Whispers from the Woods
Pt:4
Pairing: Logan Howlett x Reader
Unfortunately: Logan x Jean
Summary: As you navigate new friendships, increasingly complicated feelings, and the challenges of fitting into your new life, you are thrown into battle when Professor Xavier announces an important mission. Tensions with your team leaders are running higher than ever; only now there are innocent lives at risk.
Chapter Warning: Angst, Swearing, mentions of death, swearing, ptsd, anxiety, dirty thoughts, violence, SA (not explicit just mentioned during a conversation)
WC: 13,881
Author Note: I am so fucking sorry it has taken me so long to get this out to you guys. I know I've been MIA for a hot minute so I made this part longer to hopefully make up for it. If you are still here I hope you enjoy it. If not I completely understand.
Wolverine Masterlist - Series Master list
Thoughts of leaving swirl through your head. It's not like anyone would really notice or care if you left. You’ve gone days without human contact, and they probably wouldn’t realize you were gone for at least a few more; by then you could be states away. As you roll the idea over in your head, you ignore the ache blooming in your chest. The idea of never seeing Logan again leaves a hollow feeling inside of you that you don’t want to acknowledge.
You need to get out of this room. If the itch to run is still thrumming under your skin by the end of the day, you will leave tonight when everyone is asleep. Sighing You crawl out of your bed and get dressed, pulling the last of Logan’s shirts over your head, ignoring the way his warm scent clings to the fabric. The smell calms your racing thoughts. You pull on your last clean pair of leggings before you head out the door in search of food.
You ignore the uncomfortable feeling thrumming under your skin as you walk into the kitchen, quickly snagging a bowl of fruit and a breakfast sandwich before making your way into the dining hall. You stop, your eyes frantically scanning the room in search of an empty space you can tuck yourself into when you spot Kurt sitting in his usual corner. You feel some of the tension leave your body as you make your way over to him. Forcing a smile on your face that you hope looks genuine, you slide into the seat across from him.
Kurt’s head pops up as you sit, and a smile breaks across his handsome face. “You are alive! I was about to spearhead a search party and pin up missing person posters.” You chuckle, shaking your head, and you feel the forced smile on your face slip a little. “I’m pretty sure that would have been a solo search party.” Your tone is joking, but you can tell he’s not buying it. His hand reaches across the table, landing gently on top of yours, causing you to freeze momentarily as his voice takes on a more serious tone. “Seriously though, are you alright?” The genuine concern pouring off of him has fondness blooming in your chest. “I promise I’m fine. I had a small PTSD episode and then a few days of depressive self-pity, but I’m good now.” His eyes search your face before he sits back, seemingly satisfied with what he’s found.
You open your mouth to ask what you’ve missed over the last few days, but you freeze the moment you feel Logan enter the room. It’s like static electricity dancing across your skin, and you fight the shiver that wants to roll through you.
When did you become so hyperaware of him?
You mentally prepare yourself for the moment he will sit in the chair between you and Kurt, but it never comes. You force yourself to keep your eyes straight ahead while eating your food, even as the taste turns to ash in your mouth, but then the sound of Jean’s voice pierces your dissociative state, and you turn to look before you can stop yourself.
Jean walks into the dining hall, her head thrown back, laughing obnoxiously at something you didn’t hear. Scott follows close behind her, and you feel your eyes roll to the back of your head. “Goddamn, does he always follow her around like a pathetic dog begging for attention?” Kurt choking on a laugh is what alerts you to the fact that you actually said that out loud and not in your head. You chance a glance back towards them, and your eyes widen, your eyebrows climbing to your hairline, as Jean walks up behind Logan, who has a small smirk on his face, and leans over, attaching her lips to his like it’s the most natural thing in the world. You’re not sure what you expected to happen, but he returns the kiss before she pulls away and simply says, “Hey.” Like this is a familiar occurrence, and it hits you that it is. Jean is Logan’s girlfriend. Something you don’t want to acknowledge twists in your chest, and you quickly turn your attention back to your food.
Kurt, noticing your change in mood, turns to look towards Logan, noting that Jean and Scott keep shooting glances in your direction. “So I take it you met our team leaders.” You sigh, pushing your food away, suddenly no longer hungry, and lean back in your chair. “You could say that.” He hums. “They can be standoffish at first, but that’s just because they are protective of the team. They aren’t that bad once you get to know them. Besides, if Logan and Scott can get along, then anyone can, and Jean is sweet once you get to know her. She cracked Logan’s grumpy shell, so she must be doing something right.” You sigh, ignoring how the mention of Jean and Logan as a couple makes your stomach turn. “Yeah, I’m not going to hold my breath. I have no interest in getting along with telepathic Barbie or her laser-eyed lapdog.” You hear what sounds like a laugh being covered up with a cough coming from Logan’s direction, but you ignore it. Kurt slaps a hand to his chest as he chokes on his drink. “Y/N, tell me how you really feel.” You stare at Kurt, holding back a smirk. “Trust me, you don’t want to know what I really think.” He shakes his head at you, amusement dancing in his eyes.
Having lost your appetite, you scrap your food and follow Kurt out of the dining hall. As you and Kurt make your way down the hall, you hear someone yell his name. Turning, you see a girl heading in your direction. Your eyes instantly catch on the single white streak that runs through her long brown hair and the gloves that go all the way to her elbows. She smiles warmly as she approaches the two of you. “Hey, Kurt. Who’s your new friend?” He smiles, his arms shooting out towards you like Vanna White revealing a puzzle. You stifle your laugh, shaking your head at his ridiculous antics. “This is Y/N. Y/N, this is Rogue.” The girl turns to you, a sweet smile gracing her pretty face. “I’ve heard so much about you! It’s nice to finally put a face to the name.” You feel the tension creep back in at her words, but she keeps going. “Logan told me that you needed to go clothes shopping! Do you still need to go? I’m actually on my way out right now, and I would love for you to come with me.” You stare at the bubbly girl blankly for a moment before looking down at your clothes. “Yeah... But I don’t have any money, so….” She cuts you off before you can finish your sentence. “Oh, don’t worry about it! It’s already taken care of. You just have to pick out whatever you need. Let’s go.” She turns, waving goodbye to Kurt as she heads towards the garage. You look from Rogue’s retreating form and back to Kurt, not quite sure what just happened. He smirks and gently shoves you in the direction that Rogue disappeared. “That was your cue to go with her.” He chuckles. You blink at him owlishly for a moment before moving, tossing a nervous “bye” over your shoulder as you head in the direction Rogue went towards the garage.
Turns out Rogue is a genuinely sweet girl. The car ride into the city was a little awkward at first, but she filled it with questions about your favorite things and stories about herself and her friends from the school. Before you knew it, she was dragging you from shop to shop, telling you to grab whatever you wanted. You were hesitant at first, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to pack a lot with you if you left on your own or when Xavier inevitably decided you were no longer welcome amongst them, but Rogue insisted. She could be very persuasive, and before you knew it, you had a car full of clothes, makeup, and everything else she could think of that you could possibly want or need.
She insisted on stopping for lunch before going back to the school, but when she noticed your hesitation, she proposed grabbing takeout to eat in the car. You finally relented, and she took the opportunity to run into a burger shack and come back with a giant bag of food. As you both munch on burgers, Rogue fills the silence by telling you all about the people at school and their different abilities. The only one she doesn’t mention is Logan, but you guess that’s because you already know he has mental claws, and from what you’ve heard whispered around by younger mutants in the halls, he’s over a hundred years old. That one had thrown you, but when you heard a young boy launch into a rant about how amazing his healing abilities are, it made sense.
