Stories From My Notebook @stories-from-my-notebook - Tumblr Blog

It's that time of year again. My good friend Jonathan Harker is on his annual business trip to Castle Dracula.

I turn 30 next month so here’s what I learned in my 20s:

—don’t work for startups, they’re always one ‘innovative idea’ away adding ‘sell your kidneys on the black market’ to your job description.

—keeping a collection of basic OTC medicine on you will save your life one day. I recommend Advil, Imodium, and TUMS.

—those little single-use glasses cleaning wipes are 1000% worth the money

—overly self-depreciating jokes just make people uncomfortable, wean yourself off of them

—you can buy dehydrated mini marshmallows in bulk online and they’re a godsend for hot cocoa

—people don’t care if you have fidget toys on your desk they just want to play with them

—try to go to bed BEFORE the existential ennui kicks in

thelittleblackfox

Also drink water and eat a plant

liz-squids

This is all GREAT. I turned 40 last week, so permit me to add what I learned in my 30s:

keep on not working for startups

sometimes there comes a point where the thing (fandom, hobby, friendship, romantic relationship) you loved no longer brings you joy. And that's okay. Try to mourn the loss, take joy in the memories, and don't burn any bridges in case ten years go by and you find yourself back in that fandom/hobby/relationship again

it turns out that (ugh) moderate regular exercise is (spit) good for you. The sooner you make it part of your life, the easier it'll be

related: if you throw yourself into a new exercise regime too hard and too fast, without stopping to rest or consider whether a particular move is good for you ... well, shoulder injuries are painful and consults with orthopedic surgeons are expensive

knees are bastards too

don't even get me started on ankles

there may come a time when your digestive system is too fragile for ibuprofin. I'm sorry

one day you're gonna wake up and realise you no longer give any fucks about some things that used to bother you

on the other hand, you might be alarmed to realise what you still give a fuck about

never get down on the floor without an exit strategy for getting back up

covington-shenanigans

I turn 50 this year. what I have learned in my 40s:

"loving yourself" is less of a feeling and more of an action. you can start doing it any time and it will make your life better and better as you go on

this will happen incrementally - be patient

along those lines, if you haven't started making an active effort to quit shit-talking yourself, suck it up and do it

no, shut up. do it. "but it's haaaaard!" don't care. do it.

whether you like it or not, you are mortal and you need to go to the doctor for an annual checkup

stretch regularly - your future self will thank you

at some point you will encounter people much younger than you arguing passionately and incorrectly about history you personally remember and experienced

this will be infuriating and annoying

otoh, most other things just... will not matter to you as much

at some point you will shift from wanting to go out to being like "eh" and deciding to stay in. this is okay.

you will have absolutely no idea what The Youth are talking about and you will not care

but if you keep your mind open to new ideas you'll never be irrelevant

your company still doesn't love you - don't give them more than they pay you for

get a fucking hobby, especially a hobby that involves physically creating/handling something and/or moving your body in physical space. it will do you more good than you can imagine

atlinmerrick

Just turned 60 and let me say:

Find joy, every kind, it's always worth it

I'm talking that massive, never-ending Discord chat with your bestie? The one that makes you giggle through the day? It's not a "waste of time," it's what time was made for

If that's fanfic for your favorite characters who never even met on screen celebrate that!

If that's building a tiny fleet of snake villagers for your snake town and they just cover your mantel hell yes!

If that's collecting pillows and making a fort of them every weekend I'll be right over

Feeling and sharing joy is the whole point

cricketcat9

This is too tempting…, so, I’m 74, and: don’t fund startups

Please keep stretching and exercise enough NOT to need an elaborate strategy to get up from the floor. IT MAY SAVE YOUR LIFE

Say bye to your employer as early as you possibly can, unless you really love your job. You won’t be sorry.

Keep doing the annual checkups 🙏🏼

Enjoy that fucking hobby you’ve acquired in your 50, or find something new. Do try new things & adventures.

serpentstones-blog1

i literally cannot convey how long i fucking laughed after i realized that boobytrap backwards is partyboob

serpentstones-blog1

i really hope that this does not end up being the text post that defines my entire tumblr career

rhube

I just remembered that this was a thing that was HILARIOUS in 2006 and apparently that was ten years ago now.

Old people: join with me in remembering how funny we found this on LiveJournal.

Young people: look at this lolrus, it’s so happy, it has a bucket.

And then they stealed away the bucket and we realised we had fucked up a perfectly good elephant seal and given it anxiety.

pipistrellus

listen this vintage meme is high quality and i will hear nothing said against it

rhube

20 years. I am not happy about this.

demonicsymphony

I’m delighted at the bucket reappearing but dismayed at the passage of time

luminouspica

Happy 20 years to Lolrus and his bucket!

nuttersinc

Happy Stab Caesar day, Tumblr!!!

angelbabymikaa

wuuruvu

kindly-whisper-norbury

buggachat

"self" expression?

