98%* Buddie

911 *actual % may vary

[lover-of-mine]

Something about buddie friends to engaged that I'm having fun chewing on right now, is the different reactions if someone asked them how long they were together before they got engaged. In this particular scenario, Eddie was the one who proposed, and Buck is in this giddy state showing off the ring Eddie got him the morning after, and Buck kinda freezes trying to figure out if 30 minutes is a crazy answer, and then Eddie is just like "eight years, took him a while to let me lock it down" very casually and Buck is just staring at him mildly offended. Because in one way it feels like the truth, but it's definitely not the truth. So Buck is like "you proposed 30 minutes after our first kiss" and Eddie like "I put you in my will, like, 6 years ago" "that's not the same" "it sure feels like it's been where we were always headed" "but I would know" "would you? because I tried to get you to understand I wanted to date you for a whole 6 months before you caught up" "you didn't ask" "watching you try to figure out what I was doing was more fun" "it took me minutes to be ready to marry you" "because we've been together in every other way for years" and Buck doesn't have a come back, because Eddie got him there, and the barista trying to hand them their coffee is questioning all their life choices.

[lavenderprose]

Things that are ACTUALLY in the Shane Hollander Mic'd Up compilation that we all wish we could watch through the portal:

- "Hey, how was your summer? Good, good."

- "Mic'd up. I'm mic'd up. Don't."

- "Have you ever been to Greece? Told Ilya I would ask you."

- "What? No, man, he didn't say that. He said he was gonna get your ass. Yeah, man, he only fucks one ass. Yeah, I mean, I would say fuck you too but--"

- "Heeeey, davai, davai. Great assist. Hah, no, don't come closer, I'm mic'd and you know I don't trust you."

- "The Royal Tiger Towel Paper Towel Power Play. The Royal Tiger Towel Paper Towel Power Play. The Royal--"

- "HEY MATHESON. You ever been to Vegas? I said, you ever been to VEGAS? I hear they let the good hockey players go there in the summer but I feel like you wouldn't know that."

- "FUCK. Hey, ref, what the fuck was that? Oh, you didn't see that? Fuck you. No, you stay there, my husband's gonna talk to you--fuck you, put me in the bin then, this is bullshit--"

- "You have the smelling salts? Yeah. FUCK--"

- "I am mic'd. Remember I am mic'd. Nope, not even in Russian."

- "Oh, yeah, the pickle video was funny. Harris said it got a lot of views, so. Yeah, no, he actually really does love pickles that much."

- "Sinclair, you got something to say? Yeah, I'm better at hide the pickle than you are at hockey. You want to ask another stupid question?"

- "You know, I run a charity too. Oh, I just assumed that you were doing some kind of Make-A-Wish thing out here with your wingers, since it looks like this is your first day on the ice."

- "Oh, hey, look. Jackie and the kids are waving at us. Okay. Okay, Rozanov, that's enough."

- "Mic'd. Mic'd. Mic'd."

- "Hello Hockey Night, welcome to my husband's shoulder pads--" "Fuck OFF, Rozanov."

- "Great goal. Great goal. Lyublyu tebya. Yes, baby, you did that."

[my-castles-crumbling]

okay stay with me for this one.

When Ilya moves to the Centaurs he doesn’t get to keep his number. Some old fuck on the team already has it and refuses to trade, no matter how much Ilya bribes him.

so, in true Ilya Rozanov fashion, he picks the number 24. People think he did it to be an asshole, which is true, but he also did it to have Shane with him all the time. Shane was both infuriated and touched by it.

but then of course, years later, SHANE transfers to Ottawa. And lo and behold, the old fuck who had number 81 retired, so when Shane has to choose a number?

81 is available.

so the first day of training, Shane walks into practice in a jersey that says Hollander, 81, with an absolutely shit-eating grin on his face.

and Ilya goes insane.

[perlukafarinn]

Canon divergent AU where Shane is a little more paranoid and when Hayden first comments on "Boston Lily", he decides he has to do something to break up the pattern and make it not so noticeable that he's got someone on Boston.

Not seeing Rozanov is not an option, so instead Shane picks out a few other cities to regularly go out by himself in. He'll go for a long walk, maybe sit down somewhere for a drink, and then catch a taxi back to the hotel an appropriate amount of time later. It's honestly pretty nice, unwinding by himself in this way, and now disappearing after games is not a thing specific to Boston! It's just another strange Hollander quirk!