When she told you about how her powers presented and about her boyfriend ending up in a coma, you felt a pang in your chest, and you found yourself telling her about hearing the voices of the spirits, how you killed your abusive father, and how you had been living on your own, traveling from place to place. She listened attentively, and you braced yourself for her inevitable judgment, but it never came. When you told her you had killed your father, you expected her to react like most people would when they hear someone is a murderer, but she just sipped her milkshake and then asked where your favorite place was that you had lived. Her reaction made something loosen inside of your chest, like maybe you could breathe a little easier.
When you walk into the school with your arms full of bags, you are so distracted from laughing at something Rogue said that you don’t notice Logan watching you. His attention had snapped to the door as soon as he heard the car and blaring music pull into the drive. Hearing you genuinely laugh makes a smile pull at his lips, but Jean walks up, saying she needs his help and pulling his attention away from watching you and Rogue as you walk off in the opposite direction.
That night at dinner, when you enter the dining hall, you take your usual place across from Kurt. “You look like you had a fun day.” You smile into your food. “I actually did.” Before he has a chance to respond, Rogue sits down next to you, followed by a few other people. “Hey, Y/N, I wanted to introduce you to our friends.” She points to each person around the table, introducing them. “This is Colossus, Kitty, Ororo, Remy, and Bobby. Guys, this is our new friend Y/N.” You feel like a deer caught in the headlights with everyone’s eyes on you, but you’re snapped out of it when Rogue smacks Bobby in the arm for saying something you missed, causing everyone to laugh. You smile to yourself and slowly relax into your seat as the conversation flows easily around you, and a warm feeling starts to settle in your chest.
A few weeks later you find yourself knocking on the door to the professor’s office before pushing your way through. A smile blooms on his face when he sees you nervously fidgeting in the entrance of his office. “Ah, Ms. Y/L/N, what can I do for you?” You take a deep breath trying to center yourself. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I want to start training.” His eyebrows raise in surprise. “That’s wonderful, Y/N. We can get you started right away. Follow me.” Stunned for a moment You don’t move. You weren’t expecting him to have you start right now, but you snap out of it and quickly follow him out of his office and into a section of the mansion you have never seen before.
You follow Professor Xavier into a room that looks like a doctor's office. Glancing around at all of the machines You’re about to ask him what you’re doing there, but then Jean walks around the corner wearing a lab coat. You tense up, ready to call this whole thing off, but before you can open your mouth The professor smiles. “Ah, Jean, just the person I was looking for. Y/N here is going to be starting training. We need her full workup and to get her into testing immediately.” Jean’s eyes glare at you before turning to the professor. “Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean…” He cuts her off, causing her to bite her tongue. “Of course I’m sure. I want her started immediately, and I will personally be overseeing all of her training sessions.” Jean turns her piercing gaze back to you before walking over to the drawers on the far side of the room and starting to pull out supplies. You sigh before walking over to sit in the exam chair and start praying to whatever gods will listen to give you patience.
That night you sit on your bed thinking about tomorrow and how you’re going to start running through simulations. They ran so many tests on you today that you lost count. Between the blood tests, the scans, and you demonstrating your powers in a controlled room, you were exhausted, but the knowledge that you were going to start actually training tomorrow had you feeling jumpy.
It’s nearing three am, and you are just starting to drift off when a pained scream pulls you back from the edge of unconsciousness. You sit up, tilting your head and concentrating to see if you really did hear something or if you’re just imagining things when you hear another pained yell come from Logan’s room. You shoot out of bed, sprinting down the hall without a second thought. As you run towards Logan's room, another scream tears through the quiet of the mansion. You don’t even hesitate before shoving through the door into his room. Quickly you scan the room, your eyes landing on Logan. He’s lying on his bed, his hands twisted in the sheets in a white-knuckled grip and breathing rapidly. Your mind flashes back to the night you met when he told you about his nightmares in the quiet of the truck.
You cross the room towards the bed, yelling his name in an attempt to wake him up, but he can’t hear you through whatever hell he is trapped in inside his head. After a moment of hesitation, you crawl onto the bed, straddling his hips and gripping his bare shoulders. His skin is burning to the touch, and every muscle in his body is tense as he fights against the things you can’t see. You shove his shoulders, continuing to call his name, but nothing is working. Growling in frustration You lean down as close to his ear as you can and yell his name as your fingernails dig into the meat of his shoulders. Within an instant you are pinned to the mattress on your back, a pissed-off Wolverine hovering over you and metal claws a centimeter from your throat.
You blink owlishly, looking up into his dark hazel eyes before you smile, and a chuckle spills out of your lips. “Again with the knives, you really are trying to flirt with me, aren’t you?” Realizing it’s you The razor-sharp blades immediately retract between his knuckles as he sighs, pulling back from keeping you pinned. “Are you trying to get yourself killed?!?” What in the fuck were you thinking?” You sit up, putting some distance between you as anger starts to simmer under your skin at his tone. “I heard you screaming like you were being ripped apart. I wasn’t thinking.” Logan growls in frustration, running his fingers through his sleep-tousled hair.
You shake your head as you move to get off the bed and snap at him. “I know that we aren’t friends, and at this point you probably wish you never met me, but I was just trying to help.” Logan quickly reaches out, grabbing your wrist to stop you from leaving. “Wait, what are you talking about? Why would you say that?” You scoff, pulling your wrist from his grip. “Are you serious? You haven’t spoken to me or even looked in my direction in weeks. I get that I pissed you off, but I already apologized for that, and you ignored me. What else am I supposed to think?” Logan rears back like you’ve slapped him. “I was trying to give you space after what happened…wait. What do you mean you apologized?” Your eyes search his face, looking for some sign that he’s fucking with you. “I…after our fight. That night I came to your room. I knocked on your door, and when you didn’t answer, I figured it was because you were still mad at me. I apologized and waited, but when you didn’t respond or open the door, I left. Then when you didn’t talk to me and kept avoiding me after that, I figured you were done. I mean, you found me and brought me back here like the professor wanted. No one said anything about having to deal with me beyond that. You did your job.” Logan stands up, growling as he rubs his hands over his face. “Goddamn it. I wasn’t in my room that night. If I had been, I would’ve said something…and I never would have kept my distance if I knew it was making you feel like that.” You chew on your bottom lip, thinking over what he said. “So you really never heard my apology?” He sighs, walking over to you and grabbing your shoulders. “I swear to you, I never heard it. And you’re not just a fucking job. Don’t ever say that shit again.” You take in the serious expression on his face, ignoring the way your heart thuds painfully at his words. “I really am sorry.” Logan shakes his head as he sits back down on the bed. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. Jean and Scott were out of line, and I was already on edge when I found you in the water… When you didn’t answer when I called your name, I thought you were hurt or dead….” He shakes his head, sighing. “It doesn’t matter; the entire situation should have never happened.”
You sit on the edge of the bed, bumping your shoulder into his, the warmth of his skin burning into your arm where you touch. “Are you ok? …from the nightmare, I mean?” He glances towards you, a look of fondness on his scruffy face. “Yeah, I’m fine. After a hundred years, you get better at shaking them off once you wake up.” You shake your head and smirk. “I keep forgetting you’re an old man.” He looks at you, offended. “Oh, I’m an old man now, huh?” A smile breaks across your face. “I mean, you would never know it by looking at you. Your skincare routine must be incredible. I really need to get that from you. We practically look the same age and…” His fingers digging into your side cause you to shriek, cutting off your smart-ass comment. You scramble away from his fingers, causing you to fall off the edge of the bed with a yelp. You land with a thud, sending you into a fit of laughter and causing Logan to chuckle. When you finally calm down enough to catch your breath, you look up towards Logan from your spot on the floor, and you feel that familiar warmth take up residence behind your ribs. “I missed you.” A small smile slips onto his face as he looks down at you. “Yeah, I missed you too.”
