god. God. Whatever man WHATEVERRRR I HATE THEM AND DON'T LIKE THEM AT ALL. I think i should do this for sel(ene)'s other pairings too.
WARNINGS FOR:
Dormancy mention (The Angel)
Sui + Stalking Mention (Selene)
Unhealthy relationships between alters (Technically all sections, but especially in Swill's)
First, let's start with our biggest phag.
SEL
You've fucking . Wait. No you haven't. Mostly. Sorry I forget that there's like a whooollleeee shit ton of Swell stuff that I haven't rambled here about. But I've talked well enough to state this:
Sel loves her.
He always has, always will, no matter the label. He could never truly/fully hate Blossom. She means so, so, so much to him. He loves her so much that it fucking hurts sometimes. He makes me sick.
In SLORP, Sel does fall for Blossom romantically, but he's willing to accept being her queerplatonic partner. This is a recent development, so there's not much about what that entails yet, but Sel was so ecstatic that Blossom feels so strongly about him, still. Offtopic-ish but gos. Sel really wants to be everyone's spotlight. He really wants to be the most important in everyone's lives. My noble phone with disorder.
sighs. The way Sel would continually put himself in danger if it meant Blossom can be safe.
Sel shares Selene's memories of Blossom. Even though it was (mostly) Selene who interacted with Blossom, and Sel was just a fragment back then, Blossom still means a lot to him. Especially because like. Him fully forming was based on Selene's desire to become someone better- especially for Blossom.
......that being said i do think Sel, suppressor that he is, did momentarily try to suppress his memories of Blossom out of guilt. Btw that's a normal thing to do guys memory suppression is literally normal. Though.. Sel could never do that for long. She means too much to him.
God. The whole confession and further mutation of Blossom. Lord. Fucked up the whole collective bad, ESPECIALLY with Sel. Guys part. Never coming out cuz it devastated me (lighthearted). The BPD splitting and Sel being justified with his reaction. GODDD THE INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS KICKING HIS ASSSSSS. They genuinely needed thst time apart . I don't think neither of them would've survived otherwise. Sighs. I have to talk about that for swell essay part 2 ig. UGGHHH!
Sel's feelings on Swill are weird. In SLORP, Sel HAS met with Swill. Here:
So, Swill does appear before Sel and comforts him. I will confess there's a moment where Sel considered resigning at host and just staying with Swill- he hurt Blossom. He doesn't deserve to be with "the real thing" [<- Sel words. Swill is very much his own person and just as real.] but. That's not his Blossom. Swill is the only alter that Sel likes in the system.
The Angel
The Angel fully believed that the collective was corrupting Blossom with their presence. It liked Blossom and saw the collective as undeserving of her. If they ever wanted to actually be friends with Blossom, they had to cleanse themselves of all their sins. That was only a Sisyphean task, however. Selene could never be free of sin.
Now, SLORP! Now. smth I think about is that like. I don't think The Angel is active during the confession. I think it had gone dormant with Selene during the transformation. Sel experiences intrusive thoughts still, yes, but he handles them differently than Selene. I was told that OCD is linked to inflammation in the brain, and because of that, certain alters can stress/cause inflammation more easily than other alters! Plus um. The Angel was definitely not helpful with enforcing compulsions. Hence, The Angel's possible dormancy leading to Sel dealing with significantly less religious intrusive thoughts
...When The Angel does eventually come back. (<- i believe that it came back around when Selene did? or later?) The Angel believes that the collective had corrupted Blossom. She wouldn't do that, of course. This was all because of them. They dirtied Blossom and made her do all that. If she had never met them, she could've stayed unblemished. There is a mix of pity and disgust towards Blossom. Still, the Angel is fond of her and feels guilty that the collective made her like this (THEY. FUCKING. DIDN'T.)
Honestly, this also gives The Angel a horrible pedestal for Swill. He's still undirtied. If the angel keeps Swill away from the others, he can remain pure.
Selene
God. (Grips head(. Selene cares for Blossom, just like Sel. Always has. The start of their relationship was a little bumpy, for Selene- he thought that Blossom would replace him in his job- that she'd be like the rest of the office and either ignore him or torture him. But... she didn't. She never did. Each and every day... Blossom was so, so kind to her boss. Even when he didn't deserve it. Even when she was so, so much capable of so much more.
He felt extremely guilty when Blossom brought up them being friends. God. Each and every day, Selene prayed to god that Blossom would find someone better than Selene. Anyone. Just not him. He was pure evil.
Goddd. And then the intrusive thoughts + The Angel preventing Selene from getting closer. If he knew just how badly it hurt Blossom . Not helping with his self-loathing.
Selene was vaguely around during the confession. And everything felt awful. What do you do when your only friend back then was also the one who amplified your paranoia and stalked you the whole time. That THAT was the reason why she was fired. He also split on her. Sighsss.
Just like Sel, though, Selene could never fully/truly hate Blossom. And also like Sel, THAT TIME APART WAS GOOD FOR THEM. Both Sel and Selene would've been begging for Blossom to stay, despite it not helping EITHER of them. Sighs. They love her lots. She. Still saved them, back then. BECAUSE IN A MAJORITY OF UNIVERSES WHERE BLOSSOM IS FIRED, SELENE ATTEMPTS TO KILL HIMSELF MONTHS LATER. It's. Sickening how doomed they are.
