this is a blog.

Free Palestine. Free Sudan. Free Congo.🇵🇸🇸🇩🇨🇩

[sporksnshit]

I will shit post u into oblivion.

Professional comedian (not really), post archivist, curator, critic.

Physically disabled and neurodivergent

See @hamm-cheese for cat

No DNI, they made the block button for a reason

[homunculus-argument]

There's this one specific interaction on reddit that I wouldn't call "infamous" but I also know that everyone who knows it knows it by the punchline, so in order to not ruin it for the ones who haven't, I'm just going to talk all of you through it as I'm saying this.

The beauty of it is that you could place that exact same dialogue into any time and place in human history and it would make just as much sense, you could have it as a conversation between sailors in a 1600s ship, a group of bronze-age warriors cleaning their weapons, stone age hunters walking home from a hunt, or a bunch of 21st century redditors on the internet, and it would hit just as splendidly.

There was this conversation about if you could have sex with any specific person from any time through human history, which one would you choose? Famous legendary lovers were brought up, queens, emperors and such were popular, might as well fuck Rasputin just to see what the hype was all about, the kind of answers one would expect.

Then some guy said he would choose his own late wife. He went on to talk about how brutal it is, that you might find the love of your life, but there's no promise that this life couldn't be suddenly cut short. That his body aches for hers and how there isn't much he wouldn't do for one more opportunity to make love to her one last time.

Now, I'd like you to imagine a pause in the conversation. A solemn, contemplative moment of silence, with several of the people present nodding in agreement that this is indeed the finest answer - it wasn't a competition, but there's no doing better than that.

And then someone breaks this solemn silence and says:

"I also choose this guy's dead wife."

[enby-denby]

For the sake of letting the full story be known: you have to imagine that after another moment of horrified silence, Dead Wife giy bursts out laughing and says, with a bittersweet smile "yeah, that was her sense of humor..."

[homunculus-argument]

Oh fuck that's right I neglected the most important part of this.

[homunculus-argument]

Putting zucchini in everything is the opposite of a guilty pleasure. It's a purifying penance that absolves you of all sin.

[homunculus-argument]

Any sufficiently advanced form of catholism is indistinguishable from bdsm.

[spacecat24-7]

unironically I will block you for saying “my Shayla” about your blorbo. The meme came from people mocking a Black man for crying for his daughter. When you say that about a sketch of Skinny White Dude #27 you are treating Black pain as a joke. I want to assume most people don’t know the context and wouldn’t use it if they did but too many of yall straight up do not care and would keep using it anyways

either way now you do know, so you can either be better or shut the fuck up

[robotslenderman]

can you imagine tho if Eridians discovered radiation years and years after the Blip-A left

and they're just absolutely horrified because now they know why the Blip-A never returned, they sent them all to die, now to save their sun they have to redo the entire program all over again and Adrian is devastated -

and then three Eridian years later Rocky shows up with his pet alien and a ton of taumeoba all I LIVED BITCH

[stealingpotatoes]

i can't stop thinking abt this post so

[support]

One legitimately weird thing about Tumblr is that we literally can’t code for shit, many people quit working at Tumblr due to a hostile work environment, and we can’t seem to program a simple blogging website to not flood your RAM.

[monopoison3r]

nearing the 10 year anniversary of banishing editable reblogs

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[officerhaughtstuff]

You’ve heard of the Roaring 20s........

now get ready for the Screaming 20s - coming to a decade near you in 2020

[heterokatedison]

is it too early or can we start screaming now

[heterokatedison]

in retrospect perhaps we should have started sooner

[jorolle]

this post is the equivalent of a newspaper from the day of the outbreak being blown past by the wind after you wake up in a post apocalyptic world

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[hollowtones]

basically, i think the general rule of thumb is: if someone REALLY wants the blood that’s inside of your body, and they’re like… a vampire, or a dracula, or some sort of mansquito, then that’s probably okay. a dracula and a mansquito are made for removing things like blood and swords from inside your body. that’s basically fine.

if something wants to get at your blood, and they’re, say, some kind of murdersaurus, or maybe a really big frog, that’s where the problems start to arise. a really frog is not made for removing blood, and your blood knows this, which is why it is so vehement about wanting to stay IN your body instead of coming out. 

unfortunately this will not deter a really big frog, because a really big frog is full of things like prizes, and value, and quite a lot of hatred, and it would REALLY rather like to replace any and all of those things with your blood, and basically by any means possible.

[fidefortitude-deactivated202011]

These words scan with a fantastic degree of confidence considering that together they make no sense at all

[gummybearattacktheworldofdespair]

[the-real-seebs]

one way to read this is "this man has no idea what he is saying"

another to read this is "this man is terminally online and has excellent comedic timing"

[lorchidae]

@dankxsinatra

[komaedalovemail]

i fucking hated your shoelaces this entire time

[butterfirefly]

for the uninitiated

[sharkfiinn]

content warning !!! seizure

i really really really love the idea of eridians hearing absolutely everything in a human body and being able to predict an episode of something, similarly to how medical alert service dogs can

[boybeetles]

You know technology literacy is dying because I saw this meme with 76k likes

F11 the full screen button? You’re scared of the full screen button? F10?? It opens the menu bar???

[boybeetles]

Computers are so scary what if I accidentally hit F12 in a steam game and it takes a screenshot. What if I press shift + F12 while in word and accidentally save my document 😖

[yetanothergreyjedi]

[shower-thoughts-last-responder]

If you had to learn what the F keys on your computer do through me reblogging this post, then I'm glad you did. Computer literacy is not a skill that gets taught anymore, and it is absolutely one that needs to be taught in order to be learned. Don't ever feel bad for not knowing something, but ☝️ don't ever stop learning learning about your environment, the tools you use, and especially the people around you

[headspace-hotel]

Never stop learning+ Never stop sharing what you learned

[boxheadpaint]

had a bad low blood pressure moment last night and messily asked my partner for saltines and water before realizing i should probably ask for the Blood Pressure Medication I Need To Take. while they went to go grab it though i still had water and crackers so in a daze i took a swig of water but didnt swallow and then tried to cram 2 saltines in my mouth. full of water. in bed. with mouth full of water

[boxheadpaint]

[spidermanifested]

Boxhead Devouring Two Saltines, 2024

[floweytellsyouwhatmonthitis]

[jame7t]

when you see a Good post, you can say "HEEHO" when the post is Bad, the post is "wawoo"

[somemerchant]

Wawoo

[jame7t]

shut the fuck up 

[unconventiononthelawofthesea]

atheist quarterback throws a hail darwin

[akindlyowl]

agnostic quarterback throws a hail maybe

[yanmagotchi]

christian pitcher throws a christian baby

[dailycatsblog]