professional lurker

23y • she/her (ela/dela) • mostly reblogs, sometimes random posts about multiple fandoms and subjects

[artbugjuice]

BBC Merlin except they all come back in 2012

[creem-soda]

Sometimes I zoom out and realize from Arthur’s perspective, Merlin really is just a weird little freak that sucks at his job. He has bad time management and no respect for propriety, and he generally does weird and questionable things (you know, he disappears for hours to days at a time, stole Morgana’s dress, awkwardly helped Arthur pull his trousers back up in front of court, a myriad of other things, and of course, woodworm??) and yet Arthur is still very enamored with him. Arthur has no insight to Merlin’s destiny, has no idea of the prophecy, none of that, and yet he clearly cares about Merlin so deeply that it leaves me kind of stunned.

This strange little peasant strolled into town, called Arthur a prat, and proceeded to be a terrible manservant, complaining all the while. And Arthur scolds him, sure, but then he just… keeps Merlin around ‘cause he likes him. Yep.

[starbygone]

I think about this constantly. Arthur goes around, since week 2(?), ready to die anytime if needed to salve Merlin's life, just because he really loves likes this weird fucker of a peasant ?? And its canon that he has no idea why Merlin is risking his own life for Arthur all the time since day 1. I am pretty sure Arthur thinks Merlin is in love with him or something

[urfavrubyyy]

I’d serve my life sentence a thousand times

[khmelisuneliart]

all that remains

[sizhens-deactivated20250610]

I think "fuck you, I hate your work and I will do it myself and I will do it better" is a really funny and epic sentiment. i started publishing poetry because an ex boyfriend of mine was publishing really ass poetry in a bunch of journals and I was like "Jesus christ, this is garbage, I could do that, and I could do it better." now I have a page in the Academy of American Poets and I've published a full length collection and his website says "former poet." You should win by succeeding way harder than they do. Spite is a legitimate energy source.

[cosimads]

HALF MAN Episode 2

[grlstlker]

i don’t have anything normal to say

[messymindofmine]

I feel like the show being from the singular perspective of Niall makes it all the more powerful. If the perspective had been split among multiple characters as most shows tend to be, we wouldn't have had the sheer intensity that kept us on the edge of our seats. Our perspective as the audience would have been split. By the show being entirely in Niall's perspective, we see everything he does. We feel the things he does and we feel them keenly. We don't see the things he doesn't see. And we are put directly in his mindset of how he views the world and the people around him. And while I know that it has been destabilizing for a lot of people and confusing, I think that also adds to the experience. And at the same time, we are put into the position of working a bit harder than an audience would have to otherwise in order to understand the other characters around Niall that aren't Ruben. Because only Ruben matters in Niall's eyes and Ruben is larger than life. Rather than simply watching the show, we are almost required to really exercise our mental faculties to fill in blanks, connect the dots and understand all the characters. And personally, I am so grateful for that.

[messymindofmine]

Obviously there has been a lot of discussion about Niall stopping Ruben when he's talking about how he would cum when he father abused him and how those moments were the closest he ever felt to someone. And it's pretty clear that Niall is thinking about Ruben's violence against him and how Ruben is the person he feels the closest to. And how he was never able to acknowledge that to himself let alone anyone else. But what I don't really see being discussed and what I feel is pretty crucial is the fact that Ruben was describing abuse. He was describing abuse from his father and how that was the closest he ever felt to anyone. And Ruben was never able to tell anyone other than Niall about it. And it came after Niall revealed his feelings towards men to Ruben. And Ruben's abuse towards Niall is very pointedly never mentioned by anyone.

Niall himself doesn't even bring it up when pointing out how Ruben referred to him with homophobic insults. He only mentions the words Ruben said. And Ruben wouldn't accept the role he played in Niall's struggles. But then he starts talking about his abuse at his father's hands and Niall is able to handle it at first. He is able to give Ruben comfort and listen. He even calls Ruben his hero. It's not until Ruben starts talking about the closeness he felt that Niall shuts down. And I think entangled with the complicated feelings that Niall has for Ruben (the fear, the love, the desire, the anger) is also the repressed acknowledgement that the things Ruben did to him weren't just brotherly horseplay or banter. It wasn't just sexual either. If the feelings that Ruben was confessing to having were in the context of what both Ruben and Niall recognize as abuse at his father's hands, then Niall would have to acknowledge that what Ruben did to him was also abuse. And what does that say about his feelings towards Ruben even beyond the shame of sexuality? Beyond his repressed feelings towards Ruben in general? So of course it was too much for Niall. And he continued to repress those feelings right up until the very end to the point of his own destruction.

