I often feel less disturbed by what my uncle did to me, not because it wasn't abuse but because it didn't go as far as it did with my cousin.
And while I mostly now consider his behavior as sexual abuse or at least grooming behavior (being so touchy feely to the point i had to constantly swat him off, teaching me to mouth at his face in a very sensual way when it was just us, always insisting I sit on his lap, and the boners I swear I felt. And always making me feel like our bond is so so special and unique. ..which felt great than, but now I can't help but question it too)
So, unlike the rape and assault from my cousin, my uncle actually got caught.
And of course, I'm glad he did because things were certainly escalating. I still doubt myself.
I'll never forget that day he started towering and crowding me on my bed only to practically fly off when he heard my mother's footsteps. I'll was groomed, but I felt wrong footed. it was the first time that it clicked that something was wrong that this goes beyond familial affection. Why was he jumping off me if it was normal? It's not like I had any clue of his intentions
(I still don't and it keeps me up at night wondering)
in that moment because I was alone with him in my room with nothing but a cheap moo-moo dress. No bra or underwear because he came over unexpectedly,
(He'd do this often. At that time, he lived in the same neighborhood and was less than a minute walk away. Our father rarely lived with me, my mother and sisters, it was an all girls house. So there wasn't much need for in-house modesty)
I didn't have time to get dressed. And he was in my room, I don't even remember what we were talking about, and he just started tickling me. I wasn't having fun (because I was undersressed and would rather have clothes on..and i was 16 and didn't want to be fucking tickled 🙄). But I laughed anyway, even though I was nervous.
I tried to subtly (and playfully) push him off. But he resisted and kept going until footsteps.
He practally leaped off me as if I was suddenly fire.
And I stood between my uncle and mother conversing all totally normal, extremely confused.
To this day, he denies any ill intent. Insisting it was a misunderstanding of all of it. That He just tried to fill the role that our lame ass father failed to. But if so, why act so shady? Why only behave a certain way when no one is around. Why switch gears and suddenly remember personal space and boundaries when there's company?
gummygunk
prguitarman
turnnoffyourmind
vaporwave
andulkaphoto