The next few weeks your days are spent having more tests run, endurance training, and fighting against simulations in the war room while people observe you and take notes. You slam the last of the simulated opponents to the ground before making your way into the room where Professor Xavier and the others are watching you. “When can I start sparring with real people? No offense, but this is getting kind of redundant.” Jean scoffs. “You are nowhere near ready. Besides, the only time you have used your powers with real people, you killed them. We aren’t risking lives on you until we know we can trust you.” You roll your eyes. “For the love of God, you really don’t let shit go, do you? I’m not going to kill anyone!” You point towards Logan. “Your own boyfriend trusts me. I used my powers on him and managed to not scramble his brains. So if he trusts me, then what's the problem?” Before she can answer, Professor Xavier cuts her off. “I think it’s a wonderful idea. You have shown great progress since we’ve started, but facing living, breathing threats is more difficult than simulations, and we are going to need to know you can handle yourself should the occasion arise. We should start now.” You smirk, excitement bubbling under your skin at the prospect of being able to spar with actual people. You tip your head towards Scott. “What do you say, Goggles? You Wanna grab your balls out of Jean's purse and come try to beat me up?” Logan snorts out a laugh, but if her looks could kill, the glare Jean is burning into the side of your head would have wiped you off the face of the earth. You roll your eyes at her and chuckle as you make your way back into the war room as Scott and Jean start to bicker before she relents and he inevitably follows.
Scott is well trained and has obviously honed his fighting skills more than you, but you are giving as good as you get. You manage to block some of his attacks and land a few of your own, but you quickly realize that without using your powers, you’re outmatched. The spirits shoot out of the ground, wrapping around Scott’s arms and legs, but the beams from his eyes easily slice through them as he advances on you. You keep trying, but any time they get a hold of him, he is loose within seconds. You huff in frustration as he quickly gets loose again and decide you’re going to have to change tactics. Your eyes bleed black, the inky color spreading from your fingertips and climbing up your arms as you concentrate. More spirits start rising, quickly filling the room to the point where the people in the viewing room can no longer see. The lasers from Scot’s eyes slice through the darkness, creating spots of light, but spirits fill the gaps as fast as he’s making them. He yells out in frustration, but it abruptly ends in a choked-off sound. As the spirits start to dissipate, you and Scott come into view. You’re standing across the room with your hands clenched into fists, mumbling words that are too quiet for those watching to hear. There are black tendrils wrapped around Scott’s neck and sliding into his mouth, down his throat. As soon as he hits the ground, your eyes clear, and the inky black recedes down your arms as the spirits dissipate.
The door to the war room bursts open as Jean comes running in, leaving Logan and the professor in the observation room. She comes at you screaming. “I knew you couldn’t be trusted! I told…” but she’s cut off by Scott coughing behind her. Everyone’s attention turns towards the sound. He slowly sits up, rubbing a hand across his throat. His voice coming out rough, “I’m good. I’m ok.” You cross your arms over your chest, raising an eyebrow at the pissed-off look that’s still on Jean’s face as she helps Scott off the ground. “Maybe you should go next. It’ll give you a chance to work out some of that pent-up aggression you have towards me. Maybe we can remove that stick that seems to be permanently lodged up your ass while we’re at it.” Jean turns, and immediately you’re slammed against the wall and pinned there, the breath knocked out of your lungs from the impact.
Scott makes his way out of the war room as Jean quickly starts to close the distance between you. You can’t move from where she has you pinned to the wall, and you know there is no way out unless she lets you out. As she moves closer to you, a look of murderous rage on her face, you know you need to act fast or you might not walk out of here. Your eyes bleed black, and tendrils quickly spread from the ground. Hoping to get her to at least loosen her hold, you make them wrap around her legs, pulling her to the ground. Immediately you are pulled forward and slammed back into the wall, hitting your head so hard light flashes behind your eyes. You groan at the pain radiating from your skull, and you realize you only have one option. You concentrate, mumbling to the spirits under your breath. Suddenly the spirits are no longer repeatedly grabbing at Jean, and instead they shoot up her body and quickly slide into her ears. Jean’s hands shoot up, grasping at the sides of her head as she comes to an abrupt halt, a bloodcurdling scream ripping from her lungs as her eyes roll to the back of her head. Your lips keep moving as Jean drops to her knees, clawing at the sides of her head, trying to get the spirits out. As her hold on you drops, you fall to the ground, but you keep going as you pull yourself off the ground and make your way towards her. When tears start to stream down her face, mixing with the blood that’s dripping down the sides of her head from her fingernails tearing at her skin, you stop. The inky black slips from your eyes and recedes from your fingertips, the spirits evaporating like smoke.
Jean is no longer screaming, but the tears running down her face are no longer tears of anguish and fear. She is vibrating with rage, but before she can retaliate, Professor Xavier cuts in. “Jean! That’s enough.” She pulls herself up, wiping at her face as she shoves past you, heading for the exit.
You follow her back into the observation room, keeping some distance between you in case she decides to swing on you. Logan asks if she is alright, but she doesn’t answer, storming past him and Scott and shoving her way out of the room. Everyone turns their attention to you, causing you to shrink under their scrutiny. Professor Xavier is the first to break the tense silence that has settled over the room at Jean’s exit. “Explain to me in great detail exactly what just happened.” You shrug your shoulders. “She had me pinned, and I knew that if I couldn’t get loose, it was over. I tried distracting her to see if she would let up at all, but she is ridiculously powerful… I knew the only way I would be able to get out was to take her out at the source of her power. If she loses her mind, she loses everything. The spirits pulled out her most horrific memories and made her relive them. Physically she wasn’t in any danger, but in her head she was hearing, seeing, smelling, and feeling every single part of those memories….” You trail off as you see the myriad of emotions playing out across the three men’s faces.
You nervously chew on your lower lip, waiting for one of them to say something, but when the silence stretches on for an uncomfortable amount of time, you turn to Logan: “Look, I know that it’s really fucked up, and I promise I will apologize to her later, but you all knew this fight was coming sooner or later.” You’re startled out of your rant by the sound of Scott slamming out of the doors in the same direction Jean went.
You turn back towards Logan and the professor. “Are you pissed?” Logan shakes his head. “No, I’m not pissed. Jean is a big girl; she can handle herself, but I didn’t know you could do that. You said you could show people things that they had seen, but you didn’t tell me it was like that.” You shake your head. “Yeah, well, I don’t really make a habit of doing it.” You hesitate for a moment before you start walking backwards towards the war room. Trying to break some of the tension that’s lingering You give Logan a playful look. “You wanna see if I can go three for three?” Logan shakes his head, thinking you might actually be a little bit crazy, but he smirks. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough excitement for today?” You smirk at him over your shoulder as you shove the doors to the war room open. “First off, there is no such thing as too much excitement. Besides, I’m dying to see what all the hype around the infamous Wolverine is about. So far I’ve taken on laser eyes and freakishly strong telekinetic powers. Let’s see what metal claws and super healing can do." Chuckling, Logan shakes his head at your antics before following you into the war room.
As you make your way across the room, anticipation and excitement bubble under your skin, but as soon as you reach the far side of the room and turn to face him, he charges at you. You only have a moment to think, dodging him at the last second before turning for your own attack, but he’s faster, sweeping your legs out from under you. You roll out as fast as you can before he can pin you and scramble back to your feet, putting some distance between you. You let your eyes bleed black. The spirits quickly snag his ankles and arms to try to hold him in place, but the metallic sound of his claws coming out makes a shiver race down your spine.