(I actually have been stuck on a comic for this AU for a WHILE, been working on it on and off, struggling, finally pushed past the hard part of it and got it almost complete and then decided to just start and make and post this one instead of finishing the other one. oops. i'll get to that now lol...)

part of my Modern Vampire Marinette AU (intro | tag)

(Support me on ko-fi if you'd like!)

buggachat

worth every mop

part of my Modern Vampire Marinette AU (intro | tag)

(Support me on ko-fi if you'd like!)

buggachat

eh, screw it *releases my fucked up vampire au from the confines of my mind*

anyway I decided my blog is for me and I can draw and post all the weird silly concepts of my dreams and nobody can stop me. I actually have a lot of potential comic ideas ping-ponging in my head for this AU — not a linear story or anything (beyond what's on this post), just some good fun and shenanigans.

bonus:

todayintokyo

Volleyball player Yuji Nishida accidentally hit a line judge. This is how he apologized.

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

*sandwich voice* the world is vast and beautiful and i have a sandwich

expertmistake

*wiggles fingers* balicazam!! Your sandwich is now yarn

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

idk what you did and normally i wouldn't complain but my sandwich has straight up vanished as if by dark magic

im not even joking my sandwich is gone and i am fucking pissed

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

motherFUCKER i bet i lost it on the railway tracks

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

ok im on a train right now. so what happened is I was rushing with my precariously-stacked luggage with my sandwich on the top. and unfortunately it was a vertical sandwich (baguette) and i didn't tie the plastic baggie shut. fucker slid right out of its wrapper

somewhere in this train station is a single perfect naked sandwich lying peaceably on the ground

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

MOTHERFUCKER I WAS RIGHT i lost it wheeling my luggage (jostling) across the tracks. i can see it from the fucking window. it's just sitting there, taunting me

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

the train leaves in 5 min, I'm already in my seat, and as stated the sandwich is lying buttnaked on the train tracks.

i still kinda wanna run and get it tho

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

fuck it im gonna

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

GOT MY FUCKEN SAMMICH

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

it's always "gaud i thought you were doing a bit" and "gaud did you seriously risk missing a train & losing your luggage over a dirt sandwich" and "gaud don't eat a sandwich off the ground." never "how was the dirt sandwich, did you enjoy the dirt sandwich, was the dirt sandwich good???"

irrelevantellipses

So, was the dirt sandwich good?

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

eh it was just ok

heatherwitch

My resolution last year was to do one thing before bed that would make my morning feel easier, and that’s become a daily habit that I’m carrying into this new year.

Some nights even filling up the kettle and setting an empty mug out for my morning tea felt hard. But I was always thankful for it in the morning.

Other nights, one thing would lead to another, and I’d wake up in a clean house with everything ready to go.

And, on a rare few nights, the one thing that I could do to make my morning easier was going straight to bed and allowing myself to rest.

What stayed the same each day is that I would take a moment to think of what I could do for my future self and do it, even after a hard day. And I would wake up knowing that I had done my best and any effort—no matter how small—was a kindness to myself.

figuring-421

🚨

HEADS UP: The U.S. Postal Service quietly changed how postmarks work.

Mail is no longer automatically postmarked with the date you drop it off. Instead, the postmark now reflects the date it’s first processed by an automated sorting facility — which can be days later.

If you mail something right at a deadline, the official postmark could be later than your drop-off date and may be considered late.

If mailing date matters to you, go inside the post office and request a hand-stamped postmark.

A new USPS postmark rule may cause property tax payments to look late even when people mail them on time. The change can create surprise lat

This will invalidate votes too

dreamlogic

this is good info to share for the most part, but the last bit about the postmark policy change invalidating votes is incorrect. the USPS takes electoral mail VERY seriously, and it's handled differently than regular mail. i'm sure there's some variation in POs across the country, but usually the last couple weeks before a voting deadline, my office starts separating outgoing ballots from other outgoing mail so they can be hand-postmarked and fast-tracked for processing. my state gives voters a soft deadline to ensure their mail-in ballots will be received/counted by election day, but usually by that date, we've already been giving ballots special handling for a week or so. even if you drop your ballot in a regular collection box or outgoing mail slot (NOT a ballot drop box) the day of the election, carriers are running their asses off to make sure those ballots get back to the office with enough time to spare that someone (usually a supervisor) can drive them to the county clerk's office before the voting deadline. (another fun fact about electoral mail: you're supposed to stamp your ballots like any first class letter, but if you forget a stamp, we'll still process your ballot and just bill your county for the postage due. try not to take advantage of that detail if you can help it, though.)

