws on to your neurons and consistently makes you feel horrible about yourself?

[spiraling-labyrinth]

We are all imprisoned - psychologically - by ideologies that we were forced to believe in and an unjust system we were non-consensually born into.

[spiraling-labyrinth]

Everything is so frivolous, so insignificant. I have a deep rooted hatred for the absurd nonsensical people who decided what was universally acceptable and what wasn’t.

[spiraling-labyrinth]

burning the scripts

I've been thinking about how much of the things I say are scripted. I feel so fake and ingenuine. It's all tied to masking who I really am and my agonizing fear of saying the "wrong" thing.

It's trivial to me now because, a vague binary category of what's "wrong" and what's "right" to be saying, is not something anyone should conform to. It's imprisoning to conform to such norms.

I've pushed myself to speak when I feel non-verbal. It's painfully draining. I also don't say things I want to because I have these loaded responses for particular situations and those are not even close to what I really want to be saying.

I'm going to be burning these "scripts".