You can’t help yourself as you snark at him. “Ooo, here we go again with the flirting. If you’re not careful, you’re going to give a girl a complex.” He leans down, managing to swipe his claws through the spirits holding his ankles. The smirk falls off your face, and your eyes widen as you watch him pull against the spirits wrapped around his wrist until their hold snaps like a rope giving way. Smirking, he charges at you faster than before. You dodge and roll, but he keeps coming. You start to fill the room like you did with Scott, thinking if you cut out his vision, you might have a chance.
Within moments the room is pitch black. You quickly make your way to the farthest side of the room, planning to pull him down and get it to where he can’t use his claws, but the next thing you know, your legs are being yanked out from under you. You yelp as you slam into the ground, a heavy weight pinning you in place. As the room clears, you come face-to-face with Logan. He has you pinned to the floor, straddling your hips, his claws an inch away from your throat, with a cocky smirk on his ridiculously handsome face. “Looks like I won this round, sweetheart.” The nickname causes your throat to run dry, and you are instantly hyperaware of every single place his body is currently in contact with yours, heat rapidly spreading through your system.
When you just stare up at him and don’t respond, he chuckles. “Wow, no response. Do I get a prize for finally shutting you up?” Without thinking, you lean forward and trace your tongue along the tip of one of his mental claws. You see his pupils dilate as he gazes down at you, and his breath hitches in his throat. You snap yourself out of the Logan-induced spiral you found yourself in and take advantage of the distraction by quickly flipping the both of you over so that you are now straddling his hips and pinning him by the shoulders.
He looks up at you in shock and confusion as you smile down at him. “You win a quick death. I’ve already decided where to hide your body and everything.” He shakes his head, chuckling at how ridiculous you are, but the smile slips off his face when he catches the scent of blood. His eyes quickly rake across your body, searching for the source of the metallic scent, before his eyes zero in on your abdomen. You have three slash marks across your stomach, which had to have happened when you flipped him because he made sure he was never actually close to hurting you while you were sparring.
You notice the change in him immediately and follow his line of sight down to your stomach. “Oh shit.” Logan sits up, grabbing you by your sides as he moves to stand, causing you to slip off his lap. “Shit! You need to go to the med bay and get stitched up…” You say his name, but it’s like he doesn’t hear you, too lost in his own panic that he hurt you. You reach out, grabbing his face, forcing him to look away from your wound and into your eyes. “Logan! I’m fine.” He looks at you like you’ve lost your mind, but it quickly turns to confusion as he watches your eyes flicker black. The black wisps travel up your body and sink into the wounds adorning your stomach. His eyes widen as the skin slowly knits back together like the gashes were never there. He’s brought out of his inner turmoil at the sound of your voice. “See, all better.” He shakes his head, blinking at you in wonder. “I didn’t know you could do that either.” That draws a chuckle out of you. “I only use it on big injuries. There’s really no reason to heal anything minor.” Turning to head back into the observation room, you grab his hand, dragging him behind you.
Professor Xavier has a smirk on his face as you and Logan enter the observation room, his eyes bouncing between you and Logan. “Excellent work today, Y/N! You have made tremendous progress in a very short amount of time.” You smile. “Thank you, professor.” He looks to Logan. “Why don’t the two of you go get cleaned up and find some dinner? It’s been a long day.” Logan nods and heads for the door, but you stop, turning towards the professor. “I think I know why you can’t read my mind and why you couldn’t find me. But I think I might be able to let you have access.” His eyes light up with curiosity. “Is that something you would be comfortable with?” You chew on your lower lip for a moment thinking about it. “Yeah. I trust you, and if you think it will help with everything, then I would like to try.” He nods. “Why don’t we go to my office, and we can see what we can do?” You look back towards Logan, nodding at him to go on ahead. “You should go check on Jean. Make sure she is ok.” He nods at you, guilt hitting him as he realizes he was more concerned about you getting hurt than he was about his own girlfriend.
Logan heads off towards the living quarters in search of Jean as you follow behind Professor Xavier in the opposite direction. When you enter his office, you take a seat in a chair as he positions himself in front of you. “So what do you think is keeping me from accessing your mind?” You sigh. “I’m pretty sure the spirits are the reason you can’t access my mind. It’s like a form of protection or something. I think they are blocking you. But I think if I concentrate, I can give you access. Kind of like how the others have to learn to put up walls to keep telekinetics out, but instead I have to tear them down to let you in.” He nods. “Would you be willing to try and let me in right now?” You nod your head before closing your eyes and concentrating, mumbling under your breath the way you do when you’re communicating with the spirits. After what feels like forever, you hear a flicker of the professor’s voice inside your head, causing you to jerk in your seat in shock. You shake your head and refocus, concentrating again, and this time the professor’s voice rings clear in your head. “You did it! This is a great development. You truly are remarkable, Y/N.” You open your eyes, breaking your concentration, and immediately the professor's access to your mind is severed like a door slamming shut and locking him out. He blinks, seemingly thinking something over. “Would you be willing to show me your memories the way you showed Logan?” You tense for a moment before shaking yourself out of it and pushing away the uncomfortable feeling clawing at your throat. “Yeah, I can do that.” You let your eyes bleed white as black, smoky tendrils slide up and into the professor’s ears, and his eyes roll back.
When he blinks back out of your memories, you feel anxiety flood your system as you wait for him to say something. “Thank you for trusting me… For showing me. I know you didn’t feel welcome here in the beginning, but I hope you are starting to feel like this could be someplace you’d like to stick around. That maybe you could think of this as a home. You are an extremely gifted and fiercely protective woman, and anyone would be lucky to have you in their corner.” You feel tears prickle at your eyes, but you take a deep breath, willing them not to fall. “Thank you. I really appreciate that.” He smiles at that before waving you off to go eat so he can update all of your files.
You leave the professor's office and quickly make your way to the kitchen in search of food. You’re so focused on thinking about what you want to eat that you don’t notice the angry voices coming from the kitchen until you round the corner and the conversation abruptly cuts off. Jean and Logan are standing in the middle of the kitchen, clearly in the midst of a heated discussion that you just interrupted. You turn to leave, not wanting to make things worse, but stop. Taking a deep breath, you turn back towards Jean. Her eyes snap towards you, sharp and filled with disdain. You steel yourself to get this apology out before she can say anything that might make you lash out instead. “I know you don’t trust me and that you more than likely hate me, especially after today, but I just wanted to apologize for what I did in the war room. I know it doesn’t change what I put you through in there, but I am sincerely sorry.” Jean doesn’t respond, her hateful expression never changing. After a moment of awkwardly charged silence, you turn and leave, deciding that you will come get food later when the coast is clear.
Logan scoffs as soon as you exit the kitchen, drawing Jean's attention back to him. “Seriously? She just apologized, and you couldn’t even have the decency to respond?” Jean sneers at him. “Her apology is bullshit! She’s not sorry about what she put me through. She only apologized to keep you trapped in her little Miss Innocent act. If you weren’t standing here, she wouldn’t have even said it.” Logan sighs, rolling his eyes. “Why are you so convinced she’s this horrible person? You attacked her within seconds of meeting her, and you’ve been nothing but volatile towards her since.” Jean scoffs, “I didn’t attack her! I stated the obvious. I can’t figure out how she’s managed to get you so blinded. She basically tortured me in front of you today, and you didn’t even do anything! You didn’t even check if I was ok!” Logan snaps at her. “What exactly did you want me to do? You attacked her during a training session! And I did ask if you were ok; you shoved past me and stormed off, making it pretty damn clear you wanted to be left alone. I came to check on you as soon as the training session was done.” She rolls her eyes. “Scott already checked on me, and it didn’t take him forty-five minutes to do it.” Logan scoffs. “Of course he did. Wouldn’t expect anything less.” He storms out of the kitchen before Jean can respond.
