Stede's journey screams demisexuality to me. (And as someone who is demi, I love it.)
I've posted about a reading of Ed as demiromantic as well.
Stede doesn't leave to find (romantic) love. He set out to find himself, to find a community. And he finds that! His crew becomes his family (it's also part of why he starts crying and really starts to self-destruct in 2x7 when they start to leave.)
Along the way he finds not only a best friend, but the love of his life: in that same person. Stede's journey is a blatant queer allegory: a man who has never fit into society, who is treated poorly for not fitting into *pick your societal norm*, who finds himself through community, fixing some of his past relations, but also discovering his sexuality: gay and demisexual.
Stede and Ed's connection is based on friendship — their emotional journey. We see an instant connection in 1x4 where both of them are fascinated by each other.
Stede tries to be open with the crew beforehand, an open door policy to the cabins, various other rooms, and the library. He tries to form that connection with others (to varying degrees at first.)
But when Ed enters the picture, they immediately have that connection. They are interested in each other and their idiosyncrasies.
We see their friendship grow over the course of the next few episodes. They remain equal in all things, learning and teaching each other. We see the deepening of friendship of course in the big scene of the bathtub.
Ed shares his biggest secret (secrets technically), trusting Stede with it. And Stede responds in kind, using the term friend for the first time. Their emotional intimacy grows deeper here.
We also see their connection and friendshio in the small moments. From how well they match each other with playing/riffing off of each other, finding in one another a partner. Something they always wanted. Someone who gets them for who they are, but also meets them at that level, letting them unmask and have fun.
And in small gestures such as learning basic things about each other: Stede knowing exactly how Ed likes his tea. That Ed will be cranky that he has sand in his beard. That Ed would set the world on fire or die trying, etc.
So much of Stede's s journey is having an emotional connection to Ed, and from there a sexual one. But it takes him a while to figure it out. I don't read his season one trek as repressed but rather not ever having that connection with another human being before — particularly a man. He knows about same sex relationships (he presumably went to boarding school and is on the queerest pirate ship in the Caribbean🌈) but I don't think he ever attached it to himself.
Their friendship crosses the line at their first kiss. But the focus of the kiss isn't sexual, it's emotional. It's that sigh at finally finding the thing you always wanted but simultaneously didn't know you needed. That feeling of oh, there you are.
We don't see Stede show (romantic/sexual) interest in anyone else. (Same thing with Ed in a way, but Ed's journey is another topic.)
Even during their time apart, they are both pining for each other, no hints of feelings or acts with others.
Stede is having sex dreams about Ed at night and writing gorgeous love letters during the day. And when they finally connect again, Stede and Ed take it slow. Stede tells Ed exactly how he feels about him, and it isn't about how he wants to jump his bones. He tells him he just likes being near him. And respects Ed's boundaries, never crossing them and telling him he doesn't have to say anything back.
One of my favorite things about their relationship is their consent and bodily autonomy respect in each other. He knows Ed and respects Ed. Ed knows and respects Stede.
They are friends first and lovers second.
At the surface his dreams may be about becoming a pirate (not really being a pirate but rather using the stories of pirates he read in books to achieve his dream of getting community), but ultimately, his dream is just really getting to be himself, love himself, and in the process, he picks up a found family. It's mutual.
Stede no doubt knew about sexual attraction, particularly others having it, but not so much himself having it nor acting on it. Not until Ed at least. And when he does discover and puts into words those feelings, everything going on with his sexuality, Stede does not hesitate, he does not doubt. He goes after Ed, after love.
Watching Stede discover love for the first time, a deep emotional friendship that then evolves into a romantic and sexual one. His demisexual journey over the two seasons (so far) has been wonderful to watch and connect with.
That's my demisexual king! And queen! Everything!
I've written pieces of this before, but I wanted to combine all of it together into one post.
Happy Asexual Awareness week, loves! 🖤🩶🤍💜
