Pardon Me While I Burst into Flames

[c3po]

oh u can have this post i don’t want it

[coughloop]

Gee, thanks mista! Oi Avent had a post to me own since and mum n pop died of influenza! I'll be certain to cherish it as if it were me little brutha who died from influenza also

[dankmemeuniversity]

[movedmovedjump]

epic... rap battles of history..... puppy .......................versus..................... kitty......................... BEGIN!!!!

[movedmovedjump]

everyone go home this is the only good addon to this post

[memewhore]

[unclefather]

[unclefather]

[memewhore]

[teaboot]

Someone asked for my pronouns the other day, and nobody ever asks, so in a flustered moment of weakness I replied "Oh, I see you've sensed my queer energy", like some kind of dungeon warlock

[tallangrycockatiel]

Showed this to @verbforverb, who replied in her best Skyrim merchant voice,

"So you're interested in my pronouns and ingredients?"

[verbforverb]

@tallangrycockatiel: "Looking to protect yourself, or deal some damage?"

[theocseason4]

Nahhhh not a therapist saying this what do you think you get paid for

[diogenesnuts]

[yuri-alexseygaybitch]

fandom therapist turns out to be high school mean girl more at 10

[fluorescentbrains]

doc davis actually isn’t associated with the tiktok user—and they’re really salty about the video

[thekawaiibutterflygirl]

oh g o d, NO jlsfdlksfdjkjsdfkjlsdfjlksdf BRUH

[seardrax]

Reblog this version. The response of the real doctor is very important as well as the keymash.

[tinderventure]

I’m doing this fr

[memewhore]

Impressive save!

[girlgrimer]

Listen all u internet goers……. I know everyone has some wild catfish stories and I need to know them

[hippocampus-studies]

okay so for legal reasons this is all a very funny joke and none of it is real I promise

basically there’s a property listing floating out there somewhere online that lists my phone number as a contact for the owner of a house in a suburb of [redacted], ohio, even though that is a town I have never lived in. about two years ago, I started getting calls and texts from people who were asking if I was interested in selling the property. when I told them no and they had the wrong number, the amount of calls increased, and I had to block their numbers. 

since then, once about every 3 months I get a call or text from people wanting to buy this house in ohio as they think I’m the owner. I got fed up at one point and just started replying “yeah I might be interested in selling, but the property I have is haunted. like super haunted. lots of ghosts everywhere, so you’ll have to get rid of those before putting it on the market.” to my delight, they stopped replying after that, so I now do that when I get these messages. 

the last time it happened was actually just a few weeks ago, and the guy texting me on behalf of this house flipping operation actually offered to pay for an exorcism. I replied by telling him I was pretty sure the ghosts were protestant, so if he brought a priest in it had better not be catholic. he has yet to reply.

[girlgrimer]

You are having literally the funniest possible reaction to an infuriating scam

[hippocampus-studies]

listen the only way to beat a scam like that is to give them a reaction that is just way more bizarre than whatever they started with. crank the bonkers energy up to an 11 and they’ll leave you alone

[thespamman24]

Do you ever wonder what happened to the weird girl from your middle school?

[enthusispastic]

[plasticterrarium]

The change of pronouns here really seals the deal tbh

[memewhore]

[romansroys]

this scene deserved at least 10 emmys 

[parkchanwoohoo]

I cannot believe how hard this fucks

[cyanityinsanity101]

Found footage horror movie but instead of the monster attacking the crew it just steals the camera and the rest of the film is the crew chasing the monster to get the camera back

[furbearingbrick]

op your mind