After spending a ridiculous amount of time in the shower, you towel yourself off and pull on a pair of leggings and a cropped shirt. You pull your wet hair up into a messy bun and make your way downstairs in search of food, your stomach growling in anger. You quietly make your way towards the kitchen when you hear soft voices coming from one of the lounge areas. You decide to sneak past, but when you get closer, you hear Jean's voice. “She apologized to me like that means something! And now the professor is putting her into the X-Men after the shit she pulled today! She doesn’t belong here. She is a murderer that we really know nothing about, and now we are supposed to just trust her because she’s managed to weasel her way in with Logan and Professor Xavier.”
Your blood is boiling by the time you round the corner walking towards her. Jean and Scott’s attention jerks in your direction, and they jump apart as if they got caught doing something they shouldn’t. She turns towards you, about to say something, but you cut her off before she gets a chance. “You know, I apologized to you, and I was willing to play nice for the sake of everyone else, but if you have an issue with me being here, then that’s your problem. Not mine. I didn’t ask to be here. I was perfectly fine by myself when Logan showed up out of nowhere to drag me here whether I liked it or not because that’s what Professor Xavier wanted, so if you have a problem, then take it up with them and stop projecting your bullshit onto me because I’m done dealing with it.” You turn and walk away without waiting to hear if she has anything to say in return. You forgo heading to the kitchen and decide to just go back up to your room, too pissed off to care about food now.
The next few weeks you continue training and even sit in on a few classes when you are feeling bored. You like asking Logan questions during his classes when his students have nothing to contribute, and Colossus’s art class is usually pretty fun. You do your best to avoid Jean and Scott as much as possible, but when Professor Xavier calls for an emergency meeting, you have no choice but to deal with them.
You follow Logan and Rogue into the briefing room, taking the seat between them. Scott and Jean stand at the head of the table looking tense. All chatter amongst the mutants stops when Professor Xavier enters the meeting room. “Thank you for coming. We have a serious matter to discuss. As you all know, with the looming decision of the Mutant Registration Act, a lot of people are up in arms, tensions are running high, and, unfortunately, it’s common for people to become hostile in the face of things they don’t fully understand. That brings us to why I’ve called you all here. A group of hostiles has started kidnapping mutant children. We have reason to believe they are performing unsanctioned experiments on them. Thankfully, we have located the facility where the children are currently being held. The location is in the Adirondack Mountains, tucked away in a facility hidden in the forest, and we need to rescue them as soon as possible. We are finalizing details, and all of you will be leaving first thing in the morning.”
As everyone starts to move and you stand to leave Jean speaks up. “Are you sure we should be letting Y/N into the field? She has zero experience and will more than likely hold us back from getting this done as quickly as possible. She’s a liability.” The room goes dead silent as you turn back towards Jean. “I may not have done one of your fancy missions, but I’m more than capable of handling myself. I’ve lived in those woods before, and as for me being a liability, I’ve more than proven that I can hold my own, or did you forget?” Before Jean can respond, Scott snaps, moving to get in your face. “This is serious! We are going into a battle where there are innocent lives at stake! This isn’t you playing vigilante while hiding out in the woods.” You roll your eyes, smirking at him. “Yeah, well, me playing vigilante in the woods saved some innocent people, and the only ones I’ve ever hurt deserved it. Can you say the same?” Scott bristles, grinding out. “Why do you always have something to say? Why can’t you ever just shut your mouth!” You snap back without hesitation. “Because fuck you, that’s why.” You hear Logan snort behind you, and a smirk pulls at your lips. You step farther into Scott’s space, causing him to step back. “I have no problem playing nice if it means saving lives. If you and the owner of your testicles can’t do the same, then maybe you should be the ones to sit this one out.” You shove past him and walk out of the room without looking back, not wanting to hear or see everyone else’s reactions to your confrontation with their team leaders.
When Logan knocks on your door the next morning and hands you a black leather suit, you think for sure he’s fucking with you. “Did I zone out and miss the part of the meeting where the super secret hideout we are going to is a BDSM club?” Logan huffs a laugh, shaking his head. “Look, I know it’s stupid, but we all wear them.” You raise one of your eyebrows and scan your eyes up and down his body, taking note of the normal blue jeans and white T-shirt. “You really wear matching leather suits into battle? Cuz if you just wanted to see me in a leather bodysuit, you could have just said so.” Logan resolutely tries not to picture that exact scenario as he shakes his head at you, a smile pulling at his lips. “Just shut up and put the suit on. I’ll meet you at the jet in ten minutes.” You look from the leather suit in your hand and back to his now retreating form. You sigh, shaking your head, and move towards your bathroom as you mutter to yourself, “I swear to God if this is some kind of joke….”
When you get to the jet, everyone else is already on board. You walk in, noting that everyone else is indeed wearing the ridiculous suits. You take the seat across from Logan, buckling yourself in next to Kurt. You glance around the inside of the aircraft, taking everything in, but your eyes linger on Logan. The suits may be ridiculous, but you can’t help but admire the way the leather hugs every inch of his body. It’s snug in all the right places, making his already broad chest and arms look even bigger. It’s snug across his muscular thighs, which are currently spread wide, and you know that if you could see it, his ass would look absolutely spectacular.
You feel the heat start to rise in your cheeks from your inappropriate thoughts, and you have to physically pull your eyes away, forcing yourself to look towards the floor, because now is not the time to be drooling over your very much not single best friend. When you manage to get yourself under control, you glance to the side only to find Kurt staring directly at you with a smart-ass grin plastered on his face and a knowing look in his eyes. You immediately feel your face heat up again. “Oh, fuck off!” That shifts Logan’s attention from his conversation with Ororo to you. You cover your face with your hands and sink down in your seat, praying the door to the jet will magically open and rip you out into the air at Mach speeds to get you out of this embarrassing situation. Kurt bursts out laughing. “I didn’t say a word, darling.” You shove his arm and smile. When you look back towards Logan, you’re not expecting him to already be looking, his eyes bouncing between you and Kurt, his eyebrow raised in question. You smile at him and avert your eyes as you fight to keep the red from your cheeks. You close your eyes, trying to focus on the situation you’re about to walk into and calm your building anxiety.
As you near the facility, you’re startled by a wadded-up hunk of fabric being thrown in your face. You jump in your seat, grabbing the fabric, and look to see Scot glaring over you. “Put that on over your suit. You and Kurt are going in first since no one will recognize you. Clear a path, and Kurt will follow. Once you find the kids, Kurt will teleport them out to us while you keep the area secure.” You look down at the black cargo pants and long-sleeved shirt. “You sure you want me to be the one on the front line? Just yesterday you didn’t even want me here.” He drops a tactical vest at your feet. “If it was up to me, you wouldn’t be here. This was Xavier’s call.” He drops an earpiece into your hand and gives one to Kurt. “Try not to fuck it up.” You roll your eyes as he turns and walks back to the front of the jet, clearly dismissing you. Kurt leans over, nudging your shoulder. “Ignore him. I’ve got your back.” You smile at him, appreciating the reassurance as you slip the tiny earpiece into your ear and pull the enemy attire over your leathers.