Unfortunately, he fails to account for the guys on the team jumping on the most obvious explanation for all these disappearances, which is that Shane now has a girl in every port.

Word about this starts to spread quick, because it is so out of character for Shane, and pretty soon half the league is under the impression that he's some secret playboy.

Ilya is extremely not chill about this rumor.

[perlukafarinn]

@scunthotter

help 😭😭 ilya's playing 4d chess to keep his man to himself and meanwhile shane's like "it's so nice having ilya with me on my little walks 🥰"

[eugeniedanglars]

shane and ilya aren’t allowed to give dating advice anymore ever since the cens found out they were in a situationship for seven years before making it official. one of the rookies asked what he should do to turn his hookup into a relationship and ilya was like “well in my experience if you just keep hooking up with that person who won’t commit to you and never communicate your needs or desires it’ll all work out perfectly and you’ll fall in love and get married. so keep doing what you’re doing” and shane was like “have you tried getting a head injury in front of them”

[perlukafarinn]

Shane does an interview after they're outed where he says, kind of off-handedly, that the one thing that still bothers him about having to keep their relationship secret for so long is that there are no pictures of them together as a couple from those years.

Someone clips it and it goes viral.

Over the next few days, Shane and Ilya's mentions start to get flooded with pictures. Mostly it's screenshots from various games they played against each other, meticulously picked through by dedicated fans to find every moment Shane and Ilya looked at each other on the ice.

Some screenshots get shared by hundreds of different people because they stand out so obviously: Shane and Ilya meeting each other's eyes during a face off; Ilya looking at Shane while his back is turned, naked longing visible on his face; Shane chasing after Ilya with a small but delighted grin.

There are also pictures from press events, award ceremonies, behind the scenes at All Stars. Seemingly any time Shane and Ilya got captured in the same frame gets dug up and shared.

Finally, a couple of weeks later, the director of Shane and Ilya's CCM commercial posts outtakes from their shoot. It's captioned 'Took a bit of digging but I knew I still had these somewhere! I had to make my contribution to the #HollanovArchives even though this must have been a while before they got together. These kids had crazy chemistry, right from the start!'

Shane hasn't responded to the onslaught yet, too overwhelmed by the (slightly terrifying) dedication of their fans as well as the fact that he now has dozens of pictures clearly displaying his and Ilya's love for each other during a time in their lives when it was so desperately hidden.

He does respond now, sharing the director's post with a sincere (and publicist-approved) caption thanking him and the fans.

Ilya also shares the post, tacking on 'yes if a while means a few hours 👅' like he didn't cry when Shane showed him the videos.

[canwriteitbetterthanueverfeltit]

it's very special to me that as people find out about hollanov they make the obvious assumption (like david) that it's recent, likely that it started up either around the time they were planning their charity or a few months before ilya goes to the centaurs and the ones who think it's been longer think it was like maybe a year prior to the trade probably and that would be 3 years together before they get married aw how sweet and then I like to imagine that ilya makes an anniversary post like "happy one year married, twelve together" and literally everyone in the hockey world is like happy WHAT

[transthatmasc]

Some old fart retired hockey player goes on ESPN and does an interview where he talks about how gay DEI initiatives are unfair and are ruining Hockey by keeping the good ole boys from getting their chance to prove themselves on the ice.

Ilya, as the captain of the gayest NHL team, is asked for comment on this. Of course, this is half way through the season while the Cens are sitting first in their division and second in the league. So Ilya says, “Ah, yes, I can see how he would think that. It seems unfair that being queer is clearly such an advantage for hockey players. We are just much better players, and having so many of us on one team, while very fun and nice for us, does seem to be putting us above everyone else in the standings. Perhaps more teams could play well if they had gay players? The Admirals are okay, but they only have one and we have four, so it is not quite fair.”

There is a rampant debate online over whether Ilya actually understands that the original comments were homophobic or if he genuinely believes that people think gay guys are too good at hockey. People also start speculating about who the fourth gay player is because Luca hasn’t actually come out publicly yet.

Scott Hunter has to put out a statement that he doesn’t believe his homosexuality has had any impact, positive or negative, on his athletic ability even though he believes being out of the closet and in a fulfilling relationship has made it easier to focus on the game.

Troy posts a tweet that just says “got gayer and got better”

Shane puts up a post with pictures of every time he won the Stanley cup and the caption “I’ve been gay the whole time and I’ve been great the whole time” with a shrug emoji.