In SLORP, he still hasn't figured out about how he feels about Blossom because of... everything. He still needs time to figure it out. Whether he also wants to become QPPs with Blossom is up to him- not me. In some other universes (majority non-Visitor ones), I will mention that Selene and Blossom can get together romantically. He's given enough time and understanding to process his feelings past his fear of hurting Blossom.
Now, Selene's thoughts on Swill. There is. A bit of discomfort, honestly. One of guilt. Like ok. His brain made a version of his best friend to cope with losing her. But now, the two of them look so different that it's like. Looking at a relic of time. Still, Selene treats Swill with that same kindness. He . Still feels apologetic about more or less conjuring Swill into existence.
Will
Okay, now that we're in his section, I'll be referring to Swill as Will. Because I feel a little guilty about it for reasons that will be explained soon.
Now, I talked about this in the initial system post, regarding post-confession. The guilt that Will has regarding being a factive of someone who hurt them. God. Will makes me sad. Will is. Uncomfortable with Blossom, to say the very least. Even when Sel + Blossom eventually make up.
Aside from that, it's just. Blossom's existence versus his. He was made after her. How much of him is Blossom and what is actually him? There's the duality of wanting to be her, but wanting to be his own person. And also...
Now. You may be curious how in all thoughts of the Rotary Collective about Will, I never mentioned how WILL felt about his treatment.
Will is the only alter that the other alters unanimously like. And that should be... good, right?
no. no it isn't.
Once again, it feels like an identity crisis/impostor syndrome because it feels like everyone's thoughts on him are influenced on Blossom. He doesn't feel like he's seen as his own person, sometimes. BITES WALL. ME WHEN THE SYSTEM ISN'T IMMEDIATELY FINE WITH EACH OTHER AND HAVE TO FACE EARLY SYSTEM DISCOVERY TROUBLES. GRAAAHHHH
Like I mentioned earlier, The Angel puts Will on such a high pedestal as the holiest out of them, aside from the angel itself. Will. Doesn't really like the angel. the way it praises and reveres Will a lot is. very offputting..!!!!! No...!!! No one's corrupting him..! Please stop pitting him against Blossom..!!!! PLEASE don't try separating Will from the others!!!!!
Selene and Will. god. He feels. Bad. God wait did I never mention explicitly that Will was an overall caretaker before the events of the Visitor. Because he is. He loved and cared for Selene a lot during then- his feelings about Selene were honestly platonic. That's his boss..! And he has to take care of him for working so hard..!
And then the confession and it's like. Again, along with being factive of someone who hurt Selene, Will feels like . He failed Selene. Everything that happened in the apocalypse. He wasn't there to protect the syWait is Will a fucking protector too. wait wait wait.
(blows my very very very very very long bubble pipe.) ohhh my god. ok . whatever. what the fuck ever. yeah whatever man WHATEVER WHATEVER WHATEVER. you know i should have expected this since caretakers are also considered a type of protector. whatever. WAHTEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR UGH I HATE THIS COLELCTIVE MAN.
But yeah. Will feels guilty about not being able to take care of the system- jealous of the people who are now there for Sel that can take care of Sel. there's also like. The guilt that Will sees in Selene and. It hurts? please don't look at him like that, mr. selene.
And then Sel. lord. Sel. Their most direct interaction being from the above screenshot. Will likes Sel, just like he likes Selene... they're both still his boss and friend. But... Will... is also a little scared of Sel? He doesn't like how Sel treats Selene, but he's also scared that Sel will hate Will if Will pushes too much about it. If Will were to fully front some day, he'd... try not to clean up his hair too much, since he knows Sel doesn't like when his hair is neaty and tidy. In SLORP, he doesn't have much reason to fully front. He's... well. I don't know if you can say 'content'. But... working as an internal caretaker is the best he can do.
Will makes me so fucking sad. (holds head). The way he feels about his perception is a bit similar to how Sel feels about being perceived as Selene and Selene feeling out-of-place in Sel's life in SLORP
sigh. one day, will will be able to happily be his own person without worry.
It's really disappointing that we've now had three (3) games that reuse old 'dex entries instead of writing new ones as I feel like we're missing on out some creative opportunities. Like imagine if Pokopia's Pokedex was written by Ditto so all the images were terrible crayon drawings with hearts around them and the descriptions were nonsense like "Bulbasaur vines good!! Bulbasaur very useful at water and vines. Bulbasaur seed yes and nice. Friend Bulbasaur"
this is so interesting, because I have OCD and an autoimmune disease that causes inflammation, and those things are 100% related. when my immunosuppressant meds are working, my OCD stops. and when I’m unmedicated it’s like my brain is on fire. the one time I actually saw a doctor for my OCD and went through multiple sessions for it, it was allllll about breaking habits and learning self control, and would you believe it, it didn’t help one bit.
we should talk more about how sel switched up on selene during blossom wanting to become qpps and is now planning on repressing selene so he can have blossom all to himself because selene lumagui does not deserve anything nice (<- sel textbox)
^ btw earlier sel was like "yeah whatever just take my life i don't care". which was still bad
PUSHED THAT SELENE OUT OF FRONT. lord. not addressed btw
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