When you get to the drop-off point and Jean starts to lower the jet to the tree line for you and Kurt to prepare to teleport to the ground, you shake your hands out and focus on your breathing, trying to calm your racing heart. You startle when you feel someone grab your hand but relax when you open your eyes and see Logan staring down at you. “You’re gonna be fine. We’re all going to be right behind you.” You smile up at him, feeling some of the building tension leave your shoulders as his thumb rubs soothing circles on the back of your hand. “I appreciate the confidence in me. I would feel a lot better if I wasn’t about to be hurled out of a plane in a second, though.” Logan snorts as Kurt pops up behind your shoulder. “Aw, relax. It’s not that bad. Besides, me teleporting you to the ground is a lot faster and safer than if we had to jump.” When the door to the jet opens, you feel your stomach drop, but a tug on your hand has you looking back at Logan. He leans in close to your ear so you can hear over the wind from the open door. “You got this. Get in, get the kids, and come back to me, yeah?” You smile, squeezing his hand in reassurance before letting go and grasping Kurt’s hand. Logan slaps Kurt on the back. “Keep her safe, yeah?" Kurt just smiles and shakes his head.
Before you can blink, your body feels like it’s being sucked through a whirlpool, and you’re on the ground. You gasp for air, not used to the feeling of being teleported. Kurt chuckles at the shell-shocked expression on your face. “It’s always a little disorienting your first time, but you’ll get used to it.” You shake your head and breathe deeply, willing the nausea bubbling in your stomach to go away before following Kurt through the trees towards the compound while the rest of the team head to their landing spot.
There are only a few guards outside of the building when you make it to the clearing. Steeling yourself, you walk towards the building, taking note of the cameras on the outside. As you near the door, one of the guards takes notice of you and calls out, causing you to freeze. “Hey! Where are you coming from?” You turn only partway to acknowledge that you heard him. “Just doing some sweeps of the surrounding area. You know you can never be too careful when dealing with mutants.” The guard chuckles. “Ain’t that the truth. Bunch of freaks. I keep saying we should just off them and be done with it. Save us all the headache.” You clench your fist, feeling your eyes flicker black. You tilt your head down, hoping he doesn’t take notice of your change in demeanor, and force a chuckle as you continue pulling open the door, noting that the hall is clear of people and cameras. “You stay safe out here. I didn’t find anything on my sweep, but you never know.” Looking back towards the forest, you nod, signaling to Kurt that it’s clear for him to teleport inside.
The door shuts with a heavy clang, and you jump when Kurt materializes next to you. “Well, he seemed friendly.” You scoff and roll your eyes as you head towards the main door. “He’s a tool.”
You walk in and, taking note of the cameras, try not to look suspicious as you move through the room. Just as you’re about to open the door you’re pretty sure leads to the testing area, a guard enters from another room. “Hey! Where are you going? You know you don’t have clearance to be in there.” You gape at him for a moment, but before you can form a response, he glares at you in suspicion and starts across the room. “Hold on, I’ve never seen you before. Who are you?” You make a split-second decision and say “cameras” before your eyes flicker black. The man stumbles back, startled, but in an instant Kurt teleports into the room and rips the cameras from the wall, and the guard is on the floor, choked unconscious by the spirits.
Kurt lands next to you, dropping the cameras to the ground with a clang. “So much for not getting caught.” You shake your head in frustration. “We need to move. It’s only a matter of time before they realize those cameras are out and come looking.” You turn to continue through the door, but as soon as you do, another guard enters the room and freezes upon seeing the incapacitated man on the floor. His eyes flick from the prone guard to Kurt, and before you can stop him, he yells, and even though you have him on the ground unconscious within seconds, the yell he let out was enough to alert the others.
You quickly shove through the doors towards the lab and race down the corridor as guards start entering the room behind you looking for the cause of the commotion. You and Kurt both run through the facility, not caring about the cameras since your cover is already blown. You quickly incapacitate any guards you come across by using the spirits to choke them unconscious while Kurt teleports to the ones you can’t reach.
After what feels like forever but is only seconds, you make it to the lab where the kids are being kept, but when you and Kurt enter the room, it’s empty. You think you must have missed a room somewhere, but as you turn to leave and check, heavy metal doors slam down, locking you inside, and sirens start blaring. Your hands shoot up to cover your ears against the harsh noise, and white smoke starts pouring into the room from the vents. Kurt quickly wraps his arms around you, teleporting you both out of the room and back into the hall. Your head is spinning as Kurt lets you go and grabs your hand, pulling you behind him, running and teleporting while dodging through enemies until you both emerge outside of the building, and he quickly lets you go.
Outside it’s complete chaos. Bullets are flying, and every mutant is engaged in combat. You shake your head, trying to clear away some of the dizziness from being teleported, and follow Kurt into the fray. As you fight your way through whatever enemy crosses your path, you, Logan, and Jean end up in the same vicinity. No longer caring about casualties, Logan slashes through enemies while you incapacitate anyone who comes too close, and Jean hurls boulders towards the enemies at incredible speeds. It seems like the team is making headway and the enemies are retreating when all at once an explosion erupts right behind the three of you, throwing you all to the ground. You shake your head, trying to get the ringing out of your ears, but your eyes widen, a scream ripping from your throat as you see a massive tree beginning to fall. You quickly scramble, tackling Logan out of the way before turning and noticing Jean is still on the ground, not moving. You attempt to use your powers to drag her out of the way, but the tree lands before you get a chance, and a scream tears from Logan’s throat as you scramble towards where Jean is lying.
You and Logan quickly climb over the tree, frantically looking through branches, when you find her. You breathe out, falling back on your ass, and send a silent thank you to the gods that the trunk of the tree missed her prone form and she’s only pinned by a thick branch. As the last of the enemies retreat, Scott appears beside you. Using his lasers, he's able to quickly cut through the tree and move the branch off of her. Once she’s free, Logan scoops Jean up into his arms and heads towards the jet as you and the rest of the team trail behind him.
As soon as you land back at the school, Logan and Scott rush Jean to the med bay. You follow behind and take a seat in one of the uncomfortable chairs in the hall and silently pray to whoever is listening that she will be ok. You know that she hates your mere existence and you can’t stand her, but that doesn’t mean you wanted her to get hurt. The longer you wait, the more anxious you get, your leg bouncing as you wait for any update on her condition.
Roughly thirty minutes later, Kurt comes around the corner, sinking into the seat next to you. He leans over and nudges your shoulder, causing you to look up at him. “You know this isn’t your fault, right?” You suck in a breath, shaking your head. “I should have been faster. I saw the tree, and I just reacted. I tried to get to her, but I just…I wasn’t fast enough.” Kurt shakes his head, but before he can respond, Logan walks out of the doors to the exam room looking drained.
You and Kurt immediately stand up, drawing his attention to the both of you. You twist your fingers nervously, chewing on the inside of your cheek. “Is she ok?” Logan scoffs, his cold stare turning to you. You aren’t expecting the harsh look on his face or the hostility in his voice. “Yeah, she’s going to be fine. Thankfully the bulk of the tree actually missed her, no thanks to you. What were you even thinking?” You physically take a step back at his entire demeanor. His words feel like you’ve been slapped. “I just…” but before you can continue, he cuts you off. “Why did you shove me out of the way? I can heal! Jean can’t! She could have been killed because of you.” You feel the pit that had formed in your stomach back at the compound turn to burning acid as you clench your fists. Kurt attempts to speak up, but you cut him off, stepping into Logan’s face as you shove him back. “Fuck you! I tried to get to her! When the explosion hit, I saw the tree coming, and you were the closest one to it! I didn’t know Jean was knocked out! But I fucking tried to get her before the tree hit!” Your entire body is vibrating with anger, and you can feel your eyes flickering from their usual Y/E/C to black. As your fingers start to turn color, you clench your hands into fists again and step back, shaking your head. “Look, you obviously don’t feel the same, but you’re my best friend, and I know that if our roles were reversed, you would never choose me, but if it comes down to saving you or someone else, I will pick you every fucking time, even if it means that I die, and I won’t apologize for that.” You shove past him, mumbling out, “I’m glad she’s ok.” Before you shove through the doors and make your way to your room, ignoring the burn of angry tears in your eyes and the blackness that refuses to recede from your fingertips.
