Eden

[laoness]

I've been staring at this gif for ages and it's so funny.

Maul is just showing off and does this completely unnecessary jump to back away, doesn't bother to use the Force to open the doors but throws something at the controls.

AND FUCKING OBI-WAN KENOBI CASUALLY WALKS UP TO HIM, SWINGING HIS LIGHTSABER LIKE "YEAH I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP BITCH"

The longer I look at it the funnier it gets. He's just not impressed at all lmao

[thetorontokid]

And he keeps doing it.

[xxglossii]

When Kenobi does The Walk™, your ass is about to get beat

[degradingnostalgia]

bear with me -

thinking about anakin, i think it is almost glossed over that he is part of an ancient, monastic, ideological and spiritual institution? i know that may sound silly, it is emphasised that yes he is a powerful jedi, trained in the ways of the force, especially combat, and eventually is a very skilled and intuitive military general, part of a 'peace keeping' organisation that work in tandem with the republic.

but stepping back, there is just something insane about the fact that before the galaxy-shattering events of the clone wars, anakin grew up in a theological ORDER, where he took a vow to embody the code of a powerful and isolated practice. the temple is built upon training and indoctrinating force sensitive children from a young age to mould them to fit within their ideals of the order. anakin has no possessions, no clothes that are not his traditional jedi robes, his piloting outfit and his military uniform, his haircut is representative of his status within the order, his education includes the art of mediation, spiritual mindfulness, history, politics and various martial arts, he lives in a temple, and he has promised himself, his body and his life to upholding a very specific set of philosophical principles.

i cant work out why this is absolutely blowing my mind, he is presented very clearly as a jedi warrior and war hero, but his life is also very firmly framed around a insular and strict set of principles dictated by masters and a council which adheres to their own set of rules and regulations.

[jedi-starbird]

Alpha-17 and Obi-Wan being friends (derogatory) on 17's part and friends (threatening) on Obi-Wan's part is such an underrated dynamic

They could be so funny and terrifying, like Obi-Wan went through a soul shredding experience with Alpha-17 as his only company. They're friends because what else are you gonna be after you witness each other at absolute rock bottom from torture.

It's like 'dog put in cage of cheetah who's threatening to go crazy', except the dog is a grizzly bear and also threatening to go crazy.

Emotional support trooper except the trooper in question has never done any sort of supporting in his life and is actively an emotional distress trooper to a great number of the CC batch.

I want them texting everyday, I want Obi-Wan mailing handmade BFF bracelets to Alpha and Alpha sending pics back of him flipping off the camera but still wearing them, I want Alpha using Obi-Wan to keep track of and occasionally terrorize his cadets, I want 17 ending problems in the GAR (like Krell) before they begin because Obi-Wan has him shipped out on a personal transport at the first opportunity, decked out with slug-throwers Obi-Wan got him for his decant-day.

Natborn officers think this is all just an odd indulgence of General Kenobi, the Vode, however, correctly identify it as a goddamn threat and their danger assessment of Obi-Wan ticks up significantly.

When Alpha arrives on Kamino, Shaak Ti presses a shiny new comm into his hand. It has the Jedi Order symbol painted onto it alongside a smiley face sticker, and it pings immediately with a new message: Hello! I hope you're settling in well!

Alpha stares at the message, stares at the singular contact named 'OWK' and then stares Shaak Ti in the eye as he pitches the comm straight into the ocean. Shaak Ti's serene smile only grows larger as she calmly reaches into her robes and pulls out an identical comm, only this one has a frowny face sticker, and presses it into his hand. It lights up: I'm afraid we've bonded, Alpha :). Alpha shuts it off and pockets it with resignation.

Cody arrives on Alpha-17's personal recommendation.

A-17: He's the most difficult little bastard I have. You're perfect for each other. OWK: Thank you, he's very handsome :3 A-17: No. Stop.

The first thing he asks once he gets comfortable is who his general is texting so much that has him swinging his legs and twirling his hair. Cody assumes it's Anakin, given they seem joint at the hip anyway, but little does he know Obi-Wan's ability to consistently have the Weirdest Relationships Ever.

"Oh, it's Alpha-17, I understand you're familiar with each other?" Hmm. OK. Cody.exe is experiencing a processing error, please hold. He exits the room instead of answering. The next day he peeks over the General's shoulder when he's texting and sees walls of rambling messages from Obi-Wan. Alpha-17 replies every hour with a single text: Lose this number. Obi-Wan giggles. "He's so funny." he says.

When Obi-Wan meets the rest of the CC batch, Cody makes sure to stand perfectly angled so that he can record the reactions when his general cuts off their introductions with "Oh, no need, Alpha-17's told me all about you." It's always immediate FEAR.JPG followed by a slow spiral of What The Fuck.

What do you mean by that General. What does that mean Cody. What do you mean they text. No. Cody. What the fuck is happening, Cody. Alpha-17 doesn't have friends he has enemies and enemies he tolerates enough not to shoot on sight.

OWK: Wolffe reached for his vambrace? when I mentioned you A-17: That's where he keeps his spare knife. OWK: Hm that does explain the way he eyed me up, ambitious. A-17: Clearly not enough, he should have followed through. I taught them better.

[roseaesynstylae]

Alpha-17 definitely encountered one of the Nulls while raising the CC batch and he definitely handled it by chucking the cadet he was carrying at them. The Null — who for the sake of clarity we’ll just assume was Ordo —, regardless of any moral deficiencies, caught the cadet on instinct, having not expected 17 to just do that.

Unfortunately for him, the cadet was Fox. Who promptly started attacking his face like a rabid honey badger.

(It took a full forty-five minutes to pry him off Ordo, and it only really worked because 17 got bored and told Fox to get his ass over there so they could rejoin the others.)

(Needless to say, 17’s kids aren’t too impressed with the Nulls.

Cody: Well if it isn’t Flighty McBitchass.

Mereel: Great, you’re one of his.)

[veryfastnighuncatchable]

The one thing Andor did that had me cackling is showing how utterly ridiculous Bail Organa is. Like Luthen has 8000 secret identities and Mon Mothma is tweaking out all the time and meanwhile Bail is rolling up with C3PO and R2D2 and his multiple Jedi contacts and his force sensitive daughter and his rebel cell that keeps blowing up star destroyers and literally no one in the empire ever does anything about it I love him

[the-starry-seas]

New time travel AU where Leia is On Sight with Vader who is just genuinely unable to be prepared for a rage-filled teenager with two lightsabers And Also These Fists

Vader goes down in a heap of sparking circuitry and the Corries are just Staring because wtf kid!

Leia then proceeds to deactivate the sabers, greet the Corries very politely by name, and equally politely introduce herself as Leia Organa.

Fox is groaning internally because there's no way he can pretend that didn't happen, but she's doubtlessly related to Bail, she introduced herself with the same little flair that Bail always did. It's not like Fox thinks that Bail will take it out on him, but it does seem like the kind of thing that will strain their romance.

And then Leia says, quite seriously, "Commander Fox, I'm afraid the dipshit was going to kill you tomorrow. My parents never fully recovered from the murder of their darling mirdala. I travelled through time to save you."

She approaches him with her hands outstretched and he's so stunned that he takes them. Bail and Breha only ever called him that in private. Not even his own shiny had known the name.

"I'm so very pleased to meet you," Leia says earnestly. "I hope someday you can consider me your friend."

She's wearing Bail's ring on a cord around her neck, and her mother's perfume, and the jacket of an Alderaanian palace guard, and she looks so much like home that Fox pulls her into a hug.

"I already consider you my daughter," he assures her.

Which does leave the problem of 'twenty other Corries just saw her murder their commanding officer'. Given the circumstances of her being Fox's daughter - the clones take adoption vows very seriously - and of her having saved Fox's life, they're willing to pretend that they didn't see a thing.

The dipshit gets dumped on a lower level. By the time the mask is found, there's no hope of recovering any clues about who killed him.

There's no mention in the news of the commander's helmet found nearby. Good thing, they think.

Leia returns to her own time. Fox nearly cries to see her go, but she kisses his cheek and assures him that he'll know a much happier version of her, very soon.

He goes to Alderaan. Rubs his thumb over the ring on Bail's hand. Breathes in Breha's perfume. And cries in a way he can't explain, when he's introduced to a baby he's already loved.

[illuminatedquill]

[LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]

“Actually, violence is always the answer and if it’s not working then you’re probably not doing enough of it.”

- Sabine Wren, probably

[varpusvaras]

One last omegaverse au post because I just had the thought. Almost every single clone is an alpha. And those who aren't don't talk about it. They are all rendered essentially neutral anyway by the suppressants the Kaminoans use for them. They have practically no education about the dynamics. They definitely don't have sex ed. In their minds, clones come from tubes. They do know that there's a difference between them and everyone else when it comes to that, but being a clone is very much their identity, so it isn't something that they think about constantly.

How badly do you think they will all lose their minds when Fox announces one day that he's pregnant.

[stealingpotatoes]

@dinlukeweek day 2: Meet on Tatooine AU / Marriage Vows

slight culture difference on the weddings front...

[evilminji]

*slams down the Jedi Marriage Hard Drives, which take special computers to even run they're so big*

okay... so there were, like, a FEW Rules.

[tiredafel]

im cackling at the tags

[varpusvaras]

So Palpatine is found out to be the Sith and to having been playing the war on both sides.

The Senate is furious. They want to know how no one caught this earlier. They cannot admit that they didn't see anything, either, and were fully on board with almost everything Palpatine had said and done before. They cannot admit that they had been in the wrong.

They try to blame the Jedi. Some of it sticks, but not permanently, because the Jedi are like yo bro wtf we were on the battlefields for 99 percent of the time, we didn't have the time to stand there and stare at him, so they need to find even more scapegoats.

They turn to look at the Guard.

It's their job to protect the Republic! How did they not notice! They must've been in on it!

The Guard is like ????? okay sir first of all, we were too busy to be crawling around in the prisons and on the lower levels to ever even talk to the Chancellor during our entire lives, we weren't that important

But one of you has been reporting to the Chancellor. Doing his datawork for him. He must've noticed! How could he have not! Who was this one Guard!

It's Commander Fox.

The Senate wants to take Fox to the courts. But he is not there. The Guard goes Commander Fox who? Never heard of him. Are you sure that it's not just some ploy made by the Sith? Maybe he's someone who is just impersonating a Guard or something, we don't know. We have never had a Commander by that name in the Coruscant Guard

They interrogate the entire Guard for days, weeks. They all just say that there has never been a Commander Fox in the Guard. No one can find him. Commander Fox has never been seen without a helmet by anyone who is not a clone. They cannot verify who he is, if he is trying to hide among the other Guards

The Senate finds out that Commander Fox has brothers outside of the Guard. They bring them in. Cody and the others are just as confused by all of this as the rest of them. They know Fox exists. The Jedi keep reassuring them that everything will be okay if Fox comes forward, so they try to see if Fox is there. He is not. Cody goes to ask Thorn what is going on. Thorn looks him dead in the eyes and says he has never even heard of a Commander Fox before all of this. He just keeps staring at Cody with absolutely no expression when Cody tries to insist. No, never heard of Commander Fox before this. Are you sure you're okay Marshal Commander Sir? You've been in many close calls during the war. That scar looks rather nasty. Must've been quite a hit. Have you ever gone and checked it out? Could be a concussion.

Cody knows that Thorn knows that he got the scar on Kamino. Cody points this out. Thorn continues to look him in the eyes and flat out says no you didn't.

Cody looks at Thorn. Thorn looks at Cody.

Cody gives up.

All the other Guard Commanders say the same. To all of them. So do all the troopers, down to the newest shiny.

The Jedi try to go in and ask. It doesn't work. Their working theory is that being so close to the Sith has made them develope stronger mental shields. Maybe. Anyway no one is saying anything to them either. Yoda thinks this is hilarious. He keeps cackling behind his stick. Mace looks at him like bffr.

The Guard is firm in their stance. Commander Fox does not exist.

The Senate is still in an uproar about all of this. Bail looks at Padmé and Mon and goes you know what? I'm getting a headache from all of this. This is stupid. I'm going home. I suggest that all of you do the same. My wife said that we are renewing our vows and then taking another honeymoon. I'm going now goodbye.

Yeah, sure, Padmé and Mon say. They all pack up their things and go home the next day.