[starbygone]

I've been thinking a lot about stories of devotional love. Like, the Medieval Knight and The Lady. I'm sooo sure it would be like The craziest situationship of all times. This man would do ANYTHING for you. He worships the ground you walk on. He would drop anyone, any plan, any dream or desire, to be with you and to make you happy. He is your n.1 fan, supporter and admirer. To him, you are the most georgeous, perfect being alive. Very very jealous too, even if he doesn't admit and can't really treat you bad or be mean. EXCEPT he NEVER would let this go into romance territory. Just the thought of it makes him shake in his boots, drop everything and run of this blasphomy medieval knight-style. An absolute madman. Maybe he has intimacy/vulnerability issues, maybe he is afraid of commitments, maybe strong daddy issues, maybe he doesn't know how to be loved back, maybe the though of being loved back makes him scared and afraid and greedy, maybe he is afraid of his greediness, maybe he put you in such a high pedestal he doesn't feel worthy of being with you, maybe he adores you so much and you are so so important to him, and he feels like he fucks everything up in his life and he can't bare to think of ruining everything with you and dissapoint you or making you sad. He can only be with you if he keeps a safe distance. Only if you are a God he kneels rather than a real person who looks at him back. Maybe he can't even believe for the longest time, can't even fathom why the fuck would you even look at him, even care for him, or feel anything at all. Can't being to understand why YOU would have any interest in him, further more something more than gratitude (even if "you shouldn't really, you deserve everything, and he is just doing what he wants, you are so so gracious and kind"). You like him? Crazy ideia. You LOVE him? No. No, you don't. Surely you are mistaken, surely you are just too kind and is confused, feeling indebted to him or too grateful. He doesn't want you to like him in this way, he is afraid of it, can't deal with your feelings, doesn't know what to do except running away. He only knows how to be a servant. He only knows how to exist if he is useful. He only knows how to live if it's for someone else. Like a real deeply, deeply lonely person.

[jaime-lannisters]

HALF MAN — 1.04

[darkcurrents]

half man is both one of the most unpleasant stress inducing shows ive ever seen in my life but also makes part of my brain that hasn’t been activated since i watched nbc hannibal for the first time at 16 light up like a firework display

[thisautistic]

[rainbow-femme]

Niall: “So you’re ok with me being gay?”

Guy who jerks off to fantasies of him and Niall waking up in a saw trap together:

Guy who has an active Craigslist ad looking for someone who can surgically turn them into conjoined twins:

Guy who thinks the brothers from House of Wax had a good thing going:

Guy who has spent hours concocting mental scenarios where they become lighthouse keepers stranded together on an island during a hurricane:

Guy who wants to keep Niall in a human terrarium he hand built himself:

Guy whose ideal death would be him and Niall chained together in a basement and then buried alive in pyroclastic ash Pompeii-style:

Guy who cannot be trusted with access to the hit Netflix series You:

Guy who wants to keep Niall as his crazy attic wife:

Guy who knows off the top of his head how much chloroform it would take to knock out someone of Niall’s height and weight:

Guy who has been trying to figure out a casual way to ask a doctor if two people could be permanently attached to a single shared blood supply:

Guy who heard Niall needed money and wondered what the odds were of Niall saying yes if he offered to pay him to live 24/7 as his dog:

Guy who has gotten off imagining his mom revealed she had a one night stand and actually he and Niall share a father and are blood related:

Guy who wants Niall to get him pregnant so bad he will throw up if he thinks about it for too long:

Guy who has googled if it’s possible to induce kidney failure in another person so you can then give them your kidney and a part of you lives eternally in them and also they owe you their life and are eternally indebted to you:

“Nah man I think it’s great.”

[wulfhalls]

everything clicking into place for ruben while reading wuthering heights in prison like

[haggravated-lassault]

[darkcurrents]

half man is both one of the most unpleasant stress inducing shows ive ever seen in my life but also makes part of my brain that hasn’t been activated since i watched nbc hannibal for the first time at 16 light up like a firework display