Writings From A Wallflower

"Avoir la tête dans les nuages." | My entries that probably aren't grammatically correct 

[sundayhydrangeas]

It's been some time since I've last posted here! I took a long break from writing anything until last November thanks to some wonderful friends for encouraging me to try again. Following the Artemis 2 journey was amazing, so here's a piece I wrote the day after the launch! Have a great day everyone!

[sundayhydrangeas]

Untitled #01

She diluted the color of her skin, so you would be more accepting. Like an alchemist she changed her physical state from a beautiful bronze to a blurred mist. What she inherited from the stars long ago, what nature was once accustomed to and had welcomed would slowly fade each day…,but now she is a mother. She holds her beacon of light in her arms and sees the vast universe in her daughter’s eyes. As she holds her new queen she wonders, must she too much throw away her origins, the rich history that flows through her blood to be loved? No, never again. This child will allow the forest in her soul to grow and flourish no matter who would dare try to burn her down. And never shall she be the one to deflower her own garden like I have just to be accepted by those who wear the flesh of God, but are vessels of untrue and fallen kings and queens. May she test her armor and continue to walk forward on a path she truly is okay with in the years to come. And once she reaches the summit, may she lay down her banner for others to see. Proof that being true to yourself allows you to see the sun set and rise. 

[sundayhydrangeas]

Repost: To the ones who inspired this piece ❤️

[sundayhydrangeas]

I didn't really grow up on fairy tales

My childhood days of wonder were dyed in pastels of pink and black ink There were no star crossed lovers of royalty and peasantry No adored warrior to save a damsel in distress And no "Disney-esque" Prince or Princess to sing their woes away So my "prince" became the dark knight And my "princess" was an Amazonian goddess Civilians were the fiercest and humblest protectors of the most lost, innocent, and wayward of souls My heroes didn't fight dragons They won against their demon

[sundayhydrangeas]

Untitled #02

Note: I recently watched the animated short film In a Heartbeat that I recommend to watch. It reminded me of a piece I wrote before and I just wanted to share this. Nothing more, nothing less.

I ran away With my feelings in shambles With my tears blending in with the rain And my heart in pieces - I ran Until my chest and head hurt From the lack of oxygen To hurt more Than my heart breaking - I ran As far away From the disgusted glares And hateful words Letting the rain Drown out the sound And blur my vision - I ran To a small, quiet, & dark corner – Where I could be safe And hold what was left of my glass heart closer to my chest Ignoring the pain That pierced and cut - I sat And let the tears fall To fill in the cracks Of what was left of me - But you found me. Gathered every fragile piece I left behind And slowly and gently helped me put my heart back together. With the two things that could save me for that moment, love and acceptance.

[sundayhydrangeas]

Untitled #01

She diluted the color of her skin, so you would be more accepting. Like an alchemist she changed her physical state from a beautiful bronze to a blurred mist. What she inherited from the stars long ago, what nature was once accustomed to and had welcomed would slowly fade each day…,but now she is a mother. She holds her beacon of light in her arms and sees the vast universe in her daughter’s eyes. As she holds her new queen she wonders, must she too much throw away her origins, the rich history that flows through her blood to be loved? No, never again. This child will allow the forest in her soul to grow and flourish no matter who would dare try to burn her down. And never shall she be the one to deflower her own garden like I have just to be accepted by those who wear the flesh of God, but are vessels of untrue and fallen kings and queens. May she test her armor and continue to walk forward on a path she truly is okay with in the years to come. And once she reaches the summit, may she lay down her banner for others to see. Proof that being true to yourself allows you to see the sun set and rise. 

[sundayhydrangeas]

and I called it home

To this day I am lucky enough to call your heart home. Outsiders may see cracks, Broken windows, Old furniture, Gifts left untouched, Closets closed shut, While others wide open, And a garden in disarray. But all that and more gave it character And made your heart yours. What's cracked & broken, Proof that you've survived hardship Furniture, old to some, but were well taken care of over the years showed how you take care of your memories so tenderly Unopened gifts to prove that you didn't give in to the sweet temptations of heartbreaks past Your doors telling me how different & complex your path was Your garden depicting the sporadic yet natural state of your mind... And yet this space was loved by you over time I didn't have the key to your heart until you took the time to look back at it and start a journey of acceptance This heart of perfect imperfection may have been visited by many But you let me called your heart home

[sundayhydrangeas]

Bridges

People always talk about how to or to not burn bridges, How to end or stay whole. But how come they don't talk about the bridges that crumble Slowly overtime from the weight of grief, anxiety, and pain? Or the ones that are cut off without a moments notice? What of the bridges destroyed from natural disasters, Circumstances out of their hand, that leave them barely there for others to cross, to understand. How do you deal with the bridges that have withered away? The ones barely there? Parts of their life just barely hanging on or sinking in the river... Do you ignore them completely or try carefully to cross? What about those bridges?

