i'm an old soul.

Christian | Shakespeare | Crochet | Improv | Iced Coffee

[gif87a-com]

[leolomir-blog]

Bleeeeugh om niom niomniom blereegh

[caffeinatedcorvid]

@bruvebanner

[liz-the-lemur]

UNMUTE UNMUTE UNMUTE

[bando--grand-scamyon]

WHAT 😂

[finalfantasy37]

time: *makes me bolder* children: *get older* me: *gets older too*

[charmantebby-deactivated2022030]

I just want to dance around in lacy lingerie and oversized shirts and makeout on someones lap

[actualvampireang-deactivated201]

Ok, so there was a scene on the OC where a character got shot and killed and that “mmm whatcha say” song was used in the soundtrack

and then SNL did a parody of the scene because it was ridiculous

and now, years later, we’re all still laughing at the same joke because it’s hilarious.

[wehaveallgotknives]

I HAD NEVER SEEN THE ORIGINAL

I THOUGHT SNL HAD COME UP WITH IT

[etirabys]

guy who invented the piano: what if we laid a harp on its side and added hammers

[argumate]

musician: you clumsy oaf, you just knocked over my harp with your toolbox!

guy who’s about to invent the piano: oh, haven’t you heard?

[etirabys]

how dare you take this mediocre shitpost and make it genuinely funny

[meme-theft]

[65-percent-puns]

PLEASE TURN YOUR SOUND ON

[grotesquekaleidoscope]

heS SO ANGRY

[fckin-deactivated20171107]

I’m thinking about her

[eclipsebykimlipmp3-deactivated2]

forbidden fruit

[isaacmemes]

Why do grown ass adults want to eat Tide pods so much?

[kitswulf]

Because a ton of the visual/olfactory/textural sensory information these pods give me the match nutritionally-dense fruit. It’s got the oleic gleam of something high-fat like an avocado, but bright carotenoid-rich coloration like a berry that wants to be eaten by red-seeing primates and birds. It tends to smell sweet and slightly floral, enhancing that effect. Similarly, when you hold it, it is quite dense (denser than water), but very soft and liquid, once again reaffirming that this “fruit” has either high sugar or high fat content and almost no cellulose to it.

As a result, within me is a less-clever monkey just screaming to eat this delicious fruit in my hand about to go into the laundry, and it does in fact take willpower to tell him he’s a stupid monkey and this is a bubble of foul-tasting poison. But every time I do laundry, this fucking limbic monstrosity rises again and assures me it’s basically like a cherry but Even Better. I have legitimately debated just biting down on one in the hopes of inducing a deterrent memory to forestall this urge in the future, but that’s what my goddamn mammal-brain wants me to fucking do and I refuse to let it win.

[ciphercoyote]

Human Brain: Don’t eat the posion pod its fucking posion Monkey Brain: Eat the fruit pod its fruit Lizard Brain: The Washing Machine Is Vibrating Give It The Sex Fish Brain: Climb inside the washing machine it is safe.

[pervocracy]

I had this billion-dollar idea to make edible candy that’s packaged like a Tide pod and would satisfy this urge, but one of my friends got an actual lawyer on the phone to explain why I would set some sort of world record for lawsuits

[blueelectricangels]

if you read in a frog paper “specimen was released in the field immediately after capture” chances are very good that what it actually means is

“i dropped the damn frog and despite the fact that we fell all over each other no one could recapture it”

[blueelectricangels]

sometimes when i am sad i go read through the tags on this post, because they are 70% other biologists saying things like “AND ALSO FUCK FIELD MICE” and “THAT CRAB ALMOST BROKE MY FINGER” and I am reassured that I am not the only one who has bobbled a wood frog right into their cleavage.

plus six or seven people who just….can’t figure out what a frog paper could possibly be. (guys it’s…a scientific paper. about frogs.)

and this one

which made me laugh despairingly because i mean

bro you don’t even know.

[jumpingjacktrash]

what is the code entomologists use for “i stepped on it, i’m so sorry, it was dark out and the specimen was very small”

[coolmanfromthepast]

“Impromptu dissection was performed under less-than-optimal lighting conditions.”

[jumpingjacktrash]

‘impromptu dissection’ is an alarming phrase in any context and i thank you for it

[robotsweater]

makin their way downtown, walkin fast, spell slots blast , thezonecast doot d-doot doot 

it’s finally done y’all - the boys are complete and I am at peace. walk on you beautiful horny boys

[drinkpisspissblood]

probably my favorite thing abt being a millennial is that i can lie on my resume abt shit like being proficient in excel bc i have the common sense to just google anything i dont know how to do which gives me a giant fucking edge over gen x in the job market bc somehow that strategy never occurs to employers and my underqualified ass looks like steve jobs every time i use a youtube tutorial to make a spreadsheet

[jadelyn]

Everyone in my office sings my praises for what I can do with excel for this exact reason, even though I joke with them that “I have no idea how to do that - but give me half an hour and an internet connection and I’ll figure something out for you.” I even once specifically said in response to my grandboss commenting on my excel skills, “You do realize that I just like…google stuff when you ask me to do something with excel that I don’t know how to do, right?”

But his praise didn’t change at all. There was no “Wait, that’s all it is?”

Instead, he said “Yes, but the fact that you think to do that - and that you know exactly how to phrase your searches and how to sift through the results to get the right answer, and you then integrate what you’ve learned and use it going forward - is still so much more than any of the rest of us [the other 5 ppl on my team are all mid-40s and up] can do. To you, it’s “just googling stuff,” but it’s still a unique and valuable skill you bring, so don’t shrug off the compliments so cavalierly, okay?“

And this was coming from an executive with an MBA. Don’t undervalue your googling skills, kids. It’s not lying if you know you can figure it out.

[snagerdragon]

top tier search skills: finding the source of a rare meme

[marisatomay]

I can’t believe that in 2017 Hank Green is relatable and relevant

[edwardspoonhands]

It is also a surprise to me. 

[izzy-hands]

[barkycatbros]

The art of getting the last word. 😸📢😺

[agentromanoffsir]

some carrie fisher tweets to brighten your day

[dogposts]

This is the most adorable thing I’ve seen in awhile. 13/10 would watch twice.

[elevenspower]

ted: what’s that there?

mike: a father’s day card for the best dad in the world.

ted: oh, michael, thank y-

mike, looking ted dead in the eye: *hands the card to steve*

[languageananas-deactivated20170]

I don’t really understand getting mad at people for mixing up korean, chinese, and japanese

Like, look at them together

見る한국어中国死ね我要吃你マンコ형사我有大鸡巴

and tell me they don’t look similar lol

[10gravity]

they don’t look similar

[magical-campanula]

This post’s notes are made of:

• Tumblr People™ trying to prove they’re not racists by explaining why and how these alphabets don’t look similar at all even if they don’t understand shit of it; • People with historical and linguistic knowledge arguing that while korean is indeed a different looking alphabet, China and Japan have a history of borrowed symbols and trade enough that some of it’s alphabets are indeed similar to an untrained eye - after all, not everyone has the same education and access to information to know how to differentiate it, aaaannd, best of all:

• Actual chinese, korean and japanese speakers pointing out that OP just wrote “i have a big dick” and variations.