bug

things from my brain

[stopthesefools-blog]

senioritis

throughout the year

ill watch her stare

idly out of the window

at the changing of seasons,

the tree transforms

as does the air between us

crumbling falling leaves of awkward conversation

blossom to the comfortable buds

of springtime friendship

blooming

and when next autumn falls

ill be right back here

watching someone else

staring at the treetops,

the leaves going golden

as we make peace with parted ways

we will both be having new crumbling fall leaf conversations

of our very own.

[stopthesefools-blog]

family vacation

these People won’t stop

yammering so goddamn loud

let me leave this car

[stopthesefools-blog]

lovergirl americana

today's horoscope preaches to me;

"the best way to love someone

is to realize that you don't own them"

well, i know that she'll spread her wings

whether i like it or not

so she sprints through it all

as i stand on the sidelines

waiting for her to hand me the baton

however i cant help myself

but to build her a picket fence prison

white house black dog apple pie

football husband and a baseball son

and me!

a knight in flowy dress armor

come to whisk her away to deep woods

where nobody can tell us where to go

but as we stand

holding eachother tight in my imagined forest

i cant help but to notice

that the long limbs of the trees

have stretched out to close in

and free branches become bars of a prison cell

i know the only way to set her free

is to let her run loose from the cage of my mind

but i know that she will stay there endlessly

as long as i give her the key.

[stopthesefools-blog]

blind as a bat

eyes itch so so bad

burn with heat of thousand suns

my contacts are dry

[titimylove]

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enough said

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silly bug

as they sat side by side

she wrote down what she wished the other was thinking

bright red ink in her head

she thought

"well

she'd want me to walk down a golden aisle,

and she'd want me to run- oh, a perfect mile"

"and

she would wish me to climb to the rocky's peak-

and she'd jump with joy at my winning streak!"

"um

she would want me to never feel...

pain in my... spine?"

"and maybe

just maybe-

she'd wish to be mine"

"but mostly

she would wish these thoughts

inside her own head"

but alas they remained

our poor writers'

instead.

[stopthesefools-blog]

from the point of view of the parasite

as we sit beside each other

i get this horribly delicious feeling

of a deep yearning to reside within her

like a wasp curled up rotting within a fig

i long so much it aches

so deeply so strongly

that my solar plexus melts into boiling water

to be in the core of her!

in the very beating heart

and slowly consumed by the fibers of her being

to stare too long at the smooth slope of her forehead

as it dives into the quick right hook of her nose

would be to turn myself into a wave

stretching out reaching so desperate

to dash my body against the gleaming sharp rocks of a cliff

a religious sacrifice to become the dissolved salt

in the bead of sweat apon her lip

her teeth drag the inside of my throat

her hands wrap around my stomach

yank the organ down- a pulling

so close to dread

ill allow it

if only this was symbiosis

if only we had evolved together

if only we were specially created

to exist within each other

in some perfect natural way

[stopthesefools-blog]

freshman year sleepover vignette

late that night

when everyone else's breathing slowed to a steady rhythm

the three of us fought stinging eyes and achy muscles

until we started to buzz with that manic exhaustion of kids

up past our bedtimes- declaring "this is nothing for me"

giggling, we slipped away from the tangled mass on the couch

you held one another tight

and i wrapped my blanket around me tighter

as we clunked up the stairs in that awkward quiet way

ramen noodles from the crinkly package

i braced myself for a sharp reprimand

but you reasuured me your parents slept soundly

and ripped open the plastic- like cymbals- as you put on the water

illuminated only by a warm pink lamp

which held us closer as we gossiped

the kitchen became the only room in a vast unlit emptiness

and i hoisted myself with heavy arms

legs dangling off of this countertop at the edge of the earth

softly i put on my favorite song and hummed along

you both rolled your eyes at my cheesy choice

but as i swung my legs and let my eyelids go low

he slowly sauntered up behind you

and wrapped his arms around your waist

as you stirred the water and moved your feet with his sweeping steps

his head sweetly on your shoulder- swaying together in time

pinpricks of starlight shone in from the windows

my chest felt hollow in the best of ways

"the perfect moment"

you snorted

and swatted his reaching hand away from the hot noodles

"the perfect moment- my ass"

you poured out equal portions in mismatched bowls

i could see the beginnings of the morning sun reaching his arms out

and a fog had settled over our conversation

so we crept back down to the basement

unbeknownst to everyone else

the perfect moment.