[sundayhydrangeas]

Follow Through

Let them hear your dreams

Make your aspirations known

Let the words flow through

From one mind to another

Going through its course

You can pause, take a break

But

Don’t stop in the middle

Or your dreams will only stay as that

Unfinished dreams

[sundayhydrangeas]

Sewing lesson

I sit on the floor attempting to stitch my heart back together as others pull it apart through seams I cannot see with my tear filled eyes

[sundayhydrangeas]

honest answer

“why does love hurt” he asked as he hugged me tightly. And I whispered in his ear, “because sometimes when you hug me as tightly as you do, the shards, the broken pieces from my heart slip out and hurt you.” 

[sundayhydrangeas]

3:47AM & we talked about

Fear,

We all have fear

A piece of it hidden in the back of our mind

A seed at the bottom of our chalice

Drowned out by many:

Happiness, love, anger, the future.

It’s living with blissful ignorance

with a knife to the back

A point, a pin, an unknown pressure

Lurking behind the heart

It’s common and most dangerous form

Grips at the lungs

And tears away at the soul

Every droplet carefully selected,

Vanished amidst the presence of fear

The internal balance so meticulously crafted

Now uneven…

How do you live with fear as your shadow,

With their blade at your throat?

How do you sleep,

When your desire and purpose is to now remain awake forever?

How do you eat,

When emotions/anxieties run your appetite thin.

How do you become your own savior,

When life renders you useless?

[sundayhydrangeas]

You've given me a week

To theorize, criticize, and doubt what I should say

Whispering about the prices that are solely mine to pay

Postponed our presentation

Leaving anxiety and stress to eat away my soul to damnation

Left me to burn within your forest fire

Scorched and simmering from the words of a liar

What did you expect to see

after you said let's talk instead next week

You can't take rain checks on what's meant to end

Hoping that this wasted time would mend

The scars I brought

The pride you wrought

Now

Let's have this talk 

[sundayhydrangeas]

I write on the edges of old book pages

Inscribing

Graffitiing

Call it what you may

The words I leave are all I have to say

Sayings from the heart I thought were long lost

Emotions spilled in ink from love once star crossed

Memories with doors never closed

Petals falling from a single rose

All moments placed upon an old fairy tale book

Because that is where I know you will never look 

[sundayhydrangeas]

Young Empress

You were always to stoic, but loving. Quiet and hard working and fierce and gentle. As you tried to command the forces of your own fate you also did the same for me. The energy you would summon to reach for the stars and heavens, you used to raise me on this Earth instead. You used your fury & intense flames to shield me from the cruelties of the world. And yet over the years your volcanic protection has simmered down. You’ve allowed me to cross bridges to unknown lands even if it meant you couldn’t be there all the time. You watched from a top the highest tower as I navigated through the forest to new towns and people. As I continue to walk down unknown paths, please continue to watch over me. And thank you for everything because a father’s job in raising an empress is not easy.

[nothingrllymatters-blog1]

Omg this is so good

[sundayhydrangeas]

Thank you! :)

[sundayhydrangeas]

You disappeared into smoke

A quick embrace

Long over due

Only a moments touch allowed

And then you left

Slowly

Your presence becoming a wisp of smoke

And all I could do is watch

Dare I try to reach out to you?

Hold onto what we had left?

No

You’ll disappear faster

And my heart cannot handle that

[sundayhydrangeas]

Ye old time lovers

Diamonds to diamonds

Gold nowhere to be found

Rose shards scattered across the ground

Terrariums filled bitter dream deep

Crowds of souls, emotions weep

Rabbit tears falling into the magic hole

Petals fall as the prince holds...

Gold glitter snowing 

As this tale comes to an end

For ye old time lovers

whispers sing to mend

[sundayhydrangeas]

Your trinity consists of a white rose, a white crown, and a white heart

A.R. Pasion