(The Organa family has a beautiful vacation home on the mountains. The sun is shining warmly but there is still snow at this time of the year. Some rare flowers are in the bloom amidst the ice on the rocky sides of the mountain. There's a view for a glacial lake from the front windows. The fire place is lit and the beds are warmed up and have thick blankets on them.

Fox sits in front of the fireplace, being sandwhiched between his wife and husband, and he looks out at the lake and takes a sip from the sugariest cup of hot chocolate that exists in the entire Galaxy.

Commander Fox does not exist.

Fox Organa does.

And he's on a vacation.

Please do not disturb)

[allianettemie5]

Reminder to myself that

Helix and Bones of 212th are fanon characters

Dooku is canonically not a Yan

Grandmaster and grandpadawan are not real terms when it comes to lineages

Padme and Anakin's marriage is not an open secret

Clones don't speak Mando'a

Cal Kestis and Caleb Dume weren't best friends before Order 66

Kote is not Cody's name

However, I will be ignoring these facts just because I can and no one can do anything to stop me

[tattycoram]

Fives: Ok Cody, right hand blue Cody: *ends up on top of Obi-Wan* Cody: You're doing this on purpose aren't you? Echo: We stopped spinning ten turns ago. I'm surprised neither of you noticed

[forcearama]

AU where Dooku still leaves the Order but he’s not evil, and so Obi-Wan and Anakin and Ahsoka have this random crazy-rich old grandpa who swings by from his mansion every so often to have tea and discuss galactic events with Yoda and Mace, and also to chide his lineage about standing up straight and not slurping their soup.

This is especially hilarious given that I am 1000% sure Anakin and Ahsoka did stuff like having belching contests like, a lot, so I assume Snooty Grandpa showed up just as one was really getting going and somehow he was MOST disappointed in Obi-Wan for letting this happen. 

[forcearama]

Also even better in a Qui-Gon Lives AU. Obi-Wan: [immaculately groomed, quietly reading and politely sipping tea] Anakin and Ahsoka: [shooting spitballs at the ceiling while watching a really loud, obnoxious TV show] Dooku: [shakes his head at Obi-Wan in deep disapproval] Honestly…how can you have trained an apprentice who encourages such behavior? I come all this way to visit and this is what I’m faced with? Qui-Gon: [walks in covered in dirt, with leaves and twigs in his beard and hair] Before anyone asks about my last mission, everything was like that when I got there. [sits down, cracks open a can of cheap beer and puts his filthy sandals on the coffee table] Also a prophecy I read said I had to do it, so. Obi-Wan: [shoots a pointed look at Dooku]

[twinterrors29]

Jedi Padawans have the classic sitcom bag-of-flour baby assignment to ensure they're prepared to look after young ones in emergency situations

this assessment is not one of the many canceled or postponed during the war

which means that when Ahsoka is abruptly deployed dirtside along with her Master, Grandmaster, and the 501st, she had to scramble to find an appropriate babysitter for her sack of flour

desperate, she tossed it to Commander Cody, who was staying aboard the Negotiator to oversee the campaign, with only a frantic list of the required steps to take care of it while she was gone

when she returns several days later, Cody has painted the sack 212th gold and constructed a sling to carry it around on his front while he keeps his hands free for work

judging by the rank pins attached to the front, the sack of flour is now a lieutenant

once Obi-Wan's heart eyes abate enough, though, it becomes clear to him that Cody and the 212th troopers have not understood that the sack of flour is not, in fact, a literal Jedi tubie

and none of the Jedi or their siblings in the 501st have the heart to correct them, so they let them keep the thing, stomping on the feet of anyone who tries to ask too many questions about their new mascot

once the war ends, Obi-Wan discreetly replaces the sack with a Jedi chrecheling in the middle of the night, having resigned himself to raising another too-young-Padawan

Reva, for her part, is all to happy to gleefully coat herself in flour for the occasion

[fanfic-obsessed]

Can you imagine how excited the 212th must be that their Jedi Tubie hatched, and at the rank of Major (having been promoted a few times). They are all so proud.