[stormsthatrage]

Heated Rivalry AU where Ilya dips out early from a post-game party with Boston, and someone gets the idea to put on a Hollonov compilation as a joke.

The whole team settles in with rapt attention, ready to roast the shit out of Roz over it via group chat, only to see. Well. It's a series of interview clips over the years. It's made up exclusively of three things. One, clips of Hollander "stealing" linguistically challenging questions that the whole team knows Rozanov hates. Two, clips of Rozanov derailing questions that are about Hollander's "representation of his community," which gossip on the street says makes Hollander uncomfortable. Three, Hollander and Rozanov commenting individually on the rivalry, with vicious comments such as. "He's of course a great player, but he'll find us difficult to beat." Such fire in Rozanov's comments are especially damning, given his whole chirp-king-schtick. The video editor, with all the obsession and perception of a true fangirl, makes sure to circle every instance where you can see the shadow of Hollander and Rozanov pressing their feet together - and in one instance holding hands - beneath the interview table. (You wouldn't see it unless you're looking for it - or unless someone circles it in red for you.)

The video finishes, and the team sits in a kind of shocked silence as the next video auto-plays. This one is a compilation of Rozanov chirping Hollander on the ice. Here, the editor has helpfully drawn an arrow to Hollander's face whenever he blushes. The editor has also inserted text overlays with comments like. "Look at how fiercely Rozanov insults his rival." And then puts smaller arrows pointing to Roz's body language, with helpful texts like "excited wiggle indicating absolute fury," and "besotted grin indicating deep hatred." The sarcasm is distressingly accurate in its point.

(Listen, the whole team knows what Roz looks like when he's chirping someone. This - this is not it. This is not it at all. This is him when he's being silly with people he really likes. What is going on.)

The video finishes, and this time someone has the presence of mind to stop the auto-play before another mind-breaking thing comes up.

Someone else, trying to lighten the silence with a joke, and maybe dismiss it all as a fever dream, says, "Montreal Jane? More like Montreal Shane, am I right?"

And. Well.

Once it's out there, there's no coming back from it.

Cliff asks aloud, to no one in particular, "Are we just stupid?"

[penandinkprincess]

okay but hudson saying that it didn't show up in the frame of the shot but that when ilya brought up marrying svetlana during the couch scene he made the choice to have shane pull his legs up some because he couldn't imagine ever wanting to touch feet with someone he's mad at makes me laugh imagining it being an ongoing tell when ilya's getting himself in trouble

they're unwinding for the day together just casually playing footsie while doing their own thing on either end of the couch and then ilya just says something in passing without thinking about it, feels shane go very still, and looks up to see shane make eye contact and slooooowly start pulling his feet away

and ilya just starts sweating

[themoonandmyman]

whatever you do don’t think about Ilya getting so drunk after a win that Shane has to princess carry him out of the car and ilya is just slurring ‘you are my hero shane’ ‘no I mean it you are so strong and pretty and good at hockey’ and then he starts tearing up and Shane is like ‘ok no more tequila shots for you Mr Russian Constitution’

[eonblueinmay]

Artist: moreloveforjm_ on ig

[exhuastedpigeon]

The fact that Eddie canonically gets mean when he's hungry makes the fact that Eddie is eating constantly so much better. I bet the 118 regularly has to make sure he's got a little snack. Buck organized a schedule so Eddie doesn't get suspicious about the same people people offering him a little treat. Dinner has gotten moved up on several occasions because Eddie was turning into a gloomy bitch and they all knew he just needed to eat.

[mythmagicetc]

buck says “i can’t believe they thought you killed me,” and eddie says, “eh, i can’t entirely blame them. it’s always the husband.” maddie nods wisely while everyone else watches in confused horror until buck goes, “wait, husband?”

[gaydadeddie]

eddie conveniently not mentioning Why he thinks those guys were targeting them to athena, maddie, chim. just. yeah we got in a fight. um. no other details necessary.

[bucksbabybelly]

Schrödinger’s buddie: not canon but also canon enough to get hate crimed in small towns

[sunshinefloortime]

people who have clocked Edmundo Diaz

Christmas Elf

Hen

Hot Priest

Tommy

AN ENTIRE TOWN IN NEW MEXICO

[sunshinefloortime]

people who have NOT clocked Edmundo Diaz

Evan Buckley

Edmundo Diaz