I WON AT DOGE 2048!!! THIS IS MY GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT, BRO, I HAVE PEAKED!!
Noah Kahan
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d e v o n
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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Kiana Khansmith
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@supreme-jam
I WON AT DOGE 2048!!! THIS IS MY GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT, BRO, I HAVE PEAKED!!
one thing I’m grateful to my mom for is telling me from a very young age that if a man ever says he’ll kill me if I don’t do what he says, that I should fight and die. that it would be better to die than to be brought to a second location, it would be better to die instantly than live a little longer after god knows how much violation. i know that other people’s moms gave different advice, to be quiet so you can live and get away. little girls all got some kind of advice on what to do, though, huh? like… WHEN a man wants to hurt you. it’s surreal to think about how this shadow affects the landscape of girlhood
YES my mother said the same thing. Plus bite and scratch to get DNA, scream that you don’t know him, cause the biggest scene you can….but DO NOT get in a vehicle/go anywhere with him because “you have to assume that if you don’t get away right then, then you won’t get away at all”.
Your mom was right. That is standard self-defence advice — fight, scratch, scream, aim for testicles, eyeballs and and the throat. Use your teeth, your nails, your elbows, whatever you can. Maul the fucker.
If someone grabs you and intends to move you towards a second location, fight like your life depends on it:
Because it does.
And in case you think, “I’m smaller than him, I can’t do shit!” my trainer likes to tell this one:
Think of a cat. Cute, fluffy, adorable, right? Much smaller than you. Imagine picking up that cat… and then having a friend dump a bucket of water over it. Hell no, right? You’d get straight-up shredded. Even a big solid guy wouldn’t want to do that.
You don’t have to be the dude. You just gotta be the cat.
You don’t have to be the dude. You just gotta be the cat.
Thank you for this, I’m taking this with me in all walks of life.
Can reach the eyes? Stab and scoop them from his sockets. Reach his balls? Crush and twist. Hand over mouth? Fingers are now baby carrots. Chomp chomp
If you’re on a bike, cling to it. Make it harder for them to snatch you because now they have a bike to deal with as well. Be embarrassing. Make a fool of yourself to make scene. Scream bloody murder the whole time you’re able.
Show no mercy for you will most likely be shown none as well. Go down in a rage. Make them regret even thinking of considering you.
No one is intimidating right after they’ve been poked in the eyes.
If he’s got both hands on you he’s not defending vulnerable spots. You’ve either got at least one hand or your teeth and legs free and it takes 8 pounds of pressure to do serious damage to a throat.
Do not be quiet. Do not fight fair. Do not hold back. If you’re being attacked and someone’s trying to make you move, whatever’s gonna happen if they get what they want is worse than whatever’s gonna happen if you maim or kill somebody and get away.
answered a scam call today and had the most bizarre conversation
scam caller: hello, how are you today?
me: great!
scam caller: good. I’m calling because your IP address has been compromised. I’ll just need you to get in front of your computer so we can get your account fixed up.
me: okay! there is one thing I’m wondering, though
scam caller: what?
me: you really couldn’t think of a better lie?
scam caller:
me: like, my “IP address has been compromised.” How, exactly, does an IP address become “compromised”?
scam caller:
me: I was just wondering, is all
scam caller: why did you answer?
me:
me: what?
scam caller: if you knew this wasn’t a legitimate call, then why did you answer?
me: oh, I just though I would have some fun at your expense.
scam caller: what expense? talking is no expense to me.
me: well, you’re currently not accomplishing your goal
scam caller: my goal?
me: your goal of scamming my elderly grandmother. You’re not accomplishing that. I’d call that an expense.
scam caller: well, can I scam you?
me:
me: did you- did you ask if you can scam me?
scam caller: yes. can I scam you?
me, baffled: sure, you can try
scam caller: you need to get in front of your computer
me: yeah, that’s still a problem. I’m eating tater tots right now and I really don’t feel like getting up.
scam caller: okay. I will call you tomorrow morning, then.
me: I might not answer. My grandma definitely won’t.
scam caller: You answered today.
me: …touché?
scam caller: I will call you tomorrow. Have a good day.
Enemies to lovers, slow burn, 500K
Richie: Hey, Ben, how do I get revenge on my enemies?
Ben: The best revenge is letting go, and living life to the fullest!
Richie:
Richie: Stan, how do I-
Stan: Brick.
accidentally made him too vogue. oof
what does it mean when you can’t believe a person exists?
romantics be like am i in love or do i just have a fever
is the blush flaming my cheeks a symptom of infatuation or tuberculosis
that awkward moment when you realize your existence
i’ve hated the meaning of my name for so long bc it’s “princess”. i had always thought it was a weak title, which now i know is stupid. i had always been like “i’m no princess! i’m a warrior!”, but today, in my bta class, our teacher made us look up the meaning of our last names and mine means “warrior”. my name literally means “princess warrior” and if that isn’t the most coolest, badass shit i have ever heard
this girl in my p.e. class called me “the human embodiment of a corgi” and quite frankly, that’s the best compliment i’ve ever received
“Do you want to talk about it or be distracted from it” is honestly the best thing you can say to me when I say im sad/in pain etc.
this is really good advice to say to anyone who is upset
Alsooo may I add: “do you want advice or do you just want to vent?” Is also good to add because often unsoliticited advice can further hurt someone who really just wanted a listening ear.
OTP AU Ideas:
1.~I’m riding a ferry when somebody steals my wallet and shoves me overboard, leaving me stranded five miles from shore; ten minutes later, I’m clinging to a piece of driftwood when you ride up in a sailboat, throw me a lifejacket, and say you’ll give me a ride if I’ll pretend to be your girlfriend at an upcoming family reunion, and seriously dude, I’m about to drown and what the hell, fine, just get me on the damn boat.
2.~My parents are forcing me to attend a support group and the head psychologist is a gullible idiot, so you and I have a competition to see who can tell the most outlandish sob-story without getting caught.
3.~I’m a regular sleepwalker, and one night I wander into the middle of the street, fast asleep, and almost get hit by a taxi before you push me out of the way. I wake up on the sidewalk with you checking my wallet for an I.D. and I think you’re robbing me, so I start punching and screaming and…wait…you saved my life? In that case, I’m really sorry about your black eye, and you’re super cute, so…can I have your number?
4.~My vet just diagnosed my hamster as ‘depressed and obese’ and said to buy a Tupperware coffin for its inevitable death, but I’m determined to save it, so I start taking it on daily walks at the dog park. Today, your dog ran up and tried to eat my hamster, and I’m about to scream at you for the attempted murder, but wait…aren’t you that rich celebrity I saw on tv? All right, then—fork up a twenty and we’ll call it even. No, that’s not blackmail, I’m trying to—you’re offering me a date instead? Well, I’ve heard the expensive seafood restaurant downtown is good….
5.~We’re strangers that always sit next to each other on the bus, and I’m trying to get my nerve up to ask you out (I bought movie tickets and everything), but since you suddenly stop showing up, I decide to go on a wild goose chase to find you—the movie tickets are non-refundable, after all.
6.~I’m at the store returning a box of condoms when you come up, hug me, and proceed to tell me everything about your own failed sex life and reassure me that things will be better someday. By the time we’ve reached the story of your seventh failed hookup, I honestly don’t have the heart to tell you that I’m asexual and the condoms were a practical joke from my friend. But you sound really heartbroken, so…wanna get a coffee?
know your rights
it’s prom season pls share this so everyone knows
while you are supposed to have legal protection, in reality a lot of schools won’t protect lgbt+ kids and will flat out tell you that they won’t. please remember to first and foremost stay safe!!
welcome to my yeet and greet
going thru phone pics and found this thing that was tacked up next to the toaster at my old job, if anyone needs some light toast eating reading material
Would anyone be kind enough to transcribe this or link to a text version?
Everything Is AWFUL and I’m Not Okay: Questions to Ask Before Giving Up on Yourself
Are you hydrated?
If not, have a glass of water. Dehydration can mimic or increase feelings associated with anxiety and a well hydrated brain functions optimally. Avoid excess caffeine.
Have you eaten in the past three hours?
Don’t be a victim of hanger! Get some food–something with protein, not just simple carbs or high-fat. Nuts, hummus, and veggies are great options to feed your studying brain. Keep healthy snacks within reach to avoid mindlessly chowing down on sweets.
Have you stretched your legs in the past day?
If not, do so right now. If you don’t have the energy or time for a run or a trip to the gym, just walk around the block or building. Even minimal exercise preps the mind for learning so that you can focus better and recall things easier, plus it’s good to get a change of scenery.
Have you said something nice to someone in the past day?
Do so, whether online or in person. Make it genuine! We bet your study partner would appreciate a compliment.
Have you moved your body to music in the past day?
If not, jog for the length of a song at your favorite tempo, or just dance around your bedroom for the length of an upbeat song (singing along is a bonus)
Have you cuddled a living being in the past two days?
If not, do so. Don’t be afraid to ask for hugs from friends of friends’ pets. Most of them will enjoy the cuddles too; you’re not imposing.
Have you started or changed any medications in the past couple of weeks, including skipped doses or a change in generic prescription brand?
That may be screwing with your head. Give things a few days, then talk to your doctor if it doesn’t settle down.
If daytime: are you dressed?
If no, put on clean clothes that aren’t PJs. Give yourself permission to wear something special, whether it’s a funny t-shirt or a pretty dress.
If nighttime: are you sleepy and fatigued but resisting going to sleep?
Put on PJs, make yourself cozy in bed with a teddy bear and the sound of falling rain, and close your eyes for fifteen minutes while focusing on breathing deeper with every breath- no electronic screens allowed! Adequate sleep is a necessity for stress management.
Do you feel ineffective?
Pause right now and get something small completed, whether it’s responding to an email, loading the dishwasher, or tidying up your room. Good job!
Do you feel unattractive?
Take a darn selfie. Your friends will remind you how great you look. You are always insta-worthy.
Do you feel paralyzed by indecision?
Give yourself ten minutes to sit back and figure out a game plan for the day. If a particular decision or problem is still being a roadblock, simply set it aside for now, and pick something else that seems doable. Right now, the important part is to break through that stasis, even if it means doing something trivial.
Have you over-exerted yourself lately–physically, emotionally, socially, or intellectually?
That can take a toll that lingers for days. Give yourself a break in that area, whether it’s physical rest, taking some time alone, or relaxing with some silly entertainment for a little. Time spent refreshing yourself is never time “wasted!”
Have you waited a week?
Sometimes or perception of life is skewed, and we can’t even tell that we’re not thinking clearly, and there’s no obvious external cause. It happens. Keep yourself going for a full week, whatever it takes, and see if you still feel the same way then.
You’ve made it this far; and you will make it through. You are stronger than you think.
Because someone might need this today