[antigrav-vector]

The first thing that popped into my head was a meme. See above. Lbr though. The troopers are plenty smart. They're not fooled by the bag of flour. Not really. No. It's more likely that the Vod'e are just ??????ing over this bizarre natborn custom and rolling with it in a way that they can (very subtly) make fun of it. So when they suddenly get a real tubie out of the deal, they're ecstatic and (more or less rightly) decide this is a (karking bizarre, natborns wtf?) way of making sure a potential partner is capable of taking care of a tubie, without actually risking one. But hey, the commander passed with flying colours, apparently, so hooray. But it's not just him who got to take care of the "baby". So does that mean they're ALL being offered a tubie? It kind of has to. And if they're collectively being offered a Jedi tubie by their general... does that mean he's marrying the whole company? Hmmmm.

[twinterrors29]

@captainkirkk Ahsoka thinks she should have gotten extra credit for her accidental matchmaking <3

[antigrav-vector]

Pfft, I'm pretty sure she did. It was just among the troopers rather than from her instructor. Sure, there are now Rumours circulating about Kenobi and the 212th (Rumours which drive Anakin a little bit batty and make Mace crack up laughing because this is a classic Kenobi disaster. That flirt was bound to get himself into a Fox like this at some point...) but nothing confirmed has reached the Temple.

On the other hand, Ghost is basically drawing straws for whose turn it is to help out with the tube that week and whose turn it is to flirt back at their General. Well. Whose turn it is besides Cody's, anyway. Cody's basically got that locked in permanently.

[phoenixyfriend]

Another really funny plot concept for "Jedi leave the Republic for their own safety/survival well before the war hits" is that Dooku goes out, claims his title as Count of Serenno, and then just invites his entire ten-thousand-strong extended Jedi Family to join him.

Who's going to stop him? His planetary government, that he's in charge of and can easily convince that Jedi are a good thing for agriculture and education and medicine? The Republic?

Sidious is left staring because not only did he fail to make this rich old former Jedi fall, but the rich old former Jedi stole all the Jedi he was in charge of, including ten-year-old Skywalker.

[starboard-656]

WIP (on the way home)

Every trace of the girl that had been getting to know had disappeared behind a polite facade. 

Her shoulder is pushed back and she locked her gaze with the Jedi Master, her eyes cold as she demanded to know what he was doing. Jango has heard nobles with less Authority in their voice. The hints of Tatooine accent leave her voice completely as she tells the Jedi that they are not following protocol.

 “you're setting a bad example Master Dooku," she said as she held herself with a confidence that he'd never seen on her before. “Bloodshed without the proper investigation and reasoning can only be unjust killing “

Master Dooku is startled at the use of his name but it does not show in his voice when he asks “You seem to have me at a disadvantage, Padawan?” 

That makes the Mandalorians stand up straighter, was she?  it would explain certain things but not others, if she was a padawan why didn't she have a Jedi master with her and why did she have a baby? She never made any sign as if she was uncomfortable with the child. They would have noticed if she just met them or was only there to keep them safe. if she was one she'd have been separated a long time ago.

 she winches at the title but answers “kenobi”

“Where is your master?" he asks his eyes to turn around as if he would have summoned them by asking.

“any Jedi that I would answer to has been long since gone “ her voice is dead as she answers

“apologies, may they be one with the force” the jedi responds with the first emotion they hear “do you need help getting back to the temple?" he asks, being weirdly polite considering the fact she just tore him a new one in front of their so-called ancient enemies.

Ben seems to contemplate that for a moment before answering “ i will have to decline, the force needs me here”

Dooku’s face makes a weird expression as if he was both amused and exasperated.

[excalisi]

Your name is Obi-Wan Kenobi, and you are twenty-five years old. Your Master has fallen to the saber of a Sith, and the boy he'd intended to replace you with is given to you as a padawan. He looks up at you with big eyes bluer than the color of Coruscant's noonday sky, and you don't know it yet, but you'll love him forever. It will lead you to ruin, but you wouldn't be able to save yourself from it even if you'd learned of what is to come.

He looks very small and very lost. You don't offer him your hand, but when you begin walking to your quarters and he hurries to catch up, you shorten the length of your strides so you can walk side-by-side. Easily, and without much effort at all, your steps synchronize and the pair of you are walking in perfect time. His shoulder brushes against your hip, and he looks up again to smile—just a small, uncertain little curve of a thing—at you.

You smile back, and inevitability closes its teeth around your throat.