Logan is still staring at the doors you disappeared through when Kurt’s voice cuts through the jumble of thoughts in his head, causing Logan to look over at him. “You’re an idiot.” Logan goes to speak, but Kurt cuts him off, frustration clear in his voice. “What happened to Jean isn’t Y/N’s fault. Jean has done nothing but treat that girl like garbage from the moment she got here, and Y/N still tried to save her. Which is more than most people would do. This was her first mission ever, and nothing about today went how we were expecting it to. Y/N’s never had to worry about a team while fighting for her life, and she’s been sitting out here beating herself up over every little thing she couldn’t control about today. You need to fix this.” Logan is taken aback, but before he can react, Kurt is shoving through the double doors the same way you had moments before.
When you get back to your room, you rip the guard disguise off and peel the ridiculous supersuit from your body before climbing into the shower. You let the hot water cascade down your body, loosening the tightness in your muscles, while you think back on everything that has happened over the last few months. The more you get lost in your thoughts, the more you come to terms with the fact that the moment you knew was always coming is finally here. You close your eyes and let the buildup of emotions wash over you as the water sweeps your silent tears away. After a few minutes of mourning the life you had started to build here, you steel yourself as you wash off and step out of the shower. Obviously you can’t take everything you had accumulated during the last few months here, but you pick out your favorite things that you want to keep and shove them into your old backpack. As you’re going over your mental checklist, a knock sounds at your door, startling you out of your focus.
You don’t know what you expected to find when you answered the door, but Logan standing awkwardly in the hallway wasn’t it. You lean against the doorframe, pulling the door partway shut behind you. “What’s wrong? Did something happen with Jean?” Logan shakes his head in frustration at himself. “She’s fine; she woke up. Charles said she has a few cuts and bruises, she has a concussion and some broken ribs, but she should heal up fine in a few weeks.” You nod your head, relief flooding your system. “Good, I’m glad she’s alright.” You turn to go back in your room, but he reaches out and grabs your hand, stopping you. “Wait!” You ignore the electricity that floods your body at the simple touch and pull your hand out of his grasp, but when you turn back towards him, his eyes land on your open bag that’s sitting on your bed. Some of your clothes are visibly spilling out from the open zipper, and your toiletries sit on the bed waiting to be packed. “What? …..What are you doing?” His eyes frantically search your face as an unpleasant feeling settles in his gut.
You look over his shoulder, not being able to hold eye contact, but you smirk and force a nonchalant tone. “Come on, Logan, we both knew this was never permanent. Jean and Scott were right; I don’t belong here. I mean, come on. I’m a runaway murderer who no one would notice if I died tomorrow….” Logan shakes his head, visibly stricken by your words. He steps past you and shoves his way into your room. He immediately goes to your backpack and starts pulling everything out of it. You reach around him, trying to grab your belongings out of his hands. “Logan, stop it! What are you doing?” He ignores you and continues pulling your belongings out of your bag.
With your frustration mounting, you shove him, causing him to finally turn towards you. He looks angry and hurt. He looks lost, and it’s almost enough to break you, but You fight the tears you can feel brimming in your eyes and force yourself to keep your tone steady. “You’re all better off without me. I know it, Jean and Scott have always known it, and now you know it. If it weren’t for me, Jean wouldn’t have gotten hurt today. You said it yourself I could have gotten her killed. So I’m done. I’m leaving before I can get you or anybody else hurt or worse.”
He growls in frustration, running his hands through his hair and scrubbing them down his face. There is a pain spreading behind his ribs he doesn’t know what to do with, and guilt because he knows this is all his fault. “Damn it! Nothing that happened today was your fault. You shouldn’t leave your friends and everyone else who cares about you just because I was an asshole and said things that aren’t true.”
Part of your resolve crumbles when you see the desperate and sincere look on his face, but you shake your head, turning to put some space between you, and start to repack, but before you can, Logan’s hand wraps around your wrist and pulls. You collide with his solid chest, his strong arms holding you tightly against his body as he speaks quietly against your hair. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” Your breath catches in your throat, your body freezing for a moment before you start to relax. You hesitate before bringing your arms around him to return the embrace. Part of you is screaming that you need to shove him away and leave before you get any more attached to the people here. The other part of you wants to wrap yourself up in the only person who’s ever made you feel safe. You bury your face in his neck, not wanting him to see the tears you’ve been trying to hold back, and breathe in his scent, trying to calm your chaotic thoughts.
You don’t know how long the two of you stand there in the quiet of your room just holding each other, but his low voice next to your ear snaps you out of the hazy headspace you found yourself slipping into. “Don’t leave. Please don’t leave.” The last of your resolve crumbles at the tone in his voice, and you sigh, nodding your head against his chest. “Okay… I’ll stay.” He sighs, relief flooding his system, but then his head is jerking up like he hears something you can’t. You look up at him in confusion before he turns his attention back to you. “Jeans is asking for me.”
You drop your arms and slowly step out of his embrace, suddenly feeling guilty, but you force a smile on your face. “Go, make sure she’s ok.” He goes to leave but hesitates, looking back towards you, part of him still worried that you will take off as soon as he’s not around. You sigh, rolling your eyes and shooing him away. “Go. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” A small smile pulls at his lips before he leaves your room, the door shutting behind him with a quiet click as you sink down on the end of your bed and bury your head in your hands, wondering how your life became so complicated.
Things calm down a little bit after the mission. Professor Xavier is tirelessly looking into where the children have been taken, and Jean has thankfully made a full recovery. You’ve been keeping up with your training and have decided to double your efforts by spending all of your downtime hitting the gym and working to strengthen your abilities on your own. You know Logan regrets what he said after the mission, but you still took it to heart, and you’re determined to not let anything like that happen again. You refuse to be the reason anyone in this school gets hurt again.
Ororo is the one who tracks you down to the gym. She walks up and grabs onto the heavy bag you’re currently taking your aggression out on. “Damn girl, what did this bag do to you?” You crack a smile, removing your headphones and unwrapping your wrists. “What’s up?” She walks over, helping you put some of the weights back you had been using earlier. “Me and some of the guys were going to go out to a local bar. You should come with us.” You shake your head. “I don’t really think that’s a good idea.” Ororo sighs, “Come on, Y/N, it will be fun! We can drink and dance. Come on! You need a break, and you never go out with us!” You snort at her. “Yeah, that’s because I’m not really a people person.” She pouts at you, giving you the puppy dog eyes. “Oh, come on! I promise you will have fun. Please, please, please.” You can't help but smile at her ridiculous pouty face and scoff, throwing your hands up in surrender. “Alright! Alright, fine, you talked me into it. I’ll come out with you guys.” Pleased with herself, Ororo’s smile is blinding as she grabs your hand and drags you out of the gym, making you laugh.
Once you get cleaned up and finish doing your hair, you pull on a pair of cut-off shorts and pair it with a black cropped T-shirt and your black combat boots. You quickly finish your makeup, swiping on some of the red lipstick that Rogue made you buy before you head out to find Ororo so you can ride with her to the bar. She lets out a whistle as soon as she sees you, causing your face to heat up. “Damn, girl, you clean up nice! The others probably won’t even recognize you all dolled up.” You roll your eyes, laughing at her dramatics as she pulls you out to her car.
The bar isn’t anything fancy, and it seems to be pretty low-key as you make your way inside. There is a small dance floor with a few couples dancing and some other patrons scattered around different tables. You follow Ororo through the tables, your eyes finally landing on your group of friends. Your eyes immediately find Logan and quickly skitter to the vaguely familiar man sitting next to him before jumping to Remy, Rogue, Kitty, and Bobby. They are all chatting and laughing when you and Ororo make it to the table.
You can feel it the moment Logan’s eyes land on you, like a physical caress making its way up your body, and you have to physically repress the shiver that wants to move through you. Rogue screams as soon as she sees you. “Oh my god! Don’t you just look amazing!” You shake your head, telling her to shut up with no real heat behind it as you sit down in the seat between her and Logan. Now that you’re seated, you get a better look at the familiar face sitting on the other side of Logan and have to do a double take. The man is clearly Kurt, but instead of his usual midnight blue skin, he has light-colored skin and bluish-black hair. You make eye contact with him, raising your eyebrows in question. “It’s an image inducer. When I wear it, I look like a regular human, at least enough to pass for a night out.” You smile at him. “Well, it’s definitely working. When I first came in, I thought I recognized you, but I wasn’t one hundred percent sure. I should have known it was you with that handsome face.” He laughs out loud at that, sending you a playful wink before turning back to his conversation with Remy. You smile as Logan slides a drink in front of you and lean towards him. “Where is Jean at tonight? She didn’t want to come?” He shakes his head. “This isn’t really her thing. She’s busy helping Professor Xavier and Scott.” You nod your head in understanding, wondering if they’ve made any progress on locating the missing children.
As your friends all fall into easy conversation, you take a moment to let yourself just sit and take in the happiness of everyone around you. You can feel the stress you’ve been holding since the mission start to ease, and your body slowly relax.
You lose track of time as you talk with your friends and watch the people filtering in and out of the bar. You’re sipping your drink, listening to Logan and Kurt discuss some of the crazy things they have recently caught students doing, when Rogue grabs onto your arm, pulling your attention away. “Come dance with me!” You look from her smiling face to the dance floor and back. The majority of the people have filtered out of the bar for the night, leaving only a few people besides your group. You start to shake your head, but Rogue isn’t giving you an option, grabbing your hand to drag you out of your seat and onto the dance floor.
Logan smiles fondly as he watches you reluctantly get pulled away by a tipsy Rogue. He turns back to the table, listening to Remy tell Bobby about a new card technique he’s been working on, but when the song playing changes, his attention is pulled back towards the dance floor. He recognizes the song, having heard it play from your room a few times at night when you can’t sleep. The melody has an eerie feel to it, and the voice coming out of the speakers is low and rough. He searches the small crowd, his eyes landing on you and Rogue, and it’s like he’s been sucker punched in the stomach.
You and Rogue are dancing together, but his attention is solely focused on you. His eyes roam your body as you dance, completely unaware of the inner turmoil he is experiencing while watching you. His deep hazel eyes travel up your body, getting stuck on the way your hips sensually roll to the music. He damn near bites through the inside of his cheek as he pulls his eyes up, traveling over the sweat-damp skin he can see between the top of your jean shorts and your cut-off shirt. He has to force his eyes away from your body and keep moving up towards your face. He was worried that he would be met with your eyes having caught him staring, but that might have been better than what he finds. Your head is tipped back, with your eyes closed and your red-stained lips slightly parted. As his eyes greedily take you in, he’s slammed with the image of you riding him, the same blissed-out expression on your face as you moan, overwhelmed by the pleasure he’s giving you.
A slap to the back snaps him out of the vivid fantasy he has found himself caught up in, and he focuses his attention back to the table. He takes a long drink of his beer, the cool liquid doing little to calm the warmth that’s burning through him. He finishes his drink before looking towards his friend and is met with Kurt’s knowing smirk. He grunts, not wanting to hear whatever smart-ass thing is about to come out of his friend’s mouth when the song changes again.
He doesn’t look, not wanting to get caught staring again, but his attention is pulled back when he hears a small commotion coming from your direction. He turns just in time to see you slam your fist into a man’s nose. Blood gushes from the man’s face as he almost falls to the ground, his friend having to catch him to keep him from going down. You grab Rogue and quickly make your way back to the table as Logan and the rest of the group take that as their cue that it’s time to go.
You all head for the doors, spilling out into the cool night air. Kitty grabs Rogue and piles into Ororo’s car while Remy and Bobby climb into Bobby’s jeep. You’re about to head towards Ororo’s car when Logan grabs your hand, steering you towards the end of the parking lot. “I’ll give you a ride back. Besides, I don’t think you wanna chance getting puked on by Rogue.” You chuckle, knowing he’s right, but your eyes widen when they land on the sleek black motorcycle parked at the far end of the lot. The idea of being pressed against Logan for an extended period of time causes heat to bloom in your stomach, but it’s immediately followed by a wave of guilt as you try to push your not-so-platonic feelings down.
He’s your best friend, and he has a fucking girlfriend. What is wrong with you?
Logan grabs the helmet off the back of the bike and turns, placing it on your head. He buckles it, making sure it’s secure, before climbing onto the seat and looking back at you expectantly. You take a deep breath in an attempt at calming yourself before swinging your leg over and climbing onto the bike behind him. You loosely wrap your arms around his body as the bike rumbles to life beneath you. He glances back at you, a smirk pulling at his lips as he pulls the bike out onto the dark road.
As the bike picks up speed, your arms pull tighter around his body, pressing you flush against his back. This close you’re enveloped by his warm scent, a mix of cedarwood, smoke, and citrus. And when Logan leans into a turn You tighten your arms around him, burying your face in his back under the guise of blocking the wind from your face, and decide to just let yourself enjoy the moment while it lasts.
You pull into the mansion shortly after the others, and you quickly release your grip on Logan. He climbs off the bike with ease before turning and helping you off. You unbuckle the helmet, take it off, and shake your hair out as you hand it off to Logan. “Thanks for the ride.” He smiles softly as the two of you follow the others inside. “So what happened back there?” You wince, biting your lower lip. “Just some asshole being a creep.” Logan raises his eyebrow at you, waiting for you to explain further. “To put it politely, he asked me if I wanted to go to the bathroom with him and see what a real man was like, and his stupid friend just stood there laughing like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard.” Logan shakes his head in exasperation at the man's idiocy. “Then what happened?” You sigh as the two of you reach your bedroom door, leaning against the frame. “Apparently no didn't compute in his microbrain; he kept insisting, so I told him to suck my dick, and that wasn’t the response he was looking for either because he got mad, called me a stupid bitch, and a bunch of other names. Then when I ignored him, like Rogue told me to, he decided to take that as an invitation to try and grope me, so I broke his nose.”
The smile that had been on Logan's face at the beginning of your recounting of events vanishes. His hands clench into fists at his sides, and he’s debating on going back to the bar just so he can beat the shit out of the guy himself. “He’s lucky all he got was a fucking broken nose.” You notice his hands are clenched, and reach out, forcing him to relax them in your hold. “It’s all good, Logan. Rogues is fine, I’m fine, and I had fun tonight. Besides, I know you and the others would have torn that place apart if he actually managed to do anything.” Logan sighs and pulls you in, wrapping his arms around you. “You should get some sleep.” You hug him back, letting yourself enjoy the moment more than you should, before saying goodnight and walking into your room.
When your door clicks shut, Logan sighs, mentally berating himself for the increasingly intimate feelings he’s having towards you, and shoves the guilt over his tumultuous relationship with Jean to the back of his mind before he heads towards his own room.
Once you clean up and strip out of your clothes, you throw yourself down on your bed and mentally start trying to kill the butterflies that have taken up residence in your stomach.
That man has a whole-ass girlfriend, and even if he didn’t, he would never see you like that. You're friends, and it's time your head and your traitorous heart got on the same page. Maybe you just need to find a distraction, someone you can lose yourself in for a night and not care when you never see them again. At this point you're willing to try anything.
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