[stopthesefools-blog]

watershed

ive started following the white river around

trying to find the heart of it

i lace up my boots and trace my backyard creek

until it ducks away through a tunnel and under the highway

but it cant hide from me

so i get in my car and drive

until i find it again

rushing as fast as it can to get away from me

the flecked beige foam clinging to a muddy bed

as if pulling itself away in desperation

ive yet to find the real thing

all roads lead to roaming around until late night

following the fragile capillaries to the pulsating veins but still

never finding the beating heart

it subverts me each day in a new fashion

its not my fault that i cant find it, is it?

am i really so repulsive?

[stopthesefools-blog]

haiku about calculus

ink and tear stained page

what the fuck is a tangent

hieroglyphs in pen

[stopthesefools-blog]

anyone who has an actually understands what a derivative is exists on a plane above the average human. they are communicating with god or they made a pact with satan or something but that shit is not humanly possible to comprehend. ive been doing this shit for months and all i know is that it somehow involves lines

[stopthesefools-blog]

patterson empty

powerlines grew heavy with the beating of wings

and the beating wings of fairies were quickly silenced by windshield wipers

silence crept along with dark ivy over a once bustling and busy residence

and a once busy mind slowly filled up with heavy black mold

and the mold eats away at everything 

a once thriving city becomes a kingdom of decay

[stopthesefools-blog]

christmas morning // mt.pleasant church

babys first bottle of pills is wrapped under the tree

drove out after burnt wrapping paper defrosted his icicle hands

the same snowman inflatable repeated infinite outside every small town house

and the tips of the bare trees interlocked and made the road he drove dark as night

now as he drove past cornfields and under worn train tracks

he noticed a million bovine crowded together under the smallest awning of a barn

and their vacant stares burnt him to his core

so he followed the signs that said they would lead him to salvation

past the bearded man bearing whiskey gifts and a half smoked cigar

through the barely alive town that his mother was born in

and under the transmission towers that loomed like giants

and when he found the final road sign 

he looked up to see the smallest church

old flames last name on the nearest gravestone

dead cousins initials carved into the wooden swingset pole

he walked until his ears fell off and smooth saline froze his eyes shut

and he heard his father call him back home for christmas dinner

but when he yelled back all that came out was black tar and bird feathers

he screamed silent as middle of nowhere midwest became a horror scene

as the church became the smallest chapel in the middle of a cornfield

and the faces that stared from the pews became blank as fresh copy paper

deer walked on hind legs across the road

and sisters and brothers became like any other stranger

so he ran back to his car alone in the church lot

and he cried all the way home

for he saw not a single soul the whole drive back

[stopthesefools-blog]

poem about shelter cats i wrote when i was nine//suicide note of a barely literate man

Today i am

        Sad.

Today is the

     Last day.

Nobody picks

Me.

The rain pours

In rhythm

   With

My tears.

Friends live,

I die.

Bye.

[stopthesefools-blog]

west IN 46 (keep right)

a friendship that died many moons past

is now water under the bridge of the small town we grew up in

rode our bikes there the summer before we started highschool

and boy, nothing smelled sweeter than the sulfur of that creek

if only we knew that was the last time we would cut our toes on those jagged rocks 

and the last time we would scream secrets into the air 

as cars drove above, roaring 

before she would know the taste of my mouth

and my mouth would know the sweet burn of stolen liquor

maybe we would have stayed to watch the sunset

maybe we wouldnt have been so eager to rush back home

new years eve of 9th grade

i screamed songs out the window of her second story bedroom

we had left the bridge behind when she moved across town

so now we watched shitty rom coms together

sitting apart on opposite ends of a blow up mattress

i spoke every thought in my head to fill the air

but her silence ate every word

and left the whole room still

and when my dad picked me up in the morning

i wondered how i had ever seen her as a mirror

how i had ever shared a bed with this stranger 

who now slept in the next room over

while i shook, silent in the dark

sitting now

back against slurs spray painted permanent into that dark cement

water whipping past as the cold bites my cheeks

i sharpie our names into the wall

maybe she’ll come back and read them and wonder

was it all just water under the bridge?

[stopthesefools-blog]

set out runnin but i take my time

the devil was outside my room last night

i took a walk to see the damage done

his cloven footprints littered the fresh snow around my window

deep scratches had been carved into my new wooden fence

the birds that usually filled the neighborhood trees were all gone or dead

the echoes from his whispers made my ears thick with blood

and as i looked in through my window at the girl

curled up, shaking in fear

i realized 

i had forgotten that i had sent him an invitation.

[stopthesefools-blog]

fuck you kevin crumb

“the broken are the more evolved” 

stupid

stupid

the happiest are the most evolved

even if their adapting process is stupidity

id rather be a billion times stupid

than a million times broken.