TLDR; this policy change might fuck up your bills, but it is highly unlikely to fuck up your vote.

zeldahime

donnathepirana

I turned on closed captions for the Swedish Chef and I just started weeping with laughter.

deactivated-blog

thesaltofcarthage

These captions are peak Muppet and Jim Henson would be delighted.

modmad

how can you post this and not link to the original on the official Muppets youtube

certified-muppet-posts

certified muppets post

sootheyourself

He’s got his own language setting lol

weavemama

DO NOT SUPPORT SALVATION ARMY

jackharknessday

I can back this up. It isn’t only their shelters.

I have a family friend who worked at our local Salvation Army headquarters as a a secretary. This particular office took all the Christmas donations for children in need, put them in a warehouse, and on a designated day the staff and their friends picked through them all, taking whatever they wanted. She saw people hauling away bikes donated for specific families. Some local children had hundreds of dollars of gifts donated in their name, and on Christmas they received three cheap things, items likely not even from the person who sponsored them.

My friend quit, and I’ve not given them a dime of my money since then.

Do not give to the Salvation Army.

gayfeatherfiend

Do Not. Give. To. Salvation. Army

rab-it-deactivated20231030

My turn.

I’m a wildfire and disaster logistics specialist.

I deal with a lot of agencies who provide disaster relief.

I used to say the Salvation Army’s disaster services were the one (literally the ONE) good thing they did.

They would come in, set up a canteen trailer, make and pass out hot coffee and donated food in a disaster, usually being one of the first agencies to get there and the last to leave.

Then I found out.

Every time they did this, regardless of if they were actually invited or deployed by the agency in charge (usually FEMA, sometimes others) they would SELF-DEPLOY. Meanjng they would just show up. Ok. That’s not TOO bad, sometimes agencies have to take initiative and get there before the red tape is sorted out. BUT. They, after they left at the end of the incident, they would send FEMA or the host agency a BILL. They used one or two paid employees (usually the driver of the truck and a supervisor); and many VOLUNTEERS, but they would bill for EVERYONE’s Labor at standard federal rates. They would bill for the food they distributed even though it was all donated by another agency or private parties. They would bill for the coffee they made and the supplies. Except they would use electricity from the shelter location, water from donations or from the shelter, and in many cases, they would get the coffee and industrial filters DONATED, but bill for them at retail prices.

Don’t FUCKING give to the Salvation Army.

knight-of-vengeance-deactivated

The Salvation Army is also ass to the workers. A good number of people join it, naively thinking that it’s doing good, and end up leaving cynical and beaten down. The management is hostile, if not outright abusive, and demand some ridiculous hours of it lower to mid-level staff. Don’t support these people.

fisharescary802

Unsettling update

oldearthaccretionist

Find better local charities and shelters and give to them instead!

moonybyte

Also just for even more horrific context on the original twitter thread?

Salvation Army reached out to Milknmuffins and asked what shelter she’s at with the promise to address the abuse in it. She…ended up saying where she was. She was thrown out onto the street. It’s also all on Twitter.

They invited her to a personal talk so she could explain the situation in person.

And then they threatened her with a screenshot of a rape-threat made supposedly by her:

And then threw her out into the street while claiming she broke house rules that

So yeah, the Salvation Army is a bunch of entitled assholes that will treat the most vulnerable like shit if they dare try to do anything that makes them look bad

supernovafirefly

The “Fuck Salvation Army” posts are making the rounds again, so conisder this your reminder: Do. Not. Give. These. Assholes. A. Single. Fucking. Penny.

Do not support them in any way, shape, or form.

eagletrekkie

‘Tis the season to say FUCK the Salvation Army.

fixyourwritinghabits

Your yearly holiday reminder that the folks ringing those bells think they’re doing something good, but they’re not. Please donate to a food program instead.

chimaamla

Donate to your local food pantry! Their federal funding got slashed a couple of months ago, and SNAP benefits are currently in limbo while the government is shut down, so pantries are more in need than ever.

Speaking as someone who volunteers weekly at one: cash donations are the best way to go. Food pantries can buy in bulk AND buy tax-free, so they can get way more bang for your buck than you ever could.

Second-best is to donate your time. In my experience pantries are OVERWHELMINGLY staffed by people 60+, so if you can help with even moderately heavy lifting (like ~20lbs) once every week or two when they get their deliveries, then you’ll be their favorite person ever. And probably get paid in homemade cookies.

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

realtor whose entire career is just selling (and re-selling and re-selling) the same haunted house

it transpires this is a longstanding con, in which the house (which is hugely haunted) is an active participant

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

a full fledged co-conspirator even. the realtor splits the commission with the house, which uses its cut to get asbestos removal, granite countertops, plumbing renovations you name it. the key being the House desires these things for its self. not for its *shudders* occupants.

it's a strong independent entity! it doesn't need a relationship (with freeloaders who scuff its floors). it's single and KILLIN IT! and by "it" let's just say. heh. an entire upper middle class white suburban family

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist